Human.

title: Human.
Author: Azzy
pairring: Kruize/Callum
rating: M
warnings: smut & language.
An: Sorry i was so damn slow! They just wouldn’t behave themselves. Kruize belongs to Kittykat2010.

Music; Madonna – She’s not me. // Sean Paul – So Fine.

If you ever get close to a human
and human behaviour
be ready to get confused

there’s definitely no logic
to human behaviour
but yet so irresistible

there’s no map and
a compass
wouldn’t help at all

-Björk.

”I didn’t think you’d come.” Callum admitted a little sheepish, smiling at Kruize at the other side of the table.

”Me neither.” Kruize said, picking up the menu to busy himself.

Callum cleared his throat nervously, ”Well.. I..” He eyed the bag at his feet, ”I brought your stuff. I thought you’d want it.”

”Thanks.” Kruize said without even looking up from the menu.

”Sure.” Callum sighed, pushing the bag over to Kruize’s feet with his own.

”What are you having?” Kruize asked, looking up at Callum from the menu card.

Callum wanted to give Kruize what he wanted, he wanted to sit here like a civil person and eat a shrimp cocktail, calmly agreeing on who got the house and who got the dogs. He just couldn’t. He had promised Joy and Jimmi Harlan both that he would chill with his self-pity, and binge drinking. But looking into Kruize’s eyes he was just reminded of what was not his. It made his entire body protest, uncomfortable. ”I’m not hungry.” He finally said, knowing that Kruize would frown, but he really couldn’t get a single bite down, his stomach was one big knot of sadness and frustration.

Kruize raised a brow, ”You ask me out to dinner, and you’re not having anything? Thanks for letting me look like an idiot.”

”It’s not like that.” Callum argued. ”I am seriously just not hungry, but I can eat something if it makes you feel better.”

Kruize resisted the urge to roll his eyes, ”Don’t you think it’s a little weird?” He shook his head disappointed, ”Never mind. I can get something on the way home.” He started to stand up from his seat.

”No!” Callum whispered urgently, not wanting to make anyone aware of them if they weren’t already. ”Wait.”

Kruize sat down in his seat again and waited.

”Can’t we just sit here? Does it matter if or what I eat? I already said I’d pay for yours.” Wiping some hair away from his eyes, he sighed, ”Don’t leave,” With a little awkward smile he added ”Please?”

Kruize looked at Callum with a less than amused frown. ”This is ridiculous.” Kruize sighed, ”I know you Cal, nothing is this easy. So tell me what the hell you want.”

”Why the fuck do you think I had ulterior motives by asking you out to dinner?” Callum huffed, ”As i told you on the phone, I just wanted to apologize for behaving like an idiot.”

”And you do that by just sitting there staring at me eating?” Kruize shook his head, ”Nothing you can do or say, will take what you did away.”

”What I did?” Callum gasped, and then leaned in over the table hissing ”I am sorry I said that shit about you and your loverboy. But let’s not lose sight of the fact that you were the one to mess it up to begin with.”

”I am not gonna sit here and play the blame game with you.” Kruize growled, and stood from his chair again.

”Sit down, don’t make a fucking scene.” Callum said with a low, angry tone.

”I will make a scene if I fucking feel like it.” Kruize shot back.

And with that Callum stood up, knocking the chair over. ”What the fuck is it you want from me? I tried to be civil, but you apparently just want to act like a fucking miffed queen.” He yelled, pointing at Kruize, directing the whole restaurant’s attention to Kruize who just stood there like a sacrificial lamb in the middle of the floor.

”You don’t get it, do you?” Kruize yelled back, ”I don’t want anything from you, nothing at all!”

Callum just stood there too, looking like he was slapped by the words. ”Alright.” He just said more calmly. ”I can’t argue with that.” He shrugged, walking past Kruize in a bee-line towards the front doors to the street. ”Tell your loverboy, he is fired.” He said walking past Kruize.

