Harvester of Shadows 6/34

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Title: Kiss
Genre: romance
Characters: Tay, Early, Ramon.
Prompt: 87
Rating: M
Type: series
Summary: Early and Tay have a talk.
Warnings: adult situations, language.
AN: Nothing much to say, I downloaded a school building with this awesome sports ground, but it didn’t show in my game. I guess its cause I uninstalled Pets. *shrugs* So for once I had to build the set myself.  Oh and i tried to make it clearer this time, that Early does indeed work a regular job now, the upstanding citizen that he is 😛

Don’t think that I’m not strong
I’m the one to take you on
Don’t underestimate me boy
I’ll make you sorry you were born
You don’t know me
The way you really should
You sure misunderstood

I’m here to tell you baby
I know how to rock your world

-Madison Avenue.

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Early was two hours early for picking up Ramon at soccer practice, not that he actually had to pick up the kid, he had just needed an excuse to get out of the house. And sitting on the benches at the schools soccer field, smoking a million cigarettes having a beer, sounded like heaven. He was in a horrible mood, he felt sorry for tricking Crystal, and he felt even worse for standing up Tay. Why couldn’t he ever do anything right? He could almost hear Ferris laugh at him, and he knew what he would have said, he would have told him to tell Tay to find someone else to use as a comfort blanket. But who was it that used who as a comfort blanket here?

Lost in his own thought, sipping his beer he didn’t hear or see that he had company until he spoke. “Hey Early” Tay said gently, sitting down on the bench gingerly.

“Tay?” early looked up and smiled wide, too wide. “I thought you never wanted to speak to me again”

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“Yeah well, I might have over reacted slightly” Tay admitted in a meek tone. “This isn’t exactly easy for me either, you know.”

“I told you I was really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to stand you up, and I didn’t forget, it was all just.. yeah..” Early mumbled, “I tried to find the time, and an excuse all that day, but I couldn’t, and then I figured that you’d be so angry with me that I would make it up to you later, but later just kept being postponed.” Early looked up at Tay and smiled something that resembled a tick more than a smile.

“I just went and saw that movie by myself, it was shit, so don’t worry about it” Tay lied.

Early took a deep breath, “For how long did you wait?”

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“Three hours or something” Tay admitted. “And I told myself that I wouldn’t get mad, that I understood that you properly couldn’t get away” He looked over at Early “I told myself that we made a solid arrangement, perfectly planned. And that I  knew what I was getting myself into” Tay took a deep breath, briefly looking down at his hands, fiddling with a rip in his jeans, picking the threads. “But I had no idea I would feel like this, Early. I thought I could rely on logic, the pros and cons, and.. like a math problem, calculate with all the uncertain factors.. But I can’t”

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“I’m so sorry Tay” Early said, nuzzling Tay in the neck tenderly. “I would never have acted on it, if I had known I would end up hurting you, that was never my intention”

“I know” Tay whispered smiling sadly. “Please don’t touch me”

Early withdrew his hand, turning to look out over the soccer field. “Sorry, but I just wish there was something I could do or say..” He bit his lip nervously. “Do you want to stop? When we jumped into this, did we ever agree on a safe word? a single word that would make it all end”

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“No” Tay laughed mirthlessly. “But I think I know one”

“You still want to see me? Despite all this? Look Tay, I can’t promise you I will have more time for us anytime soon” Early admitted with a saddened expression. “Even if I wanted to”

“I love you” Tay whispered. Early didn’t answer, he just stared at Tay for the longest moment. “I don’t know when it went from just fuckbuddies to something more, but as much as I want to, I can’t deny it to myself” Tay didn’t look up, his eyes were transfixed on the ground. “I didn’t mean for it to happen or anything, I’m sorry Early”

“Oh Tay” Early said softly, his voice tormented, reaching out, he gently stuck some hair behind Tay’s ear.

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“Don’t you fucking pity me!” Tay cried, swatting Early’s hand away with angry slaps.

