Feel so different; 1-16/16.

Author: Az
(Elrohir/Legolas Haldir/Erestor Elladan/Glorfindel Orophin/? Rumil/Celendir)
Warnings; MPREG, angst, * N17*
Summary; After Legolas gives birth to his son, he learns that there are still loose ends he will have to take care of, and Elladan learns what the meaning of near misses means. Somewhat required that you read UIA first. – and does ‘I love you’ really always mean ‘forever’?
ADD note; this is the end gals and germs – and I am NOT writing a sequel or anything. I will be launching my new fic *Harvester of Sorrow* sometime next week – I hope you will enjoy that as much as you apparently liked this, again thanks for all the super kind fb, I lived from it *smiles* all you guys deserved a giant bear hug! This is the sequel to Underneath it all, I would have continued UIA was it not for the reason that I felt so trapped by the first person view, I wanted to use more time on Haldir and his brothers and the other pairings too, I could not do that in first person. I would like to thank all you girls who wrote me such fantastic fb for UIA. I hope I will make up for the mistakes in the end of that fic with this one. This will be more humour, and angst than the other.
And I want FB as always (I live for it you know 😛 )
Chapter 1-4 is betaed by Steph – thanks sweetie.
And Chapter 5-16 is betaed by Lisbet Karlsdottir – hugs to you my dear
Amcar = morning-glory

AN April 11; This story was my 15 minutes of fame on the internet, i have never since, or before written anything that was as popular as this. Not that i understand why hahahaah!

The whole time I’d never seen
All you had spread before me
The whole time I’d never seen
All I’d need was inside me
Now I feel so different

– Sinead O’Connor


Chapter 1 – feel so different

Rain. Of course it had to rain Legolas thought. He was sitting in the windowsill looking out on the festively decorated gardens. Today he and Elrohir were to be officially bonded, and today of all days there had to be a thunderstorm. He frowned.

He turned his head as he heard the doorknob turn, and he watched as Elladan entered his chambers. The prince smiled. “Don’t pout so Legolas. I am sure Elrohir will do all in his power to make this day memorable.”

Legolas chuckled dryly, “Memorable is the word, disastrous is another.”

Elladan shook his head. “I will be on my way again. I was just here to fetch a bottle for Amcar.”

Legolas nodded. He had agreed that Haldir would baby-sit this day so he and Elrohir could relax, but it had turned out quite different. Legolas returned his gaze to the gardens again. The rain had ruined the festive coloured paper, and a strangled whimper left his throat. This was all just so… so… wrong!

He faintly noticed Elladan as he left, lost in his thoughts. Elrohir had been so persuasive and romantic. He had not been able to make him understand why the Prince of Imladris would bind himself to a nobody, a clan-less nobody in fact. But Elrohir would hear no such nonsense. He had bought flowers, gifts, and useless trinkets, all tokens of his love. But still, Legolas had had a hard time understanding.

It had been Haldir that had made him see it. The Galadhrim had been mad at him, and Legolas had never seen Haldir mad before. But he had been furious. Elrohir had eventually gone to his tutor crying like child, not understanding why Legolas would not accept his love, and Erestor had been at loss for words. That night he had approached Haldir, who knew the Mirkwood elf better than any.

What Erestor did not know was that Haldir had gone straight to Legolas the following day. The silver haired elf had been in such a rage that he actually frightened Legolas. But Legolas had to admit he had a point. Elrohir had tried everything, and it was just his own low self-esteem that kept this final oath from happening.

Legolas jumped down from the windowsill and looked upon the robe that lay on top of the covers of his bed. He smiled to himself. Glorfindel had this robe made for him, and it was one of the most amazing pieces of fabric he had ever seen. It was a light blue with embroidered pearls, making it look like a shore from a foreign land.

He had protested when Glorfindel gave it to him, but the Elda just rolled his eyes and shook his head, not willing to listen. As he had said, it was the least he and Elladan could do. Legolas vaguely thought that perhaps the seneschal had forced Elladan to sew on the pearls himself.

He snickered and fingered a pearl gently. Yes, he could do this. Elrohir would be determined enough to make this a wonderful day no matter the obstacles. Legolas slowly picked up the soft and delicate robe and put it on, tenderly stoking his chin against the soft collar. He loved this robe.

He buttoned it carefully and sat down in front of the mirror, absentmindedly untangling his hair to re-braid it. He froze as he looked in the mirror. He looked sullen and sick. He had been sleeping badly for a very long time, and it was now beginning to show physically. Legolas sighed and rested his head in his hands. He wished his father were here. Why could Thranduil not rejoice for him? He had sent a letter and an invitation, which had not even been bothered with an answer.

He shook his head and began to slowly braid little tiny braids. He wanted to wear his hair like his father on this day. Perhaps Thranduil would not recognize him as a prince, but deep down he felt he would always be prince of Mirkwood, no matter how hard his father tried to forget he even existed.

A light tap on the door brought Legolas to the surface again, as he had been lost in his thoughts. “Enter,” he said with a tired voice.

A silver haired head peeked inside. “Good morning Legolas,” Haldir said smiling, and almost tripped into the room as Orophin pushed him from behind. “Move over,” the younger Galadhrim said. He was grinning as he walked straight to where Legolas sat.

“Oh Legolas, you are beautiful,” he voiced his approval.

“Indeed,” Haldir said from beside his brother.

“Thank you.” Legolas chuckled; some things in middle earth would never change. Orophin was one of those, the eternal child. “Where is Rúmil?”

“Probably nagging Ceredir,” Orophin answered with a raised brow.

“The smith?” Legolas tried not to look so startled. “Rumil does not care for crafting swords.”

“He does now,” Haldir laughed and pulled one of Legolas tiny braids.

Legolas blushed and felt stupid, his mouth formed an *oh* but no sound escaped.

“And oh,” Orophin said shyly, “I told Elrohir I would look after Amcar tonight. ” He smiled impishly. “So you could…ehm… relax.”

Legolas turned in his seat to look at Orophin. “Thank you, you are the best friend any of us could ask for.” His tone was very emotional, and patted the younger Galadhrim’s hand.

“You’re welcome,” Orophin mumbled.

Haldir chuckled to himself and shook his head in amusement. “I should get back to Elrohir before he is the first elf in history to have a heart attack.”

Legolas froze in his seat and looked incredibly nervous. Haldir used both his hands to quickly massage Legolas’ tense shoulders, “Do not fret my friend, he will have it all perfect for you, I swear,” He said tenderly.

The blond elf nodded stiffly, and Orophin’s expression showed his understanding as he bit his lip, looking almost as nervous as Legolas.

“Well then, I will leave you two girls to your… ehm whatever it is you do.” Haldir chuckled and quickly left the room, leaving the two young elves alone.

“I wish I could wear my ceremonial jewellery,” Legolas sighed.

“I do too,” Orophin said and slowly began to braid the tiny braids Legolas had made.

Legolas didn’t object. He just starred at the mirror in front of him, letting the Galadhrim groom him. Orophin was worried about Legolas’ gloomy face. “I hope Amcar will keep Haldir’s hair and not get yours, otherwise I fear I will not be the one trying to braid it.” He tried joking, hoping to force a smile from the Mirkwood elf.

Legolas’ mouth curled up in a distant smile and he closed his eyes. “The less he getst from me the better.” He sighed again.

Orophin stopped meddling with the golden hair and rested his hands on Legolas’ shoulders. “He loves you. You know that, don’t you?” Orophin wanted to sound firm, but his words came out as a question.

“Yes I know.” Legolas answered, “It is not Elrohir I doubt.” The young elf trailed off, “I just wish my ada were here on this day.”

Orophin hurried around to the side of the chair and squatting down, looking up at Legolas. “You are truly blessed my friend. I agree with Lord Glorfindel, your father is a fool for not rejoicing at tha.t”

Legolas turned his had and looked down at Orophin. “I needed that,” he whispered.

“Always at your service” Orophin laughed and kissed Legolas hand, before he abruptly grew serious again. “Legolas?”

“Yes?” Legolas replied softly, not sure if he should be alarmed about the sudden seriousness in Orophin’s voice

“I wanted to let you know that…” the young silver haired elf smiled reassuring and continued, “You have become as dear to me as my brothers. You are a part of our family now, both by blood and by heart. If you should ever need anything from any of us do not hesitate…”

“Oh Orophin,” Legolas whispered and bowed down to hug the elf on the floor in front of him. “I am most honoured to be a part of your family.”

They sat like that in silence for some time, and no matter how hard Orophin tried to chase away the shadows from Legolas heart, he still felt a knot in his stomach. This was his day. Today he had not only gotten himself one family by blood, but yet another by marriage, all this Thranduil was blind to. Perhaps he should just stop worrying about what his father did, and just renounce the old to embrace the new. But he was not sure he could do that.

Legolas’ musing was stopped when Orophin suddenly let go of him. They heard another light knock on the door. “It is time,” the voice said outside in the corridor, “They are waiting for you.”


Take my hand and if I’m lying to you,
I’ll always be alone, if I’m lying to you
Take your time, if I’m lying to you,
I know you’ll find that you believe me, you believe me
Feel the sun on your face and tell me what you’re thinking
Catch the snow on your tongue and show me how it tastes
-Dido – take my hand.

Chapter 2 – Take my hand

Legolas was guided through the corridors of the last homely house, and Orophin seemed just as nervous as he, grinned impishly “nervous?” he chuckled.

Legolas stared up at him with a venomous glare “of course not you dimwit” he hissed but grabbed Orophin’s hand hard and squeezed it. They stopped in front of the door to the hall of fire, where Elrohir had decided to hold the ceremony instead “do you….” Legolas started but Orophin cut him off

“You look absolutely breathtaking my friend” Orophin snickered, but upon seeing the plea in Legolas eyes he sobered up, smiling reassuring and hugged his friend tightly “I assure you, that you are absolutely desirable, don’t worry so much”

“Thank you” Legolas mumbled and smiled “I needed that”

“Come, let not poor tormented Elrohir wait any longer, I am sure he is every bit as nervous as you” Orophin whispered as he opened the door. He almost had to push Legolas into the room, so frightened was the young elf. Orophin smiled, silently hoping that it would be his turn one day.


Elrohir had been waiting for what seemed days in his mind; he had worked fervidly to make everything perfect even though the garden party had been destroyed by the elements. In the end Elladan had shook him hard, telling him to slow his pace, if he didn’t want to collapse of fatigue before the wedding night. Elrohir had to his own surprise blushed and nodded. There was something a little kinky over it, knowing that all of Imladris knew he would have sex this night.

An insane giggle rose from his throat, and now Glorfindel had stepped in, leading Elrohir away to a corner of the hall of fire, pouring him some hot tea with potent spirit of the dwarfs. Not many elfs liked this drink, but the Balrog slayer was the exception, he loved it. “Drink this, it makes elflings into adults,” he said with a sly smile

“Sure, and adults into elflings” Elladan said acidly as he walked past them with his arms full of coloured paper for the windows

Glorfindel snorted offended, at Elladan’s back, but Elrohir saw the little twinkle in the Elda’s eyes, Elrohir smiled to himself, but quickly straightened his face as Glorfindel turned to look at him “such a spoiled brat that brother of yours, I waned Elrond I did” he golden elf said in a perky tone

Elrohir just nodded politely and his smirk in the cup. Glorfindel was actually right it did help on his nervousness. “Glorfindel?” he said with a disappearing little voice

“Yes penneth” Glorfindel said and squatted down in front of the young elf

“I’m scared,” he admitted, where this honesty had come from he did not know, but perhaps because he needed someone to confide in

“Of course you are” Glorfindel said in a soft tone “if you weren’t you wouldn’t be in your right mind” the Elda placed a hand on Elrohir’s shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. “You are about to bind yourself to someone, this will last for as long as you shall exist, it is only normal you are nervous”

“Normal” Elrohir repeated, as were he tasting the sound of the word

“He is the mother of your child and you do love him” the golden elf raised a brow and looked questioning up at Elrohir “Don’t you?”

“Oh yes” Elrohir said quickly and smiled impishly, almost as to empathize his words “I love him more than anything else”

Glorfindel looked relieved and smiled again “then there is nothing to worry about, your love will see it all though for you, you will see young one”

Elrohir smiled back, he had never thought that Glorfindel the infamous Balrog slayer could be such a romantic, Elladan sure was lucky he thought – but not nearly as lucky as him. Tonight, tonight Legolas would be his, he would have his love for all eternity, and every little whisper and touch was reserved for him until the end of all. He smiled a wide smile and stared into the air.

Glorfindel laughed and stood up, “save that for later” he teased and walked off to help the other elfs


Now he stood in the hall of fire, waiting. Ever fifth minute Elladan batted his hands away from his mouth when he attempted to bite his nails. He had never imagined it would be this nerve wrecking. He looked over towards Haldir that stood with Amcar on his arm, he looked just as nervous. He would have to thank him later for looking after the child this day; today he wanted his Legolas to himself. All to himself.

Legolas walked into the room, he would have liked a more gracious entry than nearly stepping over the threshold but now there was nothing to be done about it. He slowly looked up and looked at the other elfs gathered there, he saw Haldir with Amcar; he wished that he could hold the child himself, but had honoured Elrohir’s wish that they would have this party to themselves, and yes he had wanted that too, he just wished he didn’t feel like such a bad parent, he looked across the room and saw his beloved, and when he saw the blush and the absolutely baffled facial expression on the half-elf he knew his decision had been right, he was the most beautiful being as he stood there between Lord Elrond and the huge frame of Glorfindel. He could have stood there watching Elrohir feeling a blush creep up in his cheeks, and an insane smile on his lips.

But Orophin had other ideas, and so he firmly grabbed Legolas’ arm and began to walk down towards the others, Legolas just let himself be guided not for a second taking his eyes away from Elrohir’s.

Elrohir quickly stepped up to Legolas’ side and Orophin stepped side ways standing next to Rumil. Elrond cleared his throat and began to read the rite to the Valar out loud, he had just finished and Elrohir was about to say something to his new mate, when sobs sounded through the room, everyone turned their heads towards the notice, and saw Rumil sobbing and Orophin padding his shoulder “is there something amiss Rumil?” Erestor asked and tilted his head looking questioning at the young galadhrim

“I-it is just so B-beautiiiiiiiiiful” he sniffled and at the end began to sob and laugh at the same time

“Always the bridesmaid” Haldir whispered to Erestor, and the dark advisor smiled at Rumil

Rumil on the other hand buried his head in Orophin’s chest, and the middle brother wrapped his arms around him, stroking him gently in soothing circles on the back.

Now Elrohir had totally forgotten what he was about to say, and so he just took Legolas hand and whispered “finally”

“Yes, finally we can get something to eat” Elladan whispered to Glorfindel who chuckled softly. This earned the two of them an angry glare from Elrond, and they both ceased immediately

“This is the happiest day of my life” Legolas whispered back

“Oh pleeeeeeeeeeease” Elladan whined and rolled his eyes, and this time it was Orophin who smacked the elder twins shoulder hard and hushed him.

Elrohir smiled impishly and leaned in to kiss his mate, which earned them a *awwwwwwwwwww* from the crowd. They both blushed, Elrohir was the first to speak “come Elladan is right it is time to make merry and eat”

Legolas nodded, and turned to Haldir, holding out his arms, Haldir gently handed over Amcar to his other parent. “You make such a lovely bride” he chuckled

“Haldir!” Legolas chided and walked after Orophin and Rumil, who still sniffled and leaned against his brother, Haldir smiled highly amused and rested his head against the shoulder of Erestor “shall we join them?” he whispered Erestor nodded, and walked after the others.

Elrohir swaged Elladan over the neck, “you little brat, I am *so* going to remember this” he hissed with a smile.

“What will you do about it?” Elladan laughed

“Show up at your wedding dead drunk in a maids dress” Elrohir laughed


Oh you’re tender
Your name’s a whisper
I let tears fall like rain
Apple-sized they were
All over ***
And through all of those times
When you could have died
This is what you find
-Sinead O’Connor – john I love you

Chapter 3; this is what you find.

The large hall that was connected to the hall of fire was equally beautifully decorated. Legolas grabbed hold of Glorfindel’s arm. “Oh,” he gasped and looked out in the room and then down at Amcar again. “He really did this for us?” he whispered to the baby who was cooing softly and trying to grab one of his father’s tiny braids.

“Of course he did,” Glorfindel whispered to the baffled prince.

They both stopped when they heard Elrohir and Elladan gasp in unison “Estel!” and both brothers ran and flung themselves around the man’s neck.

“It is good to know I am missed,” Estel laughed softly and hugged his foster brothers.

Elrohir turned around and waved at Legolas. “Come my love, come meet my brother Estel.”

Legolas blushed slightly. He had heard of this man, the last of the once so great bloodline of the Dunedain, but he walked towards the three brothers. “Greetings, Estel,” he said, smiling warmly at the man.