”What?” Kruize fumed, grabbing Callum’s arm hard, yanking him back to look at him. ”You can’t do that.”

”Watch me.” Callum said with a little evil smirk.

”You can’t. He needs that internship.” Kruize argued, realising his mistake the second it left his lips.

”Call someone who gives a fuck.” Callum spat, yanking his arm back, striding out of the restaurant. He had just made it outside when Kruize grabbed him again, spinning him around once more.

”Cal.” Kruize said softly, his voice in stark contrast to his body language. ”Don’t.” He shook the stunned Callum a little, ”It’s me you are angry with, not him.”

”Maybe.” Callum said just as softly, just staring into Kruize’s eyes, untill he let Kruize win the staring contest, afraid that the other man would read his thoughts through his eyes. ”I don’t care.”

”So you are just gonna ruin his career because you think I did you wrong?” Kruize asked, but letting go of his tight hold of Callum’s arms.

”Something like that.” Callum stated childish, finally looking up at Kruize, knowing he shouldn’t. ”Don’t forget your stuff at the table.” He said trying to mimic indifference, where in reality his heart was aching, it had all just happened so fast he had a hard time finding himself in all this again. It had not been two months ago, those lips had been his to kiss, and those hands would not have grabbed him in anger.

”You are smarter than this.” Kruize said, pocketing his hands, just staring at Callum.

Callum shook his head, ”Apparently not.” He looked directly at Kruize and shot him a little pale smile. Before Kruize could answer Callum turned around and walked straight towards the parking lot.

”Don’t you fucking dare!” Kruize yelled angrily.

”Sue me.” Callum yelled, flipping Kruize off over his shoulder, never turning around to see if the other man was still there.

-O-

Callum sat in his car, not going anywhere, just staring out into the grey concrete block in front of the car hood. He aimlessly unscrewed the lid of the bottle of whiskey he had in his glove compartment. Taking a large gulp of it, he could feel the unwelcome prickling feeling behind his eyes, it was not the sharp taste of the liquor, it was the tears he didn’t want to shed. He took a deep breath, willing the tears away, he didn’t want to cry like some butthurt twinkie. He barely looked up when he heard a hard rap on the car window. ”I’m fine, go away!” He just answered with a muddle voice.

”Cal.” Kruize said on the other side of the car window. ”Open the door.”

Callum felt trapped, but none the less he leaned over and flipped the lock of the door, letting Kruize inside. ”What now?” He asked trying to sound dismissive, but just came off as hurt.

Kruize turned in his seat to talk, but Callum answered his own question. ”I wish I could take away the last two months of my life, I wish there was some greater power that could come down and just rewind time.” He took a deep breath not to cry again. ”I love you.” He turned and looked at Kruize who looked somewhat uncomfortable by this confession. ”It used to be a feeling that was better than anything, but now. Now it’s just eating me up inside, like this dark, destructive force of nature.” He licked his lips nervously. ”I thought you loved me back.” He said with a tiny voice before falling silent.

Kruize didn’t really know what to say, whatever he said would sound fade and stupid. ”I did.” He just whispered, in lack of other things to say.

”That just makes it even worse.” Callum reached into the glove compartment again, and took a pack of cigarettes, careful not to touch Kruize as he did so. ”Maybe I just didn’t get the memo.” He mumbled to himself as he lit up a cigarette. He noticed Kruize’s disapproving expression out the corner of his eye, and just smiled. ”If you don’t like it, you’re free to get the fuck out of my car.” He said calmly. Not really sure if he wanted Kruize to leave or not.

Kruize thought about it for a moment, but just rolled down the window next to him. ”Elliot don’t deserve your spite.” He just said lamely.

”Is that so?” Callum huffed, then he turned his head and looked at Kruize, ”Way I see it, that little shit deserves anything I can throw at him.”

