Shepard’s Loop 03/03 – You & I.

Title: Shepard’s loop
author: Azzy
fandom: Mass Effect 1&2 (Spoilers)
warnings: language, lemon, angst.
rating: M
Pairring; John Shepard/Kaidan Alenko
Summary: Being brought back from the dead to save the universe, ain’t all it’s cranked up to be.
AN; It’s not betaed, I did what I could in regards to correcting spelling errors, but I’m quite sure loads of stuff got past me. Sorry for that. – I know i could have written more. But just as rushed ends are a pain, so is the dragged out ones. So this is it =) My little silly love story. Not the last time i write about these two, that is for sure. ^^ And than you for all the feedback! I had not expected that, and i hope the end lives up to what was expected.

Chapter 3. – You & I.

The first thing that Shepard felt that morning was a nasty headache, he didn’t want to wake, he was tired, warm and had a good dream about Alenko squirming under him in passion. If nothing else, nothing was changed in his dreams, and he liked it like that. But his headache was insisting, and in the end he had to emerge from dreamland, he blinked, squinting his eyes as daylight came through the windows. And for a second panic flared, where the hell was he? He wasn’t on the Normandy that was for sure. He closed his eyes again, he remembered Jack and some drinks, lots of drinks. And Liara, she had been there too. Shepard frowned, he had kissed someone, he just couldn’t recall the face, he hoped he hadn’t just thrown himself at some random idiot. Had he been kissing Liara? No, he wouldn’t do that, or maybe he would. He groaned and turned to his back, not quite ready to face reality, but couldn’t ignore it any longer either. Slowly opening his eyes again, he tried to recall where this was, he scanned the ceiling, but nothing gave the place away, nothing but a little toy collection of, what? Was that the SSV1 Normandy? It was! He swiftly sat up in bed, only to regret it as his headache hit like a hammer.


Shepard just groaned, his head between his knees, trying not to throw up. Kisses up his spine, arms sneaking around his torso. A playful bite and a kiss on his shoulder.

”Are you okay?”

He knew that voice. He wish that his head wouldn’t throb like this, and that he could focus on something else than nausea. So he just groaned again.

”It’s as you say, Turian booze is dangerous.”

Shepard’s eyebrows knitted as he tried to think. Was that? He leaned to the side to see who sat behind him.

”Is something wrong?” Kaidan asked, gently letting go of Shepard, letting him rest on the mattress. ”Want a painkiller?”

”Please.” Shepard whispered though dry lips. As Kaidan returned with a pill and some water, Shepard sat up and gratefully accepted it. ”Did we.. uhm..” He asked, downing the water and the pill. And when Kaidan just shot him a puzzled look, Shepard eased back on the mattress with a sigh. ”Figures, first time I get laid in two and a half year, and I can’t remember. Damn turians and their booze!”

Kaidan just smiled and laid down next to Shepard on the bed. ”I thought you had to fend your admirers off with a stick.” He teased, resting a hand on Shepard’s chest.

”Not really, no.” Shepard answered drily.

Kaidan chuckled, craning his neck to bite Shepard’s earlobe, feeling the appreciative purr from John, more like a deep rumble in his chest. ”I missed you.” Kaidan whispered.

”I missed you too.” Shepard said softly, grabbing Alenko’s wrist, guiding the other man’s hand down to his groin, and his still present half erection.

”Always the charmer.” Kaidan teased, but none the less obliged. He watched as Shepard closed his eyes and sucked in his breath. This was an image that had haunted his dreams for years, the naked, serene, trusting, John Shepard. He kissed the corner of John’s mouth, only to be rewarded with something between a moan and a purr. Within minutes he had Shepard panting, furrowing his brows slightly. Keidan didn’t stop till his hand was covered in white mess. ”You are beautiful.” He whispered. Only receiving a satiated smile from Shepard who was studying him with glazed eyes. Kaidan reached in over John and searched for the lube, he knew it had to be here somewhere, he was sure he had tossed it there last night. When he didn’t find it, he made up his mind and swung his leg over a surprised Shepard.

He felt like his pulse raise from the way that John looked up at him, the love and adoration that radiated from him was overwhelming. This was exactly what he had been dreaming of, this was how it was supposed to be. ”I love you.” Shepard said, running his hands up and down Kaidan’s thighs, finally resting at his hips. He almost added a -still- to the statement, but figured that it was really just redundant. Kaidan knew what he meant.

