Characters: Seth, Kane, Izzy & Terrence.
Summary: Making a stop at a motel, Seth learns something.
Warnings: adult situations, language.
AN: Thanks to goodbye_sun for letting me molest her sim, Man I missed Kane!. Thanks to shirahimesyo for the tutorial I used to make the images ‘dreamy’ And thanks for all the fb I got! you all rock! – This is written for simfic50.
And it’s cause
You’ve thrilled me
I never believed
The face on you
The smell of you
Will always be with me.
Terry nodded “I’m just glad I don’t have to listen to more Jesus radio, really” He chuckled “Don’t these people here have normal radio?”
Izzy and Seth laughed, “No”
Seth grinned “That is why the cd was invented, no one in their right mind listens to radio here”
“You lucky bastard” Izzy shook his head amused. “We had records, and they were really hard to come by, you had to depend on someone to go all the way to Veronaville to fetch one” He looked at Terrence “Ain’t that right?”
“Hey your dad had a long wave radio” Izzy recalled. “We used to listen to it when they had hit-parade Friday afternoon”
“Yeah, I can’t believe you remembered that” Terry giggled.
“Of course I do” Izzy looked slightly offended, “I also remember that Wednesday was meat pie night at your place, so I did all I could to stay and eat, my mom made oatmeal at Wednesdays”
“No” Terry admitted, “You think I should?” He took a deep breath, “I’m not even sure I want to see if she is still around Murky Mile”
“Of course she is still around. Think Terry, how many people do you know who actually left?” Izzy chuckled.
“You have a point” Terry said softly, “But she did meet this guy from Crooked Creek, so she could be there, I mean I have no way of knowing if she went to him after..” He took a deep breath, “All what happened”
“Yeah” Izzy said in a near whisper.
“And you? Did you call Isabel? Or your mom?” Terry said with more annoyance in his tone than he had intended.
“No” Izzy admitted, “I really should call my mama, shouldn’t I?” He inched down into the bed, laying shoulder to shoulder with Terry. “I wish I had taken the time to go see your kids back then” He said, looking out into the air. “Why did you say those things Terry? that day in the diner”
“I.. I just wanted you to leave” Terrence admitted in a whisper. “I had dreamt of you returning to me, whisking me off” He laughed bitterly. “And then.. Yeah, I was stuck in my own personal hell I suppose. And I didn’t want you around to remind me of what I really was”
“You could just have told me” Izzy said, not reacting to Terrence’s tone. “But I wished we had remained friends, if nothing else”
“I wanted all or nothing” Terrence said, squirming uncomfortable in the bed. “I’m sorry Izzy, I am so terribly sorry for lying to you like that, I didn’t think. I just acted, protecting my wounded pride I suppose. I didn’t realise I took you away from Seth, I never even stopped to think about the consequences of my lie, not until years later, and then it was to late” Terrence turned his head and looked at Izzy “Can you ever forgive me?”
Izzy smiled warmly, “Of course I can, if you hadn’t done that, we would never be here right now”
Seth came back from the bath, and crawled into the bed. Terrence and Izzy talked about nothing and everything, childhood memories, favourite albums and who they took to their senior dance. Drifting off to sleep, Seth smiled to himself. How he wished that Kane would lay here next to him, drifting off to sleep, listening to the others, feeling safe, tired and warm.
Something woke Seth in the middle of the night. Sitting up straight, he tried to determine if it had been a dream or a sound. Getting out of bed in the dark, he tip-toed to the other bed, smiling as he saw Izzy curled tightly up against Terry, both of them lost in a deep sleep. He actually was jealous of their bond, even if it was old and tattered, it was still there. They had so much history together that none of them could just ignore it. There were none left but Isabel and Terry to remember when Seth had been a kid.
Turning around he walked out into the dining room of the motel, he needed a drink, bad.
“Hey Seth” He heard a voice say. He didn’t need to look to know who the voice belonged to. He did turn his head and look though, shaking his head. “No, you’re not real, its just because I miss you.. I.. where is my sleeping pills?” He turned to walk back into their room, when Kane opened his mouth again.
“I came a long way to see you” he said softly. “Won’t you sit down?” he smiled “Please?”
“I know” Kane said with a nod. “But you don’t have to, there is nothing to see there Seth”
“I just need to.. Gods Kane..I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.. I should have..” He looked down into the table. “I was scared”
“I was scared too” Kane said smiling “Its okay Seth, really.”
“Why do you even torture yourself with this?” Kane said, “We were just never supposed to make it out of that damn place alive, the both of us” Kane stopped and looked at Seth for a moment, like were he studying the man in front of him. “You need to let the past rest, both you and my dad, and get on with your lives. Besides don’t you have someone waiting for you back where you live?”
“Quit it!” Seth laughed nervously, blushing to his roots.
“He is alive, and he needs you” Kane said, “There is nothing for you in Murky Mile, my love. Nothing but sorrow, cold, and death”
“How could I give him what he deserves, when it still belong to you?” Seth whispered.