“Greetings, Legolas,” he answered and smiled back. “I have heard much about you.”

“You have?” Legolas said startled, not even daring to think about what horrible things there had been told about him around the corners of Middle Earth.

Estel laughed warmly and ruffed Elrohir’s hair. “My dear brother could not have found a fairer or more brave-hearted soul than you, dear woodland cousin.”

Legolas had never in his life heard such kind words from a complete stranger, and he found himself blushing ferociously, before letting out a yelp of pain as Amcar suddenly reached the braid he had been trying to catch. Elrohir let go of his foster brother and gently distracted the child so he could free Legolas without the little one starting to cry. Elrohir lifted Amcar up and the elfling chuckled and wiggled slightly. “Aren’t you the little rascal?” Elrohir cooed at the child and turned to Estel once more. “This is Amcar,” he said softly.

“Hello there little one,” Estel said and lent his index finger to the miniature elf.

“He is Haldir and Legolas’ child,” Elrohir said, and felt rather annoyed at that fact. He had no idea when it had begun to annoy him, but it did.

Estel looked confusedly at Haldir and then back to Elrohir, and then shook his head with a silly smile. “That would explain why he is such a pretty child. Had he been yours, he would have been half orc!” the man laughed, and managed to get a smile from the infant.

Legolas laughed nervously and risked a shy glance towards Haldir, who was smiling widely. The blond prince knew it annoyed Elrohir, although Haldir apparently had no problem with it, but when Legolas looked back at Elrohir he seemed to smile happily too.

“Can we get something to eat soon?” Elladan whined.

“Come Amcar, shall we go eat?” Estel whispered to the baby who squirmed happily in his uncle’s arms. “I take that as a yes,” he chuckled and tuned to walk to the table.

Poor Legolas did not know what to do or say, and would probably have stood there staring at the man carrying away his child if Elrohir had not gently shook his shoulder. “Legolas?”

“Aye,” Legolas said, confused, and shook his head to escape his musings before smiling a bright smile at his husband. “Let us eat and make merry,” he whispered tenderly and caressed Elrohir’s cheek. “This is a day for happiness, not for brooding, I know.”

“If there is something amiss, you can tell me at anytime,” Elrohir said softly and leaned into Legolas’ touch, wrapping his arms around his mate’s waist.

“Nothing is amiss,” Legolas said and kissed Elrohir’s nose lightly. “Come, let us join the others in eating. We have to be social before we can retire,” the blond said with a seductive whisper.

“Indeed,” Elrohir cooed and began to kiss Legolas’ neck gently.

“The food first,” Legolas giggled but pulled his lover closer.

“Who needs food when I can have you,” Elrohir answered and gently bit his lover’s earlobe. “But you are right, my father went through much trouble to have the feast perfect, and we would not want to disappoint him.”

“Elrond? He did this?” Legolas said while gently guiding Elrohir’s head up to his own. “I had the impression it was you, don’t you lie to me.”

“Alright!” Elrohir sighed and smiled. “I did it, my father just helped me.”

“I knew it!” Legolas triumphed, and kissed Elrohir quickly. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you more,” Elrohir whispered back and kissed Legolas.

“Are you trying to have your relatives starve to death, dear brother?” Elladan yelled.

“Yes!” Elrohir giggled but began to move towards the table holding Legolas’ hand tightly.


The dinner was peaceful and the few speeches there were had not been as embarrassing as Legolas had expected. Even the Balrog slayer, who was rather tipsy by now, had not embarrassed them. But then he suddenly rose from his chair and walked to the band that was playing soft merry music. He cleared his throat. “Legolas, would you please join me?” he said.

Legolas looked completely baffled, but when Elrohir urged him on with a little clap on his thigh he rose from his chair and walked over to the golden elf and smiled nervously.

“See, I learned this little song from Mirkwood once, and I thought you might know it. It might not be the most proper song here, but it’s the only one I know,” Glorfindel said and squeezed Legolas’ shoulder gently, and then gestured to the band. When they had played three notes Legolas’ face split in a wide grin.

“I know this one,” he said happily.

Glorfindel chuckled and they began to sing and jump around, dancing to the merry tune.

“I’ll tell me ma when I get home
The boys won’t leave the girls alone
They pull my hair, they stole my comb
And that’s all right till I get home

She is handsome, she is pretty
She’s the belle of Mirkwood city
She’s courting one, two, three
Please won’t you tell me who is she?

Kaimelar says he loves her,
All the boys are fighting for her
They rap on the door and they ring the bell
Saying ‘oh my true love are you well?’
Out she comes as white as snow
Rings on her fingers, bells on her toes
Ithilondo says she’ll die
If she don’t get the fellow with the roving eye

She is handsome, she is pretty
She’s the belle of Mirkwood city
She’s courting one, two, three
Please won’t you tell me who is she?

Let the wind and the rain and the hail blow high
And the snow come shovelling from the sky
She’s as nice as apple-pie
And she’ll get her own lad by and by
When she gets a lad of her own
She won’t tell her ma when she gets home
Let them come as they will,
But it’s Kaimelar she loves still

She is handsome, she is pretty
She’s the belle of Mirkwood city
She’s courting one, two, three
Please won’t you tell me who is she?”

They stopped singing and started laughing. “I haven’t heard that tune in ages,” Legolas laughed. “Thank you!”

“You are welcome. It’s not every day I get to sing Mirkwood drinking songs in the court of Rivendell,” Glorfindel chuckled.

“That is the truth,” Elrond chuckled from his seat and raised his glass as a toast for the elves and the band.

Legolas sat down again, and smiled lovingly at Elrohir, taking a sip of his wine. Elladan still chuckled from the song and risked a wink at Glorfindel who totally unexpectedly blushed.


The party had gone on for hours now, and they had all gotten more or less drunk. Legolas sat on a table and poured himself some more wine. He was more than pleased that the party was a success. He had missed his father immensely earlier, but as he looked around the room, he felt at home here amongst these elves. He had to laugh when he saw Glorfindel lean up against Orophin for support, trying to tell the galadhrim a long story, but it seemed like Orophin did not mind at all.

Legolas was shaken from his oberservations when Haldir tapped him on the shoulder. “We are retiring now,” he said, and tucked the light purple blanked more closely around Amcar’s little body.

“Yes,” Legolas said and smiled at Haldir before he leaned in and kissed his son tenderly on the forehead. “Sleep tight, my little star,” he whispered and tucked away a wayward curl.

“Legolas?” Haldir said and sounded serious.

“Yes?” Legolas said and raised a brow, curious as to why Haldir would suddenly sound serious.

“Congratulations, my beloved friend. I am so happy for you; you could not have found a more valiant loving elf than Elrohir,” Haldir whispered and smiled. “I pray you will be happy.”

“Thank you Haldir, it means a lot to me coming from you,” Legolas answered.

“See you tomorrow,” Haldir said. “And try not to get too drunk.”

“Yes, mother,” Legolas chuckled and smiled at Haldir who turned and left the halls.

Elrohir had been standing there looking at Haldir and Legolas, and he knew that Legolas was his and that he should not feel threatened, but it still made an aching feeling in his guts. He braced himself and walked over to where Legolas sat. “Hello there, you must be the prettiest girl at this party,” he said and winked.

“Oh, you flatter me so, young man!” Legolas answered and lowered his eyes demurely.

“And you’re mine, mine, mine!” Elrohir laughed and picked up Legolas and swung him around. They both panted heavily when he put him down again. “Want to see my canary bird?”

“Or your excessive collection of dried flowers?” Legolas answered, still giggling.

“Aye, those too,” Elrohir said and planted a sweet kiss on Legolas’ lips.

“I would be delighted, I always took a fancy to birds and flowers,” Legolas purred, and bit Elrohir’s lower lip playfully.

“You did?” Elrohir said and let the tip of his tongue follow the curve of Legolas’ upper lip. “Then let us make haste.”

They both snickered and as were they invisible they snuck out of the door and headed down the long corridors of the last homely house.


Additional note for chapter 4; The song Glorfindel sings, is called seven drunken nights, and is available with for instance ‘the dubliners, its a 7 verse long tune, and I decided only to use two – Az

I’m walking through the desert
And I am not frightened although it’s hot
I have all that I requested
And I do not want what I haven’t got

I have learned this from my mother
See how happy she has made me
I will take this road much further
Though I know not where it takes me
-Sinead O’Connor -I do not want what I haven’t got

Chap 4. – I do not want what I haven’t got.

Legolas and Elrohir got all the way to their chambers without being seen. Elrohir stopped, panting outside the door, and Legolas giggled “My oh my, I think I am a little tipsy!”

“Then let me carry you,” Elrohir said and bowed almost gallantly before he picked up Legolas.

The blond broke out in a fit of laughter. “You are so silly, Elrohir!”

“Silly?” Elrohir tried to sound offended. “I am not silly. I just want to carry my beautiful bride over the threshold!”

“Bride?” Legolas said and slapped Elrohir’s shoulder lightly “I’ll have you know I’m a feared warrior, little prince.”

“I am trembling already,” Elrohir snickered. Legolas smiled prettily and kissed his new mate on the cheek and Elrohir laughed, “but it is from fear alright, fear that I can’t hold you like this much longer.”

“Brat!” Legolas laughed and slapped Elrohir slightly again.

But the half-elf’s eyes just flashed lovingly before he sat his love down on the bed. Neither of them bothered with closing the door, as they were lost to all but each other. Elrohir pushed Legolas gently down on the mattress, before he began to unbutton the blue robe Legolas had received from his twin. “You are so much prettier without that nasty robe,” he whispered seductively.

Legolas blushed at the right point and closed his eyes purring, just enjoying Elrohir’s hands slowly taking off his garments, worshipping his naked skin. Elrohir smiled at his lover when he was finished, and started to take off his own garments too. But when he finished and moved over to Legolas to kiss him, he noticed to his amusement that the blond elf had fallen asleep. “Aii, you must have been a little more than tipsy, my love,” he whispered and kissed Legolas’ soft lips before he lay down next to him and curled his limbs around his mate. “There is always tomorrow,” he thought with a vague smile as he too was falling asleep.


Glorfindel knew he didn’t know how he knew. He really loved the elder twin of Rivendell; he had even let him get away with that little slip up with Legolas, but when he had seen Elladan and Orophin dance at the wedding he had picked up his bottle and sat himself in the hall of fire itself, and looked at the flames dance on the mantle.

He began to hum to himself chuckling at his own misery. He used so much time keeping up his facade, letting everyone believe he did not have a worry in the world, and yet this young reckless elf tore him apart. It had been fun to sing with Legolas, he really liked that little strange Mirkwood prince.

As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be?

*Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a lovely sow that me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be

Ah, you’re drunk,
you’re drunk you silly old fool,
still you can not see
That’s a woollen blanket that me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled a hundred miles or more
But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before*

He sang to himself and chuckled, life was so ironic he thought, taking a sip from the bottle of dwarven spirit.

When he had dozed off he did not know, but a soft voice and a weight on his lap woke him. “Good morning, handsome,” Elladan whispered and cuddled up to the large frame of Glorfindel.

“There you are,” Glorfindel mumbled and wrapped his arms around Elladan. “Where have you been?” he whispered in the dark hair.

“Attending the feast, silly,” Elladan said softly.

“Oh” Glorfindel mumbled, but didn’t believe a word as he could smell someone else on his beloved, but once again he settled for Elladan’s answer, wanting to believe it so badly.

“Have you been sitting here brooding to yourself the entire night?” Elladan asked and kissed Glorfindel’s forehead.

“Sitting yes, brooding no,” the golden elf said and tried to sound chipper.

Elladan laughed softly “You should have been dancing, singing and making merry, my love.”

“Didn’t feel like it,” Glorfindel answered dryly.

“Suit yourself,” Elladan answered sharply, but quickly mellowed and began to shower Glorfindel’s face with little kisses. “I missed you, you promised me a dance,” he whispered seductively.

“I seem to remember I did,” Glorfindel said, tilting his head so Elladan could reach his neck.

“You owe me then,” Elladan whispered, as he began to kiss his way down to the edge of Glorfindel’s tunic.

Glorfindel purred and closed his eyes. This was why he ignored the obvious, he needed the sweet kisses of Elladan, every little sweet word he absorbed. “What must I do then?” he whispered, feeling himself grow aroused by Elladan’s nimble fingers trying to get inside his tunic.

“Sit still,” Elladan whispered back and tugged on his lovers’ leggings, managing to rip them down to his knees, so they fell around his feet. He then squirmed around on Glorfindel’s lap, clumsily ripping his own leggings off. “I want you,” he purred, as he guided one of Glorfindel’s hands around to his opening, busy planting little licks and kisses to the Elda’s ear.

Glorfindel moaned softly, feeling Elladan’s guardian ring give in, allowing him access with his fingers. He knew he should care who had just been there before him, but he did not. Elladan was here; slowly driving him mad with little needy noises and sweet kisses. And he stopped his ministrations, and grabbed Elladan’s hips, holding him hovering over his erection, before he slowly pushed him down. This would hurt Elladan, he knew, but he felt he deserved it.

Elladan yelped and arched his back as he felt Glorfindel penetrate him. He clawed the armrests. He vaguely thought this would make sure he would not be able to sit in the morning, but right now it was far away, and he began to squirm and rock back and forth trying to find a position where Glorfindel would rub his prostate.

Glorfindel knew Elladan’s games, but tonight he would not allow it, and he again held his iron grip on Elladan’s hips, forcing the younger elf to move. He registered that someone moved through the room, but he couldn’t care less. He wanted Elladan to beg and plead with him; he wanted to hear his voice full of pain, asking him to stop.

Elladan yelped once more, as he was ripped out of his state of soft pleasure when Glorfindel grabbed him and thrust hard inside him. “Glorfindel, please,” he whimpered, but the Elda didn’t stop, he just sat there with closed eyes drawing his breaths in little gasps. “You’re hurting me,” he whispered between clenched teeth. He felt tears of pain sting in the corner of his eyes. “Stop, please stop, it hurts.”

Glorfindel smiled to himself, and let go of Elladan’s hips letting the younger elf set his own pace again. The little gasps and pleading words made Glorfindel’s heart flutter. He licked his lips. “Come for me, let me hear your pleasure,” he whispered.

And this was just what Elladan did, he rode his lover until he felt the first wave of intense pleasure, and he opened his mouth to moan loudly, almost yelling out the pleasure he felt inside.

At the first drops of warm liquid on his stomach Glorfindel grabbed Elladan’s hips again, thrusting hard and fast into his lover, spending himself right before Elladan. He slumped back into the chair, never opening his eyes, just feeling Elladan cuddle up to him.

“I love you,” Elladan whispered and trembled as he felt an after shock of the orgasm.

“I love you, too,” Glorfindel said and kissed Elladan’s nose.


The sun had risen and Elrohir opened his eyes, turning his head to look at Legolas who lay sleeping at his side. “Hey sunshine,” he whispered and let his fingers wander over Legolas’ chest.

Legolas opened his eyes and frowned. “Aii, my head hurts,” he whimpered.

“I know a fabulous cure for that,” Elrohir smirked, and got a vague smile from the blond.

“Oh no!” Legolas exclaimed and tried to prop himself up on an elbow but gave up and slumped back in to the pillow. “Don’t tell me I fell asleep on my wedding night,” he said with a pitiful little voice.

“Yes, you did,” Elrohir chuckled and scooted closer. “But that doesn’t matter,” he mumbled as he began to kiss his way to Legolas’ navel. “It is not like we will never have that chance again.”

Legolas giggled playfully and wiggled underneath Elrohir’s mouth and hands.

Elrohir kissed his way down to Legolas’ hip bone, bestowing little licks to the soft skin on his lover’s sensitive skin, gently spreading Legolas’ legs, trailing his way down to his husband’s opening.

At first Legolas let out a little disappointed sound, when his upcoming erection was ignored, but when he felt Elrohir’s talented tongue lapping at his opening, he willingly spread his legs even more, tilting his hips and allowing his lover better access. The little pink tongue flickered at the ring, before it gently penetrated, joined by first one then two probing fingers. A little shiver went through Legolas’ body and he let out a needy moan.

Elrohir decided that his lover had had enough, and gathering from the sweet moans and little involuntary thrusts Legolas made, he could have him undone this way quickly. But that was not his plan. He licked his way up Legolas’ hot slick erection, and was rewarded with more moans and a thrust, but he continued until he could kiss his husband’s lips. And with a quick move he placed Legolas’ long legs on his shoulders, gently pressing himself inside the tight heat.

Legolas moaned in Elrohir’s mouth as he felt the intrusion, and he arched his back digging his nails into his lover’s soft flesh. When he felt Elrohir begin to thrust, a quick fire spread in his body, which had him throwing his head back in delightful abandon.

