WIP; 1/2 ?
Warnings: uhm… far fetched religious theories?
AN; alright i just had to get this out of my system so i can finish the next part of something else. lol! I used to write this other original story about angels, but it just sorta got too confusing, also i started that piece for like 10 years ago, and it was half based on stuff written in some collaborated stuff, and some on a roleplay and… yeah whatever.. I missed my angsting angels though, and so figured i would try again. This was actually meant as a really short thing for horror_fiction, but i suppose Sariel grew on me, and it turned in to the first chapter of DOOM, and oddly feelgood, so yeah i’ma post it here if anyone cares. ^^ If you DO read it, i am very curious as to what you think, and i do know it’s not betaed, and prolly has iffy grammar and a typo here and there.
Now i don’t think that anyone super religious without a sense of humor would even read anything i wrote. But i still feel like i need to link to THIS post for some explanation as to why i write what i do. Some might feel i am God-bashing here, i really am not, all i am saying is that nothing is black and white, and i could break down some really crazy old testament shit for you guys, like for instance, Ezekiel 5:10 10 “Therefore the fathers shall eat the sons in the midst of thee, and the sons shall eat their fathers; and I will execute judgments in thee, and the whole remnant of thee will I scatter into all the winds.” Uh, HELLO? The Bible is full of gems like this, and that is why i like writing old testament themed stuff. It’s just so damn crazy i can’t even… – And so anywho, the scenario is purely made up, God did not use the Grigori as his personal goon squad, i just made that up for my own purpose, the names however is not made up, those are names of fallen angels found in the Bible. And if you are confused, YES the story is set in present day, with flashbacks. As for the title, it should mean ‘there is no God’ in Hebrew, (beautiful language) and i do mean that in a very philosophical way, as in ‘there is no mercy’ or ‘dude you’re on your own’.
Part 1. – Unleashing the pestilence.
I am the one, a life long gone.
A refuge raped in search of life.
Like a shadow on this earth.
In embraces pale as human flesh.
I am unborn, and I’m undone.
How much of me is lost.
I deny my own desire.
Lying one among the liars.
I deny my own desire.
Dark in darkness I can see.
Nothingness is blinding me.
The desert night wind was gentle on his face, his matted hair clung to his face, and two ever watchful, pitch black eyes observed the world. Never the ground, always the horizon.
Once he had been beautiful, but now his body was as distorted as his muddled mind, his skin was pale as the moon, riddled with scars. His once magnificent wings were charred and burned. One thing he had still was his name, that was the one thing the creator had not been able to take from him. He was Sariel, and would remain Sariel till the end of days.
Sariel stumbled from fatigue, his feet full of soars from the warm desert sand, he who was a creature of the shadow, had been scorched by the sun, walking in what seemed for ever, through night and day, day and night. The Seraphim had taunted him as he was forced to take this task upon him. They had poked him with their spears, and laughed at his useless wings, while flexing their beautiful six white ones. Pride, Ha! If anyone showed pride it was the creator, and with him, his own favorite creations. The heavenly host liked to proclaim that man was his most priced creation, his masterpiece, made from his flesh, in his image. And had forced all the angels to bow down before man’s feet and worship him, as they would their father. Sariel knew better, without the Seraphim and the Cherubs to instill fear in man’s heart. The creator was nothing. And now time had come to test man once again.
A grim expression tainted his already marred face, ‘Do this’ he had been told ‘Do this and you shall be free of your prison’. And he had cried, fallen to his knees and wept. He had asked the creator if his sins were greater than his brothers, since he was being punished yet again. But the creator had not answered, he had just sent the wretched creature from his sight. Hate! Yes Sariel hated his father with all that was still in him, the creator thought that by taking away his mercy, he would take everything. This was not true, something else was put in it’s place, the same overflowing malice that would turn Sariel’s tears into putrid puss, caking in his eye lashes.
Death would have been lenient, yet the heavenly host was not lenient, not once had anyone seen his mercy, they had but heard of it. Sariel knew that even the Seraphim was afraid of their father. He who could make or destroy any creature on a whim, such a entity was indeed frightening. And death was not a luxury that the creator had bestowed upon his servants, only man got to taste that sweet oblivion.