Kruize shook his head, ”He didn’t know.” He whispered, leaning his head back on the seat head-rest with a deep sigh. ”I told him we had broken up.”

”That was awfully nice of you, considering you didn’t bother to tell me that, untill a week later.” Callum yelled pushing Kruize in frustration. ”Fuck you, man. Fuck you.” He kicked the dashboard, ”Fuck!”

”I was a jerk, I admit that.” Kruize just admitted with a blank expression. ”Still you should be pissed at me, not at him.” Truth was that he had not said anything about Callum to Elliot, and Elliot hadn’t questioned it. In that aspect he supposed they were all acting like selfish kids.

”Suppose the joke is on me, huh?” Callum said, speaking more to his bottle in his hand than to Kruize, taking another drag of it. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand he turned to Kruize again, ”Wanna see something funny?” Not waiting for an answer he pulled up in his sweater, and there within his large tribal tattoo, Kruize’s name was knitted in, above Jimmi’s name, and a little to the left where there had been a bare spot. It was still a little more black than the rest, because it was newer, but other than that it fit perfectly in the pattern. ”I had that done for our six months anniversary.” Callum laughed bitterly, ”Just never got around to showing it to you, since… yeah.. So there.” He was about to pull the sweater down again when Kruize reached out to touch the abused skin where his name was etched in.

”You are a romantic Idiot, Callum.” Kruize said softly.

”Suppose i am.” Callum said, closing his eyes, letting Kruize brush his fingers over the tattoo. ”Guess it was just really stupid.” he whispered.

Kruize smiled a little ashamed, ”Guess it was.”

”Well.” Callum said letting the sweater fall, covering Kruize’s hand. ”Now it’s just my reminder of us.”

Kruize finally took his hand back. ”It’s pretty though.” He said with a little smile.

Callum laughed softly, bitterly. But didn’t answer the statement. He knew it was upside down, but he still heard himself whisper. ”Was he worth it?”

Leaning back in the seat Kruize exhaled deeply. ”Yeah.” He admitted. Before Callum could answer, Kruize continued, ”Cal, for fucks sake, just leave it.”

Callum glared up into the ceiling of the car. ”Okay.” He breathed in a sigh.

”Why does everything have to be like this with you?” Kruize argued, ”Wonder why no one sticks around? I can fucking tell you why, everything is just black and white with you, innit?”

”What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Callum spat, staring at Kruize.

”You are always so damn intense. To the point where you can’t even have a normal conversation.” Kruize said, crossing his arms over his chest. ”Always full speed ahead, and that is fun for a while, but you have no goal in sight. You just..”

”Shut up!” Callum growled, teary eyed, ”Get the fuck out of my car!”

”Like hell!” Kruize yelled back, ”You are gonna listen to me this time.”

”Fuck that!” Callum huffed, ”Do you seriously think that I’m gonna sit here and listen to your bullshit?” He turned his head and looked straight at Kruize, ”Seriously Kruize, that kid you got there, how long before you get bored? For how long can you pretend to be an everyday Joe? I know you. You think that ‘normality’ is what you want, but I know that it’s not you.” He took another sip of his bottle, ”Normalicy are for straight people and dykes.”

”And not being able to move without paparazzi, or your damn ex-lovers and whatever, is just what I need?” Kruize growled angrily. ”Thank you Dr. Phil.”

”I didn’t say that.” Callum said calmly. ”I am just saying that you are deluding yourself if you think that it will last. Because he is not your type.”

”Let me guess, and you are?” Kruize spat.

”Maybe not.” Callum said, his words sad and desperate, ”But I can change.” And for a second he looked at Kruize with a hint of hope in his eyes. Callum leaned over the gears, pressing Kruize up against the door, ”Plus.” He whispered, his lips so close to Kruize’s skin that he could taste the other man. ”I can give you something he can’t.”

”What would that be?” Kruize whispered back, angry with himself that he even let this happen, because he knew that if he let this go on, he would rapidly lose the fight.

