Rating: This chapter M
Warnings: This chapter, language, AU, smex.
Summary; How *do* you pick up your life when you are one of the last 20% of the surviving population from Z-day. Is there such a thing as happily ever after?
AN: Done!! As i wrote it, i could have written it three times as long, but i had to stay within my own limit, those long ass stories are just not for me anymore. But.. atleast we get a smutfilled ending. 😉
Shut your eyes and sing to me.
Shut your eyes and think of somewhere
Somewhere cold and caked in snow
By the fire we break the quiet
Learn to wear each other well
And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will
6; Shut your eyes and sing to me.
It felt like coming home after a long unwanted journey. I knew his body so well, it was like we had fucked yesterday. The way he would struggle to keep his eyes open, but those half-closed lids only made him all the more fuckable. Dear lord, he was hot. I tried to drink the sight in, sure I would never see it again. Tried to file a picture of Ellis like this, slick with sweat, sprawled on his back on the hood of a car.
”What’s wrong?” Ellis panted.
That was when I realised that I must have zoned out. I smiled and leaned down to kiss him gently, ”No, not at all,” I whispered, ”I just wanted it to last a little longer.”
Ellis smiled against my lips as he propped himself up on his elbows. I took his left leg and hoisted it, letting his ankle rest on my shoulder, forcing his pelvis to turn slightly. Ellis watched me breathlessly, ”I love you,” he whispered.
I didn’t know if he meant it, or if he said it out of habit, I just gave him my best foxy grin, and rewarded him with a few shallow thrusts. ”No you don’t,” I said, my voice thick with lust, ”You just missed my cock.” And with that, I pushed in deep, setting a slow, but steady pace. Ellis gave up on answering and just let his head fall back, moaning. His elbows slipped on the hood, and I have to admit that it didn’t look like a very pleasant position, but I didn’t exactly do anything to make it more comfortable. Instead, I just tried to make sure I angled my thrusts perfectly, I wanted to feel him shiver, I wanted him to moan louder.
My hands slipped on his sweaty skin, and I could hear my own shallow moans, and then I got what I had wanted, I could feel Ellis’ muscles in his legs flex, and see his entire frame tremble. He raised his head, sweaty curls stuck to his skin,. Opening his eyes he looked at me, and then down to where my cock would pump in and out of him, not that he could see if from where he was. His eyes fluttered shut, ”God!” he moaned so loud it was close to yelling. Fuck how I loved his voice, I loved I could tell that he was as horny as I was. I was not quite as vocal as he was, but I loved that about him.
Ellis’ elbows gave in, and he slumped back down on the car hood, but he was too far gone in his boiling ecstasy to care. Instead he reached down for his own cock, wrapping his fingers around it, ”Yeah!” he moaned, ”Oh yeah…”
This made me smile, and even if I wanted this to last forever, I knew it wouldn’t, the pressure building inside would not wait for me to finish pondering over how perfectly beautiful Ellis was like this, wanton and lost to the world. ”Fuck,” I growled, gasping for breath as I felt a tiny spark slowly growing into a fucking supernova at the base of my spine, working itself up my body, making my thrusts sloppy and frantic. I heard him, scream out his orgasm just milliseconds before he spasmed around me, the supernova hit my brain, and my world narrowed down to my crotch.
Ellis pulled me down with a shaky arm. ”Nick,” he panted, trying to catch his breath.
I felt mostly like I could cry, the humming in my body, and his voice whispering my name, like a prayer. God, I loved him so much my heart hurt. ”Ellis,” I laughed.
”Shit…Wow,” Ellis said, a little more collected, but surely still buzzing as much as I did.
”Oh, such praise. I can’t take it.” I said with a smile, surprising even myself as I kissed Ellis, not greedily or rushed, but tender, as were we still lovers and had all the time in the world to taste each other. He ended the kiss and looked me straight into my eyes. I knew what he was about to say. It didn’t lessen the blow, or make it feel less like a bucket of cold water, laying there, feeling his heartbeat against mine. ”Damn Ellis,” I mumbled, slowly pushing myself off him and the car. ”This was never in my plan,” I said weakly, knowing that Ellis would never believe me.
Ellis sat up on the car, and I had to love the way he just looked like a dirty figurehead, where as I, the coward I am, was already zipping up my pants. ”Nick?” he asked, his voice so meek that I would have missed it, if the garage had not been silent.
”Why did you have to remind me?” he said, looking at me with a frown.
I knew exactly what he meant, he must have felt it too, how easy it was, and how good it felt. How perfectly compatible we are. ”Spur of the moment, I suppose,” I said with a shrug, knowing it was the way wrong answer. But as much as I wanted to hold him, just as much had I told myself to let go, that didn’t have a place in his life. I suppose that I just had to taste him once more.
”Shit, why’d you have to make me feel so damn cheap?” he asked innocently, covering himself up with his shirt.
I guess I pitied him, I didn’t mean to make him feel cheap! So I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around him. Any resolve I might have had when I wrote that note died on my lips, and instead I found myself running my fingers through his damp curls. ”Remember that day we met on this boat and I told you I was leaving? I wasn’t kidding.”