The cage in Sariel ‘s hand rattled, as were the creature there anxious to get out. ”Not Yet.” He whispered, staring nervously up into the pitch black skies, knowing he was being watched from above. ”Please i beg you, let me rest!” He whispered, his eyes searching the stars, licking his charred lips. He heard something, but it was not a gentle voice easing his mind, it was laughter. Sariel grit his teeth and frowned, the curse died on his lips, he knew they would never listen up there. So sure of their flawlessness.
The cage hissed, and Sariel shook it violently, baring his teeth in a snarl ”Silence,” slowly stumbling forward. He had no idea where he was going, he had been told that the curse within the cage would know when to stop. He blinked slowly, wiping sand from his face with his free hand. He could hear the Seraphim mocking him, ‘tainted one’, ‘unloved’ and ‘weak of faith’. Nothing was further from the truth, but how could they know that? He had loved earth, loved every little thing here, and had wanted nothing more than to become a part of it, he had just wanted life. True, the creator had given him existence, but no hands or eyes, and he wanted to feel the grass on his feet, eat the fruits on the trees, and touch the soft skin of another. He wanted all the gifts that the creator had given unto man.
He had been a watcher, the ever awake shepherd, just being, watching, wanting. Then one day a beautiful Cherub had stood before him, and he had said to him ”You wish for nothing else than to live.” Sariel had not been able to answer, for he had no mouth, but in his thoughts he had screamed ‘yes’. The Cherub had spoken again, ”If you want it with all that you are, I shall give you life, and your name shall be Sariel.” – And then, then the Cherub was gone, and Sariel had found himself sitting on the ground. Everything was more beautiful and magnificent than he could ever have imagined. Running on his new feet to the water he had stared at his reflection, he looked exactly like the sons of Adam! He had laughed and cried at the same time, so happy his heart was about to burst. He had been drunk with love for man and their world, eager to learn every blessing they had. He had taken himself a wife, she had been the most gentle, delicate woman, everything about her was as close to heaven as Sariel had ever felt. And when she had given him a son he knew he had witnessed a miracle.
Sariel fell to his knees in the sand, huffing. He had to rest for a while, his feet were bloody and it felt like walking on nails every time he took a step in the sand. All that beauty, all that peace, all taken away. He remembered it clearly, which seemed all the more gruesome, that he was allowed to keep his memory, but not his sight in that pitch black prison of his. He had been at the village when they had come for him. The Seraphim. Every man, woman and child had been stricken with fear so great they would throw themselves to the ground to shield off madness. Sariel had on the other hand just stood there and stared at them, not sure why they were here, had he not carried out his task?
”Gigori Sariel.” A mighty Seraphim had said, ”You have defied your creator, and his purpose.”
Sariel had wanted to defend himself, but found he could not open his mouth, his lips were sealed. And when the Seraphim spoke, Sariel realised that it had never been the creator’s intension that he should taste life as man. That his shape had changed was not the creators doing, but his own, spurred on by the sweet tongue of the fallen one. When he looked into the Seraphim’s eyes he could see the loathing there, but this Seraphim knew nothing of being a Grigori, he knew nothing of what it is like to just watch, the existence Sariel had had before Lucifer had come to him, was so bleak, that he feared no punishment from the heavens. And his very last thought was for his wife and son, what would happen to them? Would the Seraphim kill them? Would the creator curse them? Or would they just never know what had become of their husband and father, mourning him as were he dead?
Sariel got to his feet again, screaming in agony as he had to put weight unto his feet. He knew now that the creator had not punished his family, he had punished all of mankind, he had swept the earth with a storm so great that it had killed all but a few. And even if Sariel knew that it the creator would never allow it, he hoped that his son had somehow survived the wrath of the Lord.
”Tell me, what is i carry?” He whispered, knowing they heard him.
”Pestilence.” The heavenly voices answered back.
Sariel closed his eyes, stumbling again in blindness, but rather swiftly getting to his feet once more.
”You will destroy the very thing you coveted.” The Seraphim sang, ”You were not satisfied with what the creator gave you.”
Sariel stopped and put down the cage on the sand, looking up into the skies, ”You have arms to hold another, you have eyes to appreciate, you have hands to touch, and mouths to sing. I had none of these, tell me is it really so wicked of me to want to be held and loved?” He yelled at the stars.
