Authors; azzy & erestorjunkie
Title; Play dead.
Warnings: Language, crack, smut. Character death.
Summary; When zombie apocalypse hits Middle earth, who will they call upon to set things straight? Well the finest of the finest of warriors of course.
AN; Okay so I had this silly idea of Zombies and Elves, and since EJ jumped right onto that idea, we decided to try and write it. It’s been too long since any of us wrote a crack fic.
This is the end folks.. we’re brewing on a sequel, because after all it WAS harder to get those two stupid elves to hook up than we thought. Plus you never really need a reason to write about the Zombie apocalypse, where ever it may be. 😉
Haldir spent yet another day staring at the ocean. He sat on a rock with his back to a forest staring out at the water. Part of him hoped to see just one more ship coming from the east, even though he knew it would not happen. Any left in Middle Earth were now permanently cut off from the west.
In his hand he still held a pen and a note book. He had written and rewritten a letter to Maddy enough times that he was now down to only a couple of sheets of paper left on the tablet. The page in front of him was blank.
What was he to say? I hope you are alive? I hope you get out some day? Thanks for dying so we could be here? It all sounded lame once he wrote it down. He also wondered if the Valar had accepted Maddy’s sacrifice and released his family like he had asked. You had to be careful when making deals with the Valar, like fairies and demons, you might be surprised what you actually agreed to.
Feeling melancholy, Haldir was actually startled when he heard voices further down the beach. It sounded like Elladan and Elrohir, but he didn’t recognize the other voices. He looked up and saw a small group walking near the water. The two dark heads were the twins. Elrohir had recovered faster than expected once they reached the shores of Valinor and had dyed his hair back to match his brother’s. They were once again nearly identical.
Haldir smiled to himself. At least things were working out for someone.
The cool breeze off the water blew steadily and as the four elves got closer, Haldir’s heart stopped. Read hair. The tall elf walking between the twins had long red hair that waved in the breeze. His first thought was Maddy. Even though Maedhros had cut his hair short, this would not be the same body he had the last time Haldir saw him.
But it was wishful thinking. This was not Maddy. Then the fourth elf came into view, he had been hidden from view as he pulled something out of the small waves lapping at the sand. He too had deep red hair. He almost bounced in excitement as he showed whatever he had found to the other three.
Haldir felt disappointment despite knowing there was no way Maddy had been returned. He realized he had been standing in his excitement and sat dejectedly. He was about to start trying to write a letter to Maddy again when it suddenly dawned on him. There were not many elves those could be. He was looking at Amrod and Amras.
The Valar had released Maedhros’ brothers. Excited, Haldir jumped back to his feet again and placed the notebook on the rock he had been sitting on. Without thinking about what he was going to say, he rushed down to the beach and the two sets of twins.
I wasn’t until he was only a couple of feet from the group that he realized that he had no idea what to say. Luckily, Elladan saw him approaching and spoke first.
“Haldir!” He said excitedly. “Look who we found.” He grinned at his friend.
Like a fool, Haldir found his mouth opening and closing again without a word coming out. The twin closest to him gave a smirk that looked so much like Maddy, that Haldir felt he might cry, and said. “I got the impression from Maedhros you were a bit more verbal.”
“Ambarussa! The other twin scolded. “Be nice! Don’t worry, Haldir,” the other said, trying to smooth over his brother’s harsh words. “We are both very glad to meet you. Maedhros had nice things to say about you.”
Haldir blushed. “You got to see him?” he asked. He desperately wanted to ask lots of questions, but found himself too shy in the presence of these two frighteningly beautiful elves.
“Briefly,” the first twin answered. “They didn’t give us much time, but yes.” The other finished.
Forgetting his shyness, Haldir blurted out, “You do it to!” The habit of Elladan and Elrohir of speaking like they were only one person had always made him crazy, and he had assumed it was something peculiar to the sons of Elrond.
“Of course,” Elladan said. “They said Father and Elros did it to.” Elrohir finished.
Haldir narrowed his eyes, and glared and the dark haired elves. “You did that on purpose.”
All four laughed. Haldir wasn’t sure if he should feel put out or not.
“Have you been to see him yet?” The second twin asked suddenly. “I am sure he would like for you to.” The first added.
Haldir looked down at the ground and blushed. “I…I wasn’t sure if I should,” he finally admitted.
The first red haired twin sighed melodramatically. “Really? . . “ That was all he got out because Elladan jumped in. “What Amrod is trying to say is, yes, you really should.”
“He just wasn’t going to say it that nicely.” Amras added with a smirk at his indignant brother.
“You should talk, Ambarussa,” Amrod snipped. “Just because you are more subtle doesn’t mean you are any nicer.’
“Not at all,” The second agreed.
Haldir rolled his eyes. “You four are bound to be great friends,” he chuckled.
Haldir hadn’t been sure what to expect. He had no idea what a prison might look like on the inside, and what he saw made him feel even more depressed for Maedhros. It had to be awful for the lively redhead.
He had been ushered into a small room with only one small, very high window. Haldir assumed this was all for show. Even if it had been possible for Maddy to escape, there was no where he could go that the Valar would not know where he was.
The door opened, and Haldir sighed with relief. Maddy looked like himself at least. After what had happened, Haldir had been afraid of what he would see.
Maedhros lit up in a bright smile, “You!” He cheered, “I thought it was my goddamn mother or something since I was put in a room to wait.” He got up from his chair and strode over to Haldir holding out his arms expecting a hug, “What? No sugar?”
