disclaimer; dont own them, never claimed to, never will. im just goofing about
with them. they belong to the Tolkien estate.
warnings; AU, twin’cest implied, heavy angst, graphic violence, interspecies, non
sexual child abuse.
Pairings; Legolas/Theodred, Theodred/Eomer ,Elrohir/Dinalu (oc), Elladan/Irmo
Summary; Elladan goes insane from the loss of his twin, who chooses a lover far
away. Stricken by grief and madness, he decides to kill Elrohir’s lover, but in the
last minute changes his mind when he sees a little child, and he decides to take the
child instead and raise it as his own little friend/son. The child suffers a trauma
from the abduction and therefore goes mute. What will happen with the child?
Will he be returned to his parents? Will Elladan’s plan work? Or will he realise he
did something terrible?
A/N; I decided to give this fic its own opening page, because this must be the
strangest fic I ever wrote, and properly the longest too. It is a mix between allot of
things, but most of all two plot-bunny’s of Cheysuli’s, and then I added some
strange stuff of my own, and some from a slash RPG I play´, called in Silpions
light . This is very, very much AU and I am aware that the timeline can seem
messed up. And to make all this match, I made up a big brother for Legolas,
called Dinalu (roughly translated, Silent water). – And now to clear up some
issues that I know from experience will arise; there will figure child abuse (non
sexual), which is necessary for the plot. And a disease I am sure elves cannot get
should I stick to canon, but I am not. And as I said the timeline is like the wind
blows, this is NOT even close to canon it is but a story, so don’t bother to flame
me. Other stuff? Well this could perhaps be seen as a darkfic, but rest assured I
am a fluff girl at heart, even though I like darkfic’s, I actually am a sucker for
happy endings, so rest assured that this will have one of those too. Thanks to;
Miriel, Bersa, Elrohir, Anestel & BlueGold (from the RPG), Cheysuli for the
Betaed by; Lisbet Karlsdottir the ever wonderful
AN April 11; Wow man! this is old! Hahahaha! Well i upload this and other old stories because they ARE after all stuff i wrote, and somehow a piece of the journey. To my defence this story was semi popular when it was made.. But damn, why did i have to quote whole songs? FTW?
Under the cut;
chapter 1 – This ground is not the rock I thought it to be.
Chapter 2 – Terrified of what may come.
Chapter 3 – Can’t live for tomorrow, Tomorrow’s much too long.
Chapter 4 – Until the bitter, bitter end of the world.
Chapter 5 – now I’m slipping on the tears you made me cry.
Chapter 6 – Cut myself on angel hair and baby’s breath.
Chapter 7 – Bring your chains.
Harvester of sorrow.
Do unto others what has been done to you
I’m treading water,
I need to sleep a while.
My lamb and martyr, you look so precious.
Won’t you come a bit closer,
close enough so I can smell you.
I need you to feel this,
I can’t stand to burn too long.
Released in this sodomy.
For one sweet moment I am whole.
Do unto you now what has been done to me.
Tool – Prison sex
Prologue & Chap 1 – This ground is not the rock I thought it to be.
Elladan sat alone in the little cave he and Elrohir had shared; he looked at the
flame from the candle and smiled sadly. /alone/ He was all alone. He could not
even feel his twin. Elladan sighed and somewhat regretted the harsh words he had
spoken as Elrohir had chosen to leave. The elder twin frowned and ripped out a
strand of his hair.
He cursed the day that wood elf had entered the borders of Imladris. He
remembered it all too well, the young flaxen-haired elf that entered the courtyard,
riding a white stallion and dressed in green, wearing the royal braids of
Dinalu, the prince of Mirkwood — he had been quite the vision Elladan
remembered, but when he looked over at his brother to make fun of the sissy
prince, he had not failed to see the expression in Elrohir’s eyes. And he knew
their time and feeble attempts of love had ended.
Elladan couldn’t count the times when they had lain in their large four-poster bed,
Elrohir whispering sweet endearing words in his ear, promises of eternal love if
he, Elladan, would only give himself to his twin. Elladan had always refused,
afraid that he would be left behind, just like their mother had left them, after she
too had promised to love them forever.
But Elladan had never given himself to another lover either; he had settled for the
clumsy touches and sweet kisses that had been exchanged between them in the
dark of night.
But soon Elrohir did not come to their bed, and Elladan had been lying in the dark
alone, speaking to himself, trying to lull himself to sleep. After a lifetime of a
warm body against his, he would have to learn to live without. He tried to touch
himself to hopefully bring himself to the same relaxation he had experienced with
Elrohir’s hand, but the fuzzy warm feeling didn’t come. He had tried to drink
wine before going to sleep to drown his thoughts, but he had just thrown up.
He had cried, by the Valar he had cried.
And then one day he had seen this place, he and Elrohir’s secret place. This was
where they had hidden from their parents and their tutors for millennia – it had
been only theirs, their little secret. But now it was polluted, defiled. Elrohir had
brought that elf there. He could smell it, and he could see it in the rearranged
pillows and blankets.
Then the realisation hit him. He had lost his twin, and he was truly alone. It was
not just them anymore; it was Elrohir and Dinalu. Elladan frowned. He gritted his
teeth and plucked out another strand of hair. And the dinner… that cursed dinner
where Elrohir had proclaimed he would travel to Mirkwood with Dinalu! He had
seen Elrohir beam, and his father smile at the possibility of a bridge between
Mirkwood and Rivendell.
Glorfindel had sensed Elladan’s distress and had rubbed soothing circles on his
back and smiled reassuringly. Elladan had smiled back, like the good son and heir
that he was. He would not show his distress.
He had met Elrohir later and they had had a horrible fight. Elladan had screamed,
begged and pleaded with Elrohir to stay, he had offered himself and his heart and
whatever it took for his brother to stay. But Elrohir has declined, stating that it
was just a trick for him to stay in Imladris, and that he had never thought Elladan
to be so heartless as to refuse him his newfound happiness. When Elrohir began
to ramble on about how fantastic Dinalu was, and what a magnificent soul there
was beneath the surface of the otherwise enchanting elf, Elladan had left, not
returning but hiding here in this cave behind the waterfall. Elrohir would have
known how to find him, but he did not come.