”I know.” Keidan said, bending down for a kiss, ”Never leave me again like that.”

”I won’t.” Shepard whispered against soft lips. He bit down on the soft tissue gently as he felt Kaidan’s lower himself down over his newly awakened passion. He studied Kaidan’s expression. ”Hey.” He said softly, causing Kaidan to open his eyes and look down at Shepard.

”it’s okay.” Kaidan said with a little weak but reassuring smile.

”No it’s not.” Shepard said, ”You’re sore, I can tell from-”

”Why do you care?” Kaidan said, realizing that it came out much harsher than he had intended. He couldn’t help but to smile despite the pain, as he pushed down, causing Shepard to gasp softly, fighting to not to purr like a big lazy cat.

”Dirty tricks.” Shepard whispered, his resolve gone as Kaidan started to move.

”I know.” Kaidan whispered back.


”I can’t move.” Kaidan chuckled, sprawled in the bed. This only earned him a poke in the ribs, and he could really have told himself that. He turned his head and smiled at Shepard that laid next to him and tried to catch his breath as well.

”Come with me.” Shepard said, it was soft but serious. ”We could-”

Kaidan’s smile disappeared, ”You know I can’t do that.”

Shepard sat up with a labored breath, staring up at the toy model of the Normandy hanging from the ceiling. ”I suppose I do.” He said sadly, ”I just wish that-”

”Hey.” Kaidan pulled Shepard’s arm, pulling him down in bed again. He wrapped his arms around the other man. ”Don’t start.”

Shepard smiled and relaxed in Kaidan’s hold, ”Still..” He mumbled.

”Hold that thought.” Kaidan whispered in Shepard’s ear, as he eased himself from the embrace and bed, making a bee-line for the bathroom.

Sitting up Shepard looked around the room, his stomach growled loudly. And so he got off the bed and figured he would find something to eat. He walked past Kaidan’s dresser on the way to the kitchen, and what caught his eye in the half closed drawer gave him goosebumps all over. He stopped dead in his tracks, and walked over to the drawer, pulling it out a little more to see more. It was a neatly folded flag, and a little box on top. He took the box with shaking hands, opening it. He looked over his shoulder feeling mostly like a thief. But opened it none the less. It was two medals, he almost didn’t have the heart to turn the first one and see the inscription.

”It’s yours.” Kaidan said behind Shepard.

”I see that.” Shepard said lamely, staring down at the inscription, ‘John Shepard, Spectre and Savior of the Citadel’. He looked up at Kaidan with a broken expression, he had just never thought about that his friends, Kaidan included of course had had to attend his funeral, or whatever ceremony that the Alliance had thrown as he died. ”I’m sorry.” He just said, looking away from Kaidan’s brown eyes and with a disgusted frown, closed the box again, and closing the drawer.

”You have nothing to be sorry for.” Kaidan said with a little smile. ”Or rather yeah you do, but this-” He pointed at the drawer, ”Was not your doing.”

”I just hadn’t thought of it.” Shepard admitted, ”But of course you’d gone to my funeral.”

”What do you mean ‘of course’?” Kaidan smiled, and wrapped his arms around the pale Shepard. ”Hey, John.” He whispered in Shepard’s ear, ”It doesn’t matter now, you’re alive, and you’re here, that’s all that matters.”

Shepard sighed, resting his hands on Kaidan’s arms around him. ”Since when did you become such a ‘Live in the moment’ type person Alenko?”

”Since I woke up and realized that you weren’t just another wet dream.” Kaidan smiled against Shepard’s neck and licked the salty skin. ”Someone gave us a second chance, and it would be pretty stupid to waste that on being bitter, right?”

”Yeah.” Shepard admitted, tilting his head baring his neck, waiting for Kaidan to kiss him again.

Kaidan weren’t slow to see the invitation. He grinned as Shepard suddenly grabbed him and pushing him up against the kitchen wall. ”You won’t ever get anything to eat at this rate.”

”I can eat when I grow old.” Shepard said with a little smile, kissing Kaidan with everything he had in him. As the kiss ended he eased up on his grip on Alenko, and rested his forehead against Kaidan’s. ”I feel guilty.” He whispered with a tiny, vonurable tone.