To Kruize’s surprise, Callum placed a hand on each side of Kruize’s head, staring the other man deep in his eyes, ”I miss you so much I can’t sleep, I can’t work, I can’t eat.” He admitted in a soft whisper. ”All I can do is beat myself up, asking myself if it was something I did, that chased you away.” He paused, ”So was it?”

Kruize stared up into Callum’s large blue eyes, and smiled sadly, ”No. It wasn’t something you did.” He answered in an almost whisper, ”It was me who changed, Cal.”

”Liar.” Callum whispered sweetly as he kissed Kruize gently, but within seconds the kiss deepened.

~*~

They managed to crawl to the backseat while frantically kissing, trying to pull off any clothing they could grab. Callum pushed Kruize back against the backseat while wiggling out of his pants, he managed to get one foot free, and left his pants dangling around his other foot. Kruize grabbed Cal’s hips and pulled him unto his lap.

Callum leaned in and gave Kruize a sloppy, horny kiss. He lifted himself off Kruize’s lap, and then slowly lowered himself, hissing in pain and pleasure. He closed his eyes and blindly reached for anything to hold on to inside the car.

”So much for no ulterior motives.” Kruize whispered, running his hands up and down Callum’s sides, pausing only as he saw newly made tattoo with his name.

”Shut up.” Callum answered, opening his eyes looking at Kruize like could he eat the other man up with his eyes alone. ” – And fuck me.” He added in a tone laced with sex.

Kruize smiled stupidly. He knew this was wrong, this was not how it was supposed to be, but damn him. He just couldn’t say no to Cal when he looked so absolutely fuckable. A little voice in the back of his head told him, he should have said no, before he buried his cock inside Callum. Kruize ignore that nagging little voice and grabbed a hold of Callum’s hips, setting the pace for them both.

Callum let go of the front seats and wrapped his arms around Kruize’s neck, changing the angle as he did so, causing Kruize to his hit prostrate with every thrust. ”Oh Shit.” Callum whimpered, shuddering even if his body was on fire. ” -I” Callum panted, placing sloppy openmouthed kisses up Kruize’s jaw. ” -So much.”

Kruize didn’t answer, he just gasped and tightened his grip on Callum’s hip. Abandoning one side to pump Callum’s erection in time for his thrust. And he smiled as he heard Callum first whimper and then moan in his ear.

Callum tried for form words, tried to will his impending orgasm away, and failed miserably on both accounts.

~*~

Trying to catch his breath Callum didn’t put up any struggle as Kruize pushed him off his lap. ”Damn.” He grinned panting, looking down at the mess on him self.

”Damn right. ‘damn’.” Kruize said, his voice just as spent, but it had an angry twist to it. ”Fuck Cal.. What the hell?”

Callum turned his head and looked at Kruize who tried to get his pants back up in the confined space of the backseat. ”Fuck sounds about right.” He said with a boyish smile.

”You know what I mean, man.” Kruize growled, zipping his pants.

”No, I’m not sure I do.” Callum said flatly, his smile fading.

”What the fuck am I gonna say to Elliott? Shit!” Kruize whined, raking a hand through his hair.

Callum’s lips became a fine line of anger, and instead of answering the just busied himself with getting his pants back on as well.

”I can’t deal with this shit!” Kruize sighed, opening the car door to the parking lot, stepping out of the car.

Callum got out in the other side, and leaned up against the car, ”So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh?” He called after Kruize that hadn’t gotten more than a few meters away.

Kruize spun around. ”You don’t get it, do you?”

”I get it alright.” Callum spat, his voice angry, but his eyes sad. ”Piss off Kruize. Go home to your little boyfriend.”

Kruize just stood there for a moment and stared at Callum, who struggled with his shirt. ”Fuck you Cal.” Anger suddenly welling up inside, and Kruize threw up his arms in the air in a gesture of despair. ”That’s all you’re good for anyway. Fucking.”