“If it belongs to me, then I give it to him” Kane said with a little sneaky smile.
“It just doesn’t work that way Kane, and you know it” Seth whined, “It feels wrong to give all our dreams to someone else, even if I like him a lot, and wish that I had a different set of dreams just for him”
“I don’t need your sacrifice” Kane said harshly. “What we had was special, and if the world had wanted it differently, i am sure it would have lasted for ever, i am sure we would have lived out those dreams, obviously we can’t, not any more. And even should you forget me, i will always be a part of who you are”
“I will never forget you!” Seth shot back, “I loved you Kane, i loved you more than myself. I took all Simon’s crap so he wouldn’t send me far away from you again”
“I am not saying you will forget, I am saying i will always be with you in your heart, you don’t need to see my headstone to know that, and you don’t need to shut everyone else out of your life to remember me.” Kane whispered.
“You are such a stubborn bastard Seth, you always were” Kane giggled. “Let it go, that is all I am asking of you, please, please just let it go, you already wasted too many years behind your own wall, shutting everything out, feeding of your own guilt. And I am telling you to stop”
“How the hell do you want me to stop?” Seth sneered. “I can’t change the fact that you died before you were even a man, and here i am, not even knowing how to deal with the years passing. It’s not fair, I was not the one supposed to survive”
“Yes you were” Kane said with a slight nod.
“Think, Seth.. Remember those who died.” Kane said, serious. “Remember, Cyan, Chickpea, and me, we were all at the house when Chickpea called Mary, you know cause you followed me home that night” Kane smiled sadly, “Eben and Shadow was at the cabin, that’s why Seth. Nothing grand, we all were just at the wrong place” Kane closed his eyes for a moment to remember. “I knew that the moment i stepped into that cabin, I knew you’d be alright, and i wouldn’t. she told me so” Kane smiled sadly, still with his eyes shut tight. “It was okay, i guess i was just not ready when it happened, but all that mattered was that you would not be harmed, i was just really sad because i didn’t get to kiss you again” He laughed drily “As i died, all i tried to remember was when i kissed you last, do you remember when that was?”
Seth nodded. “At your place, when your dad was out” He whispered, his voice shaking.
“Yes” Kane opened his eyes and looked at Seth again. “At least then the last time we saw each other alive, it was a wonderful afternoon, right?”
“Listen Seth, besides living my life with you, then the ting I wanted the most, was to bring peace to my dad regarding all his old lost feeling to Izzy, I tried to make him leave with us, but he wouldn’t. And look! You got them sleeping in the same bed”
Seth nodded slowly, “I knew there were more to that story than they told me”
“Absolutely, and I would have told you all my dad told me, but the moment was just never really there” Kane sighed.
“You can tell me now” Seth said.
“Out of time, what do you mean?” Seth asked slightly desperate, he had not really thought about that Kane would go away again.
“Your dad is stirring, wondering where you are. He worry” Kane looked towards the door from the corridor. “Turn back, go home and give Ferris what is his, I don’t need it any more Seth”
“I can’t” Seth said barely audible.
Tilting his head Kane looked at Seth “The scar stuck huh?” he whispered, reaching a ghostly finger out to trace the scar on Seth’s face. “I remember kissing that when it was still fresh” A smile ghosted over Kane’s lips.
Seth closed his eyes, feeling a cold breath of air on his skin where he should have felt a warm fingertip. “You can’t just ask me to stop loving you” he whispered with a trembling voice.
“I’m not” Kane said with a sad expression, “I am just asking you to love someone else too, its okay, you can do that”
As the door opened to the dining hall, Seth looked at the door, and a sleepy Izzy who stood in his underwear looking worried. He looked to the chair next to him, and found it empty. Seth hung his head, “I’m alright Izzy, I just can’t sleep” He offered, even before Izzy spoke.
Izzy sat down opposite Seth and looked at his son “What is wrong? was it something I said?”
Seth shook his head “No not at all”
“Are you worried about going to Murky Mile?” Izzy asked, “I know I am scared shitless”
Seth sunk deeper into the chair. “I’m sorry I am dragging the both of you though this, but… I really need this, if I am ever to live again”
“Never once” Izzy mumbled, “Never once had I thought I would have to defend my lifestyle to my own child, and I know you are not asking me to defend anything, but still.. what if it really is my fault? what if I complicated your life like that, just by adding my genes?”
“I don’t think my life would have been less complicated if I liked girls, dad” Seth said with a smile.
Izzy’s eyes averted Seth’s. “I like it when you call me dad” He said timidly. “Makes me feel.. eh.. cared for”
“Thank you” Izzy whispered.
“For what?” Seth asked, slightly surprised.
“For not hating me” Izzy said, reaching for Seth’s hand over the table.
“I could never hate you” Seth answered, squeezing his fathers hand.
“Are you ready for your granny?” Izzy asked, trying to lighten the mood a little. “Cause once we get there, she will be all over you”