The dark-haired prince could sense that his lover would be undone very quickly and he sped up his lovemaking, hoping to finish at the same time as his lover. When he opened his eyes and watched Legolas’ face lost in pleasure, furrowing his brows in concentration, as he felt his lover’s body contract around him, he too tumbled off the edge and spent himself inside Legolas.

When he could breathe normally again, Legolas chuckled “amazing,” and watched Elrohir nod in agreement.

“Amazing,” he repeated before he gently rolled off his lover. “More of that, please,” he panted.

“Yes my love, for now and always I shall be yours, both in and outside your bedroom,” Legolas said softly and kissed Elrohir’s shoulder.


It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If you don’t know by now
It ain’t no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It don’t matter anyhow
When the rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I’ll be gone
You’re the reason I’m travelin’ on
But don’t think twice, it’s all right.

It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
It’s a light I never known
It ain’t no use in turnin’ on your light, babe
I’m on the dark side of the road
Still, I wish there was something you could do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin’ anyway
So don’t think twice, it’s all right.

-Joan Baez – Don’t think twice

Chapter 5. – Don’t think twice.

Glorfindel woke alone and with a severe hangover. He moaned loudly when he tried to sit up, and decided against it, slumping down in his pillows once more. He turned his head and to his joy he found Elladan fast asleep beside him, so he stayed Glorfindel thought to himself, unable not to smile and lean over and kiss Elladan’s forehead. Did love really hurt this much or was it something he did wrong? He had had a lover in his past life, but he had died in the war, and Glorfindel had not cared to share his heart again with anybody, until Elladan had come crashing into his life.

The youngster had taken him with storm, Glorfindel had been reluctant and shut – but Elladan had been so young and careless with his heart and soul that Glorfindel had not been able to resist forever. The prince had been so sweet and seductive, and Glorfindel had been lonely. He had given in, made Elladan his lover and given all he had – given his heart and soul.

At first their love had been secret and forbidden, this had made it tender and yet desperate, when they had been found out. Glorfindel had hoped Elladan would have been happy and rejoice at their newfound love, but he had quickly found his lover to have changed. The prince would not come to his bedchamber with flushed cheeks and a cheesy smile, sometimes he would not even come. Glorfindel would lay alone wondering where his lover had went. In the start it had not been that hard really, he had made excuses in his mind. That Elrohir had had a bad dream, that Elladan was exhausted or whatever he could make up of logical reasons for his empty bed.

But one day he had seen it, he had seen Elladan kiss a fair elf from Lorien in the gardens, the ancient elf had felt his heart fall and shatter to the ground, almost able to hear the sound of the thousand pieces. He had turned and left casually. He had told himself that if he ever saw Elladan again he would rip his throat out, and leave him for dead. Then when the night had fallen, Glorfindel had curled up in his bed and cried, he wept like he hadn’t for years and years before, he had allowed himself to love and trust again. And yet his judgement had been so bad. His heart and body had yearned for Elladan’s sweet whispers and gentle touches, but they did not come that night.

The next day had been torture, and when night had settled once more Glorfindel had dressed for sleeping when he heard a light knock on his door, it had been Elladan. The Elda had felt his heart beat madly in his chest both from happiness to see the prince again, then he had not been replaced completely, but also from shame to be this weak. And he had done it, he had sealed his own doom a second time, he had allowed Elladan in his bed once more. He had beared his soul open for one that did not even want the gift he was giving.

And now when he looked at Elladan, his heart still fluttered, to believe this beautiful being was in his bed, he was here just for him. Glorfindel had learned to cherish every moment Elladan could spare him, every moment he could feel special, where he knew every little whisper, moan and touch was meant for him, and him alone.

Glorfindel smiled sadly and slipped out of the bed gently, tiptoeing to the bathroom drawing a bath. Elladan had to be sore Glorfindel thought to himself as he saw clad blood sticking to his stomach. He shook his head and closed the water before he descended slowly into the hot water. Letting it cover his weary body and aching muscles. He closed his eyes and sighed content, when he heard light steps on the marble floor, he opened his eyes and saw Elladan sneaking into the tub.

“Good morning my love” Elladan said softly and scooted over to Glorfindel leaning up against the broad chest

“Good morning” Glorfindel mumbled and wrapped his arms around Elladan, these were the moments he lived for, and the moments where he could tell himself that everything was all right, that Elladan loved him like he loved Elladan.


Haldir stirred open as Amcar suddenly cried, he jumped out of the bed as quickly as he could to not wake Erestor who had stayed longer at the party than he had. Haldir took Amcar up from the cradle and quickly fetched a large blanket to wrap them both in as he went towards the kitchen to make a bottle for the baby, prating he wouldn’t wake every inhabitant at Rivendell before he reached there.

“There, there my moonbeam” he cooed and tried to smile a tired smile to the enfant, it apparently worked for Amcar’s crying softened.

He came to the kitchen and found it empty, he then fetched some milk to warm for the baby, while he sat down on a chair and waited. Amcar yawned; “I know exactly how you feel” Haldir whispered and kissed his sons hair

“I am leaving soon my heart” he suddenly said, he had thought about it for long, but now when the words had left his lips they felt like a doom, they felt so final. “You have to stay here with your other fathers” Haldir felt tears sting in his eyes, but the baby was not even remotely effected. “I can’t stay here my beauty,” he continued as he stood up to take the milk of the stove and fill it in a bottle, trying to cool down the milk once more.

“I wish I could take you with me, but I don’t think mama Legolas would let me” Haldir said smiling at the baby. Haldir suddenly smiled as he tried the heat out on the milk on his arm “I could ask him if we could go there for a little holiday, just while he sort things out with his family” Amcar smiled and cooed so Haldir took that for a yes.

He would have to move quickly then, to talk with Legolas today. Haldir sat down and began to feed the baby from the bottle, things hadn’t worked out like the had hoped, when he had arrived Erestor had been alluring and a bit frightening, they had had some amazing hours together, and Haldir had found out things about himself he did not know, and that still made him blush when he thought of it. But Erestor’s heart was dark, and Haldir knew he could not stay; he would be sucked down into the same despair as the chief councillor. And he had no intention what so ever of letting this apathy reach him too, if it reached him it would reach Amcar, and he could not let that happen.

Haldir sighed and looked down on the elfling that had fallen asleep in his arms without finishing the bottle, perhaps Amcar felt his grief, perhaps that was why he had waken and cried? Was he really as sad as he should be? Did he infact love Erestor or was it just something he told himself in order not to despair?

Now he would leave for Lorien, he knew that Orophin would just follow but what of Rumil? Had he really fallen for that smith? And would they be able to leave without him?

Haldir was torn out of his musings when the door opened to the kitchen and a very bleak eyed Orophin walked into the kitchen “Haldir? – Oh I didn’t think anyone was here” he mumbled

“Well I am” Haldir said in a tired voice “Hung over my dear brother?”

Orophin just nodded and went to grab an orange peeling it without a word, this peaked Haldir’s curiosity “why are you so silent Orophin?”

“I emh… I …” Orophin stuttered, nit sure if he should tell his brother what was on his mind. He really wanted to tell he needed to be comforted and scolded.

“What did you do?” Haldir said in a worried tone and looked his brother in the eyes

“I ehm…” Orophin flinched “I bedded s-someone I should n-not have” he finally whispered

Haldir sighed and said “and who might that be? You can tell me Orophin – you know me better than to judge you”

“Elladan” Orophin whispered and looked down at his feet “I’m sorry Haldir, but he was just so… so..” the younger elf trailed off and kept his gaze on the floor

“Aiii Orophin that is wrong! You should not have done that, where was your head?” Haldir chided

“But he went straight to Glorfindel when we were finished, he said he had to get home before he would be missed” Orophin said as a childish defence.

“Orophin” Haldir said and rolled his eyes “you still should not have done that, but done is done dear brother”

“Yes” Orophin whispered, “can we please go home now?”

“Yes my love, we can go home now” Haldir said and sighed while he caressed Amcar’s cheek “I need to speak with Legolas, and you” he said and stood up “You need to go sleep some more” he said and smiled at Orophin’s sigh of relief. “Should you meet Rumil, tell him I want to see him” Haldir said and opened the door to the corridor leaving Orophin in the kitchen.

“I want to go home, I just want to go home” he whispered to himself and took a deep breath venturing back to Erestor’s chambers.


I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing.
Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn’t mean I don’t desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I’ve done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.

Tool – Schism

Chapter 6 – Between supposed lovers

Glorfindel sat and tried to make sense out of the map. No matter how he turned it, it just didn’t make sense; he could not figure out how to place the defences best. He sighed and slumped down in the chair. “Dammit!” he hissed and fought the urge to just wad the piece of paper up and throw it out the window. A light tap on the door made him sigh even deeper. “Enter,” he said in an irritated voice, annoyed that he was even interrupted in his misery.

“Lord Glorfindel?” a timid voice said as the door opened slowly.

Glorfindel raised a brow and looked at the door. “Yes that is me, or at least it has been the last couple of millennia.”

“Haldir told me to come here to talk to you,” Orophin whispered and shuffled into the room.

“Did he indeed?” Glorfindel yawned and gestured towards the chair on the other side of the large oak desk.

Orophin stalled some, but eventually sat down. The large elf scared him to death. This was the Balrog slayer, and his wrath had to be terrible. The little elf paled. “Yes,” he whispered.

Glorfindel folded his arms over his chest and tipped the chair so he was balancing. “And you wanted what?” he demanded with a arrogant expression.

“Ehm I wanted to… to…” Orophin swallowed hard, “to say I am sorry.”

“Sorry for what? We have not conducted any business together,” Glorfindel said, trying to sound less irritated and more patient.

“I did you a terrible wrong,” Orophin breathed. There was no way around it now. He would have to tell the Elda. He pulled his hands into his sleeves, hoping that Glorfindel would not notice how much he was trembling.

Glorfindel suddenly looked serious. “E-Elladan?” he whispered

Orophin paled. How could he know? Had he seen it? Had Elladan told him? Words failed the silverhaired elf, so he just nodded.

Glorfindel did know if he should strangle Orophin or kiss him. He had to concede that the elf was really courageous, and by far the most honest of elves he had seen for long. “I am not mad at you,” he finally mumbled.

“B-but,” Orophin stuttered.

“You did the right thing, penneth,” Glorfindel said, and lowered his chair down on the floor again with a deep sigh. “Thank you for coming to me.”

Orophin nodded, not sure if this meant he could leave or that he was about to die.

“Leave me!” Glorfindel said with a strained voice.

Orophin stood up with a quick move “Yes my lord, and thank you for forgiving me.”

“Who said I have forgiven you?” Glorfindel said with a raised brown and a light frown.

“Oh, I just assumed,” Orophin, whispered.

“You assume too much, little one,” the golden elf hissed. “Now be a good elf and run home to your woods.” Glorfindel waved towards the door, and Orophin darted out of the room as quick as he could.

Glorfindel sat alone again in his study; he ripped the map from the large desk. And felt the tears sting in his eyes. How did this happen? And when? At what exact moment had Elladan just stopped loving him? Had Elladan ever really loved him? Was he too just a conquest, the one that was too stupid to leave?

He felt so betrayed, but had no right. Elladan had never promised him anything. “Never again,” he whispered to himself. “It is over.” He heard his voice change into a weird sob that he didn’t even recognize as himself. And it was not only him dancing after Elladan’s tune in the hope of some love, he thought bitterly; it was more than that. This was not his time; he should never have been allowed to return to Arda from the Halls of Mandos. Damn that chess game. If only Ereinion had won instead of him. The he would not have been so miserable, and Ereinion so angry. And Middle-earth would have been quite another place to live.

It was about time he went home. This was his time to travel west, to gaze upon Elwing’s white tower once more.


Haldir headed towards Legolas and Elrohir’s chambers and softly knocked on the door, hoping he wasn’t disturbing them too much, but when Legolas opened the door with a large smile but fully dressed he could not help but smile back. “Here, he just ate and now he’s sound asleep,” he whispered and handed Amcar to Legolas gently.

“Thank you ever so much, Haldir,” Legolas said and kissed his son’s forehead lightly.

“Legolas?” Haldir said and folded his hands on his back, not knowing what to do with his arms, now that they did not carry the burden of Amcar. “We need to talk.”

“If you think so, then yes we do,” Legolas said with a puzzled expression.

“Can I come back later?” Haldir said and smiled a disarming smile.

“You can come at any hour you choose, my friend,” Legolas said softly.

How Haldir wished that was the truth, but he just nodded. “Then I will be back later,” he said and turned to leave, heading towards Erestor’s chambers.


Haldir opened the door to Erestor’s chambers. He watched while Erestor still slept. He was an image of beauty. Haldir sighed and began to gather his few belongings and threw them into his sack. This was goodbye then? Not that he was really sad. It was most strange; he had thought he would be devastated, but now he cold not find anything but regret in his heart.

Regret that he had ever kissed Erestor, regret that he had let this go on for too long, hurting them both. He knew there was no love between them; lust, but no love. And it had all been fine – until now, now it was just not enough, and they had started to irritate each other.

Haldir sighed; he really had no idea when desire had been replaced with indifference. But now it had to end, and he really longed for the golden woods once more. His only regret was having to leave Amcar behind. Perhaps Legolas would understand. Haldir smiled to himself. This was ridiculous. Would he give up his child like that? No, so why then should Legolas, who had carried it to term and given birth to it?

The silver haired elf’s musings stopped when Erestor slowly sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes sleepily. “Leaving?” he whispered.

“Yes,” Haldir said, and pulled the string to close the sack, and looked over at Erestor.

“Then…” Erestor paused to choose his words, careful not to launch another bitter fight between them; he had no intention of Haldir leaving in anger. “Safe journey my friend, I will pray the Valar to keep an eye on you.”

“Thank you, Erestor,” Haldir said and smiled. “Farewell then, friend, and until next time take care and look after Rumil for me.”

The galadhrim moved to the door when Erestor suddenly got up of the bed, walking over to Haldir, turning him around and dragging him into a tight embrace. “I am sorry, Haldir,” he mumbled.

Haldir dropped his sack and wrapped his arms around Erestor. “I am sorry too,” he whispered.

The let go of each other and just nodded in silent agreement, before Haldir smiled. “Don’t let Rumil get into trouble,” he said, and then turned and left Erestor’s chambers.


Glorfindel watched the sky as he made his way to the training halls later that afternoon. It looked like a nasty storm. He shrugged and opened the door to the empty halls. It was the trainees’ day off; they all went to see their families. This somewhat made Glorfindel empty inside to know. He didn’t even feel like returning to his own bed. He picked up a sword from the floor that a trainee had not placed in its proper place. He turned it over and made a note of the number the number, 1342. He would have to look up who was responsible for that sword and have a talk with the student.


Haldir sighed and knocked on the door of Legolas and Elrohir’s chambers once more, and this time Elrohir opened the door. “Haldir?” he said and looked confused, and even more so when his eyes landed on the sack on the floor. “Are you leaving?”

“Aye, I am. I need a word with Legolas before I announce my departure to your father,” Haldir said quietly.

“Why of course,” Elrohir said and opened the door wide for Haldir.

Haldir walked into the large room lit by candles. The sky had turned increasingly dark grey that day and they had been forced to light up the room. Legolas sat in a large green chair playing with Amcar with a little fabric star. This was the image of tranquillity. Haldir smiled. How he wished it could be his. The child was, yes, and he was more than grateful for that. “Legolas?” he said softly and squatted down next to Amcar and Legolas.

Legolas looked at Haldir and smiled. “There you are,” he said, and chuckled as Amcar instantly reached out for his other parent. Legolas handed both the child and the star over to Haldir. He stood up from the chair and gestured for Haldir to sit, while he seated himself on the rug, looking up at Haldir. “So what was so important?”

Haldir smiled at Amcar, and then looked at Legolas. “I came to say goodbye,” he said with a painful expression.

“Goodbye? You are leaving?” Legolas gasped and paled, not even noticing that Elrohir had come to sit next to him.

“Yes, we are going home Legolas, Orophin and I.” Haldir squeezed out a smiled for Amcar as he pulled Haldir’s silver hair and cooed happily.

“B-but you can’t…” Legolas whispered and shot Elrohir a worried look. “What about Amcar?”

Haldir sighed and forced himself not to release the tears he felt swim in his eyes. “He… will have to stay, or,” he paused and looked up at Legolas, “come with me.”

“With you? Haldir, have you gone insane?” Legolas exclaimed in a high-pitched tone, which made Amcar twitch and let out a little whine. “No Haldir, you will have to stay here,” he stated and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Just for a while,” Haldir said and released his tears. “I cannot just leave, though I know it would be the right thing to do, he has a family here – he has you and Elrohir.”