When the night had fallen Elladan had returned only to find that Elrohir and his
lover had left. His world had crumbled to pieces right there and then. Elladan had
fallen apart. He had stormed into his father’s study, shaking his father roughly and
screaming at him, cursing him for letting Elrohir go. But Elrond had just tried to
calm him, holding him tightly and stroking his hair – trying to tell him that they
were not wee ones anymore, and Elrohir was entitled to his destiny whether it
included Elladan or not.
And Elladan had realized he would not find help here; he would not find the
comfort and understanding he thought he would have. And so he decided to take
matters in his own hands. If he removed Dinalu the magnificent, then Elrohir
would return, he would come back to him. But he was afraid that if he hired
someone to do it, they would either tell his father or not do the job properly, or
even worse hurt Elrohir. No, this was something he had to do himself. So he had
told his father he had needed to ride to Lorien as he missed his grandparents
dearly, when instead he had planned to go to Mirkwood.
Elladan sat in the dim lights and smiled. “You are clever, too clever for your own
good sometimes, my friend,” he whispered to himself.
Dinalu had just finished his chores and returned to Elrohir, who was sitting in the
grass with his little brother. He smiled. He knew that he would never produce an
heir to the throne, but he was happy that his father had, even if his little brother
Legolas was blissfully unaware that their mother had died in the same bed where
she had given birth to him, and only a few hours later.
Elrohir was helping Legolas to make a little stick corral to keep his little stones he
used as horses in place. And Legolas was chiding Elrohir for not making it
properly; the animals would escape.
Dinalu chuckled. He couldn’t remember ever being this happy, feeling this
content. He walked over to the two on the grass and sat down. “Good afternoon,
my precious ones,” he said with a chuckle.
“Dina,” Legolas cooed and hugged his elder brother.
“I see you have quite the farm there, little one,” he chuckled.
Legolas beamed. “Yes, me and uncle Elrohir made it – pretty, huh?”
“Yes, very pretty,” Dinalu answered and kissed Legolas’ brow gently.
“Look little one, I came to steal your uncle Elrohir for a second,” Dinalu said and
smiled when Legolas frowned. “Be at peace, it will just be for a little while. You
have played with him all day.”
Legolas sighed dramatically and nodded. “If you must, but remember to ask
Elrohir first,” he said with a grin.
Elrohir laughed and ruffled Legolas’ golden hair. “Dinalu is right, we have played
all day, and I too need to speak with your brother for a minute.”
“See?” Dinalu chuckled and put Legolas down on the ground with his toys again.
Elrohir and Dinalu stood up and the young half-elf wrapped his arm around
Dinalu’s waist. “I missed you,” he whispered.
The blond chuckled and leaned his head against Elrohir’s shoulder. “I missed you
too, my heart,” he whispered back. “But I actually have news for you.”
“News?” Elrohir repeated as they walked back towards the royal talan. “Has
“There is a letter for you, from your father,” Dinalu said in a calm voice. “My
father said to find you and bring you to him.”
Elrohir felt panic bubble up inside him. Why did Thranduil want to see him in
person? All this because of a letter from home? Something was wrong.
They walked to the king’s study and Dinalu knocked on the door. “Father? I
brought Elrohir as you requested,” he said to the door.
“Excellent, come in, Elrohir,” a voice came from inside of the room.
Elladan looked at Dinalu and blinked nervously. The Mirkwood prince smiled.
“Don’t worry my love, I am sure its nothing grave.” Elrohir didn’t look convinced
and Dinalu continued, “I will stay right here, should you need me, OK?” he said.
Elrohir nodded and gingerly kissed his lover, still a bit uncertain on how to act
around the Mirkwood elves here, before he opened the door to Thranduil’s study.
Elladan had been on the road for a long time, and he was tired, but he had at least
reached Mirkwood. He dismounted from his horse, and moved silently into the
woods, searching for his prey.
But what he saw when he reached the outskirts of the city was not Dinalu. It was a
There’s no love in fear.
Staring down the hole again.
Hands are on my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Tool – Pushit.
Chap 2 – Terrified of what may come.
Elladan squatted down and looked at the elfling. He did not look like he would be
a day over 30. He watched his every move as he came to the brink of the forest.
The same golden hair, and those impossible blue eyes — no doubt this wee one
would capture many a heart when grown. He stayed still just watching until the
young elf was close to him. “Hello there,” he said softly and smiled.
“Hello,” Legolas said and smiled at the stranger.
“What are you doing here all alone?” Elladan asked and tucked in a stray strand
of the elfling’s golden hair.
“Looking for more sticks so I can build a bigger corral,” Legolas said and blinked
innocently. “You look just like uncle Elrohir,” he stated and pointed at Elladan.
“I do?” Elladan said with equal innocence. The large blue eyes studied him so
trustingly and intensely that it almost drew tears to his eyes. And then he had an
idea – he may have lost Elrohir, but this little elfling could heal his wound. He
would not leave, he would feed it, nurse it, sing for it and love it – so he would
never ever leave, and right then he forgot about his anger for Dinalu, and felt only
fatherly love for this wee elf.
“What is your name?” Legolas asked and sat down opposite Elladan, holding tight
to the few sticks he had found.
“Elladan,” Elladan said and pricked Legolas on the nose, “and what is yours?”
Legolas blushed and looked away. “I am not supposed to tell strangers, and you
are a stranger,” he admitted.
Elladan tilted his head and smiled. “I am no stranger, I just told you my name, and
I am a friend of your uncle Elrohir.” The little golden haired elf looked up and
smiled happily. “See? I am not a stranger,” Elladan said softly.
“Legolas,” Legolas said and beamed at Elladan. “My name is Legolas.”
“Legolas and Elladan,” Elladan said as if he tasted the sound of that phrase. “Well
Legolas, do you want me to help you find more sticks for your corral, so you can
impress your uncle Elrohir?” he asked innocently.
“Yes please,” Legolas said and stood up.
Elladan stood up as well and walked further into the woods. “Come,” he said and
reached out his hand.
“Dina and my father told me I am not allowed further than this in the woods,”
Legolas said and crossed his arms stubbornly. “It is dangerous there, you know.”
Elladan chuckled and unsheathed his scimitar. “You are safe with me.”
Legolas’ eyes widened at the sight. “Oooooooo, that is beautiful,” he whispered in
awe, and he looked up at Elladan. “Can I touch it?”
