Between those pretty dreams.

Title; Between those pretty dreams.
author; azzy
Fandom; Dragon Age 2
warning: angst, no happy end.
rating; T (for disturbing theme)
Summary; Hawke hands over Fenris to Danarius.
Pairring; Hawke/Anders (implied)
AN; Okay I got curious as to what would happen if you didn’t defend Fenris at the showdown with Danarius at the Hanged man. The conversation in the scene is in-game, so now you know what happens if you haven’t had the heart to try that option. The letter is also in game, you will receive it shortly after you gave him Fenris. The whole Anders is a gullabe bastard is entirely on me, also the conversation between Hawke and Anders is for the purpose of this fic, as in not in the game. Sorry man, this angsty little ficlet just screamed to be written, and now i will sit down and write the other fic i had had in mind for a long time. This is not betaed, deal.

Children…..kiss the ring
Children…..kiss the blade
Blood, blood money
Which hand holds your hand?

-Sisters of Mercy.

”If you want him, he’s yours.”

Fenris whipped around, staring at Hawke in disbelief. The others said something which he didn’t really hear, all he saw was Hawke, not just the Champion of Kirkwall, but the man whom he had thought a friend, an ally, and yes maybe even more than that. He had expected a lot of this meeting, but none of them being this. ”What?” Was the only answer he could muster. He could see his newfound sister scurry away from the corner of his eye. Fenris’ heart beat so fast he thought he might faint. For a moment he searched Hawke’s eyes for compassion, anything that would tell him that this was a cruel joke. He found none.

”Interesting, I’ll make it worth your while, of course. The power of the imperium will be at your disposal.” Danarius said with a smile on his lips, eying Fenris greedily.

Fenris couldn’t believe this was happening, why had he not seen this coming? Why had he trusted Hawke when his sixth sense had told him not to? He dared not even look at Danarius, the glare from the mage made his skin crawl. He wanted to scream at Hawke, wanted to curse him and that blighted mage friend of his, he was -sure- it was Anders and Justice that had gotten the better of Hawke. It was not like Hawke to go back on what he said, and Fenris still recalled all the things said when they had shared a moment in passion. There was just no better way of putting it, because he knew they had not made love, they had used each other for a purpose, and it was alright, but… Hawke had said they would see this through, that they would find some solution. And now this! This betrayal! Short of reaching out pulling Hawke close to remind him of who they were, Fenris resolved to begging, ”Don’t do this Hawke, I -need- you.” He knew he couldn’t take on Danarius on his own. He suddenly regretting not telling Hawke what his life had been like while in Danarius’ mercy, maybe if he had known, this would never have happened? Fenris clenched his hands and resisted the urge to scream in frustration. He realised with a sinking feeling that he was fooling himself, Hawke didn’t care, when a push came to a shove, Hawke was a mage, and apparently they had some sort of brotherhood, even with the sorts of Danarius.

Hawke’s eyes didn’t leave Fenris, as he straightened himself and said ”You’re on your own, Fenris.”

And finally Fenris realised the horrifying truth, he was being traded off, from one cruel master to another. Where as Danarius had used magic to keep him in line, Hawke had used lies and betrayal. As Fenris stared into Hawke’s cold brown eyes he didn’t know which was worse, shackles of iron, or love. Oh he had been such an idiot, and only had himself to blame, he should have left, he should never have asked Hawke to come here, but since Hawke had helped him with killing Hadrianna, he had never in a million years thought that he would turn on him now. True they weren’t friends, they were not lovers, they were companions at best. But where as Hawke loved his family, and as far as Fenris suspected, Anders’ uncomplicated affection. Fenris had loved Hawke like a brother. ”I suppose I should not be surprised.” He said with a tiny voice, close to a whisper, close to tears of anger and frustration that he refused to shed. He eyed the door of the Hanged man, wondering if he made a while dash for it, would make it. He knew he wouldn’t. But he still entertained the idea for a second. Fenris finally looked away from Hawke and down to the floor between his feet, he looked down at the rings that Hawke had given him, childishly he wanted to rip the off and toss them straight in the Champions face, and with a little luck he would be blinded. ”That’s our champion.” Fenris heard Varric protest in the background, it made him feel a little better that someone at least came to his defense. And Varric of all people, he had never been nice to the dwarf, never had a reason to, and he for sure never thought he would stand in this situation at all. Fenris looked up at Hawke for a second, but was only met by the same cold eyes as before.

It felt like his heart was breaking, not because he loved Hawke, but because he had allowed himself to believe in a possible future. True he had used Hawke to finally be free of his past, and his old masters. But seems like Hawke had used him too, used him to get a foot in with the Tevinter Imperium mages. Recalling Hawke’s drunken rants about when he was Viscount some day, they had laughed at him, thinking he was talking out his ass. Apparently not! Was Fenris the only one who didn’t know? Fenris stood still, afraid to even breathe, his mind refusing to register this situation at all, and in the end all defiance, all light just left him. It was the Fog-warriors all over again, his master was here, there was no need in pretending. ”What shall it be, Fenris? Will you throw your life away? ” Danarius said, crossing his arms over his chest, waiting for Fenris to react.