“Legolas,” Elrohir said softly while he gently removed the hair from Legolas’ shoulder and neck to caress the skin of his mate. “If you still plan on going to Mirkwood, then it would perhaps be best for Haldir to take Amcar with him instead.”

“Elrohir!” Legolas exclaimed offended and turned towards his mate. “You cannot be serious!”

“I am,” Elrohir said. “Think about it, both you and I can defend ourselves should it be needed, but with Amcar there, it would be different. Would you not fear to take Amcar to Mirkwood?”

“Y-yes,” Legolas whispered and hung his head. “B-but still…”

“I should just leave now,” Haldir said, sending Elrohir a grateful look, appreciating what Elrohir did for him. He was aware it might to be totally unselfish in reasons, but still the young half-elf had a point. “Can I have a moment with Amcar, please?”

Legolas nodded and looked up at Haldir with large eyes filled with tears. “Elrohir is right,” he whispered shakily. “It would be dangerous to bring Amcar to Mirkwood.” Legolas turned and fell into the embrace Elrohir was ready to give him.

Elrohir wrapped his arms around Legolas and cradled him as he would a child. “It is the right decision, and besides we will come back afterwards and pick Amcar up as quickly as possible without the gift of wings,” he whispered into Legolas’ hair

Legolas nodded weakly and clung to Elrohir.

Haldir just stood there and watched, feeling like an intruder, but still he had not the heart to leave, for he felt deep sorrow for Legolas, while at the same time he rejoiced that he would now be able to keep Amcar with him, for a little while at least.


I think there’s something you should know
I think it’s time I stopped the show
There’s something deep inside of me
There’s someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Don’t think that I’ll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me

That’s what you get
I say that’s what you get
That’s what you get for changing your mind

George Michael – Freedom.

Chapter 7 – Some mistakes were built to last.

Orophin had packed his belongings. He couldn’t wait to get out of this house, and he wanted to go home to the tranquillity of the golden woods. But Haldir had to say his goodbyes and they really needed to find Rumil too. Orophin had a pretty good idea where he could be, and instead of searching the last homely house, he went directly to the smithy. The little silver haired elf opened the door slowly, but there was no one inside. He took a step inside the smithy and yelled, “Rumil, are you here?”

In return he heard a muffled giggle. Orophin rolled his eyes and went over to knock on the door of the smith’s private chambers. “Rumil, are you here?” he asked once more.

“Yes,” a chipper voice came from the inside of the room.

Orophin opened the door slowly, while he cleared his throat. “We need to talk, Rumil.”

Rumil’s head popped up from under the covers, with his hair dreadfully rearranged, and a large grin. “Orophin, what brings you here?” he asked, trying to sound serious but breaking off in a giggle fit, and batting away something under the covers. Just then the smith too looked up from under the covers with flushing red cheeks and an equally large grin.

Orophin shook his head and laughed softly. “So this is where you have been hiding!” he mumbled and put his sack down on the ground. “Good morning, Celendir.”

“Good morning, Orophin,” Celendir mumbled and blushed.

“Would you mind if I stole my brother for a minute?” Orophin said.

Celendir shook his head and smiled, before he turned to plant a wet kiss on Rumil’s lips. “I will be back soon,” he whispered.

“I know,” Rumil said and winked.

Orophin sat down on the far end of the bed, and Celendir got up, wrapping a blanket around him, before he walked out of another door than the one Orophin had come in through.

“Rumil, you little rascal,” Orophin snickered. “He is but a elfling.”

“So?” Rumil laughed before he sobered up, and sat up straight, looking directly at his brother. “Why did you come here? Is something wrong?”

“Yes and no,” Orophin said and smiled sadly. “Haldir and I are leaving within the day.”

“What?!” Rumil yelled. “You can’t, you didn’t even warn me, I have to make my preparations too quickly, and poor Celendir!”

Orophin took Rumil’s hand and hushed him. “That is just the thing, Haldir and I feel that you should stay, you have a reason to stay – we do not.”

“Are you leaving me behind?” Rumil whispered and paled.

“No, you silly elf,” Orophin said and shook his head. “We want you to stay, because you have found love here, whereas Haldir and I ache for the Golden Woods. Do you miss them? Or do you miss your lover’s kisses the most?”

Rumil blushed ever so slightly. “I must admit I have not thought about the woods for some time now,” he said and blinked confusedly, as if this was an entirely new feeling he had to understand.

“That’s what I thought. We will miss you terribly, you have to know that,” Orophin said and spontaneously dragged his brother in for an embrace.

“But what about Erestor? – I thought that Haldir and…” Rumil whispered and leaned into his brother’s arms.

“Not anymore,” Orophin said while rubbing his cheek against Rumil’s. “Love can not blossom, where it never had a spark.”

“Oh,” Rumil said in quiet understanding.

“Will you come and see us off?” Orophin asked.

“Not a million Balrogs could keep me away,” Rumil vowed.

“Then let us hope there will not be a army of such before tea time in Rivendell!” Orophin said with a slight grin.


Haldir went to Elrond’s study and knocked on the door. He felt sad, yet exhilarated that he was actually going to leave here with Amcar. He had never even thought it possible. And when he heard Elrond’s voice calling him to enter, he opened the door and gingerly moved inside the room.

“Haldir? – What brings you here?” Elrond said and laid down his quill.

“I came to thank you for your hospitality.” The galadhrim took a deep breath before he sat down in the chair opposite Elrond. “Orophin and I will return to the Golden Woods this day.”

Elrond looked utterly surprised. “I thought you were both happy here,” he said, and instantly felt his words to be empty. He could see upon the face of Haldir that this was indeed not the case.

“I miss the Golden Woods,” Haldir said, “and now that Amcar is born and doing well, and the wedding is over and all is back to its tranquil self here, I have no more use.”

Elrond sighed. “And Erestor?”

Haldir looked up at the elven lord. “He is a dear, dear friend of mine,” he said with as much happiness in his voice as he could muster. “Do not worry that I would think of this time here as a bad one, but it really is time for me to leave, milord.”

“I see,” Elrond said, not trying to dig into Erestor and Haldir’s love life. This was something that was of no concern to him at all. Still it pained him to see the fiasco written in Haldir’s face. “I trust you made arrangements with Legolas and Elrohir?”

“I did,” Haldir said and smiled the first genuine smile since he had entered the study. “Amcar will return with me for a little while.”

“Oh?” Elrond said and raised a brow. “How did that happen? I did not think that Legolas would give up his son like that.”

“Oh, it’s not like that, milord,” Haldir said quickly. “Amcar will only stay with me for a short time, while Legolas rides to Mirkwood.”

“I see,” Elrond said once more, but this time he started to massage his temples. “Why does this sound to me like one of Elrohir’s brain-dead plans?”

“Milord?” Haldir looked at Elrond in shock.

“Yes,” Elrond sighed, “this is the same child that was sure one could tame a warg.” The elven lord chuckled to himself at the memory. “I cannot believe anyone took his advice,” he mumbled to himself.

“Yet they did,” Haldir said, more dryly than intended.

“Yes,” Elrond said and looked up at Haldir, “and since you are Amcar’s father, and Elrohir is his soulmate, I cannot mingle in this affair. This is something you need to sort out between you three.”

“And we did,” Haldir said, and tried a weak smile once more. “Thank you once more for your hospitality,” he said, and slowly stood up from the chair. “We will leave Rumil here in Rivendell. I trust you will take good care of him.”

“Of course,” Elrond said and stood up as well. “Farewell, marchwarden of Lorien.”

“Farewell, lord of Imladris. I will send word when we reach Caras Galadon,” Haldir said, and bowed slightly to the dark-haired lord.

“Thank you,” Elrond said and watched as Haldir left his study. He hoped his advisor would not be devastated. He really should go and see him, but perhaps this was not the hour. Elrond voted against it in his mind, and returned to his letter to Galadriel, and this time he could just as well tell her that he would be sending her life guards home once more, guarding a precious gift.


Elladan looked out the sun passing midday. He had not seen Glorfindel since this morning. It was quite normal, but this day something was wrong, he could feel it. And a slight knock at his door was enough to make his heart race.

“Elladan?” He heard his fathers voice call out.

“Father?” Elladan said surprised and hurried to open the door.

Elrond looked just as surprised as Elladan when he opened the door. “You look like you saw a ghost, son.”

“Sorry father, I did just not expect a visit from you,” Elladan said and gestured for Elrond to enter.

“I just wanted to ask if you could make sure that Orophin, Haldir and Amcar had some food for their journey, and perhaps deliver this parcel to them. It is for your grandmother,” Elrond said and handed Elladan a parcel.

“Leaving? – They are leaving?” Elladan said and looked worried while he took the parcel from his father.

“They are returning home,” Elrond said.

“And Amcar? Why will they take him?” Elladan said and frowned. “I hope it is not some dim-witted plan of my mastermind brother.”

“Well…” Elrond started but stopped as Elladan groaned.

“I will go straight to the kitchen and make arrangements, and deliver this parcel while I am at it,” Elladan said and shrugged.

“Thank you,” Elrond said and padded Elladan’s shoulder. “Please come and inform me when they are ready to leave.”

“I will, father,” Elladan said and swept past his father, heading for the kitchens.

When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I’m on your side. When times get rough
And friends just can’t be found,

When you’re down and out,
When you’re on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Simon & Garfunkle – Bridge over troubled water

Chapter 8 – When Darkness comes.

Elladan walked down to the stables after he had gathered the food for the galadhrims’ journey. “Haldir, Orophin, are you here?” he yelled as he entered the large double doors in the stable.

“Yes,” Orophin answered and stepped out of a stall. “Prince Elladan?”

“Orophin,” Elladan mumbled and walked on until he stood next to the little galadhrim. “My father asked me to bring you and your party this,” he said and handed Orophin the saddlebag with food and the parcel.

“Give him my thanks,” Orophin said in a rather strained tone.

“What is wrong?” Elladan said. “Why are you and Haldir leaving?”

“Why?” Orophin chuckled, but it sounded most like an animal in pain. “We should return to the Golden Woods, nothing more, Prince Elladan.”

“But I thought that Haldir was happy here with Erestor,” Elladan said and raised a brow.

“You think a lot of things, my friend,” Orophin said, and instantly clasped a hand over his mouth.

“And what do you mean by that?” Elladan asked, crossing his arms over his chest, and squinting his eyes.

Orophin sighed. “You are also the one that thinks that your lover is happy, when in fact he is heartbroken.”

“What?” Elladan gasped and paled. “What did you do, Orophin?”

“I-i… spoke to Lord Glorfindel,” Orophin admitted.

Elladan groaned. “Oh no, please tell me you just paid him a pleasant visit!”

Orophin looked away. “I did the right thing, Prince Elladan. He said so.”

“He said so?” Elladan yelled and threw his arms up in the air. “He also said he killed 5 Balrogs and an army of wargs!” The prince grabbed Orophin’s shoulders and shook him hard. “You little idiot,” he hissed, and let go of the elf, walking quickly towards the training halls.


Legolas was packing Amcar’s clothes and bottles while he was wiping tears from his face with his sleeve. He could not believe Elrohir had talked him into this. Or maybe was it because he knew that Elrohir was right?

“When are they leaving?” Legolas said to the room, aware that Elrohir would hear him.

“Some time in the afternoon,” Elrohir said and gently pulled the cover up to Amcar’s chin, before he turned and walked over to his mate. “Don’t cry, my beloved, it will all work out just fine.”

Legolas turned and rested his head on Elrohir’s shoulder. “But I am scared,” he admitted. “Scared something will happen to Amcar, and scared something will happen to me.”

“You will see your son again, I promise,” Elrohir said and kissed Legolas’ brow tenderly. “I will make sure of that.”

“We will not be gone for long, right?” Legolas whispered.

“No, just as long as necessary, my love,” Elrohir whispered back.


Elladan reached the training halls and slowly opened the door, watching Glorfindel sorting out training swords, talking to himself. Elladan tiptoed to him, and squatted down beside him. “What are you up to, my love?” he asked softly.

“Sorting,” Glorfindel, answered flatly.

“I see that, but *why* are you sorting out training swords?” Elladan said and rested his hand on Glorfindel’s in order to make him stop and look at him.

“I-i..” Glorfindel whispered and looked at Elladan. Just to look at the fair face tore his heart, knowing that this would never be his; he could borrow it, but never own it. “I wanted to make it easier for you, when you are to take over my duties,” he admitted.

“Don’t speak such folly,” Elladan said and caressed Glorfindel’s cheek.

“It is not folly, Elan,” Glorfindel said and sighed. “I have decided to go home, too.”

“Home?” Elladan repeated. “As in…”

“Valinor,” Glorfindel stated. “Yes Elladan, my time here is at an end. It should never have been my time in the first place.”

“Then I will go with you,” Elladan said and blinked, trying to comprehend what it was his lover said to him, trying to get it past his lips to say that this was the end then.

“No,” Glorfindel said, “you will not.”

“But…” Elladan said “T-then..” he squeezed Glorfindel’s hand tightly and looked up at the golden elf, “forgive me, punish me, yell at me – do what you want, but please do not leave me!”

Glorfindel looked down at the floor. “No more Elladan, no more,” he whispered.

“I love you, Glorfindel,” Elladan said with a high-pitched tone. “No more what? – No more you and me? What is it you are saying?”

“I am trying to say – it’s over Elladan, I can take no more. I no longer want a part of your masquerade and lies.”

Elladan paled. “I never lied to you,” he whispered in a barely audible voice.

“You just did,” Glorfindel said and looked pained before he got free of Elladan’s grasp.

“Glorfindel, precious – I never lied to you!” Elladan said in a slightly defensive tone.

“Stop,” Glorfindel sneered. “This neither the time nor the place for games.”

“B-but.. But” Elladan stuttered before he hung his head and whispered “then what will it take for you to believe me?”

“Don’t even bother,” Glorfindel hissed. “It is not like Orophin was the first, now was he?” Elladan stayed quiet and Glorfindel roared, “Answer me! – Now was he?”

“No,” Elladan said with a disappearing little voice.

“Then all is said and done,” the golden elf whispered and swept past Elladan as he stood in the middle of the floor.

“Wait,” Elladan suddenly yelled and turned to face Glorfindel once more, as tears threatened to roll out under his lashes, and he bit his lip. “I know I have been a fool, but Glorfindel – my heart, I never lied when I told you I loved you.”

“I’m sure,” Glorfindel said with a thick voice. He had to get out of here, had to run from this place, he could reside here no longer. “And you didn’t lie to the others that passed your bedchamber either, am I right?”

“No, I didn’t lie, for I never said ‘I love you’ to anyone other than you,” Elladan admitted and silently cursed himself as he felt the first tear fall.

“I do not care if you promised them marriage,” Glorfindel said coolly and turned once more and darted out of the large door into the courtyard.


Restore my broken dreams
Shattered like a falling glass
I’m not ready to be broken just yet
A lesson once learned is so hard to forget

Be still my beating heart
You must learn to stand your ground
It’s not healthy to run at this pace
The blood runs so red to my face
I’ve been to every single book I know
To soothe the thoughts that plague me so

Stop before you start
Be still my beating heart

Never to be wrong
Never to make promises that break
It’s like singing in the wind
Or writing on the surface of a lake
And I wriggle like a fish caught on dry land
And I struggle to avoid any help at hand

Sting – Be still my beating heart

Chapter 9 – At night a candle’s brighter than the sun.

Glorfindel left the training halls, clearly upset. It had taken a lot out of him to say what he had to Elladan. He rushed to his chambers. He wondered if he could tell Elrond at all or if he should just run. He should tell his old friend, but he was sure Elrond would try and either make him stay or pry it out of him why he wanted to leave, and to tell Elrond he was his son’s unwanted lover was not on his favourite things to do list. He sighed and was just relieved he had reached his chambers without being disturbed. He quickly stepped inside and slammed the door behind him. There he saw something he had not counted on. “Chief advisor Erestor!”

Erestor turned in his chair. “No need for the formalities.”

“Oh,” Glorfindel said and slumped down in a chair. He was in no mood for the cunning advisor that would without doubt gloat at his misery. “Then pray tell, what brings you to my chambers?”

“You did,” Erestor said calmly and slowly pried off his black leather gloves.

Glorfindel looked absolutely puzzled. Never in his life had he summoned the dark haired advisor or needed his counsel. “When?” he said and sat down.

Erestor laughed a strange soft laughter. “You didn’t summon me, and I just happen to have ears and eyes everywhere, dear Glorfindel. I know what you are thinking of doing.”

Glorfindel looked up at the raven-haired advisor. “And you came to stop me?” he asked with a hint of defiance to his voice.

“No I didn’t, I came here to offer my support,” Erestor said. When Glorfindel still looked suspicious he smiled and continued, “I know it’s a hard time for you, but leaving for Valinor might be a bit too rash, don’t you think? – I mean you are a grown elf after all.”