“Of course, little one,” he said and rested the scimitar in his hands so Legolas’
little hand could touch the steel – and after a while he smiled and sheathed it
again. “Now come, let us find those sticks,” he said.
They walked for a little while and Legolas chatted happily about anything that
came to his mind. Until Elladan stopped and picked something up, turning
towards the elfling. “Well Legolas, do you recon you have enough sticks now?”
Legolas nodded and smiled. “Yes, thank you Elladan.”
Elladan closed his eyes momentarily and sighed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, and
with a quick move hit Legolas over the head with a large log. The little elf fell
backwards into the grass and flowers and hit the ground with a soft thump.
Elrohir stepped up to Thranduil’s desk and smiled at the king. “Your majesty?”
“A letter have arrived from your father, as Dinalu may have told you,” Thranduil
said with a smile and handed Elrohir a parcel.
Elrohir took it and slowly opened it and started reading, and as he proceeded a
large smile covered his face.
“Good news, I trust?” Thranduil said and folded his hands under his chin,
watching Elrohir. He smiled inwardly at the young half-elf. He had called him
here for another reason; he wanted to meet this elf that had captured his son’s
heart. He had met him, yes, but never talked to him one on one. His sons had
always been there to occupy either Elrohir or himself. He could see why Dinalu
had been so infatuated with this being; he was truly an amazing creature, his
features tranquil and soft, and yet so… Thranduil searched for the correct word,
Elrohir looked up at Thranduil and felt somewhat ill at ease under Thranduil’s
stare. “Yes your majesty, my father tells me my brother overcome his obstacles,
and is now on his way to Lorien.”
“That is good news indeed,” Thranduil said and tilted his head. “Obstacles, you
say? Was he upset with you?”
Elrohir nodded slowly. “He was extremely aggravated when I left to travel here
with Dinalu, your majesty.”
“Bothers are like that,” Thranduil said in a soothing tone. “Should my sons ever
be parted by as great a distance as you and your twin, I am sure they would feel
alone and abandoned too.” Thranduil stopped and smiled. “But that is of course
pure speculation from my side, since I am a only child, and never knew what it
was like to have siblings.”
“My father sends word that Elladan is recuperating, your majesty.” Elrohir said
and rolled the parcel together again.
“Perhaps we shall have the joy of seeing him here some day soon,” Thranduil
“I hope so, your majesty,” Elrohir said with a smile.
“I am glad all is well. Should you write your father back, send him my best
wishes,” the king said and sat back in his chair.
“I will, your majesty,” the young elf said in a chipper tone. He was glad to learn
that the dreaded king of Mirkwood was this talkative and easy to smile at.
“Then you are dismissed, young prince Elrohir,” Thranduil said with a gesture
towards the door.
“Thank you, your majesty,” Elrohir said as he stood up from his seat and quickly
left the room.
Elrohir happily told Dinalu all about his meeting with Thranduil, and showed him
the parcel. The golden-haired elf laughed. “What did you expect, that my father
“No, not fangs – but canines at least,” he teased back and laughed at his own silly
nervousness. He stifled his laughter as he noticed that Dinalu looked worried.
“What is amiss, my love?” he asked, searching his lover’s green eyes for an
“Legolas,” Dinalu said and made a fluid hand move towards the green where the
little elf had been playing just a moment ago. “He was right here.”
“He is a child, Dinalu,” Elrohir said and rested against the other elf. “He probably
just went in search of a sweetcake.” But when Dinalu didn’t seem to calm, Elrohir
turned to make eye contact with his lover. “Listen my love, elflings never stay
put, you should know that – at least Elladan and I never did, and I believe that
caused more than one grey hair on our father.”
Dinalu sighed. “I suppose you are right.”
“He will show up at supper, I promise,” Elrohir said with a smile.
Dinalu nodded and knew that Elrohir should be right, but something still felt
wrong. He decided he would spend the rest of the late afternoon here in the
gardens with his lover, and not give it another thought until supper. He would
show that little rascal, he would show up.
Pink ribbon scars
that never forget
I tried so hard
to cleanse these regrets
my angel wings
were bruised and restrained
my belly stings
I wanted more
than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
of saving face
Smashing pumpkins – Today
Chapter 3 – Can’t live for tomorrow, Tomorrow’s much too long
– The plains-
Elladan picked up the unconscious elfling and carried him to his horse that stood
on the outskirts of Mirkwood. He wrapped his cloak around the little body to keep
him safe from the wind on the plains as he mounted his horse and got ready to
ride home. “Mine, mine, all mine, mine to love,” he chanted to himself as he
spurred the horse and headed towards the bruinen. He knew exactly where he
would go, to the cave behind the waterfall. In there little Legolas would be safe
Elrohir sat down next to Dinalu in a secluded part of the royal gardens. He had to
admit they were well maintained and pretty, not the standards he was used to at
home, but still worth a second glance. The golden-haired elf smiled and his green
eyes seemed to twinkle like gems in the setting sun. “I like it here,” Elrohir
“It is one of my favourite spots,” Dinalu admitted and took Elrohir’s hand, guided
it up to his lips and kissed the knuckles one by one. “And now it is extra special
because you are here with me.”
Elrohir kissed Dinalu’s cheek. “I love you,” he murmured.
The prince of Mirkwood turned his head and claimed his lover’s lips in a long
probing kiss, pulling the dark-haired elf to his lap, and when they broke the kiss
he chuckled. “I hate you too.”
Elrohir laughed and bit Dinalu’s lip playfully. “I always knew you did, from the
first time I laid eyes on you.”
“I wasn’t looking at you, I was looking at Glorfindel,” Dinalu giggled, and yelped
as he received a soft slap from Elrohir.
“I’d better change your mind then,” he said softly.
“I should perhaps let you know I am stubborn,” Dinalu said and grabbed Elrohir’s
waist, pulling him closer. “I am hard to negotiate with, even my father said so.”
Elrohir laughed. “We will see about that,” and moved slowly out of Dinalu’s hold,
and slipped down on the grass, resting between his lover’s legs. With both his
arms resting on the blond’s knees he slowly started to unlace the knots in Dinalu’s
“Ai, what are you doing?” Dinalu giggled.