“I don’t” Early said slightly surprised. “I just wanted to..” He paused to find the right words, “I’m flattered, really” He smiled, reaching out once more, caressing Tay’s cheek, and this time Tay didn’t move, he just closed his eyes at the caress. “I’m nobody” Early whispered “When I was younger everything seemed to cut and dry, but the older I get the more confused I get. I get up every morning to pack meat in the factory, only to go home to my wife and children, whom I love very much. But sometimes I don’t even understand why I am doing it at all, why do I even bother pretending to be happy like that?” Early smiled at Tay, “Cause something was missing, and that something was you. I am really sorry that I’m so confused, and you’re paying the prize”

“I chose to pay the prize, Early” Tay said with a little smile. “I thought I could handle not having you full time, it’s not your fault, its mine”

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“Crystal, She knows you know” Early mumbled, “I told her”, Tay looked mortified, and Early sighed, “She thought I was seeing another woman, and I was afraid she would take my children away from me, and.. And I told her that it was not another woman, but a man I was seeing” Early bit a nail, thinking. “It’s not the first time I did that” He added barely audible. “I wanted them both” He finally looked up at Tay “Just like now”

“I know you love her” Tay said, scooting closer on the bench, wrapping an arm around Early’s shoulders.  “And the last thing I wanted was to push you, but I think its only fair that you know that I can’t do this anymore, I have to either have half of you, or nothing at all”

“I understand” Early mumbled, resting his head on Tay’s shoulder for a moment. “We really should just call it quit, shouldn’t we?”

“Yes” Tay agreed. “That would be the correct thing for us both to do”

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“I haven’t been completely honest with you” Early sighed, pulling away from Tay. Looking away from the other man again. “Crystal is pregnant, again.”

“I suppose a congratulations is in order” Tay said with a strained smile.

“Thanks. But the thing is,  I promised her I would stop seeing you” He looked up at Tay, raking a hand through his hair. “I don’t like it when she’s sad either, I just wish she would understand that its two different things, the love I have for her, and the desire I have for you, like if my heart was split in half”

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“Come here” Tay said, pulling Early in for a tight embrace. “I’m not asking you to leave your wife and marry me, I just want to have you all to myself once in a while, can we do that?”

“What’s the safeword?” Early breathed in Tay’s ear.

Tay held Early even closer, squeezing him. “Star” he said.

“Star” Early repeated, “Got it”

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“I wish things were different, and that I could give you everything that you deserve” Early mumbled, kissing Tay’s pale neck. “Somehow I feel like I am cheating you both, like everyone wants something that is not there”

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“Don’t be so hard on yourself” Tay said, pulling back to look Early directly in his eyes.

“Do you realise the risk you are taking seeing me at all? just knowing me in your spare time could get you suspended, but if the school board knew I was fucking you too, you would be out the door so fast I wouldn’t even know what hit you” Early said softly.

“Who’s gonna tell them?” Tay said with a smile.

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“All the kids from soccer practice, in about five minutes” Early said with a lopsided grin. “I promise I will try my hardest to find time to see you real soon”

“Call me, okay?” Tay whispered, kissing Early softly.

“I can call you in my break tomorrow, at work, okay?” Early whispered. “Otherwise I will see you at the parent teacher meeting next week”

“asshole” Tay grinned, pushing Early off his lap.

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The kids from soccer practice ran out the door to the field outside to pick up their stuff. Early waved at Ramon from the benches. “Hey soldier!” He yelled.

“Dad!” Ramon yelled back happily, not aware that his dad would pick him up.

Tay was already down on the grass, “Hey Ramon, give me five” He grinned.

“Mr. McKinnon!” Ramon said surprised, “You should have seen me, I scored three goals”

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“That’s great” Tay said smiling at the kid. “Don’t forget to do your homework for tomorrow, right?”

“I wont” Ramon shook his head.

“Good, see you tomorrow” Tay ruffled Ramon’s hair before he started to walk across the grass to the double doors that led inside the school building.

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“What’s with Mr. McKinnon?” Ramon asked.

“Is there something with him?” Early asked, having covered the distance to his son.

“He just seemed sad” Ramon stated.

“He’s properly just tired” Early said merrily. burying his son in a hug, “So how was soccer practice?”

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“You should have seen me, dad!” Ramon cheered, “I scored three times, and maybe I will make it for the team that will play against Veronaville in juniors cup next month”

“Wow” Early grinned with a big, proud smile.  “Come on you little squirt, its time we get home to mamabear, I’m sure she is wondering where we are by now”

“Can I have a soda on the way?” Ramon asked with a sneaky smile.

“Sure you can, but don’t tell your mom” Early snickered, ushering Ramon off the grass with a hand on the child’s shoulder.

TBC.

Out take:

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