Characters: Izzy, Gabi.
Summary: Just admit it Izzy!
Warnings: adult situations, language.
AN: tada! started the third prompt table, which is the one I made for simfic50 . And with ‘solid’ I mean; ‘we cool? – yeah solid’. Gabi belongs to elecy, thanks for letting me abuse him.
I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become
And let go of what I’ve done
Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty
For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.
“I wasn’t sure I would come either.” Gabi said, smiling sadly.
“Oh Izzy” Gabi hit Izzy playfully over his hand. “Had to do something to cover the greys right?”
Izzy laughed, “Don’t I know it!” He sighed and pocketed his hands with a shrug. “We’re getting old. we might as well face it Gabriel.” He smiled bitterly, “Remember those old wrinkly disgusting men we used to make fun at at the clubs? That’s us in a couple of years.”
“Speak for yourself! My youthful beauty will last for ever!” Gabi mumbled in an attempt of being funny.
“You have nothing to worry about Izzy.” Gabi said soothing, but not touching his old friend, like he would have just a month ago. “Other than dyeing your pubes that is.”
“Gabriel!!” Izzy spurted out.
Gabi shrugged, “It’s the truth innit?”
“Suppose it is.” Izzy still laughed softly. Looking up at Gabi his smile softened too. “I missed you. a lot.”
“Believe it or not you old goat, I missed you too.” Gabi said smiling mischievously.
Izzy looked down at the floor, his voice meek. “It was never my intention to mess everything up.”
“I appreciate that you came.” Izzy said, slowly looking up at Gabi with a little nervous smile. “And I know exactly what you’re thinking, you’re thinking ‘what the hell were you thinking?’, am I right?”
“Pretty much.” Gabi stated, suddenly slapping Izzy across his cheek with the back of his hand. “What the hell were you thinking, you fucking idiot?”
Izzy sat down with a sigh and stared at the steam from his tea. “Honestly I don’t really know what to say, I really don’t have anything to defend myself with.”
“So.” Gabi said, “You fucked him to rile everyone up or what?”
“Of course not!” Izzy argued. “I like Nando… and… shit.. it wasn’t supposed to go down like that.”
“Don’t misunderstand me.” Izzy mumbled, “I didn’t know I liked him ‘that’ way until that morning.”
“And that means just what?” Gabi asked, “The way I see it, you broke up your own family, and Terry’s heart for a blowjob by a young man whom you should regard as your own son. See that is pretty fucked up from where I am sitting.”
“It’s not ‘like’ that,” Izzy whined.
“Then enlighten me, friend.” Gabi said, unable to hide his sarcasm.
“I woke next to him, and had no recollection of anything, not until he told me.” Izzy said softly, “And there is no excuse for what I did, other than I really wanted to fuck him apparently. Look Gabriel! What the hell am I supposed to say? I’m sorry? Because I’m not! It was just as much Nando as it was me you know.”
Gabi took a deep breath, “Well you aren’t as fragile as Nando. He was always terrible at judging situations and people, you know that.”
“I know.” Izzy admitted, “I shouldn’t have believed him, I know that in retrospective. But it was just not like that, the morning in question, he seemed so sure of what he wanted, I told him several times that he should go home. That I considered him my son, not my lover. He didn’t listen, and I suppose that neither did I.”
“I have to admit that I knew he had a crush on you.” Gabi said sighing. “And even if I am pissed at you, then I suppose you’re both grown people.”
“Oh stuff it Gabi.” Izzy growled. “Nando made me feel more alive than I had been feeling for years. He made me feel young, desirable and carefree, like I used to be, remember? You knew me before I met Bastian. That is how he made me feel, and if you want the truth, then I am not the slightest bit sorry. And I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
“Well, that was the impression I gave him, so I don’t blame him.” Izzy admitted with a slight blush. “But you know what? Bastian he, he successfully killed every shred of adventure I had in me, with rules, anal retentive schedules and expensive, educated words. I adored him, but of course I did, he was an dashing, educated boy who thought I was worth it. Cause all in all I am just a confused little mountain boy, Gabriel. I strived to be like him, but I was never good enough. Its good for him that he grew up with an understanding mother, in an understanding environment, but I didn’t and I didn’t find his redneck jokes funny at all.”
“And Terry, he reminded me of what I used to be, like a fresh breath of air. But I am not the boy he remembers either, I am something completely different now, and Terry is a sweet soul, but he doesn’t have a independent bone in his body, and no matter how much I love him, cause I do. Then it gets tedious with a puppy.”
“So you were looking for some fun, is that it?” Gabi said sharply, “And Nando just happened to pay the price for your disastrous lovelife?”
“No.” Izzy said, biting a nail nervously. “Do you have any idea the amount of guilt I felt? I think I was harder on myself than all of you together. I know I should see him as my son, I know that he is way too young for me, and I know that it was really idiotic to throw someone like Terry away, I know all of these things rationally. But what I had the hardest time to admit to myself, is that I actually think that I might like him in a different way, that I wanted him to stay, not as my friend, not as my son, but as my lover. And I know how wrong that is.” Izzy looked up at Gabi expecting a scowl, but instead Gabi was smiling. “I wish I knew what to do, I really do.”
“I don’t know where to find him, and even if I did, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want to see me.” Izzy whispered.
“Maybe Seth knows where he is.” Gabi said. “After all he was the last to see Nando, maybe he left him with some contact information? You could perhaps ask him?” When Izzy just sighed heavily, Gabi finally placed a hand on top of Izzy’s. “If you really care for Nando, and want to try, then I am behind you all the way. But if you push him aside as a weekend fuck, then…” Gabi was about to finish his sentence when Izzy cut him off.
“I could try, couldn’t I?” He said, staring at his teacup. “Live a little, right?”