“Negotiating,” Elrohir answered innocently, as he slipped a hand inside the thin
leather leggings, and pried out his lover’s member.
Dinalu looked down at Elrohir, who started to kiss his upcoming erection. He
grabbed the edge of the bench on which he was seated, and purred, “So is this
how you negotiate in Imladris?”
The dark-haired elf laughed wolfishly and licked the tip of Dinalu’s now rigid
member. “Perhaps,” he answered mysteriously and winked up at his lover before
he grabbed he root of the erection and took it all in his mouth.
The blond spread his legs further apart so his lover had more room, and let his
head fall back. He groaned in delight from the consuming wet cave that was
driving him mad. Elrohir chuckled, and the vibrations went right into Dinalu’s
stomach, pooling in a great ball of desire, and when the prince of Rivendell sped
up his ministrations, Dinalu felt himself swirl into a abyss of red warm heat, and
before long he spent himself with a muffled moan, letting Elrohir clean up the
warm semen with his tongue.
Elrohir moved up again and sat on Dinalu’s lap, kissing his lover passionately.
“So?” he whispered. “Did you look at me or at Glorfindel?”
“You, you my love,” Dinalu gasped and opened his eyes slowly, and looked at
Elrohir who grinned smugly.
“Well, that was all I wanted to hear,” he said with a crooked smile.
Elladan rode the poor animal to the brink of exhaustion, before he knew he had to
stop and hide. No one would take his newfound love from him. He smiled at
Legolas who stirred under the dark blue cape. “Shhhhh,” Elladan hushed as
Legolas whined. “Soon we will rest.” And with that he stopped the horse and
slowly moved into a ring of stones in the middle of the plains.
“W-where am I?” Legolas stammered and looked up at Elladan with large
“I don’t know,” Elladan said, and helped the elfling down from the horse. “You
fell and hit your head, and I picked you up and tried to find my way back, but I
think I got lost,” he said with a smile. “I am terribly sorry.”
Legolas just looked up at Elladan with the same frightened eyes. “They will come
for us if we stay put, my father always said so,” he said with conviction in his
“Yes they will, we will stay here, and then they will find us in the morning,”
Elladan said and wrapped the elfling in his cape. “If you stay here, I will gather
some firewood and hopefully find something to eat.” He looked at Legolas with a
serious expression. “I assume you are hungry, are you not?”
Legolas nodded. “Starving,” he answered.
“Well then, I will leave the horse here with you, and I will be right back,” he said
softly and ruffled Legolas hair gently, before moving out of the stone circle and
into the long shadows.
They would not find them; they would not know where to look, Elladan thought
with a satisfied grin. “Sometimes you are too clever for your own good, my
friend,” he whispered to himself and turned to look back. The horse was still
there, and he saw a little bundle that had to be Legolas. Good, he stayed put like a
good little elfling, he thought, and turned to hunt.
Dinalu looked at Thranduil, who looked at the empty chair beside him. “Where is
Legolas? Has he not heard the supper bell?” Thranduil said.
Dinalu paled. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. “Could he have been
delayed?” he asked, looking from Elrohir to his father.
“I suppose he could,” Thranduil said, “for a little while, but now the supper is
about to get cold.”
“That’s it!” Dinalu exclaimed. “Please send some servants to look for him,
Thranduil sighed and looked at his son and the Rivendell prince. “You are right,
he could be playing in the pantry or something.” Thranduil called a servant to
him, and asked him to look for Legolas, and bring him back here. The servant
bowed and hurried out of the dining hall. And then they all waited in silence, a
terrible nervous silence.
The servant returned when the supper was cold as ice, but that didn’t matter for
they had all lost their appetites. “Well?” Thranduil said.
“We can’t find him, your majesty,” the servant said nervously.
And in that second Dinalu felt as if all the blood had been drained from him.
“He’s gone? That is not like him.”
“Indeed not,” Thranduil said and looked at his son, and even the king was as
white as a sheet. “Call the guards, we must search the premises.”
Dinalu stood up and nearly knocked the stool over. “Yes father,” he said and ran
out of the room as quickly as he could.
Elrohir sat back, feeling somewhat useless, and not sure what to do. This was a
dire crisis but it was not really his family. Yet he had to do something. “Your
majesty? Is there something I can do?” he asked quietly.
Thranduil looked at him. “Yes there is, Elrohir.” The king stood up and took a
deep breath. “Go to my private chambers and wait there, in case he should
Elrohir nodded, grateful that he had gotten a task, so he did not have to sit and do
nothing. He left the king without a word and went to the king’s private chambers,
to wait for Legolas who would hopefully soon return.
Close your eyes and sleep
Don’t wait up for me
Hush now don’t you speak
Wrapped my hurt in you
And took my shelter in that pain
The opiate of blame
Is your broken heart, your heart
I’m all by myself
As I’ve always felt
I’ll betray myself
To anyone, lost, anyone but you
One last kiss from me…yeah
One last kiss good night
Didn’t want to lose you once again
Didn’t want to be your friend
Smashing pumpkins – Soma
Chapter 4 – Until the bitter, bitter end of the world
Legolas had waited for Elladan to return, and was immensely happy when he
finally did. Elladan smiled at the child’s happy expression. “Sorry it took me so
long,” he said, and sat down next to him. He studied the little elf.
“’Tis all right, I had the horse to keep me company,” Legolas said and pointed
towards the animal.
“Fafner is a good companion,” Elladan said and sat down next to the elfling. “And
a loyal steed.”
“He is a pretty horse,” Legolas stated and looked longingly at the cold fireplace.
“I am hungry, uncle Elladan.”
“And food you shall have,” Elladan chuckled. “I think we can risk a little fire to
prepare this rabbit,” he lied. In reality he did not want to risk alerting the search
party, which doubtless was out looking for this child. But the pretty little one was
his now, only his. And he needed to take care of him.
Once he had the fire going a little he began to prepare the rabbit. He hated to skin
these little animals, but out here he had no choice. He did not want his new little
friend to starve, and so he turned to look at Legolas, who was mesmerized by the
flames. “You like rabbit?” he asked sweetly, as he threw bits of rabbit meat on a
flat stone in the middle of the fire.
“I think so,” Legolas said and blinked, looking confused. “I can’t remember if I
ever tasted it.”