The elda looked up at the other advisor in complete amazement. “I will travel as I see fit, Erestor. I do not need your council.” Glorfindel crossed his arms over his chest.

Erestor leaned over and looked directly at Glorfindel. “Are you telling me you really want to give up living in middle earth because of some brat?”

The golden elf frowned. “He is not a brat!”

“Oh alright, what do you call his behaviour then?” Erestor said with a smirk.

“Confused,” Glorfindel said with a victorious smile, but frowned once more as soon as the words left his lips. Why was he defending Elladan? And upon seeing the devious smirk on Erestor face, this had been his plan all along. “Enough of this,” Glorfindel said and stood up.

Erestor stood up as well and laid a hand on Glorfindel’s shoulder. “I am always here, should you get too lonely,” he said with a genuine smile.

Glorfindel smiled back. “Thank you,” he said and clapped Erestor’s hand on his shoulder affectionately. “Will you inform Elrond, and take him a parcel from me?”

“That is the least I can do, my friend,” Erestor said.

“Then I will leave the parcel at your desk before I depart,” the elda said in a sad voice.

Erestor nodded and opened the door to the corridor. “You will be missed.”

“Perhaps so,” Glorfindel said and looked at his feet. “You will all soon find someone to take over my tasks,” he said.

Erestor shook his head but stayed silent as he left Glorfindel’s chambers.


Haldir and Orophin met up in the stables, but had no need to exchange words between them; in silence they prepared the horses, each with their minds full of their own thoughts. When they had finished and were about to lead the horses out to the courtyard, Orophin suddenly grabbed Haldir’s shoulder. “We are doing the right thing, aren’t we?” he asked with a hint of sadness in his voice.

Haldir nodded and caressed his brother’s cheek gently. “Yes my dear brother, we are doing the right thing, the only right thing we can do,” he said and smiled reassuringly.

Orophin seemed to be relaxed by his brother’s comfort, and smiled back.

Once on the courtyard they stopped as they saw Elrohir sitting on the stairs to the main house. Haldir handed his horse’s reins to Orophin and walked over to the prince. “My prince,” he said and smiled.

“Haldir,” Elrohir said and stood up. “Legolas will join us shortly” he added, and sighed. “He is having a hard time with this, departing from Amcar.”

“I understand,” Haldir said and sighed as well. “I would too, and I did not carry him in my body.”

An awkward silence spread between them, and they stood there, until Haldir suddenly spotted Legolas walking toward them with Amcar in his arms, and Elrond at his side carrying a knapsack.

Elrohir turned and watched his father and lover walk outside toward him and Haldir. “Legolas,” he said and reached to caress the blond’s arm, but Legolas twitched away and glared angrily at Elrohir, as if he blamed his husband for this.

“You don’t have to, Legolas,” Haldir said softly and took the knapsack that Elrond handed him.

“No, Elrohir is right. It is the right thing to do,” Legolas said with a thick voice, and blinked furiously as he felt new tears form under his lashes. He kissed his son on the forehead and handed him to Haldir, who gently took the child and cradled him with one arm against his chest. “Please promise me he will be unharmed,” Legolas whispered and bit his lip as the fist tears began to fall. He had promised himself that he would not cry. But that seemed like a promise he couldn’t keep.

Amcar stirred, seeing his parent cry, and started to whine himself. Legolas let out a strained groan and leaned against Elrond for support. “You should leave now,” Elrohir said and looked worriedly at his husband, suddenly not so sure this had been the right decision.

Elrond nodded in agreement. “Farewell Haldir; the parcel for the Lady is in the knapsack, along with Amcar’s belongings.”

Legolas buried his face in Elrond’s robe, afraid to watch his son move out of his sight along with Haldir. He was not sure he would be able to let them go if he looked up. At the same time he wished he had had a proper goodbye with his son, but seeing him upset clearly upset Amcar too, and the last thing on earth he wanted was to upset his son. He felt like a part of his heart was chewed into pieces, and would only be healed once he had Amcar resting peacefully in his arms again.

Haldir shared Legolas’ grief, and hurriedly walked off with Amcar before the scene got too painful. He had not imagined it would be like this, but what had he imagined? That Legolas would kiss his cheek and happily see him and their son off? He had not expected this guilt that he felt right now, that he had inflicted this grief on Legolas, hating to see his child’s other parent in tears like that.

He returned to his horse and gently mounted it, wrapping Amcar in his cloak. Orophin picked up the knapsack on the ground and looked puzzled. “What about Rumil? Don’t we have to wait for him?”

“We can’t,” Haldir said and looked towards the trio on the stairs. “We will leave now,” he said with a strained voice and looked back at his brother.

“But…” Orophin said, but upon seeing the sadness in his brother’s eyes, and hearing the pained sobs from Legolas on the other side of the courtyard, he had to agree with his brother. “Yes, we have to ride now,” he said. “Rumil will understand.”

Haldir smiled at his brother. He was glad Orophin saw it his way, and that they could leave this place in a hurry.

Legolas heard the horses move on the stone, then swiftly ride towards the bridge leading out of Rivendell, and it was not until he could no longer hear the horses at all that he dared to look up, seeing Elrond a bit teary eyed as well. He smiled at Legolas, squeezing the little blond closer.

Legolas felt as Elrohir took over where Elrond had held, and guided Legolas’ steps towards their rooms. “You did well,” Elrohir whispered and kissed Legolas’ hair.

“No, I had promised I wouldn’t cry,” Legolas sniffed and rested his head against Elrohir’s shoulder.

“You were brave, my love,” Elrohir said softly.

But Legolas did not feel brave; he felt sad, little and lost.


Under darkening thundering towering skies
We live through these painful days
Walking like strangers in streets of damnation
Under the enemy’s gaze
Well we all create monsters, come back for their masters
The prices the Devil reclaims
It’s funny I never thought I’d be the one who would change

Well the other night we put the radio on
When we ran out of things we could say
But it always play lovesongs when you’re far away
Forget all the lies, forget all the trouble
Forget all the things that I’ve done
And please believe like I still believe
The best is yet to come, the truth is yet to come

New Model Army – Lovesongs

Chapter 9 – ‘Cause they always play lovesongs when you’re far away.

Rumil woke and snuggled up to Celendir. The dark-haired elf purred and kissed his new lover’s nose. “Slept tight?”

“Ummmmm,” Rumil purred back and smiled before he opened his eyes and looked straight into the stormy blue eyes. “I did, but waking up is so much better,” he whispered and wrapped his arms around Celendir.

Celendir smiled and kissed Rumil sweetly. “Are you hungry, my love? Should we join supper or stay in bed?”

Rumil eyes widened “Supper?”

“Yes, supper,” Celendir said, and looked puzzled. His confusion grew as Rumil pushed him away and nearly tumbled out of the bed, franticly trying to get into his leggings. “What is wrong?” Celendir said and wrapped the covers around him before he too got out of bed, and handed Rumil his tunic.

“Haldir and Orophin, they were going to depart a little past noon,” he yelled angrily and looked up at Celendir, who just stood there and looked baffled – Rumil slowed down and took Celendir’s hand, before he coughed nervously. “I am sorry my sweet, I should not have yelled at you.”

“It is alright,” Celendir said and smiled. “You were surprised and I asked a stupid question.”

Rumil chuckled and kissed Celendir’s soft lips tenderly. “You did not ask a stupid question, how would you know? It is I who knew and I who fell asleep.”

The smith smiled and kissed Rumil back before he let go of his hand. “You’d better run then, I will make some supper for us”

“Thank you,” Rumil whispered and turned to leave, and only stopped before he closed the door behind him because he heard Celendir giggle.

“Boots?” the smith giggled and picked up Rumil’s boots and handed them to him.

“Oh my,” Rumil laughed and looked down at his bare feet, before he reached for the boots. “Thank you again, what would I do without you to think for me?” he said as he put them on.

“Well… run barefoot?” Celendir said and smiled.

Rumil stuck out his tongue and smiled as he left the smithy and hurried towards the main house.


Glorfindel had packed all he needed; he closed the knapsack, and leaned against one of the large posts from his bed. This bed, he mused, had been much fun. He clapped the wood affectionately as if it were his pet. “Take care,” he whispered and instantly shook his head, feeling like an idiot. He was to leave Middle-earth and the last thing he did was to speak to his bed.

He sighed and picked up his knapsack, turned and left the room; he had to move stealthily and quickly not to get caught in the act. And as he promised, he had finished up a letter for Elrond, and one for Elladan. He wished he had had time to make letters for all the household, and one for Elrohir too, but he had just written a couple of sentences for Elrohir in Elrond’s letter. He opened the door to Erestor’s study and peeked inside, and to his luck no one was there. He let out his breath in relief, as he had been afraid he would have to explain what he was doing here to Erestor’s helper. But the strange little elf was not even there.

He placed the two parcels on the desk and left, closing the door silently, making sure he made as little noise as possible.

But when he made his way over to the stables, he had been so preoccupied that he had not noticed Rumil until he nearly stumbled over the little silver haired elf. “Forgive me, Lord Glorfindel!” Rumil gasped as he jumped aside so as not to trip and fall into Glorfindel, who was crossing his path.

Glorfindel stopped and looked at Rumil. “It is I who am sorry, dearest Rumil. I did not see where I was walking,” he said and smiled a brilliant smile that made the little galadhrim all soft, and smile back sheepishly.

“Nevertheless, my lord Glorfindel, I bid you a fond day, for I must hurry,” Rumil said, but for some strange reason he felt reluctant to leave the golden elf.

“And a good day to you,” Glorfindel said and turned, before he suddenly stopped. “Uhm, Rumil?”

“Yes,” Rumil said and stopped in his tracks as well.

“Take care of Celendir, he deserves nothing but true love,” Glorfindel said and smiled sadly before he turned once more and quickly made his way to the stables.

“I will,” Rumil said and shook his head. Glorfindel was acting awfully strange this day.


Legolas sat down on the bed and let Elrohir fuss over him. It was so empty here. He turned and looked at his husband with a begging look. “Please Elrohir, can we leave soon?”

Elrohir sat down. “To Mirkwood?”

“Yes,” Legolas whispered. “I cannot stay here without Amcar, I want this over with.”

“I understand,” Elrohir said softly and kissed his husband. “Come, take a bath with me, and then we will pack and sleep.”

“And then leave?” Legolas said hopefully.

“Yes, tomorrow we leave,” Elrohir said and seeing Legolas nod slowly, he kissed his husband once more before he stood up to make the bath ready for them.

Elrohir called for Legolas as soon as the tub was full. He was about to undress, and turned and looked adorningly at the blond as he came strolling into the bathroom already naked.

Legolas playfully pinched Elrohir’s butt as he walked past, chuckling at the yelp he got from his husband. “Fleas?” he asked innocently as he descended into the warm water.

“I will give you fleas,” Elrohir mumbled and finished undressing before he plunged into the water, making the tub splash out over the edges, splashing water in Legolas’ eyes.

“Ai, that was uncalled for,” Legolas spurted and rubbed water out of his eyes.

Elrohir rolled his eyes, but moved in closer. “Here my love, let me kiss it away,” he whispered and started to kiss Legolas’ eyelid, moving over his nose to the other eye, and down to the mouth, tasting his lover’s lips, which eagerly parted to grant him access.

They broke off the kiss and they both looked at each other with flustered cheeks. Elrohir made the first move and without a word, let himself fall backwards in the tub, dragging Legolas with him, so the blond ended up on his lap. Legolas arranged his legs so he could wrap them around Elrohir’s waist. “My husband,” Elrohir said and caressed Legolas’ chest. Legolas leaned in and whispered, “yes, your husband,” and kissed Elrohir deeply, feeling the softness and unspoken promises of Elrohir’s mouth pool between his legs.

Elrohir felt Legolas’ member harden against his stomach, and instinctively reached down between his husband’s buttocks and rubbed the tight opening lightly, taking care to gently prepare his lover for what was to come.

Legolas broke the kiss and bit his lover’s lip, licking his way to the delicate pointed ear. “Take me, hard. – Let me feel you fill me,” he whispered, knowing it had the desired effect when Elrohir groaned.

And as he felt Legolas push back on the fingers he had used to prepare him with, he took them out and grabbed the slender hip of his husband, raising him from his lap. Legolas reached down and grabbed Elrohir’s own erection and placed it so he was impaled when Elrohir finally pushed down making Legolas sit down on his lap once more.

Legolas purred and nibbled on Elrohir’s delicate skin on his neck, while rocking slowly back and forth. When Elrohir suddenly flipped them around he let out a surprised yelp, finding himself in the water again, but still clinging with his legs around Elrohir’s waist. Resting his head on the edge of the tub he reached out backwards as he grabbed the wood with his hands, biting his lip. “E-Elrohir” he moaned.

The Rivendell prince lowered his head and kissed Legolas, while starting to move his hips, quickly setting a rhythm and a roughness to his thrusts. He knew that neither of them would last long. He could hear Legolas’ back slam against the wood at the side of the tub. Legolas arched his back to feel more of his lover. His back scraped against the wood again. Elrohir tried hard to focus on looking at his lover, noticing the little droplets of sweat that always showed on the tip of his husband’s nose when he got over-excited. He felt himself shudder as if a bolt of electricity coursed through his body and back into his lover’s. He heard Legolas’ breathing grow faster until he gasped for breath. Elrohir used what force he had left in his loins and delivered the last hard thrusts, which made Legolas stop gasping and moan loudly instead, almost to the point of yelling. He loved this, loved that he was this vocal in their lovemaking, and upon feeling Legolas contract as he climaxed, Elrohir followed him and spilled his semen in the tight heat with a muffled cry.

Legolas slumped down back into the tub, not able to use his trembling legs to hold himself around Elrohir’s waist anymore. Elrohir slumped down too and dragged Legolas into his lap once more, enjoying the way the younger elf cuddled up to him.

Legolas yawned. “Thank you,” he whispered and smiled wearily.

“You’re welcome,” Elladan chuckled and slowly stood up from the bath, carrying Legolas with him. “We should dry off and get to bed,” he said.

Legolas nodded wearily and took the towel as he was lowered to the ground.

“You need some salve on your back,” Elrohir said and ran a finger down Legolas’ sore and scratched spine.

“Mmmmm yes,” Legolas mumbled and stumbled off into the bedchamber. “Tomorrow.”

“As you wish,” Elrohir chuckled and followed his husband to bed.

I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it
where’s the sense in that?

I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

But I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up in surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can’t talk to me again
And if you live by the rules that “it’s over”
then I’m sure that that makes sense

Dido – White flag

Chapter 11 – Where’s the sense in that?

Glorfindel padded Asfaloth on the head and silently mounted the large horse. He whispered sweet words in his ear, and the horse seemed to understand and bobbed his head, not making a single noise, ready to carry his master wherever he wished. Glorfindel sighed and spurred the horse slightly and rode out the large doors of the stable. He looked up at the last homely house once more. He had been so happy there but it was only a tomb for his soul now. He would never be able to go back to how it was, or to feel whole there again. He took a deep breath and spurred Asfaloth over the bridge. He vowed to himself he would not cry, he gritted his teeth – but still those treacherous tears started to fall.

Glorfindel wiped them away angrily, and patted the horse gently. “Ride, Asfaloth, ride like the wind!” he whispered to his horse, and grabbed hold of the rein as he felt the huge animal jerk into sudden movement under him. He had no reason the guide the animal, he knew the horse knew where they were going. They had been there before, but it had just been on arrival, not departing.


Elrohir woke early the next morning, and stretched, turning to wrap his arms around his beloved, but was rudely brought to awareness when the other side of the bed was cold. Legolas had not been there for a while! Where could he have gone?

A terrible thought struck Elrohir as he sat up in the bed and swung his legs out over the edge in a quick move, much to quick – the abrupt move made his head spin. He shook his head, and ran a hand through his disarranged hair. No, Legolas had not left Imladris, and his knapsack was still in their room. “Good,” he whispered to himself, and slowly got up from the bed. He would find his mate and then arrange for food for their journey. He knew the maids in the kitchen had arranged for lembas. He frowned – Lembas, he hated them! They tasted like they smelled and looked: dry, and crumbling pieces of nothing! Luckily it was but a necessary evil when on the road, and not everyday food.

Elrohir quickly dressed and left his chambers. “Now where could that runaway elf be?” he thought to himself and scratched his neck – Erestor. He has gone to Erestor, of course! He has sought out the elder elf’s counsel.

He made his way to the sombre counsellor’s chambers and knocked. No one answered, and he gently opened the door and peeked inside. All the lights were out and the fireplace cold. Erestor had not been here. He sighed and closed the door again. What about Erestor’s study?

