Genre: drama / romance
Characters: Izzy, Ferris, Seth
Summary: 2 years after the last chapter of ‘dreams made of glass’
AN: So this is the last part of the “trilogy” and this part is called ‘harvester of sorrow’ its just the sequel of DoG, enjoy!
And isn’t that just how it goes down
When you are banging on an open door
Full speed forward till we’re on empty
And isn’t that just how it goes down?
Who can hear anything?
When you’re banging on an open door.
You are banging away on a door that was kicked in ages ago.
-Jøden & Peter Sommer
Ferris had called him in the middle of the night, crying on the phone for an hour. And he had promised to come by first thing in the morning. It had been a week since Ferris had had to call the doctors at Crystal Towers and submit Seth once more, somehow he had never really snapped out of his strange social phobia, staying to himself, and staying inside all day and night. Never talking to anyone besides the people who sought him out. Izzy knew what a hard decision this had been for Ferris, that he had had to admit that his love was just not enough to keep Seth sane, or happy.
Ferris had turned 23, and somehow his life made less sense now than it had done when he was 19. He had watched Seth grow more and more lonely, even if Ferris had been right beside him. They had shared this flat for almost two years now. In the beginning Ferris had urged Seth to go with him, even if it was just to the shops, but Seth would stay home, either just laying in bed, or watching television, and so gradually Ferris had stopped asking. It was like Seth had stopped caring, he didn’t help with anything, he didn’t want to bathe, and their sex life had been at a standstill for the last six months. All in all Ferris felt like he was an extra made of cardboard, and it was breaking his heart.
“No” Ferris admitted, “Look, I’m sorry I called you that late, I don’t know what came over me.. I didn’t mean to wake you, I guess I just didn’t realise how late it was” He looked down into the table surface and smiled sadly. He had been well aware of the time, but he had just needed something to hold on to, something that didn’t feel like a ghost.
“It’s okay” Izzy said, seating himself. “I told you to just call me, right?”
“So” Izzy said with a sigh. “Can I get some coffee? I didn’t get any before I left”
“Oh yes! yes, of course.. I’m sorry” Ferris scrambled to his feet, quickly covering the distance to the coffee machine. “Guess I forgot how to behave too, huh?” he laughed a little nervously.
Izzy smiled sadly, “Terry said that if you needed anything that he could help you with, you could just call him”
“Thanks” Ferris mumbled, “But I don’t really wanna be a burden”
Ferris didn’t answer, he just stared at the coffee machine, nodding slowly. like he would say ‘thank you, but I now you’re lying’
“So, are you feeling better today?” Izzy asked cautiously.
Ferris shook his head, “No” He mumbled. Turning around, he leaned against the kitchen desk. “Izzy? what did I do wrong?”
“Then why do I have this feeling that I could have done something different, did I push him too much? Did I nag? Did I demand something that I should not have?” Ferris said biting a nail, slowly making his way back to his chair at the table while the coffee made itself.
“He loves you very much, Ferris, I know that for a fact. He is just lost within himself” Izzy said, letting go of Ferris’ hand. “You are the one thing that makes sense in his world, and don’t ever tell yourself differently”
“Oh sweetie” Izzy said, his voice filled with sadness and compassion. “No one asks you to understand it”
“I ne-need to under-understand” Ferris wept. “I …” He took a long shuddering breath. “Why would he tell me that I would be happier without him, if he loved me?”
“Because he’s sick, Ferris. He didn’t mean it, he hurts inside so he lashes out at you, cause he loves you” Izzy said.
“I wish I had the answer” Izzy mumbled, “But when I talk with him, he is always telling me how proud he is of you” He shrugged, “Maybe he is afraid that you will leave him? seeing as you have a job and friends, maybe he don’t understand why you would love someone like him?”
“But I told him that over, and over again” Ferris sniffled.
“Maybe” Ferris whispered, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, as he went to fetch the coffee. “Milk?” he asked.
“Yes please” Izzy said with a little smile.