”Is it?” Callum asked with an ice-cold tone, making his way to the other side of the car. ”Good to know.”

Kruize ran a hand down over his own face and sighed. ”That was not what I meant, I know that is what I said, but it wasn’t how I meant for it to come out.” He looked over at Callum who leaned up against his car, fumbling to get a light to his cigaret. ”It’s all just a party to you, isn’t it? You don’t care about anything but sex, partying and drugs, are you?” He sighed again, ”That is why everyone, even your precious Jimmi left you standing, Jesus Christ, even your own father tries to lock you up and come to your senses.”

Callum rose a brow, inhaling. ”Funny, since you are too scared to even come out to yours.” He took a deep breath, ”My dad is just trying to minimize any scandal, he doesn’t give a flying fuck about me, or what i do.” Callum pushed off the car, but didn’t walk over to Kruize, ”I.. I have nothing to say.” He admitted with a defeated slump to his shoulders. He just had to get out of here, he couldn’t look at Kruize anymore, he was a second away from throwing himself at his feet and beg him to come home. Or kick his teeth in, Cal wasn’t sure which he wanted the most. So he just got into his car, not listening to whatever it was Kruize said. Slamming the car door, he leaned back in his seat. He would probably hear from Kruize again when he realise that his little boyfriend were out of an internship, but most likely that conversation wouldn’t include sex. He rolled down the window and looked out at Kruize with a frown. ”Kruize.” He just said, ”Good to know I can still make you cum in under ten minutes, just one of my many talents. So excuse me, but i have some parties to go to, some drugs to take and some fit men to fuck.”

”Shit Cal, I know it sounded wrong, but didn’t you hear shit i just said?” Kruize asked.

”No.” Callum huffed, ”Cunts like me have a really short attention span.”

”Don’t be a fucking smartass.” Kruize crossed his arms over his chest.

~*~

He had just left, drive off with Kruize standing there on the parking lot. He had gone home to drink himself into a sobbing mess, now knowing where to direct his sadness and anger. He grabbed his phone and called Jimmi. He had to know!

Jimmi picked up in the other end, and just listened to Callum crying in the other end, he didn’t have to hear Cal say his name, he could tell it was him. ”What’s wrong?” He yawned shifting the phone to the other hand.

”Jim.” Cal sobbed, ”Jimmi.”

”That would be me, and you called me.” He said softly. ”So what’s up? Is it still that asshole Kruize you’re pining for?”

”No its…” Callum slurred, ”Why did we break up?”

”What?”

”Come on Jimmi-boy, why did we break up?” Callum asked.

”You know why,” Jimmi said annoyed, ”Why bring this up now?”

”Because i have to know!” Callum screamed into the receiver.

”You dumped me, remember?” Jimmi said with another yawn.

”Jimmi.” Callum whispered flatly.

”Alright.” Jimmi sighed, ”We broke up because i found another man.”

”I know that.” Callum sighed softly, ”But why did you find another man?”

”Do you honestly think now is the right time for this discussion?” Jimmi asked.

”Yes.” Callum said flatly. ”I have to know, please.”

”He was there, okay?” Jimmi said, his voice as awkward as the topic. ”You weren’t.”

”You mean as I weren’t there in person, or I just weren’t there.” Callum asked, his voice raw from crying.

”Both.” Jimmi admitted.

”But I’m attentive and.. – I don’t get it.. – How can i be.. – Shit Jimmi.. Fuck..” Callum started crying again.

”It’s.. – Listen, hang in there, I’m gonna come over and have a drink with you, okay?” Jimmi said, ”No one should be crying and drinking alone.”

”Hey, Jimmi? Thank you.” Callum mumbled and hung up, pouring himself another drink, not sure if he waited to be so drunk he’d just pass out, of if he waited for Jimmi.

