Distant stare, nerves of steel.
Conversation, can you hear me?
Am I out, am I in?
Dive, fall, stop, don’t stop.
How far will you go?
– Julie Maria.
Ramon had spent most night staring down into his drink. He didn’t need to call in, to know he was fired. This was going to hell real fast, not only was he stuck in that house with those nuts, he was dumped, and out of a job. He almost didn’t react when he heard someone say his name.
Slowly he looked up at who ever sat down next to him. He frowned as he realised who it was. “Aidan.”
“You can say that again.” Ramon agreed, wanting to be pissed off at the man next to him, but found that he was actually a little happy to see someone he knew, someone he was not fucking related to, even if it was that little cunt Aidan.
“Like you give a shit.” Ramon mumbled sourly.
Aidan shrugged, “But I do.”
“So that is why you ripped my fucking heart out of my chest and pissed on it?” Ramon asked, he just couldn’t stop himself, admitted he was apparently still bitter. Why did he always have to meet the mental ones?
“I didn’t..” Aidan started.
“You know, this is ridiculous.” Ramon shook his head and downed his drink, about to get up and leave the bar, as Aidan grabbed his wrist. Ramon sat down on his chair again with a sigh.
Ramon looked at Aidan, studying his expression, maybe he was telling the truth? Or maybe Ramon just really wanted Aidan to tell the truth. He couldn’t deal with more bullshit right now. “Maybe I just can’t make pleasant conversation with you.” He said.
“Do you really think you are entitled to still being bitter? Jeesh man, its years ago.” Aidan said, reaching for his drink.
“True.” Ramon said, “It doesn’t change the fact that you pissed on me, and didn’t even have the decency to call it rain.” He shook his head annoyed over himself. “I thought you loved me, or at least that we had something love’ish, but I figure you were just a lesson I had to learn. So excuse me if I can’t just sit here and chit chat, like it never happened.”
“Are you going to blame me, for not being ready?” Aidan said, his voice fell an octave, into a cold whisper. “You made it quite clear to me, that you couldn’t be bothered with more closeted confused kids.” Aidan smiled bitterly, “I knew I wasn’t Mr. Right, so I figured we were secret fuck buddies, that’s all. I never expected you to stick around while I straightened my shit out.”
“Oh right, so I am the bad guy.” Ramon said, staring straight at Aidan, “I didn’t ask you to be Mr. Right, I just wanted you to be faithful.” Ramon licked his lips nervously, it seemed insane to have this discussion so many years after it happened, his life was fucking twilightzone worthy. “Do you really think I wouldn’t hear about all those fucking bitches?”
Aidan sighed, “Told you I was confused.” He didn’t even attempt to argue.
“I don’t know.” Ramon shook his head sadly. “Nothing I suppose.”
“Listen.” Aidan said, frowning,”I was just a big kid, I was confused as hell. And I had a real hard time justifying to myself fucking the elder brother of a classmate. What the fuck do you think Sal would have said if I had taken you to the prom?” Aidan sighed and gestured to the bartender for two drinks, “I will tell you what he would have said, he would have fucking broken my caps, and pissed in my face for kicks.” He shook his head, “You weren’t exactly just ‘some dude’, it was all really complicated, and much too complicated for me at that time.”
“For what it’s worth.” Aidan said, “I never intended to hurt you. I was just..”
“Scared?” Ramon whispered.
“Yeah.” Aidan nodded.
“I guess I never stopped to think about that.” Ramon admitted, “I have been scared about lots of things in my life, but that.” he smiled timidly, “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He held up his drink for a toast, “Can we, uhm, start this over? Hi Aidan, so how are you?”
“Wow, really?” Ramon was honestly impressed, thinking of Sal who was the same age as Aidan, and who had absolutely no achievements to his name at all.
“Yeah, couldn’t afford to attend school where I started, I had to work too much, and lacked in classes. So I decided to come back and live with my parents and attend Uni here instead.” Aidan chuckled, “They set me up in a dorm type thing tho, but as long as they are paying my rent, I am not gonna complaint about sharing bathroom and kitchen with a bunch of other people.”
“So what about you?” Aidan asked, “Did you ever find Mr. Right?”
“My last boyfriend was a fucking deuce bag, hiring me for his company so he could get a blowjob between meetings.” Ramon hissed. “And when I had to return home, he kicked me, lost both my job and my lover.” Ramon smiled nervously, annoyed with himself that he was even telling Aidan this. “So I live with my brothers, and worked at the supermarket on Ivory River Circle, until Sal fucked that up too.” He shrugged and took a sip of his drink, “So yeah, I’m broke, unemployed, and single. And life sucks.” He laughed bitterly, “Aren’t you glad you asked?”
After a few moments in silence, Ramon leaned over towards Aidan, and bit his lip. “Sorry. I’m just sorta bummed out.” he smiled amused over himself in his drunken state. “You have to be depressed and drinking yourself into oblivion to stay at this bar for more than two drinks.”
“You saw me?” Ramon asked surprised, not thinking that Aidan would come in here for his sake.
“Yeah.” Aidan blushed slightly which made Ramon laugh.
“Yeah, why is that so hard to believe?” Aidan asked.
“You just happened to walk past out here?” Ramon still had a hard time processing it.
“Yeah, it’s on my way home.” Aidan laughed, “You’re being silly, Ramon. Yes, I came in here just to have a drink with you.”
“I’m closing in 20 minutes. So last round if anyone wants something.” The bartender said.
“So..” Aidan said after a little while. “Can I, like get your number or something?”
“Maybe.” Ramon said, smiling sweetly.
“Aw come on, you can’t expect me to check this bar every other day to see if you are here, drinking yourself into stupor.” Aidan laughed.
Ramon giggled, inwardly mortified by himself, he fucking giggled like a school girl. how sad could he get? “Are you flirting with me?” He asked.
Ramon stood too, holding on to the bar to steady himself. Damn he was too drunk to see straight. “You can have my number in the morning, when you’re making me coffee.” He said straight forward.
“Don’t you think you’re a little too drunk for that? No offence.” Aidan asked. loving every second of this bizarre hook up.
“Oh I am giving you plenty credit, Mr. Cortez.” Aidan said feeling goosebumps form in the wake of the finger that Ramon ran down his arm, turning on every little nerve in his body. “Do you think I have a habit of picking up strange drunk blokes?”
“You didn’t pick me up at a bar the first time.” Ramon argued.
“Well there was a punch bowl, so it counts.” Aidan said with a grin. “Besides I had my own vodka.”
Ramon looked thoughtful for a moment, knitting his eyebrows. “Forgot to ask you if you had a girlfriend, or some other significant other.”
Aidan laid a hand on Ramon’s shoulder, “I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school, you pretty much killed that fantasy for me, naked girls I mean.” Aidan laughed, knowing why Ramon had asked, “No I don’t have someone waiting at the stage’s exit.”
“Just had to know,” Ramon said, slightly apologetic even if he knew he didn’t have to be.
“Sure.” Aidan said, “Lets go, captain morality.” He ushered Ramon towards the door to the alley outside. When Ramon suddenly grabbed him, turned him around and kissed him straight on.
Aidan would have asked what he was testing, if he had had the chance before Ramon deepened the kiss.