Ellis hesitantly wrapped his arms around me as well, and relaxed against my chest. ”But you decided to mess up me first?” he asked.
”I didn’t intend to,” I said honestly. ”I came here to lie, and tell you that I’d see you around and that I was sorry I got you in trouble with Chris.” I sighed, ”I made Gail keep Chris away so I would have time to say goodbye.”
”So this is one of them ‘have a nice life’ fucks?” Ellis asked slightly distressed, but he still held me tight.
”Yeah, suppose it was,” I said. Kicking myself for not just telling him the whole truth, that it was not just my goodbye to him, but also his to me.
”So, where are you gonna go?”
”Don’t know. Home, I suppose.” I said finally letting go of Ellis, stepping back, just looking at him for a moment. I took a deep breath, telling myself I had to grow a pair. ”I love you.” I said, not sure if the voice had just been in my head, or if I had actually said it out loud.
”Come again?” Ellis asked, baffled.
I looked up at him and smiled a little charming smile, ”Nope, it was one of them once in a lifetime things.” I shrugged and started to button up my standard issue shirt. ”Besides it is not worth repeating.”
Ellis’ frown deepened. I could tell he thought I was the biggest asshole on the face of the earth, and that was what I had aimed for, right? I just wish the angry glare in his eyes didn’t bother me so much. I stuck my hands in my pockets and arched my back, stretching. ”Guess that’s it then,” I said, and against my better judgement I walked over to where Ellis still sat on the car hood. ”Take care Overalls.”
”Nick,” Ellis growled, ”I hate you!”
”I know,” I said, still giving him my best casual smile. ”And I’m not sorry either.” I winked and turned around, walking out of the garage. Shit, that had to be one of the hardest things I had ever done. I wanted to go back and pull him out of here, beg him to come with me. Damn, I was about ready to fall on my knees and scream out my frustration and love for him. But I didn’t, what I did was to make a true Nick Hayden, asshole extraordinaire, exit. And he didn’t follow.
In a few hours, when the sun eventually rose, my ride out would be here. I was packed and ready, all I needed was to give my letter to Gail. Maybe she would eventually hand it over to Ellis, or maybe she wouldn’t, there was no knowing for sure. But still, I went searching for Gail, finding her in the line to the women’s bath tent. ”Suppose you won’t have to worry when you drop the soap in there, huh?” I said, grinning as Gail turned her head and rolled her eyes at me.
”Did you talk to Ellis last night?” she asked, shifting her weight from foot to foot, because she had been standing in line for so long.
”You could call it that,” I said, having the decency to not smirk. And when her eyes shot lightening at me, I just shrugged and said, ”I’m leaving on the 6 o’clock convoy.”
”Maybe that’s for the best.” she said, and again she reminded me terribly of Rochelle, I could tell that she wanted to tell me off, she wanted to scream stuff in my face that would make a sailor blush, but she didn’t.
”I think so.” I said, ”So I guess this is goodbye then.”
”Aw, Nick.” Gail’s expression mellowed, and she held out the arm she wasn’t using for holding her shampoo and towel, ”Come on you crazy devil, lay some love on me.” And I crushed her in my arms, like she was the anchor of sanity. ”Ow,” she giggled, ”I for one am gonna miss you, and I suspect that I won’t be the only one.”
”I made a perfect asshole out of myself, so I wouldn’t worry,” I whispered, letting her go. ”Would you do me a last favour?”
”You’re fresh out of favours, dude,” she said with a little sad grin. ”So what are you gonna rope me into this time?”
”Give this to Ellis,” I said solemnly and held out the little curled letter. ”I wanted to give it to him yesterday, but the moment sorta never came.” She took the letter from my hand, and I jabbed her shoulder like she was one of the guys, ”Take care Gail. And thanks.”
I smiled at her, and turned to leave, but she called after me. ”Where you gon’ go, Hayden?”
”Home.” I said waving at her while walking away, not offering her a real answer. And I have to admit, while I was sitting on a crate smoking my last cigarette, I looked around hopefully for Ellis, wishing I had done things different. If I had, Ellis might have even come home with me. And then I realised, what was this bleeding-heart shit? Since when would I care for someone’s happiness like that? Maybe because it was Ellis’ happiness I was thinking about. But I was kidding myself really wasn’t I? If I was so concerned about his happiness, then why had I fucked him senseless just hours earlier? ”Fuck,” I hissed under my breath, and looked over towards the garages. I couldn’t be sure that he hadn’t told Chris about last night, so I better lay low, and just wait till they finished loading the convoy.
”You Hayden?” A voice said.
I looked up at the meanest looking motherfucker I ever saw. He would have made Francis cry in his sleep, man. ”Yeah.” I said, inhaling on my cigarette.
”You go on truck 5.” He eyed me a little closer, ”Know how to shoot a gun, son?”
”No, I prefer handing out complimentary baskets to those undead fucks,” I said, not moving a muscle.
The solder, Colonel or whatever he was, was not amused the least. ”Smartass huh?”
”I’ve been told that before, yeah.” I said, deciding I did not like this asshole, at all.
