The little things.

Title: The little things
Author: Azzy
Pairring: M!Shepard/Kaidan
warnings: none
rating: T
Prompt: This is established canon, just look at that romance scene, that dialogue before the goodbye kiss in London: “I’m going to fight like hell for the chance to hold you again.” – So let’s see an M!Shep, probably a renegade, who doesn’t understand the point of this whole snuggling business. He loves Kaidan and certainly enjoys the mans touch, it’s just that snuggling isn’t really his thing. But, since it makes Kaidan happy and it doesn’t disrupt his own sleep too much, he’s more than willing to let Kaidan curl up against him and wrap his arms around him whenever he feels like it – which happens to be every night. After they’ve been together for a while and they haven’t spent a night apart for a very long time, let’s say the day comes when Kaidan doesn’t want to snuggle Shepard. I’m thinking the reason should be something trivial, but whatever the reason, let’s see Shepard realize that after having Kaidan there for so long, everything seems incredibly wrong without the other mans warmth against him. He finally understands how he’s been taking something so simple for granted, and just how much it means to both of them. So he does something he should have done a long time ago: He rolls over, inches his way across their bed, wraps his arms lovingly around Kaidan and buries his face in the back of his neck, and the two of them fall asleep. Basically I want a fluffy prompt with lots of feels. Any more details I will leave up to Anon. ^_^
AN: Yeah well it didn’t REALLY become what the OP wanted, but this was what it became in my mind, I was very careful not to get too angsty. haha that is hard for me.

At first he had been a little confused by it, but he had found it a little endearing the way that Kaidan would snuggle up to him when they slept. He would never admit it but it made him feel good, underneath all logic he felt like the center of the universe. Like Kaidan needed that link as much as he did to ground him, to tell him there was a future to be had.

But now, months after the Rapers left earth and the long haul began, rebuilding earth after the attack was no small feat. Shepard had chosen to stay in the middle of everything, moving rubble, helping out the survivors. Because as he said once a Marine, always a Marine. Kaidan had not felt any urge to get down and dirty with the grunts, he would spend his day organizing distributions and recruits, funny how people sign up to do good, when the enemy is gone.

Shepard and Kaidan shared a small flat in a less ruined part of London, along with other Alliance personal still operating in London. And in the light of post war, a fragile calm settled over both men. They had a little difficulty adjusting to not being in war, everything they had known was fighting, and now there was no more fighting to be had.


“John?” Kaidan said poking his beans and rice, “I have been thinking about something.”

Shepard looked up at Kaidan, and with his mouth full he nodded.

“I want to go back to Vancouver.” He said bluntly, he could tell from the way Shepard’s eyes widened that this might have anything but what he had expected. Kaidan shrugged, “I haven’t heard from my parents, and I need to know. It’s something I have to do, you understand don’t you?”

Shepard swallowed his food. “If your parents are found, dead or alive, you would be notified.”

Kaidan ignored him, “Come with me.”

Shepard shook his head, “My place is here, there is so much to be done.”

“Very well.” Kaidan sucked in his breath annoyed, “I will go alone.”

Shepard looked at Kaidan in the sharp light from the naked light bulb that lit the kitchen. “If you must.”  His gaze returned to his plate, “I think it’s stupid, but if you insist.”

“I do.” Kaidan said standing from his chair, carrying his plate to the sink. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He said with a little weak smile.

leaving his fork on the plate, Shepard turned around and looked at Kaidan at the kitchen desk. “You better.”

Kaidan laughed and walked over to Shepard in the chair, straddling the man sitting in Shepard’s lap. He rested a hand on each side of Shepard’s face, “It would mean a lot to me if you came with me.”

But Shepard never answered, he slid his hands up under Kaidan’s shirt, raking his nails across the skin. Kaidan hissed softly at the pain, “Tease me all you want.” Kaidan chuckled kissing Shepard, “But my mind is made up.”

“Bullshit.” Shepard grinned, “I’m sure I could find a reason or two for you to stay.” He stood from the chair, Kaidan still wrapped around him. “Maybe I should tie you to the bed and keep you as pet.” Shepard grinned as he stumbled towards their bed.

Kaidan laughed as Shepard tossed him flat on his back in their bed. “I’m still going.”

“Sure you are.” Shepard said in a husky tone, crawling over Kaidan till they were face to face.


The next morning Kaidan woke to Shepard who stood in the kitchen window, drinking coffee, checking a datapad, in the nude. A lazy grin came to Kaidan’s lips, as he padded into the kitchen on bare feet. “Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Shepard said looking over his shoulder.

Kaidan was surprised to find that Shepard had dark circles around his eyes, he looked absolutely exhausted. “Did you sleep well?” He asked as he came up from behind and, wrapped his arms around his lover.

“No.” Shepard just stated and put down the datapad.