Fenris’ shoulder slumped, and his chin dropped to his chest as he slowly turned from Hawke, and to face Danarius. He opened his mouth but no words came out, he looked up at the mage, obscured by his white hair. For a second he was calculating the pros and cons, fighting, resisting, would be suicide. But so would following Danarius out of here. He had always thought that Danarius was only after the Lyrium in his skin, but now he realised that this was not the case. Danarius was after -him- as much as his investment of the lyrium tattoos. ”No..” Fenris said, taking a deep breath, praying to any entity that would aid him, knowing that none would answer. ”I will go with you.” He added in a mechanical tone, and with those words he resigned himself to his fate, and he realised that he would never get away, this was his place, his reason. Maybe oblivion was that bad, compared to the hate that ate him alive inside. Fenris resisted the urge to look back at Hawke, Anders and Varric behind him.

”Lovely. Here’s a token of my appreciation, Champion. I am sure I can arrange to have something more… Appropriate sent along soon.” Danarius cheered, handing Hawke something that Fenris couldn’t see, -bloodmoney- came to mind, but he didn’t dare utter it, knowing that he had caused enough trouble for his master as it was, and whatever he had too look forward to when they left the Hanged man was harrowing at best. Fenris closed his eyes, and for a second he could cheat himself to remember sitting at these same tables that now only stood in his way to doom, drinking with Isabela and Varric, -that- had been the time of his life really. And Hawke aside, it would be what he would miss the most, being carefree, being his own, being amongst friends. He who had not had friends before felt strangely reluctant to leave that behind, it had been a good warm feeling, but maybe it had all been in his head, just as his supposed brotherly relation to Hawke which clearly never existed. He wanted to say something to Varric at least, but found that words eluded him, so he just dared a swift gaze at the dwarf, who looked utterly appalled at the whole situation, Fenris wished he could have found it in him to smile at Varric but he just couldn’t, it felt too insincere. So he just trained his gaze back at the floor, waiting for Danarius to move. ”Come along everyone, the boat leaves for Minrathous within the hour.” Danarius said sauntering out of the Hanged man, looking mostly like a giant predator after a meal. Fenris left as the last, Danarius didn’t even have to make sure he followed, he knew he would. Even if Fenris easily could have taken out the guard at his side, he had lost any reason to do it. Fenris stopped at the door and took a deep breath, and then he looked over his shoulder at the trio in the middle of the room, he wanted to look resentful, but all he could manage was a -why- written all over his face. The guard pushed him, and that set Fenris in motion again, whatever fate awaited the Champion or Kirkwall, it would be without Fenris.

~*~

”Hawke.” Anders called, ”There’s a letter from Tevinter for you.” He held up an envelope.

”Not now.” Hawke sighed, deflating in an armchair, ”I’m so tired i don’t even think i can make it upstairs. Maker!” He kicked off his boots while swearing under his breath at the amount of straps.

Anders opened the letter and read it over, ”It’s from Danarius.” He just said with a flat voice, he -had- hated Fenris with a vengeance, but still it felt oddly wrong that they had just handed him over like that. They had agreed it was for the best, should the situation ever occur, and here was the fruits of their betrayal. ”Want me to read it for you?”

”Yeah.” Hawke waved a hand in the air to signal that he wasn’t going to participate in it.

Anders cleared his throat;

Garrett Hawke,

Many thanks for the kind return of my property. Fenris is his usual compliant self now that his memories have been once again removed. Not a simple process, but considering the investment, I consider it very much worth while.

As promised, I’m enclosing a gift from the storehouses of the Archanist hall in Minrathous. Should you ever find yourself in the Imperium, do feel free to visit. I’ll provide a tour of the Hall myself, if you like.

-Danarius.

Hawke sighed, ”Maybe that is for the best.”

Anders shook his head, ”Ever think that we might have been wrong?” He said with a soft voice, coming to sit on the arm rest of Hawke’s chair. ”It’s not any better than the mages made tranquil, is it?”

”No.” Hawke admitted, ”Fenris’ sacrifice was not for nothing, my love.” He smiled tired up at Anders’ worried face, ”He doesn’t hate the world anymore, and I have a friend in high places in Minrathous.”

”True.” Anders admitted.

”In war and politics..” Hawke said with a tired smile.

”Love and war.” Anders corrected with a slightly disturbed expression.

”Love..” Hawke tasted the word, and then smiled a little mysterious smile, ”Of course, i meant l -love- how silly of me.” He got up from the chair with a tired moan, trodding upstairs to his bed, closely followed by Anders.

-Fin.

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