Elladan smiled and sat back against the rock where Legolas sat as well. “Soon,
my friend, you will.”
“Elladan?” Legolas asked and looked up at his uncle Elrohir’s spitting image. “Do
you think they will find us?”
“Perhaps,” Elladan yawned and wrapped an arm protectively around his little
Legolas leaned against Elladan and rubbed his eyes. “I miss my father,” he
“And I am sure he misses such a sweet child as you,” Elladan answered and
gently rubbed Legolas’ shoulder in a soothing motion, smiling as Legolas yawned
once more and rubbed his eyes.
Once the child had fallen asleep he leaned back watching the flames. His thoughts
drifted to Elrohir, wondering what he might be doing, did he miss him? No,
Elrohir had forgotten what they shared, he had chosen to ignore the bond, he had!
Legolas whimpered in his sleep, and Elladan started to stroke the child’s hair
gently and soothingly, and to Elladan’s own surprise the elfling seemed to relax
again. How many times had he not held Elrohir like that? Elladan blinked and felt
a tear run down his cheek; he had promised himself he would not to cry anymore,
and yet the tears seem to have no end. It was over; Elrohir had made his choice to
take away their bond. He would rather share this secrecy and intimacy with the
damned prince of Mirkwood.
For a moment Elladan almost felt his brother’s hand on his hair, and he closed his
eyes savouring the feeling. Would he ever stop missing him? Ever kill the
yearning? He opened his eyes and looked at the sleeping child. Yes, this child
would fill it for him. With a clear voice he began to sing, telling himself it was to
sooth the elfling, when it in fact was more to soothe himself.
*Look at my pretty new doll
It can close its eyes
Father bought it
I have given it name
Mother made its clothing*
The song stopped and he just sat there humming to himself, suddenly feeling
much more happy and content. Yes, this elfling was all he needed to heal his
world once more.
Elrohir sat in the royal chambers and waited. He had not even noticed he had
dozed until when the door’s squeaking woke him. “Legolas?” he mumbled
rubbing his eyes.
“No,” Dinalu answered in a tired voice.
“Oh, it is you, my love. Did you find Legolas?” Elrohir said and blinked to get the
last grains of sleep out of his eyes. He looked up and saw that dawn was upon
them, and then he looked at Dinalu. “You didn’t find him?” he whispered.
“No,” Dinalu said and shook his head slowly. “It is like he disappeared from the
face of Arda.”
Elrohir stood up from his chair and paled at Dinalu’s weary expression. “But that
is terrible, my love. We must do something!” he exclaimed.
“Yes, I agree,” Dinalu said and smiled an odd smile, “but what can we do? We do
not know of his fate yet, he could have tumbled into one of the deep lakes, or
been eaten by some foul creature or…” Elrohir stopped Dinalu’s terrible line of
thoughts with a hand to his mouth.
“No, my love, I am sure where ever he is, he is fine.”
“I hope so,” Dinalu whispered, “no I pray so, for if we do not find him soon I am
afraid of my father’s reaction.”
“He will punish you?” Elrohir said with a worried face.
“No, no my love,” the Mirkwood prince said and smiled at his lover. “I am afraid
he will fade should we fail to find Legolas.”
“Oh,” Elrohir and looked at the floor, feeling guilty. He had assumed that
Thranduil would give in to anger before he would grieve the loss of his son.
“Don’t be ashamed, you do not know my father like I do, Elrohir my heart,”
Dinalu said and caressed Elrohir’s cheek gently.
The half-elf looked up again at the impossibly beautiful face of the blond elf.
“You look like you need sleep, Dinalu, go and sleep for some hours. I will go and
join the others in the search.”
“Thank you,” Dinalu said and smiled. He did not want to sleep but he had to
admit he was weary, his body screamed for rest, and so did his mind, he just
wondered if sleep would ever find him anyway.
Elrohir kissed his beloved lightly and hurried out the door. He was determined to
do his best, and he too was worried that something terrible had happened to little
– The plains-
The sun came up over the horizon and Legolas stirred once more before he
opened his eyes and found Elladan asleep. He smiled. His uncle Elladan looked so
sweet in his sleep, but he really needed to see if he perhaps could recognize a path
or something, any kind of indicator to where he was. Dinalu had taken him
horseback riding at the outskirts of Mirkwood showing him the large roads that
led to other realms.
He slowly moved and stood up yawning, before he walked out of the stone circle
they had been sleeping in. The horse came and greeted him; apparently just happy
someone else was awake and ready to keep him company. The little elf patted the
horse, and whispered a good morning to the animal.
He started to look around to find a path, moving further and further away from the
stones. He recognized nothing, and his initial hope disappeared. He had to put his
faith into Elladan finding his way back to Mirkwood. But how was that possible?
When Elladan himself had said he had no idea where they were. Legolas felt the
despair rise, and tears formed before clinging to his lashes. “Papa, where are
you?” he whispered.
It was not his father who answered his little prayer. It was the horse that
whinnied, waking its owner. Legolas saw Elladan stand up behind the stones,
looking around after him. He looked furious. No, not furious… more like insane.
And why he ran away Legolas didn’t know. But he did, he ran as far as he could
from the stones, the horse and Elladan. He heard Elladan yell behind him but paid
no heed to the words.
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn’t do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the colour if I had a heart
Come on tell me
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I’m down to just one thing
And I’m starting to scare myself
You make this all go away
You make this all go away
I just want something
I just want something I can never have
In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now,
I know it’s still the same
Everywhere I look you’re all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder of whom I used to be
Nine inch Nails – Something I can never have
Chapter 5 – now I’m slipping on the tears you made me cry
“Legolas, don’t!” Elladan yelled and ran after the elfling over the open plains, not
caring if he was caught. Right now all that was in his mind was that Legolas was
running from him. What had he done? He had not wanted to frighten the little elf.
He kept pleading while he ran, getting closer to Legolas by the minute.
When Legolas dared a look over his shoulder, he saw Elladan come closer. He
gasped and tried to increase his speed, but even though he was an elf, he was only
a little one, and his stamina was gone long before Elladan’s. Within seconds he
felt a strong hand grip his shoulder hard, throwing him to the ground. “Now see
what you did, you little brat!” Elladan yelled as a he shook the little elf hard.
“Pl-please, I.. I.. didn’t me-mean,” Legolas stuttered as he was shaken.