”If the creator had wanted for you to have hands, you would have had them.” The Seraphim answered.
Sariel sighed and picked up the cage again, continuing his futile path to wherever. ”And this is my penance,” He breathed, not expecting an answer. Suddenly he saw lights ahead, shielding his eyes from the sand, he tried to make out what was the beacon. ”Where am I?” He asked.
Aiming for the light, his steps felt less heavy and his heart less troubled, like had he been walking though Gehenna for aeons only to see a well. After a while, Sariel gathered up his courage to ask what he had wanted to ask, ever since he had been plucked out of the darkness and given this cage. ”When this is done, I am free?”
”Yes.” The Seraphim said, ”Just like the ones that came before you, and there were many.”
Sariel felt anger build deep within his chest, the creator was determined to torment them all? All those of his fellow Watchers who had fallen to temptation, he would punish every single one. ”And all of them had to carry out tasks that the creator does not wish to sacrifice his cherubs to do?” he growled. The cage suddenly let out a high pitched scream, and Sariel figured that they were there, finally here! He looked down at his feet, and there was a mountain of something, could it be? He sniffed in the air. Yes it was garbage, rotting food and things discarded. ”Here?” He asked the cage, which just rattled.
He put down the cage, and looked over at the city lights behind the tip, ”What now?”
”Now you unleash the pestilence, upon man.” The Seraphim said.
Winching as he shifted his feet. Sairel reached down to pull the trap door with trembling fingers. ”Tell me something.” He said, letting his fingers hover over the mechanism that would unleash the pestilence. ”Why must man be punished again?” But the Seraphim was silent, and Sariel figured they were mussled by the creator, or else they didn’t know.
The trap door opened with a little click, and Sariel sat down in the garbage, and stared at the black hole to the cage, waiting for whatever was in there to come out. And after a little while he saw it, it was a little rat, not bigger than a mouse, but it wasn’t a mouse. He stared at the rat, wondering how that could be the pestilence. The rat scurried off and disappeared into the garbage, and out came another and another, until a horde of rats were falling on top of each other, flocking out of the little cage. Sariel grabbed one of them and studied it, quickly withdrawing his hand as it was cold and dead to touch, and it’s fur was crawling with lice.
”What… what did I do?” Sariel stared at the never ending stream of rat like things streaming from the box. Letting them slide over his bare legs, and ruined feet.
”Sariel?” A voice said behind him, Sariel turned around, not sure why anyone would know his name. Suddenly afraid that the Seraphim had indeed descended to earth to finish him, not allowing him to stay, but to return him to his old form till he learned to love it. But what he saw was not a Seraphim, it was a young man, who looked oddly malnourished and sickly. His voice was strong and warm, and his eyes black like the night. ”Sariel, you are done.” The young man held out a hand to Sariel, ”Come.”
Sariel just stared at the outstretched hand, and then up at the man, wide eyed. ”Where to?”
”Home.” The young man just said. Then he sighed, letting his hand fall to his side. ”I am Penemue, and I’m like you.” Penemue smiled sweetly. ”Don’t you want those feet treated? Maybe a meal? Or better yet, a bath?” He held out his hand again.
”I have no home.” Sariel said, confused.
”Alright,” Penemue sat down opposite Sariel in the garbage, ”When I was without shape, an angel came to me and gave me what i desired the most, this body.” Penemue took Sariel’s trembling hand and stroked it softly, reassuringly.
”Yes.” Sariel just whispered.
”Now, he offers you a home, all you have to do is say yes, again.” Penemue said, nodding. ”So what’ll be?”
Sariel frowned, ”He tricked me, i thought it was the creator who had blessed me. But instead I was punished for my sin, and this is what i became.” His voice was strident, and shaking.
“Come now Sariel. No one tricked you, you did it to yourself, as did we all. He just gave us the tools, the knowledge.” Penemue smiled again, “Are you telling me you regret it brother?”
Sariel shook his weary head slowly, “No! No regret.”
“Good,” Penemue said finally letting go of Sariel’s hand, “Then why not come with me? Alternatively you can stay here on this garbage heap if you want to. But I am asking you to come with me.”