Haldir just stared at Maedhros, still hard to understand he looked every bit like himself, and just gave in and took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Maedhros’ waist, pulling him in close.
“What did you tell the Warden?” Maedhros whispered softly, “That we got married in middle earth or something?”
“What? No.” Haldir chuckled.
Maedhros rested his head on Haldir’s shoulder and inhaled, his hand slowly moving lower encouraged by the Marchwarden not protesting. “These rooms are for them married folks – private.” Maedhros placed a lazy kiss on Haldir’s neck, loving the way it made the Marchwarden squirm. “Normally I’d just get to talk through a window. Never had a visitor like..” He smiled against Haldir’s skin, “This.”
“Your father burned a bunch of your mother’s stuff out on the street the other day.” Haldir grinned, he knew now was not the time, but he had been dying to tell Maedhros this since he had seen it.
“That doesn’t surprise me.” Maedhros stuck his hand up under Haldir’s shirt and ran it over soft skin.
“Before he hauled her over his shoulder and made off with her.” Haldir grinned and sighed at the same time, wondering how this touch he had never felt could feel so right.
“That doesn’t surprise me either.” Maedhros whispered hotly in Haldir’s ear.
Haldir twirled them around and made Maedhros step backwards till he hit the wall. “I have been thinking about this for too long.” Haldir said with an appreciative growl, burying his hands in Maedhros’ hair, pulling his head back for a kiss.
“I have something to show you.” Maedhros whispered breathless as the kiss ended, pulling his standard white t-shirt over his head, pointing at his left side where red neon letters tattooed said ‘fuck me I’m famous’. He grinned. “I got quite attached to that t-shirt.”
Haldir refused to let the light tone make him forget why he was pinning Maedhros to a wall to begin with. “Is that a request, or a command?” He asked with a sneaky smile.
The light in Maedhros’ eyes seemed to change by those words, and his smile grew to a grin. “It’s an offer, cupcake.” He answered.
It wasn’t the most romantic place in Valinor, and Haldir couldn’t help but to feel slightly cheesy when he had a second to think about it, soon after all thoughts of appearances were gone, and all he thought about was how absolutely fucking good it felt, and how he had never imagined Maedhros would make such adorable little noises. He had more thought that he would say something lewd like ‘give it to me’ or something, but he didn’t, he just closed his eyes in abandon and the only sound heard was those drawn out soft moans.
It was not till they were both spent, laying on the bed with paper linen, that Maedhros just had to say something dumb, “Eru.” He grinned as he panted, “I will wank to this for the next month.”
“Honestly, Maddy.” Haldir grinned rolling his eyes, not sure if he should be grossed out, or if it was indeed a compliment. He turned his head and smiled at the red head, “Let’s do this again, soon.”
“Yeah, let’s.” Maedhros grinned back. “That was.. Worth it.” He mumbled rolling over and spooned up to Haldir.
“Don’t tell me you’re a cuddler.” Haldir whispered with a smile, wrapping his arm around Maedhros running his hand over the other elf’s tattoo covered skin.
“In the most manly way.” Maedhros mumbled back, pulling Haldir in closer.
For a while they just lay there and listened to their breathing come back to normal. Both jumped as a loud knock was heard, indicating that their time was coming to a close. Maedhros sighed heavily and sat up, reaching for his pants. “Haldir, I have to say this, once and I will never say it again.” He turned his head and looked at the baffled Marchwarden. “I will never get out of here,” His expression got hard and fragile at the same time, “So if you chose to move on eventually, I’ll understand.” He kissed Haldir’s shoulder closest to him, “Just let me know, okay? Don’t leave me guessing.”
“That sounds official.” Haldir smiled, realised he didn’t mind that at all, if he read what Maedhros was saying right.
“What the hell did you expect? A ring?” Maedhros muttered sourly, but the smile never left his lips.
“A ring would be mundane, wouldn’t it?” Haldir teased back.
Maedhos pulled his pants up and turned around facing Haldir, looking strangely unsure, not something that happened often. “Would you want one?” He asked, “A ring I mean. Because I think I could get one if..”
“I don’t need a ring,” Haldir said softly, deciding that he loved this soft side to his lover, a side he had hoped was there, but he just had never really seen. “What I need is a weekly visitors pass.” He smiled deviously, happily noticing that MAedhros’ smile grew to a grin.
Day turned to weeks, weeks to months and then months into years and still Haldir came to Maedhros. He moved into a little house where he could see the ocean and still be close to Maddy. Sometimes he felt melancholy as he watched the other couples living their lives happily together. He would go home to his empty house and listen to the waves on the sand and think about what it might be like if Maddy was actually there.
The twins came by frequently. All of them. At first it was hard to get used to Maedhros’ brothers being around. They looked so much like him that sometimes it hurt to watch them. They even once offered to “help him take his mind of it.” And the offer WAS tempting, but Haldir knew it would hurt Maddy when he found out. And he would, because Haldir was incapable of keeping a secret like that from him.
In town, he would see Feanor and Nerdanel. He could see where Maddy got his spirit. And deep down he felt slightly jealous.
The pink morning light filtered through the windows, staining the white walls a fragile rose. The salt air breeze made the curtains wave gently and Haldir gently brushed the red hair from Maddy’s face. His lover slept peacefully next to him, bright copper streaks in the auburn locks.
Haldir sighed sadly and pulled the pillow closer, hoping to get s few more minutes of sleep. Maybe one more dream before he had to get up.