“Save your stupid excuses for someone who cares,” Elladan hissed and stopped
the shaking, just holding Legolas in a painfully hard grip. “You could have been
spotted; you put us both in great danger, you little fool. Why don’t you use that
pretty little head of yours to think?”
“But..” Legolas protested, “Who should want to harm us?”
Elladan’s mouth became a thin line as he spoke “Orcs, you stupid twat, that is
why your brother and father are not coming here. They are afraid, Legolas…
afraid, and they will never come for you, do you realise that?”
“Yes they will!” Legolas suddenly yelled, forgetting that he was afraid too. “Dina
is afraid of no orc!”
“Then why is he not here, yet I am?” Elladan said with a harsh voice. “I am the
only thing keeping you alive here, child, do not forget that!”
“You lie!” Legolas screamed. “He will come, he will find us!”
*Smack* The sound echoed as Elladan slapped Legolas across the face, and upon
seeing the surprised facial expression on the little elf, he struck again. “Silence,
silence, silence!” he kept yelling, striking the elf again and again.
When he suddenly stopped, looking at the frightened elf who was trembling and
whimpering. He stopped just as abruptly as he had exploded. “By the Valar!” he
gasped looking at the battered elfling. “What have I done? Oh no, what have I
done?” he whispered, gathering the elfling in his arms, feeling tears stream down
his cheeks. “I didn’t mean this, please Legolas forgive me, I didn’t mean to.”
He sat rocking Legolas back ad forth, humming and crying and after some time he
stopped and looked down at Legolas who now looked calmer. Elladan wiped his
tears away with his sleeve and caressed the little elf’s cheek. “Please little one,
please forgive me,” he whispered, but Legolas just looked at him with his large
blue eyes. “I can show you how sorry I am,” Elladan said and hit himself hard in
the face. Legolas yelped with a pathetic sound and shook his head wildly. “Oh no,
that was wrong too,” Elladan whined and hugged the little elf again. “I can’t do
anything right,” he whispered, “that is why Elrohir left me, I am all wrong, all
wrong.” The wee elf shook his head and attempted a smile. “Yes I am all stupid
and wrong,” Elladan said and stood up slowly, still holding Legolas.
The little elf pointed at the horse that walked towards them, and Elladan nodded.
“Yes, we are going home, Legolas. Home, my precious little doll!”
Elrohir came back at dusk, looking even paler than Dinalu had looked earlier.
Unlike Elrohir, Dinalu almost flew out the chair and looked hopefully at Elrohir,
but as Elrohir shook his head, he slumped and sighed. “Nothing at all?” he
“Nay,” Elrohir whispered back and wrapped his arms around his lover.
“I was afraid so.” The Mirkwood prince rested his head on Elrohir’s shoulder.
“And the rest of the search party?”
“Gone home,” Elrohir answered. “Home to rest and see their families.”
Dinalu sighed. “I don’t understand, he was right there playing, and then he was
gone.” The blond closed his eyes and recalled the image of Legolas and his little
rocks on the grass. “do you think…”
“Think what?” Elrohir whispered back and kissed Dinalu’s golden hair.
“Perhaps a bear…” Dinalu said in a small voice.
“No,” Elrohir said. “They do not come this close to civilization. This would mean
that Legolas would have had to have travelled deep into the forest.”
“He would not have done so alone,” Dinalu answered.
“I don’t think so either,” Elrohir said and let go of his lover. “Come, you need to
have something to eat my love, then we can take the horses and look further if
Dinalu shook his head, much to Elrohir’s surprise. “No, I want to see my father
“He is in the healer’s talan,” Elrohir stated. “He is not well, Dinalu.”
“Then all the more reason to go see him,” the prince said and crossed his arms
over his chest. “I will go see him, and then we will search more.”
“No, you eat, Dinalu, before we search you must eat,” Elrohir said and held a
hand out towards his lover. “What good would you be if you dropped off your
horse from fatigue and lack of nourishment?”
“Alright,” the Mirkwood prince almost sneered, “but if I must eat, you must
“Point taken,” Elrohir said dryly and turned to leave.
Dinalu paled. “Elrohir?” he said with a softer tone. “I’m sorry.”
The Rivendell elf turned and smiled at the blond. “’Tis alright, you are just
worried about Legolas and your father, and I am worn to the bone too.”
Dinalu smiled. “This is why I love you.”
“Because I am tired? Or because I am stubborn?” Elrohir said with a grin.
“No silly, because we think so much alike, my love.” Dinalu laughed and walked
over to his lover and wrapped an arm around his as they walked out the door
Elladan was moving towards Rivendell, and was increasingly worried, as Legolas
had not uttered a word to him. He found himself missing the silly questions, yes
even the whining. If Legolas did not begin to speak soon, he would have to look
through some of the books of medicine his father had, to see if he could somehow
make a potion that would cure the elfling.
Though nothing, will keep us together
we could steal time, just for one day
we can be Heroes, forever and ever
what d’you say?
I, I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together
We can beat them, for ever and ever
Oh we can be Heroes, just for one day
I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can be Heroes, just for one day
We can be us, just for one day
David Bowie – Heroes
Chapter 6 – Cut myself on angel hair and baby’s breath
(-This chapter takes place 2 months after chapter 5.)
Elladan had made both Legolas and himself comfortable in the cave behind the
waterfall. He had made Legolas a fantastic bed with a ceiling of purple velvet, and
was now carving out little wooden stars to hang from the sides. He looked over at
the elfling who sat on the floor, looking at the toys spread before him. The smile
was the only thing that showed his gratitude. “Do you like it?” Elladan asked, and
Legolas nodded eagerly and held up a worn rabbit teddy. “This used to be my
faithful companion,” Elladan laughed. “Elrohir had a squirrel.” He smiled sadly at
the memory and then returned to his carving.