”Listen to me.” Kaidan said, holding Shepard’s face in his hands, forcing the shorter man to look straight at him. ”I grieved you, I cried, I cursed the Alliance, I cursed God, I hated the world, and I hated myself most of all, I should have known better than you let you brush me off like that when the Normandy crashed.” He placed a soft, quick kiss on Shepard’s lips, holding the other man’s gaze still. ”What made me strike out at you was pride, shock, and I guess jealousy to some extend. I didn’t understand why you hadn’t told me you weren’t dead, how you could let me go though all that, and then just stand there and talk to me like nothing had happened.” Kaidan frowned as Shepard looked away, blinking rapidly, trying to will away any sign of weakness. ”Look at me. John, please.”

Shepard looked up at Kaidan, his face open and sad.

”I realized that you were right. I -do- know you, and I know me. I know you would never hurt me deliberately.” Kaidan smiled softly, ”You big, soft, boy-scout you.”

”Am not.” Shepard said with a grin.

”Is too.” Kaidan ran a thumb lovingly over Shepard’s cheek, ”I will let you know that I find that whole -tortured, sexy, man, with a lost cause- Quite intriguing.” He chuckled.

”Actually I know that in some distant worlds, there are people down right afraid of me.” Shepard shot back with a larger grin.

”You flatter yourself.” Kaidan laughed, finally removing his hands of Shepard’s cheeks.

Shepard grabbed Kaidan’s ass, lifting him up, back against the wall. Kaidan wrapped his legs around Shepard’s waist, bending down to kiss the other man again. ”John.” He panted against Shepard’s lips. Moaning as Shepard breached him with ease, fucking him hard against the wall.


Shepard didn’t return to the Normandy till sometime the next day. He walked straight down into the crew kitchen to get something to eat, even that horrible food would taste like a meal of kings right now. He was famished. Jack sat and read through some files and had a cup of coffee in front of her. As she heard another crew member say -Commander-, she looked up at John’s stupid leer, and broke out in a loud laugh. ”You look like you had a nice weekend, Shepard.”

”You could say that.” Shepard said, pouring stuff on his plate without looking at it. His stomach growling in appreciation. He walked over and sat down opposite Jack at the table. ”What are you reading?” He asked casually, digging into his food.

”Never mind what I’m reading.” Jack said pushing the datapad away, and folded her hands under her chin, staring at Shepard as he ate. ”So?”

”So?” Shepard said with his mouth full of food, not even looking up.

”Are we getting a new crew member?” Jack asked.

Shepard stopped chewing and looked at her for a moment, ”No.” He just said, and then started eating again.

Jack rose a brow, ”Looks like Garrus owes me a drink.”

Shepard shook his head but didn’t bother to answer. But after a long time of awkward silence, he put down his fork and looked at Jack. ”What?”

”It was hard work you know, getting you two stubborn fuckers to even be in the same room. So I think I’m entitled to a little gossip.” Jack just said with an innocent smile.

”What is there to tell?” Shepard said deadpanned.

Jack rolled her eyes, ”I don’t mean details of your sex life, man. I mean, what now? Did you fix your relationship or what?”

”No, not really.” Shepard said, finally putting down the fork in his empty plate. ”But we didn’t leave off with a fight, if that is what you are asking me. He has his call, and I have mine, and as it is now, they are not compatible. It’s that simple.” He looked directly at Jack, ”You of all people should understand that. The need for not complicating stuff that doesn’t need to be complicated.”

Jack didn’t believe him one bit, and just took a sip of her coffee. ”You love him, and he loves you.” She stated, ”And before you deny it, let me tell you it’s pretty easy to see when you are together, you ain’t fooling anyone.” She tapped her lip thoughtful. ”So, I’m asking you again, what now? Are you okay?”

”To answer your question, ” Shepard said, crossing his arms over his chest, clearly not comfortable with this talk, ”Now we go fetch that damn Reaper IFF, and sure I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

”I liked you better when you were drunk.” Jack teased.

”So did Alenko.” Shepard said with a dirty grin, which was the closest to any gossip Jack would get. He got up and was about to leave for his cabin. He stopped half way and turned towards Jack again. ”Hey Jack?”


”Thank you.” His smile widened, and he winked at her.

”You’re welcome.” Jack said, reaching for her datapad again, letting Shepard leave for his cabin.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s