Then he began to walk there, looking at the corridors as he passed through. He had always thought the last homely house to be, well… homely, but at this time when everyone should still be asleep or just about to wake, it was dark and lifeless; nothing like itself in the days when it was bright and filled with life everywhere. He reached Erestor’s study door, and knocked there too. Again there was no answer, and when he quietly slipped inside there was only one light on, at the desk. He went over to blow it out when he noticed two parcels, one apparently to his father, and the other to Elladan. Elrohir wet his lips. He was not supposed to do this at all, but he snatched the parcel for Elladan and broke the seal. He chuckled nervously. “You are so wicked, Elrohir” – but he nonetheless opened the letter, and started reading.

I write you this letter because there is no reason for us to talk about it anymore. We will only have an argument, and that argument will lead to what it has always done, and we will have gotten nowhere nearer the goal. Was there even a goal, Elladan? Or was it just me who put something where it should never have been? Here at the moment of my departure I would like to believe that we had something once, and since you are not here to tell me I am silly, you will just have to listen to me for a change. I was ready to bind myself to you, but you chose others’ company, time and time again after returning to me, telling me I was seeing ghosts, and I needed not worry. I wanted to believe you so badly, Elladan, but I knew the lie in your honey-coated words. I cannot live like that anymore; I refuse to. And so I would have you know that I will journey home, and by the time this parcel reaches your hands I should be well halfway. I hope you find someone to mend that fickle heart of yours; I know I will never find anyone to replace you.

-May luck and love smile upon you-


Elrohir paled. Glorfindel! And he never suspected such a thing. Elrohir reread the letter. “Home?” he said to himself. “But, but… home is…” he gasped at his discovery. This was dire indeed. He grabbed both parcels and darted out the door, forgetting about Legolas and the candle burning in Erestor’s study.

He flung open Elladan’s chamber door. “Elladan, Elladan!” he panted. “Wake up!”
Elladan sat up with a disoriented look. “What?” he mumbled sleepily. “Where’s the fire?”

“Here,” Elrohir stated gravely and handed Elrohir the parcel, before sitting down on his brother’s bed, and lighting a candle for his twin.

Elladan looked at the letter and then at his brother. “This is a letter addressed to me, and yet the seal is broken. Are you of the delusion that your name mayhap be Elladan?” he said sarcastically.

“Just read,” Elrohir said and settled down.

“Alright,” Elladan answered and opened the parcel, beginning to read. Elrohir followed his brother’s facial expressions as they changed from normal, to deep red to deadly pale. “He left?” he whispered.

“It seems so,” Elrohir whispered back, and reached for his twin’s hand. “Oh Elladan, what did you do?” he asked softly.

“I…I…” Elladan whispered and then shook his head. “He really loved me,” he said more to himself than to Elrohir.

“Yes he did,” Elrohir answered and squeezed Elladan’s hand. “You should not have done as you did, my dear brother.” Elrohir moved closer to his brother to take his other hand too. “I love you, you know that, but you did not do Glorfindel’s heart justice, Elladan, you treated him unfairly.”

“I did, didn’t I?” he whispered. “But what am I to do?”

“I don’t know, Elladan, but if you love him, you’d better change your ways, fast – really fast,” Elrohir answered with a slight smile.

“I think I need one of those ludicrous plans of yours, Elrohir,” Elladan said, and looked up at his brother.

Elrohir looked thoughtful. “Follow your heart, no matter where it takes you.”

“Even if it takes me to the white shores?” Elladan whispered with teary eyes.

“Yes, even that,” Elrohir answered. “You need to take a stand for what you believe in and love, and if you love him, you’d better hurry up, for he’s leaving as we speak.”

“Would you?” Elladan asked innocently.

“For Legolas, yes I would,” Elrohir said without blinking. “I would follow him to whatever end, but the question is, do you love Glorfindel enough to do the same?”

Elladan bit his lip and squeezed Elrohir’s hands back. “I need to think, brother.”

When Elrohir had left his brother, he continued the search for Legolas, but now he had to find his father too and give the other parcel to him. And just when he was about to give up and hope that Legolas would return to their chambers by himself, he heard a familiar voice coming from the hall of fire. He went inside and saw Legolas and Erestor sitting there playing a game of chess. “There you are,” he said.

“Good morning, my love,” Legolas said and smiled.

Erestor turned his head and nodded. “Good morning, Elrohir.”

“It is the most horrendous morning of the past decade,” Elrohir sighed and walked over to kiss his mate.

“Why is that?” Legolas asked. “Because we are leaving?”

“No, my love,” Elrohir laughed. “I know you look forward to seeing your home again. No, it is Elladan.”

“Glorfindel, he found out,” Erestor said in a soft tone.

“Yes he did,” Elrohir said and leaned against his mate. His heart went out to his twin, and he felt like he needed his husband’s support to keep him sane. “Are you all packed and ready?” he asked.

“Yes, and you?” Legolas asked.

“I am. You go to the kitchen and pick up the drinking hides and the lembas; I need to see my father,” Elrohir said, ignoring Erestor’s questioning look at the parcel in his hand.

“I will,” Legolas said and made a move to stand up, “if you kiss me first.”

Elrohir leaned in and kissed his mate before he stood up. “I will see you in the stables in a hour. We ride at dawn,” he said before leaving the room.


They met at the stables later, and Legolas seemed to be glowing with happiness. “I can’t believe it, we are actually going,” he whispered to his horse, which made Elrohir laugh. “I am sure that once this animal carries you to Mirkwood, the two of you won’t be buddies anymore!”

Legolas stuck out his tongue and mounted the little white mare, leading her to the courtyard where Elrond and Elladan stood. Behind him he heard Elrohir’s horse. They rode over to the two waiting elves and jumped down. “Are you going to be alright, Elladan?” Elrohir asked.

“I will be fine, little brother,” Elladan said with a sad smile. “I know what I must do.”

“I am glad,” Elrohir answered and hugged his brother. “I am sorry to leave you in midst of all this turmoil.” “Don’t worry, Elrohir, I have ada to look after, so please come home soon,” he teased and kissed his brothers forehead.

Elrohir turned to hug his father as well and whispered, “We will be home shortly, all three of us.”

“I will miss you all,” Elrond whispered back. “I pray you have a safe journey.”

“Thank you,” Elrohir answered and then leaned in to whisper in his father’s ear. “Take care of Elladan for me.”

“I will, trust me,” Elrond chuckled. “Now be off before Legolas has a nervous breakdown!”

Elrohir let go of this father and turned to look at Legolas, who was manically stroking the horse’s side. “Yes, you are right, father,” Elrohir said and smiled. “Come Legolas, let us ride,” he said and mounted his horse.

Legolas let out a breath he was not aware he had been holding. “Yes!” Before he too mounted his horse he tuned to look at Elladan and Elrond. “Thank you, Elrond. I owe you more than I can express, and Elladan – please take care,” he said before he turned the horse and swiftly left the courtyard.

Elrohir shrugged. “Never was one for proper etiquette,” he chuckled and hurried after his husband.


Elrond had been brooding all afternoon, worrying about Elrohir and Legolas. Waiting for news from Lorien, with word that Haldir, Orophin and Amcar had reached there in safety. And on top of it all he was worried about Elladan and Glorfindel. It had come as a shock to him that the counsellor had left like that, leaving him only a mere parcel. He had been Glorfindel’s friend for decades, and he was puzzled as to why the blond had not confided in him to begin with. Why had he taken this so far? Elrond knew Glorfindel had left because of Elladan, and he knew they had been lovers. He had never really approved of the thought; he had known it would end wrong, as Glorfindel was serious and mature in the matters of his heart, and Elladan was shallow and childish. Well, if Elladan wanted to confide in him, he would do so by himself, and pushing him would lead to nothing.

He let out yet another sigh as a knock on his door told him it was time to greet the men from Gondor. He got up and left for the dining halls. He had learned through experience that when dealing with mortal men, eating always seemed to improve their mood.


They had been dining for some time, when Elladan suddenly crashed through the doors, dressed in his riding suit. “Ada,” he said.

“Elladan, my dear son. I’m glad you come to see me, but this is hardly the time,” Elrond said and gestured towards the men, who did not seem to understand a word they were saying.

“Here,” Elladan said and laid his princely head jewel on the table.

Elrond looked at it, and then up at Elladan, raising a brow in question. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I renounce my claim,” Elladan said. “I will follow my heart, ada. I will go to whatever ends. And therefore I should not have a claim to this realm.”

“Dearest Elladan,” Elrond said, looking at his son in disbelief. “Please stop and think.”

“I have been thinking, ada,” Elladan said. “Elrohir has a family, and an heir. It is only fair the place at your right side belongs to him.”

“But it belongs to you,” Elrond said and massaged his temples; this was just not his day.

“I care not! And I do not wish it anymore,” Elladan said and smiled before he leaned in and hugged his father. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too, Elladan. But…” Elrond whispered back.

Elladan freed himself from Elrond’s arms and smiled. “I hope I will be back shortly, ada, farewell.” And with those words he quickly left the dining hall. Elrond stood up and called after him, but Elladan didn’t turn back. He knew what he had to do. He knew he had no other option left, and he knew he had been a fool.

As he galloped over the bridge leaving his childhood home, he had a grave look on his face. He was determined to find Glorfindel and make wrongs right. Whatever it might take.


You’re too important for anyone
You play the role of all you long to be
But I, I know who you really are
You’re the one who cries when you’re alone

But where will you go
With no one left to save you from yourself
You can’t escape
You can’t escape

You think that I can’t see right through your eyes
Scared to death to face reality
No one seems to hear your hidden cries
You’re left to face yourself alone

I realize you’re afraid
But you can’t abandon everyone
You can’t escape
You don’t want to escape

Evanescence – Where will you go

Chapter 12 – With no one left to save you from yourself.

Rumil had been heartbroken that he had overslept and missed his brothers’ departure, but Elrond had explained the circumstances to him, and logically he could understand why they had been in a hurry. He had gone home to his lover again, and moped around for the remainder of the day, until he had fallen asleep on the bed, still wearing all his clothes.

And now he woke to the chirping of birds outside. He blinked and looked at the sun outside. It was high, which could only mean it was midday or even later. He turned and looked fondly at Celendir who slept beside him. The poor elf looked exhausted. Rumil smiled to himself. He was the kindest and most handsome elf he had ever seen. He kissed Celendir’s hand as it rested on the pillow, and the dark-haired elf wrinkled his nose in unconscious irritation at being touched while sleeping.

Rumil began to gently caress his lover’s hand, and smiled once more. This elf was the wisest, prettiest and most perfect being, and if he had the privilege to wake beside this wonderful creature every morning, then he was the luckiest soul on Arda.

Celendir stirred and his eyes slowly fluttered open, only to look into Rumil’s honey-coloured eyes. “Good morning my sweet,” Rumil whispered.

“Morning,” Celendir repeated and smiled. “Feeling better?”

“Yes, I am,” Rumil answered truthfully. He had been so sad thinking of what he had lost, and how much he missed his brothers, that he had not even noticed Celendir’s gentle care, had not seen what he had just gained.

“I think you should go to Elrond today and ask if you can get a letter to Lorien with the next messenger going there,” the smith whispered and smiled, letting his thumb gently run over Rumil’s cheek.

“Yes, I should,” Rumil whispered back, “but not yet.”

“No?” Celendir said with obvious confusion.

“No, first I want to stay in bed here with you for a little while longer,” he said with a wolfish grin.

“Sounds like a plan,” Celendir chuckled and pulled Rumil closer.

Rumil chuckled and kissed his lover gently. “I love you,” he whispered, amazed at this confession himself.

Celendir blushed ever so slightly. “I love you too,” he answered and kissed his lover back with more urgency than the previous kiss.

The galadhrim rolled on top of the smith, and when they broke the kiss he smiled mischievously, and sat up, straddling the elf below. He pulled off his tunic in a quick movement and relished the touches his lover bestowed on his chest, the smith’s hands moving down to open his leggings. He shifted his weight so he could pull them off, and lay down on top of the sheets covering his lover.

Celendir kissed Rumil and wrapped his arms around the slender frame. “What did I ever do before I met you?” he whispered.

“Wanked?” Rumil answered sweetly and laughed softly.

“You… you,” Celendir gasped adoringly and began to tickle Rumil, until their position was suddenly reversed and Celendir was on top of Rumil. “Now what are you going to do?”

“Yield,” Rumil whispered and smiled.

“Good,” Celendir chuckled and removed the offending pieces of clothing between them, before he began to kiss his lover’s soft skin, while reaching down to prepare his lover for this intrusion that would soon follow. He needed this, needed to feel himself inside his lover soon. He was so aroused it felt like his abdomen was a ball of fire, for he had done nothing that night but to dream of his lover, dreams of rope and needy whimpers. One day he would teach his lover these secret desires, but not yet, now he just needed to map the galadhrim’s body and strengthen their bond, then perhaps someday they could find such pleasure as presented itself in his dreams.

Rumil spread his legs and surrendered to the feeling of Celendir’s fingers inside him. He needed this release, needed this moment of love to chase away his sadness, and his loss.

“Turn over” Celendir whispered, and Rumil did. He turned onto his stomach, feeling Celendir’s fingers retreat, only to be replaced by something far bigger. He pushed against his lover, and got what he wanted, as Celendir sheathed himself in one smooth move. The smith regretted that his need for this was so urgent. He had wanted to kiss each part of his lover, and run his fingertips over every inch of skin. But they both needed this, he could feel it, and he could hear it in Rumil’s pleading little whimpers, urging him to move more quickly.

They both set an impossible pace for their lovemaking, it seemed as if they were two animals in heat, racing for release in order to secure the species. But their sounds were softer, and more needy than any animal could ever be. Following each other in climax, they suddenly stopped and slumped down sweaty and spent in the sheets.

“I love you,” Rumil repeated with a dazed grin.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Celendir said and looked worried.

“No, my love,” Rumil said with a smile. “Although I think I might sit funny at the dinner table.”

“Then sit on my lap,” Celendir whispered, giggling.

“In your dreams,” Rumil replied and kissed his newfound love and happiness.


In the distance Haldir finally saw the Golden Woods, and his heart sang of joy. They were home. “Look, Orophin,” he said happily. “Lorien.”

“I see it, brother,” Orophin answered and smiled happily. “I am glad to be home.”

“I will be glad once I get off this horse,” Haldir answered and looked down at Amcar who cooed happily and tugged at Haldir’s mantle. The elfling had quickly gotten used to living on the road, and he did not seem to miss his mother too much. Haldir smiled. All he ever needed or wanted was in this little tiny elf. And he had never thought it would be possible to love this much. He had thought he had loved before, but not like this – not this all-consuming love he felt for Amcar. “You will become the most enthralling elf ever, little one,” he chuckled. “I will have to have aid from your uncles to fight off suitors.”

Orophin laughed. “I promise to have some extra sharp arrows, come that time!”

“Come that time,” Haldir repeated and smiled at his brother.


As Legolas and Elrohir were riding over the large marsh, the half-elf noticed his lover looking sadder by the hour. “Legolas, my love?” he asked softly, and when the blond didn’t reply he tried again. “Legolas? What is wrong?” he said a bit louder and gently touched his husband’s shoulder. Legolas looked up at Elrohir, but didn’t utter a word. And so the dark-haired elf continued in the same soothing tone. “Is it Amcar?”

Legolas shook his head. “No, I am fairly sure he will be safe with Haldir,” and a faint smile ghosted over Legolas fair face. “’Tis but an older wound.”

“I am sorry,” Elrohir said, and thought to himself, when Legolas was ready to share, he would.

“I am frightened of what my father will do upon seeing me once more,” the blond said. “We did not part on the best of terms.”

“I am sorry,” Elrohir said again, feeling completely stupid, but he knew not what else to say. He could not share his husband’s pain.

“I can’t help but wonder if I shall return alive at all, and I wish to see Amcar again- Oh Elrohir, why did I ever want to do this?” Legolas said with a desperate tone to his voice.

“We can just turn around and ride to Lorien instead; it is not too late,” Elrohir said softly and caressed Legolas’ cheek.

“No, I need to do this.” Legolas smiled faintly once more. “And I can only do it because you are right here with me.”

Elrohir resisted the urge to wrap his arms around his lover, and pull them both from the horse. “I am glad you wanted me here, my love,” he finally whispered and reached for Legolas’ hand. His husband took it, and so hand in hand they rode on towards Mirkwood, not saying a word, but each lost in his own thoughts.


Elladan was riding the same route he was sure Glorfindel had taken. He urged his horse on as fast as it would take him, wishing and praying that he would see the large elf every time he turned a corner. But as day turned to dusk, he had still not seen his beloved on the horizon. He cursed Asfaloth for being able to ride so fast. And hoped his frustrated thoughts would reach the horse, or better yet his beloved.