After a few minutes he looked over at Legolas again. The little elf was playing
some game with the stuffed animals, and wooden horses were squealing strangely
as he got more into the game. Elladan smiled at the happy sound, but his heart
ached. He had taken some medical books from his father’s study, and had looked
them over for the disease he was convinced had stricken the wee elf. But none of
the books had offered a solution; this was simply not a known condition to the
elves. Elladan shook his head. Something must have happened, for Legolas had
not said a word since the day at the rocks. He had stopped trying to run away, and
that was always a good thing. But on the other hand, he had not done anything
Elladan stood up and fastened the wooden star to the bedpost. “There, my little
rabbit, what do you think?” he asked. Legolas looked up and clapped eagerly,
apparently loving what he had crafted. “I will take that as a yes,” he said with a
chuckle and sat down next to Legolas. “I need to go and fetch us some food, and
new clothes for you.” He knew where the clothes he and Elrohir had worn as
children were packed away, and he was going to bring some for Legolas. “Will
you be alright here?” Elladan said and ran a hand over Legolas’ hair. “We need a
brush and some clasps too,” he mumbled as a mental note to himself.
Legolas nodded and leaned against Elladan, yawning. “You tired, little rabbit?”
Elladan said and wrapped an arm around the elfling, starting to sing a hymn to the
blue sea, painting pictures inside the little half-awake elf and making him smile.
And Elladan vowed to himself he would bring back books depicting the sea and
its animals for Legolas when he was putting back the books in his father’s study.
Elrohir snuggled down in the cold sheets and waited for Dinalu. He had not seen
his beloved all day, and was worried that he was angry. They had had a fight in
the morning, for Dinalu had wanted to postpone their official binding ceremony,
due to the entire realm grieving for the lost prince. A part of Elrohir understood
this clearly, but another part of him wanted to have the ceremony now. He felt as
if Dinalu were slipping from him and into a dark place where his love would not
reach him, no matter how he tried. A bonding would ensure Dinalu’s mental state,
for he would be sustained on Elrohir’s light and love. Elrohir sighed and grabbed
Dinalu’s pillow, hugging it as if it were its owner himself. The pillow smelled of
Dinalu, that pine-like scent that was his love’s personal and unique scent. And so
Elladan drifted off to sleep, the pillow wrapped tightly in his arms.
Dinalu stood in the gardens and looked at the large memorial stone he and
Thranduil had raised for Legolas. It was clear to see that it was the people of
Mirkwood as well and not just the royal family who were grieving. Elves had
planted little trees and flowers at the stone’s foot, making one round chaotic
garden around it. This somewhat warmed Dinalu’s heart, knowing that he was not
the only one who felt empty; his people felt it with him. And his father was a
different story… he had fallen sick, and had been under constant surveillance by
the healers ever since Legolas had been officially claimed dead.
At first every elf able to walk and wield a weapon had been looking for him in the
woods, but as days passed, fewer and fewer elves had participated in the daily
search, and 2 days ago Thranduil himself had called off the search. Dinalu had
protested hotly, but his father had just silenced him with a tired wave of his hand.
And then he had said the words that Dinalu had not forgotten since, and probably
never would /he is dead my son, dead/ Dinalu had felt his heart burst into a
thousand pieces and had heard a strangled noise and only faintly recognized it as
He remembered only bits and pieces of the ceremony that had taken place as they
had raised this monument. He had never in his life attended anything like this.
Elves didn’t die, they got tired and worn at times, and they travelled west, just like
his mother. She had travelled west when the call of the sea had been stronger than
her bonds to middle earth. They all understood this, and she had died in some
way, yes. She had withered away after giving birth to Legolas. The healers had
not been able to stop her bleeding, and she had told them not to try. And so when
she had seen her baby she had requested to be transported to the grey havens. If
she had survived the trip none of them knew, but Dinalu had always had this
unspoken fear that she had not.
And now Elrohir, in his foul mood he had managed to push away his beloved
Elrohir too. Dinalu angrily wiped away a tear in his sleeve. But why would
Elrohir not understand that it was impossible for him to have a bonding ceremony
right now? Legolas was gone, and his father was weak and grieving. Elrohir had
stated that this was just what they all needed, a happy event of some kind. But
Dinalu could not see the logic. No one felt like rejoicing, and he wanted his day of
bonding to be a joyful and happy one.
He turned away from the stone and walked slowly back to his talan, slowly
opening the door, knowing what vision would meet him. Elrohir was sleeping
with a slight frown, pale and naked, looking awfully fragile against the red linen
on the bed.
Dinalu silently discarded his own clothing and lay down behind Elrohir, wrapping
his arms around him. “I love you,” he whispered as he snuggled closer to feel the
body heat radiating off Elrohir in soft waves.
“I love you too,” Elrohir mumbled and moved closer to Dinalu. “I’m sorry I
yelled at you earlier.”
“Don’t worry my love, we will speak of this in the morning,” Dinalu whispered
and kissed Elrohir’s neck gently.
“Dinalu?” Elrohir whispered.
“Yes, my love?” Dinalu answered with a sleep slurred voice.
“Are you sure? Do you still love me?” Elrohir asked, feeling somewhat stupid
asking something like that, but he really needed to know.
“Of course I do, you silly elf,” Dinalu chuckled weakly. “I am just in a strange
mood these days, you must understand why.”
“I do,” Elrohir whispered back.
“Now sleep, my treasure,” Dinalu said and purred.
Elrohir obediently closed his eyes, wishing he could warm Dinalu’s cold skin, but
he knew no way to chase away grieving. He had sent a letter to his father, asking
for his advice or company. He could come here and help him save these elves
from fading from grief; Erestor and Glorfindel could look after Elladan and
Arwen in Rivendell.
Elladan! Elrohir’s heart missed a beat. How he missed him, missed his whispering
in the dark until the first light, missed his intimate butterfly light touches, touches
and words that were only used between them as a secret language. A caress to
one’s own ear had meant that they were sad and needed comfort. Slowly he
reached a hand up to his ear and began to nuzzle it. “I’m sad, Elladan, I need you
here,” he whispered to the night, wishing his words would be carried off with the
soft night breeze.
You wear guilt
Like shackles on your feet
Like a halo in reverse
I can feel
The discomfort in your seat
And in your head it’s worse
And when our worlds they fall apart
When the walls come tumbling in
Though we may deserve it
It will be worth it
Bring your chains
Your lips of tragedy
And fall into my arms
Depeche mode – Halo
Chapter 7 – Bring your chains
Dinalu woke first, and smiled at the sight that met him. Elrohir had cuddled up to
him during the night, so much that they were both about to tumble out of the bed.