Ferris came back with two mugs, placing one in front of Izzy, keeping the other. “Sorry” He mumbled, “I didn’t mean to embarrass you like that”
“You are entitled to your tears, sweetness” Izzy said with a soft smile. “Don’t ever think differently, maybe Seth is suffering, but you are suffering along with him”
“I’ll manage” Izzy said, “But thanks for asking” He turned his head and looked at the teary eyed youth next to him. “You will let me know if you want me to take him home, right? let me know, before all life is sucked out of you, promise?”
“I promise” Seth whispered, cursing his tears as he felt Izzy pull him in for a hug.
When Izzy left, Ferris was left to the solitude of his apartment. He knew why he had called Izzy last night, because he no longer found any reason to give a shit. it was easier to be lost in a fog, one thing was sure, he couldn’t feel like this for much longer, he didn’t like that empty void inside. And he didn’t like that he found himself missing Early more and more. Last night when he had called Izzy, it had been because he had been on his way out to do something he knew was really, really stupid. but left to his own, he just had no reason not to.
He looked at the clock, one in the afternoon, then lunch at the hospital was bound to be over. He didn’t really have any excuse, he just needed to hear Seth’s voice. it proved more difficult than he thought, cause Seth had been moved from one ward to another, and they had to find out if he even had phone privileges first. But finally the nurses handed the phone over to Seth and left the room.
“Hi” Seth said sullen, “Is something wrong?”
“No, no, not at all” Ferris said smiling. “I just wanted to hear your voice, I miss you, you know”
“I miss you too” Seth said, sounding awkward.
“You got transferred today huh? is it a better ward than the other?” Ferris asked.
“I’m sure there is a reason, baby.” Ferris said softly.
“They are the enemy, and you know it” Seth whispered in the receiver. “We can’t talk about this over the phone, I told you that before! When will you listen?”
“But..” Ferris nodded, “Yes, you told me, I’m sorry I forgot”
“I had your dad over for coffee” Ferris answered, not sure if he should have told Seth that. “He left around noon”
“Izzy? that’s just swell, good to know you can all get along like that when I’m not there” Seth hissed.
“It wasn’t like that, Seth” Ferris whined, “I called him cause I needed someone to talk to, someone who loves you too, and would understand me” When Seth was silent in the other end, Ferris carefully added “I wouldn’t tell the enemy what I know, now would I?”
“Trust me” Ferris said softly, trying to calm Seth who apparently grew more and more annoyed at the other end.
“Everyone who ever said that, was a traitor” Seth said.
“I’m not” Ferris said, his voice breaking over, who was this thing that had taken over his beloved? Ferris just wanted Seth back, he just wanted this to end, to be some sort of bad dream. “Would you love a traitor?”
“I don’t know” Seth said flatly, “I don’t know anything anymore”
“Okay, then know this, I am not about to betray you, I love you Seth” Ferris said, grinding his teeth not to cry.
“Of course I will” Ferris said, not mentioning that a sleeping pill in the middle of the day was a really strange request. but still if that was what Seth wanted, that was what he would have. “Is there anything else you need?”
“Besides you?” Seth grinned in the other end.
“Yeah, besides that” Ferris said,
“Chocolate and a porn mag” Seth said flatly.
“When will you be here?” Seth asked.
“Around five?” Ferris said, “I need to get off work first, and then pick up that stuff for you”
“you still working at that record store?” Seth asked his tone suspicious.
Ferris sighed, “I am, you’ve only been gone for some weeks Seth”
“How did you afford rent?” Seth said.
“I borrowed some money off my uncle Rainer” Ferris said.
“So now I am in his debt, huh?” Seth suddenly yelled.
“If you are in his debt, then so am I, what part of that is it you don’t understand? I can’t help you from in here… Goddammit Ferris!” Seth ranted.
“Baby, baby, relax, I will find a way to pay Rainer myself” Ferris said trying to calm Seth. “Don’t you worry about nothing besides getting better, and coming home to me again”
Seth growled in the other end but finally relaxed, taking a deep breath. “I love you”
“I love you too” Ferris whispered.