Sariel felt tired to the bone, every fiber in him hurt, and all he wanted to do was sleep. “I am weary.” He admitted, letting his eyes close shut.
Penemue stood, and pulled Sariel to his feet, “There is a soft bed waiting for you.” He said, “You have suffered long enough, brother.”
Sariel woke confused at first, sitting up in the bed, he looked down himself, the grime was gone, and his cuts had been treated, carefully lifting the covers he looked at his feet that had been cleaned and dressed. He slowly ran his hand over the soft covers of the bed, this was no dream. He laid back down on the pillow, staring up in the ceiling, this was what he had agreed to unleash death on man for, a soft bed.
Penemue opened the door gently and smiled as he saw his guest was awake. “Forgive me” He said, “You fainted, so i just took you here.” He raked a hand through his dirty blond hair, “You had some really nasty wounds there, and..” Another boyish smile, flashing a row of predatory sharp teeth, unlike any human, even if his form resembled that of a man. “I hope you’re not too upset with me.”
Sariel just smiled back, letting his tongue run over identically sharp teeth, as he saw on Penemue. “What.. what are we?” He asked slowly, like the words wouldn’t quite form in his mouth.
“Grigori.” Penemue said, walking over to sit at the foot end of Sariel’s bed. “As one final cruel joke, the creator decided to grant us unappealing appearance, as bitter and ugly as our souls.” Penemue folded his legs under him, and leaned forward, “We weren’t satisfied with watching, we all wanted to taste, touch and feel. But that was not his design, not our purpose. And for that we sinned, we all fell from his grace the moment we came into flesh, even if none of us will ever admit to a sin, because the only sin here was to create awareness without form. Nothing is worse than that.” He shrugged, “He just won’t admit his marvelous design didn’t work, that spirituality isn’t enough, faith does not equal love.” Penemue snickered, “I am sure that those Seraphim and Cherubs are fucking like rabbits, when daddy ain’t looking.”
Sariel sputtered with laughter.
Penemue laughed too, “It’s good to see you smile.” He got off the bed and walked over to a drawer, looking through it for something that Sariel could wear.
Covering himself with the blanket, Sariel turned and watched Penemue’s back as he roamed through the drawers. “Where am I?” Sariel asked.
“Oh.. OH!” Penemue turned and looked at Sariel, holding some pants in his hand. “This is my house. And my name is Penemue in case you forgot.” Penemue cleared his throat, “As for where my house is.. uhm.. suppose there is no gentle way to tell you that. We are.. we are in.. uhm, hell.”
Sariel blinked, “The lake of fire?”
“Yeah, except there ain’t a whole lot of lakes or fires here.” Penemue said with a little laugh. “You served your time in the black abyss, waiting for the creator to pick you out, do do his dirty work. We all had the same deal, Sariel. ‘do this and you shall be free’, and all you care about is never going back into the darkness, and secretly hoping that he is merciful and will let you keep your human form. You carry out whatever foul task appointed to you, the Seraphim leave, and from that moment on heaven won’t hear your call, and you my brother are in exile. We have no where else to go but here, those who tried to make it on earth, all came here eventually. It’s not bad here, this part of hell is pretty okay.” Penemue’s smile faded, “Only thing is that you cannot, and i can’t stress that enough, you cannot under any circumstance interfere with what is going on, it is not up to us who is punished. We are just the Prince’s house guests, living here on his good will. However amusing that might sound.” He tossed the pants at Sariel, “I’m not sure they will fit, and i don’t think i have any shoes.” He looked at Sariel’s feet, “Not that you’ll need them anytime soon, really did a number on your feet there.” Penemue’s tone shifted to light and merry, “When the time comes we will have to get a ghoul to fetch you a pair in a store.”
“What?” Sariel held up the pants and tried to figure out how to get them on, without them touching his throbbing feet. “Ghouls?”
“Oh.. yeah..” Penemue, “Look at me, do i look like a son of Adam? No i look like a sick distortion of it, exactly what i am, a false copy.” He said it with so much bitterness that Sariel could feel it, and he looked away, “And you brother,” Penemue said, “Looks the same, your rotten soul surfaced too.”
Sariel sighed, and finally just opted to pull the pants on in a swift move. He grit his teeth and let out a low sound of anguish. “What’s a ghoul then?”