The half-elf was sleeping and Dinalu turned his head and gave his husband-to-be
a quick kiss on his dark hair. Elrohir purred in his sleep and fastened his grip on
Dinalu, almost as if he were afraid he would disappear.
Dinalu thought back on when they had first met, and felt his heartbeat quicken
with love. To think he had gotten that wonderful creature he had seen back then!
When he had first entered the courtyard he had seen him, and he had never
understood why no one had been able to tell the Imladris twins apart, for he had
done so from the first second he had laid eyes on them. Elrohir had smiled
timidly and had shown from within with the same eternal white glow as his
grandmother, the Lady of the woods. And Elladan had just felt…. felt wrong,
twisted and dark. But when he had looked into the elder twin’s eyes he had seen a
kindness and an innocence that he had not thought there.
But Elrohir was different; he had fallen in love right there on the spot. He needed
to bathe in that soft light, hear those lips spill words of love only for him. And he
saw the amazement he felt right then shine back at him when he looked at Elrohir,
it was like looking at the face of love. If there had been such a thing as a destined
soul mate, he knew this had to be him. He was looking upon the other half of his
Dinalu was shaken out of his musings by Elrohir, who kissed his ear gently.
“What are you thinking?” Elrohir whispered. “It looked pleasant.”
“It was,” Dinalu whispered back with a smug grin.
“Good,” Elrohir said softly and kissed his way down to Dinalu’s mouth and
placed a warm kiss there.
“I was thinking of you,” Dinalu said and turned his head to look at Elrohir.
“I’m glad I’m a pleasant thought,” Elrohir answered, more irritated than
“Always, my little star.” Dinalu chuckled at Elrohir’s irritation; perhaps he had
been right, perhaps what they all needed now was some love and laughter, to
chase those dark shadows away. But it just felt so wrong, and it was so hard to
explain. Dinalu had seen the hurt in Elrohir’s eyes when he had told him that they
needed to postpone the ceremony.
“Dina?” Elrohir said and smiled nervously.
“Yes, my love?” Dinalu answered and snuggled closer to his beloved.
“Do you still desire me?”
The fair-haired prince had to stifle a chuckle. “But of course I do, beloved,” he
said and kissed Elrohir’s cheek. “Why do you ask such silly questions?”
“I just thought… that…. that,” Elrohir’s voice dropped to a whisper and he sighed.
“Forget it,” he said.
“No, no,” Dinalu said and popped up on an elbow. “What is wrong? Do you really
think I don’t desire you? Or is there something else amiss?”
“I… I” Elrohir whispered and flopped onto his back and pulled the covers up to
his cheek. “I just remember how our mornings once were,” he said and felt stupid
for admitting just how much he missed having the other elf close, really close.
“I remember too,” Dinalu said and leaned in to kiss Elrohir’s brow gently.
“Stop it,” Elrohir hissed and batted Dinalu away. “Don’t mock me.”
Dinalu moved back quickly with a shocked expression. “I was not mocking you, I
was kissing you!”
“Same thing,” Elrohir said venomously and looked at Dinalu, and right then he
felt the same never-ending darkness as he had felt with Elladan. “You kiss me as
if I were your family, and I am not. I am your lover, your mate.”
“Forgive me,” Dinalu said and lay down next to Elrohir. “I had a hard time
allowing myself to be joyful and merry, let alone to feel love. Since Legolas
disappeared, or died, or which of these wild stories I should believe, I have never
intended to hurt you in the process of my grieving.”
“I know,” Elrohir said and sat up in the bed, his hair wildly disarranged and tears
hanging in his lashes, “but… I miss you.”
“I am right here, my love,” Dinalu said and reached out for Elrohir, who to his
surprise moved away
“No you are not, your body is just there to tempt me, and remind me of that it is
left cold by my touch, and your mind… your thoughts are far away, locked in a
secret place where I cannot reach you,” Elrohir said and finally felt the tears flow
down his cheeks. “And all I want is to have you here with me.”
Dinalu sighed. “I need time, please Elrohir, please understand. It is not that I don’t
love you or desire you, I do… I just need time to grieve.”
“Then love me,” Elrohir almost screamed. “I could help you, help you mend your
heart and loss, but you won’t let me!”
“But I do love you,” Dinalu whispered and lowered his gaze, “and I wish I knew
how to mend my grief, and how to let you in.”
Elrohir turned his head and looked at the fair-haired prince. “Remember that day
by the lake? Where we made love? I want to feel like that forever, and I haven’t
felt so in a long time!”
“Felt what? Ants up your arse?” Dinalu said and giggled.
“No, you idiot,” Elrohir said but couldn’t help but giggle himself.
Dinalu looked up and reached for Elrohir once more, and this time he welcomed
the touch. “I know what you mean my love, and it will be so again. All I need is
some time; please grant me that and do not shy away. It is now that I need you the
most, my love.”
“Forgive me,” Elrohir whispered and leaned against Dinalu. “I never meant to
argue, I have just been so… lonely.”
“There is no need for either of us to be lonely my love, we are both right here
right now,” Dinalu answered and kissed Elrohir’s shoulder.
Elladan had returned to the cave with clean clothes and food. He sat there and
watched Legolas eat his breakfast quickly. He stood up and tried to decide which
clothes he should choose for his little one, and picked a blue tunic with matching
leggings. “Here,” he said and laid the clothes on the bed. “Put this on when you
finish eating.” Legolas looked up and smiled sadly, and to Elladan’s surprise he
rubbed his ear and blinked. “Sad?” Elladan whispered in amazement.
Legolas nodded and continued to rub his ear until Elladan came and picked the
wee elf up. “There is no need to be sad, my sweet little rabbit,” he whispered and
sat down with the child in his lap. “Come, let me comb your hair and sing to you,
perhaps that will chase away your sadness.”
Legolas smiled a brighter smile and nodded and even more to Elladan’s surprise
the wee elf touched his nose lightly, just as he and Elrohir had done. This was
their secret sign language they had shared for millennia; where had Legolas
picked that up? Had he gestured it without knowing, and then the little elf had just
picked it up? I had to be so. “You would like me to do that huh?” he whispered,
and Legolas nodded again smiling, and made himself comfortable in Elladan’s
lap. Elladan touched his nose tip and smiled. “Yes, I would like that too.” And so
he began to sing.