He did not see the dark silhouettes hiding in the trees. His mind was focused on Glorfindel. And so when the first blow ripped him from his horse, he was absolutely confused. When the kicks and blows came too fast, he had no time to go for his weapons, and he just curled up trying to protect the more vulnerable parts of his body.

The mysterious assault stopped suddenly. He slowly looked up, and received a stinging pain to his cheek, as a knife cut his skin. He was frightened, but furious. What was this? Why was this happening to him? Who were these people? He blinked and looked up at the highway robber, who had wrapped a cloth around all but his eyes. “Gold,” the man said with a rough voice, and when Elladan didn’t answer right away, the man rewarded him with another kick to his kidneys. Elladan yelped in pain, but shook his head to signal he had no gold.

The leader of the robbers did not seem to believe him, and repeated his question, but this time more harshly. “Gold!”

Elladan wet his lips and said, “I have none,” as his hand wandered down to his waist, to grab his daggers, but they were gone. The robbers were no fools apparently, and took no chances.

The leader of the robbers squinted his eyes and in aggravation lashed out and cut Elladan once more time on his arm, and seemed to give up then, realising that the elf had nothing of value besides his weapons. They took his weapons with them as they silently disappeared into the shadows once more, leaving Elladan lying on the ground.

After a while he slowly sat up again and wiped blood from his cheek, and grasped his shoulder as he felt a constant throb there. He whistled for his horse, which had run away from the commotion, and within minutes he heard its hooves thunder in his direction.

Once the horse arrived he slowly got up and mounted it again. “We must hurry, my friend,” he whispered and felt his own childish tears threaten to fall as he realised just what a setback this had been. He clung to the horse and urged it back into its previous speed once more.


Come on, step inside, and you’ll realize.
Tell me what you need, tell me what to be.
What’s your vision?
You’ll see, what do you expect of me?
I cant live that lie.

Really want me to be a good son. Why?
You make me feel like no one.

Let me strip the pain, let me not give in.
Free me of your life, inside my heart dies.
Your dreams never achieved, don’t lay that shit on me.
Let me live my… life.

Korn – Dead bodies everywhere

Chapter 13 – Something I can never ever be.

Days passed in silence between Legolas and Elrohir, and even though the half-elf ached for some intimacy from his husband, he respected Legolas’ need for sorting out his thoughts before facing his father. The tension between them seemed to build the closer they came to Mirkwood. And once they steered onto the path that led right into the forest, Legolas no longer even tolerated the touch of his husband.

The last night they spent in the forest was also spent in silence, with Elrohir watching the flames, and Legolas sitting on the other side of the fire. Elrohir wanted to say something to sooth Legolas somehow, and reassure him that whatever happened, he would stay with him, but he remembered when he had tried to take Legolas’ hand earlier the blond had shied away from him.

Right now Elrohir wished he had never had this stupid idea that his husband would sort out what laid heavy on his mind. He wished they were home in Imladris, eating a proper dinner and watching Amcar struggling with his soft toy star, with squeals of happiness every time he dropped it in his own head. Elrohir sighed. If Legolas could endure this so could he, and he rolled up under his blanket, hoping he would get some sleep this night.

Next morning, they packed up and rode on, finally reaching the boundaries of Mirkwood, and now Elrohir felt a cold hand in his. He turned and smiled at Legolas who managed a strained smile back, and nodded to Elrohir. “I am ready,” he whispered and spurred his horse and rode with Elrohir into the woods.

After moments they heard a voice yell. “Halt, strangers!” cried an elf and he dropped down from a tree in front of them. He wore the uniform of Mirkwood. At first the elf looked sinister, and Elrohir thought about going for his sword, but then the guard’s facial expression changed and now he only looked puzzled. “Your highness?” the guard whispered and stepped closer. “Prince Legolas? Is that really you?”

“A-aye,” Legolas whispered and squeezed Elrohir’s hand hard. “Will you grant me entrance, for I wish audience with my father.”

“My prince, do you not recognize me? It is I, Telin,” the guard said and pulled back his hood, allowing his own red-golden hair flow in the mild breeze.

“Telin?” Legolas said and looked over at Elrohir, and then back at the elf in front of them. “You gave me your bow.”

“Yes I did, and I hope it kept you safe,” Telin said and smiled.

“I still carry it,” Legolas answered. “So yes, it kept both me and my baby safe.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Telin started and moved closer to the horses.

“I had a son,” Legolas said, sensing the question. “His name is Amcar, but I left him in Lorien.”

“Congratulations!” Telin said and smiled. “Amcar is a beautiful name for a no doubt beautiful babe.”

They stopped the conversation there and Telin nodded to someone in the forest. “Ride on, my prince. I pray all goes well with your father.”

“So do I, and thank you for all you have done, Telin,” Legolas answered and spurred his horse as soon as the guard stepped off the trail.

And so they rode to the palace in the heart of Mirkwood.

His arrival made quite the uproar, and once outside his father’s door, he let go of Elrohir’s hand, and spoke to the guard at the door. “Will you say Legolas and Prince Elrohir are here, and we wish to see King Thranduil.”

The guard nodded and went into the hall, only to come out a second later deathly pale. “The king will see you in his study,” he said.

Legolas nodded and began to move forward, as did Elrohir, but the guard stopped Elrohir. “Not you.”

And for the first time Elrohir spoke. “What? Why?”

“You are to come with me,” the guard said and shrugged. “The kings instructions.”

Legolas just nodded at Elrohir, who looked like he was in inner turmoil. “Please do as he says, Elrohir.”

“But I promised…” the Rivendell prince started, but Legolas cut him off with a hand gesture.

“I know, but this I apparently have to do myself,” Legolas answered and smiled before he turned and left towards his fathers study.

He walked down the familiar corridor on the huge talan, and knocked lightly on the door before he entered. He kept his gaze locked to the floor and his heart beat as wildly as a rabbit’s. “Thank you for seeing me, Thranduil King,” he mumbled.

Thranduil looked Legolas up and down before he said softly, “Raise your head Legolas, look at me.”

Legolas looked up, and saw his father for the first time in what seemed decades. “I came to settle our differences if you wish your, your majesty,” he said and fought hard not to look at the floor once more.

“Legolas please, I am your father,” Thranduil said and stretched a hand towards his son, who immediately took it and stepped closer.

“I missed you, father,” he admitted.

“And I missed you,” Thranduil said. “So are you home to stay?”

“No,” Legolas said feeling guilty, and kneeled in front of his father’s chair, never letting go of the hand. “I will journey back with Elrohir to Lorien, and to my son.”

“Do you call that aberration your son?” Thranduil asked with genuine worry.

Legolas’ face hardened. “Yes, he is my son, and he is not a freak father, he is my *son*, just as Elrohir is my husband.”

“Did that smitten half-elf father the child?” Thranduil said, still staring at his son in disbelief.

“He is my *husband* father, he is not smitten, nor did he father Amcar.”

“Pray tell son, who did father or what you call it, that *thing*,” the king said, keeping his iron grip on Legolas’ hand.

“The chief of the Galadhrim,” Legolas answered truthfully.

“A servant,” Thranduil stated. “A servant, and a half elf. Legolas, how could you?” he said in a blaming tone.

“Father – don’t,” Legolas said and looked at his father pleadingly.

“I am the king, child. I can think as I like,” Thranduil sneered in a tone that allowed no discussion.

“I wish only for a mending, father, there is no reason for a feud, please…” Legolas said and rested his head against his father’s hand.

“There are no ill words between you and I, my son,” Thranduil said.

Legolas looked up again, and smiled. “Does this mean you will accept Elrohir and Amcar?”

The king chuckled. “Do not worry, my son. They need not to be a part of your life.”

The prince paled. “They are my husband and son, they *are* my life, father.”

Thranduil shook his head. “So young, and so naïve.”

Legolas let go of his father and quickly moved back from the king. “What did you do, father? Where is Elrohir?”

“Not in Mirkwood anymore,” Thranduil answered cryptically.

“Father!” Legolas exclaimed. “What did you do to Elrohir?” The prince was on the verge of screaming, but he resisted, and instead he ran a hand through his hair.

“He was escorted to the border, nothing more,” Thranduil said calmly and folded his hands under his chin.

“We are bound to one another, father, you had no right,” Legolas gasped and turned to leave his father’s study.

“As I said, my son, I have every right to everything, I am the king, and besides that I am your father,” Thranduil replied.

“I came for truce, father,” Legolas said and narrowed his eyes. “Banning my husband does not seem like a act of kindness to me.”

“Some day you will see I did you a favour, my son,” Thranduil whispered.

“I will rue the day,” Legolas hissed and picked something from his pocket and tossed it on the table.

“What is this?” Thranduil said and reached for the object.

“It is my royal pin,” Legolas said coldly. “You keep it, Thranduil king, for I have no need for it.”

Thranduil paled and looked up at Legolas. “You don’t really mean that, you’ll see. You will forget about this foolish little fling of yours in time.”

“Father!” Legolas yelled, and slammed his fist into the wooden desk. “Amcar is my *son*, and Elrohir my husband; if you ban them from your kingdom, you ban me also.”

The king frowned. “Is that a fact? And who said you would be allowed to leave?”

“Are you going to shackle me up in your dungeon, father?” Legolas asked, fearing that this might be just what his father intended.

“Mayhap,” Thranduil chuckled.

My father has gone mad, Legolas thought to himself and shook his head. “I am sorry it had to be like this,” Legolas whispered, and felt ridiculously close to tears. He had loved his father once, and in so many ways he still did. He missed the elf that sat on the other side of the desk terribly. But his love for his child exceeded the love he had for his father. “Perhaps we will see each other again someday under better circumstances.” Legolas turned to leave. He heard Thranduil yell behind him, but he paid no heed to his words and angry warnings.

A guard tried to stop him, but he quickly drew his knives and hissed, “If you hold your life dear, fetch me my horse instead.” He was surprised when the guard complied, and he rushed after him to the stables. He was in too much of a hurry to pay attention to the pain in his heart. But things could be no other way.

I know you’ve every right to feel grief
You’ve not had anything that u need
But u put your head on my shoulder
‘Til I whisper u something

It don’t take much to have a good time
A lot of lovemaking and a little wind
And u got to be willing

U stand tall and u stand strong
U try ruthless compassion
For yourself and for everyone
Yeah it’s hard but it can be done
But U put your head on my shoulder
‘Til I whisper u something

If you’ve never seen a good time
How would u recognise one?

Sinead O’Connor – ‘Till I whisper you something

Chapter 14 – Sit with me and I will listen

Legolas rode from the city of his childhood towards the path leading out of the city. Deep in his own thoughts, he was startled by Telin, who came riding in the opposite direction. “My prince?” Telin said.

“Telin,” Legolas uttered and smiled. “Was it you who escorted my husband to the border?”

“Aye,” Telin nodded. “Shall I take you to him?”

“Please do,” Legolas said, looking up at Telin.

Telin bit his lip and gathered his courage. “Have you been crying, my prince?”

“Yes,” Legolas answered truthfully, even though he would rather have just dismissed the guard. “And please do not call me prince; I don’t have a title anymore.”

“You will always be my prince,” Telin said with a doting smile.

Legolas turned his head and looked at Telin. “Just what are you implying, my friend?” he asked, trying to sound as he did not care, but in fact he was more than happy that he had the faithfulness of this soldier at least.

“If you go, I will go with you,” Telin said and suddenly clasped his mouth with a gloved hand. “That is if you and your husband will let me,” he added shyly.

Legolas laughed softly. “But of course, Telin. Perhaps I can try and repay the kindness you showed me.”

Telin smiled and cleared his throat and made his horse halt. He dismounted and looked up at Legolas. “Come, I helped your husband build a shelter here so he could wait for you.”

“You did?” Legolas exclaimed and jumped down from the horse and smiled at Telin once more. “I do not think that neither I nor Elrohir will ever be able to repay your kindness.”

“You are too kind,” Telin mumbled and guided Legolas into the bushes, towards a small clearing where he saw Elrohir sitting and sorting out some berries.

“Legolas!” Elrohir yelled happily and got to his feet to hurry and kiss his beloved. “What are you doing here already?”

“I left” Legolas said in a flat voice, letting go of his husband to tie the horse to a tree. He turned and looked at Elrohir with a worried look. “Did they hurt you?”

“No,” Elrohir answered. “But they probably would have, if you had not had true friends here,” the dark-haired elf said and smiled at Telin.

Telin smiled and cleared his throat. “I will return for provisions then.”

“Yes,” Legolas said. “That is a splendid idea.”

“Provisions?” Elrohir said. “What for?”

“For us, silly. Telin is going with us to Lorien!” Legolas said and laughed softly, making his way to the fireplace and sitting down next to the large variety of berries.

“Tomorrow at dawn then,” Telin said and hurried off, leaving Elrohir and Legolas alone.

Elrohir made his way and sat next to Legolas, leaning his head against his husband’s shoulder. “Are you sad?” he whispered.

“Well, yes and no,” Legolas admitted. “I am sad it had to be like this.” He turned his head and kissed Elrohir’s dark hair. “But I can never really be sad when you are around.”

“I love you, you know that,” Elrohir said and wrapped his arm around Legolas’ waist. “I would never have left Mirkwood without you. Not even your father can keep me from you.”

“I know that,” Legolas said and picked up a berry. But then instead of eating it himself, he offered it to Elrohir, who gladly parted his lips and ate the berry from his lover’s fingers, suggestively letting his lips linger longer than necessary. Legolas picked up one more and fed it to Elrohir, who this time sucked on his fingers. The blond smiled to himself and picked up yet another berry, but placed it between his own teeth, and used his hands to turn Elrohir’s head so they made eye contact.

Elrohir giggled cheekily but leaned in and gently pried the berry from Legolas’ teeth with his tongue. But he did not stop there; he continued to kiss his husband, and Legolas wrapped both arms around his neck. As they broke off the kiss Elrohir looked at his beautiful husband. “Are you sure you feel like making love now?” he whispered.

Legolas smiled. “I am sure,” he whispered back. “I need to feel close to you, and I did not choose you for a husband because of your dashing looks,” he teased while he started to open Elrohir’s tunic.

“Is that a fact?” Elrohir said matter-of-factly. “Pray tell, Mirkwood elf, why did you choose me then?”

Legolas chuckled as he pulled Elrohir’s tunic off. “Because of your other skills,” he said, and let his fingertips brush over his lovers’ nipple.

“Oh, my hidden talents,” Elrohir said with a thick voice, as he too started to remove Legolas’ clothing.

“Indeed, your hidden talents,” Legolas whispered and leaned in to kiss Elrohir’s nipple, gently tilting his lover to the ground. “Just as I am going to share my hidden talents with you, that would only be fair, do you not think?”

Elrohir nodded eagerly, perhaps a bit too eagerly, but he didn’t care. This did not happen often and he had learned to relish it. And he closed his eyes as he felt Legolas pull his leggings and boots off, leaving Elrohir naked. The blond then stood up, and started to remove his own clothes. Elrohir opened his eyes and looked again, but every time he tried to touch the newly revealed pale, soft skin, Legolas batted his hands away.

When Legolas finally finished his little dance, Elrohir felt himself painfully aroused, and more than happy that Legolas was willing to do this. He noticed the blond’s eyes search and apparently find what he was looking for as the perfect little mouth formed an O. And he reached out for something Elrohir could not see. “This will have to work,” Legolas mumbled and coated his fingers in leather grease, inserting his fingers slowly inside Elrohir, making his lover relax and ready for what was to come. He leaned in and suckled on Elrohir’s ear tip, causing the half-elf under him to jerk and thrash violently. “You are ever so beautiful like this,” Legolas whispered and trailed kisses to his husband’s mouth.

Elrohir kissed Legolas back, and wrapped his arms around the blond’s neck, feeling himself moan loudly into the kiss as Legolas hit a little spot inside him that released tiny sparks in his entire body. He was feeling quite happy when his husband finally removed his fingers. Elrohir let him guide his feet to Legolas’ own shoulders, so he would have easier access when he was ready to inch inside. But to Elrohir’s surprise he did not inch, he made one long smooth thrust and sheathed himself. This made Elrohir arch his back and groan in momentary discomfort, but that quickly turned to lust as Legolas began to move, massaging his insides, and with a firm grip around his erection stroking as he thrust. Elrohir moaned in delight and let both his own arms fall to the ground over his head.

Legolas thrust, making sure he was making it as good for Elrohir as possible. He sped up and listened to the sweet moans from his husband, as he could hear Elrohir got closer to his climax, watching the sweat form on the smooth skin. He had always loved this trait about Elrohir, besides his freckles. The fact that he formed the thin layer of sweat during their lovemaking had to be due to his mortal ancestors.

As much as Legolas wanted to just push on and lead them both into oblivion, he stopped and turned his head, kissing Elrohir’s foot tenderly. “I love you,” he whispered, and used one hand to move the foot, so he could kiss every one of Elrohir’s toes. The dark-haired elf purred and kept rotating his abdomen, to make Legolas’ erection brush his now too sensitive spots inside.