“How come?” Kaidan asked, resting his chin on Shepard’s shoulder looking out the same window.

“Too hot.” Shepard just said, “Maybe a thunderstorm is on the way?”

“You could just have said something.” Kaidan said, keeping all hurt out of his voice.

Shepard freed himself of Kaidan’s arms and walked over to the coffee machine, “What good would that have done? You do it in your goddamn sleep.”  He poured himself a new cup of coffee, “Do you want me to wake you every fifteen minutes?”

“No…” Kaidan turned around and leaned up against the kitchen desk, “John..” He sighed, “I am leaving for Canada in two hours, do you really want to have this fight – again?”

Shepard shook his head, “No fight, just a statement.” He shrugged. “I can’t sleep when you cling to me like a goddamn parasite, that’s all.”


“Okay wrong word..” Shepard admitted, “But it’s hot, and uncomfortable.. Plus there is no need for it anymore.”

Kaidan just stared at Shepard in disbelief.

“You know.” Shepard took a sip of his coffee, “It’s not like we’re in any ‘real’ danger anymore. So..”

“So there is no need for cuddles?” Kaidan asked, his tone ice cold. “Very well Commander Shepard, enjoy your bedspace for a while.” He barked with a clipped tone and walked off, leaving Shepard in the kitchen.


Kaidan had tossed some things into his standard issue Alliance bag and had stomped out the door. And Shepard had gotten dressed and left for work, his irrational anger lashed at anyone in his presence. He had come home to an empty apartment, was strange on itself. Kaidan had always been here, but tonight he would eat his crappy beans on his own, and  go to bed. He dropped down in the middle and sighed blissfully, this would have to be the only perk of Kaidan not being here, it would be the long nights sleep he would get. No hot body clined up against him, no numb limbs from Kaidan laying on his arm, and no snoring in his ear. It was going to be fucking glorious!

But thirty minutes late Shepard was still turning in bed, with a sigh he grabbed Kaidan’s pillow and wrapped his arms around it, buring his face in the softness. That just made it worse, the scent of Kaidan just made the bed seem even larger and more empty.


Day two was even worse, Shepard was more grumpy than normal, running his men so hard that one of them complained to the brass, and Shepard was sent home and told to get some rest. He tried to lay down and relax in his body, he tried to masturbate, he tried to watch brain dead talk shows, but nothing worked. He just couldn’t sleep. In the end he sat up and rubbed his face in his hands and opened his omnitool, clicking the communication button for Major Alenko.

Kaidan answered the call, looking tired and pale. “John? Is something wrong?”

“I’ll be in Vancouver in a couple of hours.” Shepard said, “You better get your ass out of bed and make me some coffee.”

“Wha – what?” Kaidan mumbled, trying to make sense of this in in sleep-addled brain.

“See you then.” Shepard said and hung up on them. “I GIVE UP!” He yelled at the walls, he needed sleep, and he had to admit that he couldn’t sleep without Kaidan here. So if Kaidan wouldn’t come home, he would have to go to Kaidan.


Kaidan was puzzled when Shepard stepped out of the shuttle, “John!” He smiled, “I thought you were busy in London.”

“I was.” Shepard admitted, and pulled Kaidan into a hug. “But I missed you.”

“You did, did you?”  Kaidan laughed, “Come on, let me show you where you sleep.” Kaidan led Shepard down long corridors of a old hotel. Once inside the room Kaidan pointed at a mattress on the floor, “I had this made for you when you said you were coming.” He smiled a little sweet smile.

“Thanks.” Shepard said, dropping his bag on the floor.

For the rest of the day Kaidan was like a little kid, dragging Shepard around to show him the remaining cool places that still stood in Vancouver. And when night came Shepard collapsed on the mattress that was made for him on the floor. He listened to Kaidan move around in the dark and put away dishes and shut the light in the bathroom. It already felt better, his eyes closed in their own account. But as soon as it was silent and all he could hear was Kaidan’s breathing, Shepard turned around with his back to Kaidan’s bed and pulled the blanket up over his head. But it felt wrong, all wrong. If he got up and crawled up to Kaidan as he wanted to, he would never hear the end of it.

In the end the need for feeling Kaidan close got the better of him, and Shepard crept out of his own bed and carefully laid down behind Kaidan in the queen-sized bed. He took a deep breath and turned over wrapping an arm around Kaidan’s waist, inhaling the scent of his lover from his warm skin. This was how it was supposed to be.

“John?” Kaidan asked half asleep.

“Shh.” John hushed him, pulling Kaidan closer, spooning up behind him.

Kaidan didn’t need to say anything, he just smiled in the dark, taking John’s hand tucking it up against his chest. He could feel and hear that Shepard’s breathing was slow and deep beause he was sleeping. “I missed you too.” Kaidan mumbled to himself pushing backwards a little, only to have Shepard’s embrace tighten, holding him in place.



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