~*~

When Harlen arrived he had thought Callum to be sleeping in a chair, what he had not expected to find was Callum dancing for himself on the middle of the floor. He closed the door and just stood there and stared at Callum for a moment. He scanned the table that was littered with glass shards, some pills in a tiny plastic bag and an empty bottle of booze, and a newly opened one, no glass. ”Hey you!” Jimmi yelled trying to drown out the music.

Callum just kept dancing with his eyes closed.

”Cal!” Jimmi called, but no answer. And in the end he just walked over to him and wrapped his arms around Callum’s waist. ”Are you deaf?”

”Oh hey.” Callum lit up in a lazy smile, turning around in Jimmi’s arms, resting his forehead against the other.

”Cal.” Jimmi said softly, kissing Callum gently. ”You gotta snap out of it man.”

Callum purred and tilted his head to the side, inviting for more kisses.

”I mean it man, It’s a question of time before you do something really stupid, something that will either land your ass back at your dad’s, in rehab or worse, dead.” Jimmi said, taking the invitation to lick a wet trail over Callum’s jaw line.

”I’m a big boy, Jimmi.” Callum answered, dazed.

”Funny, ’cause I could swear you were acting like a bloody teenager.” Jimmi laughed.

”Fuck off.” Callum pushed Jimmi off him, but didn’t stop dancing.

”Cal,” Jimmi sighed. ”You were the one who called for me. Here I am.”

Callum turned around and danced up on Jimmi, ”By all means, have a drink.”

Jimmi seemed to think for a moment, but then just got up and turned off the music, ”Hey Malcolm, your self-pity trip is getting old, man.”

”The fuck?” Callum whipped around and stared at Jimmi, ”What the hell did you do that for?”

”Party’s over.” Jimmi stated, crossing his arms over his chest.

”Shit.” Callum huffed slumping down in a chair, grabbing his bottle.

Jimmi just stared at him, ”So what happened to upset you like that?”

”Who says I’m upset? I’m in the mood for a party, and you turned off my music.” Callum sulked, taking a sip of the liquor, pulling a grimace as the alcohol burned his mouth.

”I say you’re upset, you called me crying, man.” Jimmi shook his head and sat down on another chair and just looked at Callum.

”I called him, asked him to meet me.” Callum admitted with a little weak smile, ”He came, and acted like a perfect twat, we had a fight and…” He sighed, ”He just said some things that made me upset, okay?”

Jimmi rose a brow, ”How the fuck could that seem like a good idea? You knew it would just end up in.. Drama.”

Callum nodded, ”I miss him so much it hurts.” He frowned, ”Shit!”

”Look, I love Cal, you know that. And I am telling you that all the pills, booze and hustlers does not make that hurt go away.” Jimmi said.

”You don’t love me, you fucking cumstain.” Callum argued with a little spiteful smile. He let his head fall back, staring up into the ceiling. ”You’re right though, I can’t sit around getting shitfaced, wondering why he doesn’t want me anymore.” He took a deep shuddering breath, ”He just don’t, and that should be enough.”

”That’s right.” Jimmi said with a smile, scooting closer to Cal.

”Maybe I should fuck that little boyfriend of his?” Callum whispered, ”Wouldn’t that be fun?” He straightened up and rose the bottle to his lips, ”I saw how that little brat looked at me.”

”Honey.” Jimmi sighed, ”I don’t think that he’ll be about to drop his pants for you, once you fired him.”

”Like he’d know.” Callum laughed, ”Okay listen,” He smiled at Jimmi, ”I told my dad that Elliott tried to seduce me.” He laughed a little again, ”Believe me, Elliott won’t know what the fuck hit him, my dad would rather pay his lawyers some ridiculous loophole in his contract to back up why they are letting him go, than to admit what I am. Gotta love daddy.”

”You are a little devious shit, you know that right?” Jimmi smiled.

”Not really, I am just a really sore loser.” Callum smiled sadly, ”Now turn on the music again and have a drink with me please.”

-End

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