“Undead, you can have them as pets if you get a permit for it. I don’t have one, but i know someone who does. And i am sure that he won’t have a problem with doing you a little favor.” Sariel said. “Since you are new and all, and my friend.” Suddenly Penemue lightened up, and clapped his hands, “Oh, i almost forgot! Would you like some wine?”
“I would.” Sariel said, smiling at this very strange creature who called himself Penemue. And with Penemue out of the room, Sariel pulled the shirt over his head, oh this was indeed nicer to wear than the.. the.. “Penemue!” He called, summoning Penemue in the door with two glasses and a bottle. “Yes?”
“My clothes, what did you do with them?” He asked.
“I put them away.” Penemue said, placing a glass at Sariel’s side. “why?”
“My wife made that for me.”
“Honey.” Penemue said motherly, while pouring them wine. “Your wife has been dead for well past 2500 years.”
“2500?” Sariel repeated.
“Yes, and a lot happened while we were dormant in the darkness,” Penemue sat down on Sariel’s bed. “We can go and look once you feel better.”
Sariel reached for his glass, the wine smelled wonderful, and it tasted even better. “Did you have a family?”
Penemue shook his head, “No,” He took a deep breath, “I did not admire the young women like you did, and did not want to take a wife. I think.. “ Penemue smiled sadly, “Let’s just say i was content, teaching what little i knew to anyone who wanted to learn. I was happy as a man, don’t misunderstand me, I loved seeing my pupils eyes as they finally got it right and understood it, and it made me proud as a parent when i saw them in turn teach others.”
Sariel couldn’t claim he quite understood, but he accepted that explanation. “The wine is wonderful.” He said with a smile.
“I am just happy to have company.” Penemue said, “It’s been a long time since I had any guests.”
“How come you knew where to find me?” Sariel asked, looking at Penemue over the brim of his glass. Coal black eyes meeting their twins, and Penemue’s pale lips split in a smile, “Because i was told where you’d be.” He took a sip of his wine, “Call it brotherly courtesy. I couldn’t very well leave you out there in that dump, now could I?” There was a moments silence and the Penemue nodded, “Alright, it has been predicted, that a great plague would be unleashed somewhere in this year, it was just a matter of knowing when. And the dark prince has a scrying mirror, he saw you and sent word for your brothers to help you once your task was done, and well, it was my turn to help, just as someone once helped me.”
“Help me with what?” Sariel asked, but a dawning horror pricking in his scalp, already knew the answer.
“First of all to nurse you back to health, that is the easy part, i mean i think we all had a pretty rough trip from the darkness to our destination.” Penemue said, “And then to help you understand why you look like a monster, but hey you only have to look at me, and you know. I suppose only the hair color is different. But know that your appearance has nothing to do with your heart, we both know that it was not out of envy or malice that we came into life, lust maybe, but never any really wicked thoughts, it was just a desire to be. So I know you are a good person, I am sure you carried out the creators word for a long time, and served him true and vigilant, and when you came into life, you continued to serve what you thought he would want, you found yourself a god fearing, demure wife, and had children, you treated them well, and carried out your tasks with a song on your lips, a hymn to the creators mercy and greatness. As did we all.” Penemue looked down at his hands, and his short dirty blond hair barely shifted with the move. “But you are a monster now, should any daughter of Eve see you, she would die of fright.”
Sariel nodded, holding out his glass, letting Penemue pour wine, he had a feeling he would need it.
“Also to help you understand what you just did.” Penemue said, “We all did horrible things in exchange for freedom. And you brother, unleashed a plague that will kill half the population on earth, there is no cure, there is no mercy. Only death.”
“God!” Sariel gasped.
“Don’t..” Penemue held up two fingers to seal Sariel’s lips.
“Forgive me.” Sariel mumbled as Penemue removed his fingers.
“Good news is that you are free.” Penemue said, “And if you had refused, he would picked another from the darkness, and you would have gone back and waited for another time where the creator needed an assassin.”
Sariel nodded, “I understand.”
“The plague would have been unleashed with or without you, so in that aspect you should feel no shame, and no guilt.” Penemue smiled, holding up his glass for a toast, “To being alive.”
“To being alive.” Sariel repeated, and clinked the glasses.