He shook his head annoyed, ”GRAHAM!” He yelled, ”Give the funny guy a gun, and stick him on truck 5.”
”Aye!” some guy who was apparently Graham yelled and came running, pulling a gun from his own belt and put it in my hand.
”Sweet!” I smiled as I studied the heavy Magnum gun in my hands.
”And Graham,” the asshole said, ”Keep him out of my sight.”
”Aye,” Graham said, and pulled me to my feet. I followed, sticking the gun in my belt.
”What the hell is his problem?” I mumbled.
Graham laughed softly, ”Civilians. And everyone else.”
”Sounds like a swell guy,” I huffed, climbing aboard truck 5.
Ellis had not come and see me off, not that I blame him. The trip back to the base where I could get on plane back to Anchorage was sorta uneventful, only two casualties, and sadly, not the asshole soldier. We did drive through this small ass town where I remember Ellis, Rochelle & Coach was camping out for a little while. It was fucking infected all over, and it didn’t seem to have improved when we drove through.
I didn’t know if I was happy, or what when I finally set foot in my home town. There was nothing for me here, I knew that. I thought for a second that maybe I should just gear up and get lost in the infested areas again, I felt more alive out there than I had done since. But not right now, right now I just wanted to get wasted, and fall asleep, forgetting his whole damn stupid trip.
I quickly abandoned the idea of leaving and just settled into life here again. Maybe I should admit to myself that I liked having whatever little friends and family I had around me. Well, family is a bit much. I had a cousin left here, but it was better than nothing, and it had turned out that he was quite the funny guy. I spent lots of time with him when I was not working, maybe he knew that I was mooching off his happiness, eating at his table, talking about the weather with his wife, taking his kids to the cinema, and all those other things a normal family oriented guy would do. Funny though, I had never picked myself as a family man, but apparently I was, and I just knew my ex-wife would get a scream out of that.
I was busy in the huge community kitchen, cataloguing stuff so we knew what food there was left, what we needed and what needed to be rationed. A supply would come in today, but I reckoned it would be beef jerky and white beans in cans, like the last 10,000 times. If we were lucky, maybe there would be real coffee. ”Uncle Nick! Uncle Nick!” My cousins daughter came sprinting into the kitchen, yelling my name.
I turned and looked at her, worried, ”Something wrong kiddo?”
She literately bounced up and down from excitement. ”Someone was on the supply plane, he was asking for you, and Joshua made him wait in the pub while I came and got you!”
”What?” I was puzzled. Who could that be? Francis? I didn’t recall telling anyone that might still be alive where I was from but Francis and Ellis.
”Aw, just come on!” She pulled my arm eagerly, and I gave in and let her drag me off.
I opened the door to the pub and pushed down the fur-lined hood of my coat. ”Bonjour à tous!” I said merrily as I stepped into the warmth.
”Nick.” Ellen the bartender called back, ”Coffee?”
”Sure,” I said hanging my coat, ”With a kick.”
”You got it,” she said.
I scanned the pub to see who it could be, but I saw nothing out of the ordinary, just the same people as always. But then something caught my eye, that cap! I’d recognize that anywhere. ”Jesus, Ellis!” I gasped, honestly surprised. Ellen pushed the coffee in my direction and I wordlessly picked it up from the counter and went over to where the figure in the cap was resting in over the bar. ”Ellis?” I asked again.
Ellis turned his head, and smiled tired at me. ”Hey there Nick, you could have warned me that it was colder that witch’s tits here,” he said.
I put the cup down on the bar, and pulled Ellis off the stool, hugging him tight, ”Shit Ellis…You crazy idiot! You could have sent a postcard or something.”
And then he did something which I never expected him to, he cupped my face and kissed me, and it was not one of those peck kisses, hell no! This was one of those sex with the mouth sorta kisses, that left me all hot and bothered as it ended. ”I heard you fine,” he whispered. ”And I love you too, even if you’re an asshole.”
”Get a room!” Ellen sighed, but poured Ellis a cup of coffee like mine. ”That will put some hair on your chest, boy. You’ll need them if you stay.” She winked at Ellis who suddenly blushed tomato red, as he realised what he had just done in front of everyone.
”Thanks Ma’am,” he said in his best southern drawl, and I knew that he did it on purpose.
I reluctantly let go of Ellis and sat down at the bar, counting myself lucky that there had only been like 5 people here to see Ellis’ passionate greeting. The Evac centre was small, and gossip would travel fast. ”So.. Wow.. I mean, what about whats-his-face?”
”He’s not you,” stated Ellis as he took a careful sip of the cup, ”I don’t know…”
I smiled, and for the first time in months it was a happy smile, ”I’m still not sorry.”
”Neither am I,” Ellis said seriously.
Eventually, he told me what had gone down with Chris, and another time he admitted to me that he had packed up the second he had read my note. But that day in the pub none of that mattered, all that was important was that we were there, and we knew who we were. Nick and Ellis, or Ellis and Nick, didn’t matter how you looked at it, but what we did know was that we had walked through hell to come here, and now it was time to harvest and just be us. Nothing complicated about that really, guess we just had to realise that we both needed to just breathe and the rest would come by itself.