“P-please,” Elrohir breathed and bit his lips.

Legolas stopped kissing Elrohir’s toes, and looked down on Elrohir, whose brow was furrowed as if he were in pain. The blond smiled, and placed his husband’s foot back on his shoulder, he started to thrust again. Elrohir arched his back to feel his lover more, and within minutes he felt the fuzzy whirlwind drag him down, as he released himself on his own stomach.

Legolas followed in his climax, jerking irregularly as he slumped down on top of Elrohir. And just then he felt it. A little spark inside that had not been there before. “Oh,” he gasped.

Elrohir opened his eyes and wrapped his arms lazily around his husband. “Is something wrong?” he breathed.

“No, my love. Everything is just the way it should be,” Legolas whispered back, and kissed Elrohir’s sweaty throat.


Glorfindel had arrived at the elven harbour. He dismounted Asfaloth and looked at the gate. “This is it, my friend,” he whispered to the horse.

He opened the saddlebag and pulled out some lembas bread, and broke off a little piece and offered it to the large horse, as he took a piece himself too. “I cannot help but think this is perhaps wrong; perhaps I should just try and rejoice in other things in Middle-earth than love for another elf.”

He sighed and rested his head against the warm animal. “If you could speak, you would probably tell me to shut up,” he said with a smile.

The horse tensed, and its ears turned like mad. Glorfindel looked up at the animal. “What is wrong, Asfaloth?” he asked but the horse just turned its head to see where the noise came from. Glorfindel turned as well, seeing a rider in the horizon, coming towards them with insane haste. “What in the name of…” he gasped.

His eyes widened as the rider came closer. “Elladan?” he whispered. “You came, you really came!”

I thought love was
Only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else
But not for me
Love was out to get to me
That’s the way it seems
Disappointment haunted
All my dreams

I thought love was
More or less a given thing
But the more I gave the less
I got, oh yeah
What’s the use in trying
All you get is pain
When I wanted sunshine
I got rain

And then I saw her face
Now I’m a believer
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I’m in love
I’m a believer
I couldn’t leave her
If I tried

The monkeys – Then I saw her face

Chapter 15 – Not a trace of doubt in my mind

Elrond relaxed upon hearing Galadriel speak in his mind, telling him that Haldir, Orophin and Amcar had safely returned. And reassuring him that it would not be long before he would see Elrohir and Legolas once again. He had tried to pry information from her about Elladan, but she had stayed silent, just saying that things would work out the way they needed to, for even she could not see into the hearts of others.

The lord of Imladris would have to settle for that cryptic message, and so he had nothing else to do but wait; wait for news of his children, or better yet, for their safe return.


Elladan had stopped his horse and now walked towards Glorfindel. He was more than thrilled to find his beloved had not left the shores yet, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t leave eventually. “Glorfindel?” Elladan whispered.

“Elladan,” Glorfindel answered, trying to keep his face emotionless. Oh how he wanted to pull the young half-elf in for a hug, and assure him that everything was alright, but he would be fooling himself, for it was not alright, even if the young one had come all this way.

“I got your letter,” Elladan tried, and stepped closer.

The Elda did not know what possessed him at that moment, but he raised his hand and slapped Elladan across the face as hard as he could. “You…you…” he hissed.

Elladan took a step back from the sudden pain. Faster than he had thought himself capable of, he slapped Glorfindel back. “Why did you just leave?” he yelled.

Glorfindel blinked, confused at the slap, and lowered his gaze. “Why did you come here?” he mumbled.

“Because I love you and I would rather journey with you than abandon you,” Elladan said softly and stepped closer, caressing the red mark his slap had left on Glorfindel’s cheek. “I was so afraid I would not catch you before you left.”

“That was the plan,” Glorfindel whispered and looked up at Elladan. Why had he come here? Why did he have to torment him so?

Elladan took Glorfindel’s face in his hands and make him look directly at him. “Was that really what you wanted?”

Glorfindel sighed and removed Elladan’s hands from his face. “Go home, penneth.”

The dark-haired elf looked away from Glorfindel. “I have no home in Imladris,” he whispered and looked up at his former lover’s azure blue eyes. “My home is at your side, where ever you choose to reside.”

“You don’t really mean that, Elladan,” Glorfindel said and crossed his arms.

“Yes I do. I renounced my claim to lordship of Rivendell, and I was ready to follow you if I had not caught you here.”

“To Valinor?” Glorfindel gasped. “You were ready to do that for me?”

Elladan nodded. “I ‘do’ love you! Please, please forgive me my folly in the past, and let me go with you.”

The blond shook his head. “No, it is not your time to travel to the white shores, my friend.”

The former prince dropped to his knees in a last desperate attempt. “Please, Glorfindel, I will do whatever you ask of me, but please do not send me from your side.”

Glorfindel looked down at Elladan, and a vague smile crossed his face. He reached down and pulled him up to his feet again. “All I ever asked of you was for you to love me,” he whispered.

Elladan instantly wrapped his arms around Glorfindel and buried is head in the golden hair. His heart skipped a beat. He had thought he had lost him, thought he would never again feel Glorfindel this close. “I do, I do,” he whispered.

The blond sighed before he too wrapped his arms around Elladan. “I love you too, but I cannot live like that, you have to understand.”

“I would rather cut off my arm than to see you hurt again, knowing that hurt was my doing,” Elladan whispered and felt tears of guilt and joy fall from his eyes and wet Glorfindel’s neck. “I have been so blind, my love. Can you ever forgive me?”

Glorfindel kissed Elladan’s hair, and felt his own tears start to run. “I will in time, my love,” he whispered.

Elladan raised his head, and tilted his face upwards so he could kiss the large elf. Their kiss was sweet and filled with love, leaving both elves panting when they broke it off. “Come with me back to Rivendell,” Elladan whispered.

“Yes,” Glorfindel whispered, “let us return to Rivendell.”

Later they decided to make camp, and after they lit the fire, Glorfindel looked closely at Elladan. “What happened to you?”

“Robbers,” Elladan answered. “Don’t think about it.”

“But that is terrible!” Glorfindel gasped. “Let me see if you are injured.” Elladan was about to protest, but decided to just let Glorfindel remove his tunic to check for injuries. “We’d better treat these wounds,” he said with a frown. “They might get infected.”

Elladan nodded, just happy to feel Glorfindel’s hands on his skin. He could not believe he had not seen what was right in front of him, that he had been able to ignore the calling of his blood and soul. “It hurts a little right there,” he whispered and pointed at his cheek.

Glorfindel chuckled and kissed the bruised cheek. “There, better now?” he whispered.

“And there,” Elladan whispered and pointed at his ear.

The blond kissed the lightly pointed ear lightly. “Anywhere else you are in unbearable pain?”

“Here,” Elladan said and pointed at his lips, smiling as Glorfindel kissed him, and after breaking off the kiss, Elladan slowly lay down on the bedroll. “And a little bit all over.”

“You must be on the verge of death, my love,” Glorfindel laughed.

“Something like that, yes,” Elladan chuckled and dragged Glorfindel down to him. The Elda cuddled up to the younger elf and caressed the smooth skin of his bare chest. “Glorfindel?”

“Yes, my sweet?” Glorfindel answered, propping himself up on an elbow.

“Will you bind yourself to me?” Elladan asked seriously and bit his lip in a nervous move.

“Yes,” he whispered.

Elladan lit up in a smile. “Marvellous, you can be lady Glorfindel of Rivendell one day.”

Glorfindel had to laugh. “All ruled by the childlike lord Elladan.”

“Yes,” Elladan laughed, “and I am sure we can borrow a couple of elflings from Legolas and Elrohir, no one will ever notice.”

Glorfindel laughed and kissed Elladan’s cheek. “I guess I could donate,” he giggled.

Elladan’s eyes widened. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Don’t worry, I would never want anybody but you,” Glorfindel whispered and lay down on the ground again.

“Good, I am sure I can keep you occupied,” Elladan chuckled and snaked a hand down to Glorfindel’s bulge in his leggings and squeezed gently.

“I know you can,” the Elda whispered, “but not now, you need to heal first.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” Elladan whispered back and slowly sat up as he began to unlace Glorfindel’s leggings. The blond smiled smugly and stretched lazily. He would have liked to wait, as he was not entirely ready to just pick up where they had left, but he was not able to say no to Elladan either.

The half-elf finally managed to open Glorfindel’s leggings, and slowly made his way down to the exposed skin, kissing his love’s soft skin. Hearing Glorfindel purr, he pulled the tight leggings down, so the blond’s erection was freed. He smiled to himself before he kissed the swollen member. He licked it from the base to the top in one long stroke before he took it in his mouth, keeping Glorfindel’s hips down with his hands.

Glorfindel mewled and reached down to entangle his fingers in Elladan’s hair. He loved the feeling of Elladan’s little wet tongue swirling around his urgent need. Quickly, way, way too quickly he felt the little tinkling sensation bobble in his groin, indicating that he would last only a few seconds more. He had been missing this; it had been too long. But the climax he reached was nonetheless more shattering than anything he could recall before.

Feeling Glorfindel’s orgasm rush through the elf under him, Elladan made himself ready to take whatever his lover had to give him. He swallowed some, and released Glorfindel’s sated member, and cleaned the rest off with his sleeve. Pulling up his lover’s leggings, he crawled back to his place next to the blond on the bedroll. He kissed his lover’s slightly parted lips, as Glorfindel was still trying to ground himself. “Thank you,” he whispered and kissed the rosebud lips again. “Sleep tight, my love.”

When Glorfindel finally got his bearing he turned his head and whispered, “but what about you?” He received no answer, and so he yet again popped up on his elbow, and saw the young elf fast asleep. “I love you,” he whispered and kissed Elladan’s ear gently, before cuddling up to him, and drifting off into the much-needed sleep himself.

When I’ve walked in the garden
When everything’s quiet
Will you stay?
Will you be my lover?
I said will you be my lover?
I said will you be my babe?
When I lay down my head
At the end of my day

Nothing would
Nothing would please me better
Than I find that you’re there
When I lay down my head
At the end of my day
Nothing would
Nothing would please me better
Than I find that you’re there when I wake

Just like u said it would b

Sinead O’Connor – Just like you said it would be (slightly altered)

Chapter 16 – at the end of the day

Legolas had been riding in silence again, scaring Elrohir until he finally shook his husband’s shoulder lightly. “Legolas? Is something wrong? Are you still thinking of Mirkwood?”

Legolas looked over at Elrohir and smiled. “No, no my love, I was listening to Galadriel,” he said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“Grandmother far-spoke to you?” Elrohir gasped.

“Yes,” Legolas said with a goofy smile, “telling me something I suspected but didn’t know for sure.”

“But?” Elrohir said. “What is it?”

“I will tell you once we make camp, or reach Lorien,” Legolas said with the same odd grin.

Elrohir shook his head and looked over at Telin, who looked just as confused as he did.


Later than evening they saw the Golden Wood, and Legolas let out a sigh of relief. “Finally.”

“Is this Lorien?” Telin whispered to Elrohir, feeling like a complete fool.

“Yes my friend, this is Lorien,” Elrohir laughed. “You have never been here?”

“No,” Telin answered truthfully and blushed. “I have never been anywhere but Mirkwood.”

“Then I do believe you are in for quite a treat, Telin.”

“Treat?” Telin asked innocently.

“I gather you have never seen a Lorien elf in their natural surroundings,” Elrohir said wiggling an eyebrow suggestively.

“Gods no!” Telin gasped, as he understood what it was Elrohir was saying.

The prince laughed. “Well, you just wait till we reach Caras Galadon, my friend.”

Riding the same way they had done so many times before, they made their way through the hidden paths of the Golden Wood, until they saw the outlines of Caras Galadon in the sunset. “We’re here,” Elrohir said softly, patting Telin on the back and looking at Legolas. “Let us go and get Amcar,” he said softly.

“Yes” Legolas whispered and spurred his horse, not really caring what they thought of him, but his heart called out to see his son, he needed his child close. And before he had that, he could not even carry on a normal conversation. He felt like something would happen, something terrible, if he did not hurry.

Once inside the city of Lorien, Elrohir looked over at Telin who just stood and stared wide eyed. “Beautiful, aye?” he whispered.

“Beyond dreams,” Telin murmured, and looked gingerly at Elrohir.

“Come, I promised Legolas we would visit Haldir once we had our horses stabled,” Elrohir said and followed Legolas into the stables, leaving his horse with a servant there, and quickly running after Legolas who almost leaped over the main courtyard towards Haldir’s talan.


Haldir was getting ready for bed, feeling somewhat idiotic that he would have Amcar sleep nowhere but right beside him, when he suddenly heard a light knock on the door. He grew irritated. Who would bother him at this hour? They knew the child slept. But nevertheless he made his way to the door and opened it, and saw Legolas outside smiling sadly at him. “Haldir,” he said.

“Greetings Legolas,” Haldir whispered and gestured for silence before he stepped out to the little terrace. “You came.”

“Yes I came to…” Legolas wavered and looked up at Elrohir, and then at Haldir’s sad face. “I came to pick Amcar up in the morning; I just wanted to say we were here,” he finally whispered.

“Yes, thank you,” Haldir whispered back. “He is sleeping in my bed, if you want to go and see him,” he offered.

“Thank you,” Legolas sighed and silently moved inside the living room.

Elrohir squeezed Haldir’s slumping shoulders. “If it is any consolation, we will stay for some weeks.”

“It is,” Haldir said, and just then noticed yet another elf behind Elrohir. “Who are you?” he asked.

Telin stepped forward and looked at Haldir, the other Lorien elves were beautiful, yes, but this elf… he was beyond anything beautiful Telin had even seen in his life. Even more beautiful than the sun on the lake surface, and his voice, his voice was so soft. If he were the father of Legolas’ child, the child would have to be the most stunning elf in the universe. “I- I… am Telin.”

“A Mirkwood elf?” Haldir whispered and raised a brow. He should really visit Mirkwood some more. In the last rays of the sun and the candle light from his window he could just make out the beautiful lines of this young elf, and the extraordinary colour of the hair, like spun gold. “I am Haldir,” he said.

“Greetings Haldir,” Telin whispered and stepped closer, unable to take his eyes off Haldir’s.

“Greetings Telin,” Haldir said with a strange smile.

Elrohir swallowed a chuckle, they were so sweet, and as Legolas came out from the room again Elrohir tugged his sleeve. “Haldir?” he said.

Haldir did not even turn his head from Telin while answering, “Yes Elrohir?”

“We were wondering if Telin could borrow your spare bedroll, for Legolas and I need to go see the lady, and I am sure out new friend is tired,” Elrohir said looking at Legolas. They both knew it was not true, and Haldir probably did too, but they did not care.

“But of course,” Haldir answered before even knowing what it was he had answered to, and opening the door for Telin, who silently went inside with a goofy smile.

The door closed, leaving Elrohir and Legolas outside. Elrohir shook his head in amusement “Well my love, was Amcar fine?” he asked as he made a gesture for Legolas to crawl down the rope ladder first.

“He was just perfect, well fed and sleeping soundly,” Legolas said with a loving smile.

“See?” Elrohir said softly. “He has been just fine here.”

“Yes, Haldir has been taking good care of him,” Legolas admitted before he started to climb down the ladder.

And once they both were on the ground, Elrohir wrapped his arm around Legolas’ waist. “Come to my talan, and let us rest until tomorrow.”

Legolas nodded and leaned his head against Elrohir’s shoulder as they walked slowly towards Elladan and Elrohir’s guest talan.

“Elrohir?” Legolas cooed and entwined his fingers with his husband’s. “Are you not curious as to what Galadriel told me anymore?”

“Of course I am,” Elrohir answered and squeezed Legolas’ hand. “What did grandmother say?”

Legolas stopped and turned Elrohir so they stood at the foot at the rope ladder leading up to the princely talan. “She told me what I already suspected,” Legolas whispered.

“And that was?” Elrohir whispered back with a smile.

“That we,” Legolas said and pulled Elrohir close whispering in his lover’s ear, “are to have a little elfling.”

“Us? As in you and me?” Elrohir gasped.

“No, me and those 500 orcs I shagged!” Legolas chuckled. “Yes silly, you and me.”

“Can it be possible that I love you more every day?” Elrohir laughed, kissing his husband all over the face.

“I can’t tell,” Legolas jested and smiled, “but I know I love you more than I ever thought possible.”

“Come my love, you need your rest,” Elrohir said softly and winked.

“Yes, you are right, and I would like some pickled raspberries too,” Legolas stated.

“What?” Elrohir said and looked confused.

Legolas just laughed and patted his abdomen before he began to climb the rope ladder. This was what he had wanted all along, a family of his own, and a family of choice.

– The End-


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