Five 4/?

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Author: azzy
rating: M+
Warnings: Hate speech, offending images.
AN: I assume you read the link on my previous post, if not, do it before you read on. I am warning for offending images because Sal is shirtless, flashing his tattoos! so this is NOT worksafe!


I’m forced to repeat it
Always uncompleted
I hate
I love
I fear
I breathe
I live my life love to be free
I hate
I love
I fear my blood is red like yours

-Icon of coil

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Sal walked through the door to the room he shared with Ramon and Nate. Only to find Ramon on the floor staring at the phone as would it jump up and bite him. “Ramon?” He asked softly. “I thought you were on your way to take a bath, I was sorta waiting for it to be my turn.” When Ramon didn’t answer him, but just sighed, Sal scratched his arm idly, not good at these things, making up his mind if he should ask or just go and take skip Ramon and go take his bath. His conscience won out as he saw his older brother bite his lip to not cry. “Something wrong?” Sal asked.

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“Fuck off Sal.” Ramon finally whispered, “Leave me the fuck alone, I really don’t need your shit right now, okay?” He took a deep breath, “Just go use the bath, it’s okay.”

Sal just stood and stared at his brother for a moment. hearing the tears in his voice. “Who called?” He asked, slowly sitting down on the floor next to his brother.

“Antoine.”

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“Alright..” Sal said, just watching Ramon. It was odd to see him this vulnerable, he had always been a pillar of strength no matter what happened. The world could crumble, and Ramon would be there with a smile making sure everything would work out.

“He.. He fucking dumped me that asshole.” Ramon whispered, not sure that Sal even heard it.

“I’m sorry.” Sal said with as much genuineness as he could muster. “You shouldn’t..”

“Sal, please.”  

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“I’m serious Ramon.” Sal said, meeting his brothers sad, wet gaze for the first time. “You are better than that, man.” 

“You don’t mean that.” Ramon said smiling bitterly.

Sal smiled, and Ramon was not sure he wanted to decipher that smile. “Want me to fuck him up for you?” He scratched his calf idly, “It’s no problem really.”

“No.” Ramon sighed, “It’s fine.”

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“If it’s fine, why are you sitting here sulking?” Sal asked.

“Sal? You’re not telling Nate?” Ramon suddenly asked, “I can’t deal with his self-righteous bullcrap.” Sal shook his head, and Ramon nodded, “I worked for him,” He laughed mirthlessly, “I lost my job too. It’s not like I didn’t know he was married, but he promised.. Gods, I am such a sucker.”

Sal rose an eyebrow, but deciding not to rag on his brother, it seems like he was beating himself up, not really needing to be told how obviously stupid he was.

“This is some fucked up shit.” Ramon said mostly to himself. He turned his head, “Are you still seeing that girl, I don’t remember her name.”

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“Cherry.” Sal said, “And no, she broke it off when I was locked up.” He shrugged, “She was a shady little bitch anyway.”

Ramon laughed softly, “Rule number 1, never fuck anyone who’s named after a fucking fruit.”

Sal laughed too, “I’ll remember that for the future.”

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“I don’t get it Sal, I really don’t.” Ramon said, “Why are you sitting here trying to make me feel better, when you obviously think that people like me should be shot.”

Sal chewed his lip, “Because you are my brother.” He finally said, fidgeting the hem in his pyjama bottoms.

Ramon turned his head and looked straight at his brother. “So that makes it different?”

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“Yeah sorta.” Sal admitted reluctantly.

“You didn’t think so, just a year ago.” Ramon said, studying his brothers expression, “What happened in jail?”

“Nothing.” Sal said, “Guess I just had time to think about yanno important stuff.” He stared out the window on the nothingness in the sky, “Like Nate saying that I only believed in the things I do because I wanted a ticket out. Choosing to hate everything that my family stood for.” He briefly looked down at his hands, “That is not true, I believe what I do because I know it to be the truth, it’s as simple as that, you had nothing to do with that. All you do is complicate things.”

“You mean force you to live in the real world?” Ramon said, instantly regretting it.

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Sal just huffed, “Way I see it, I hate what you do, but no matter what, I love you for being my brother.” He turned and looked at Ramon, “Do you understand that?”

“I do.” Ramon said softly. “I just don’t get it, have you ever actually looked on your social security card? I mean I understand you didn’t appreciate us calling you Sailor because that is what dad called you all the time, but your name is fucking Salvatore Cortez, I mean how do you defend that contra ‘this’.” He gestured at Sal’s tattoos.

“I didn’t chose that name.” He just stated.

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“No, our nan did that.” He shrugged, “For years when I was little I would tell people my name was Robert, because I hated my name, but you don’t see me dancing around a flaming cross in a fucking sheet.”

“The KKK is nothing but rich fat dudes and rednecks.” Sal said.

“So you consider yourself a better form of racist because you know how to read?” Ramon asked in an irritated tone.

“I am just saying they are outdated.” Sal stated.

Silence came over the brothers, until Sal stood up, “Go take your bath, I have to finish something, and check on Tris.”

***


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Coming out of the bath, Ramon walked back into his bedroom to find Sal gathering a bunch of papers and putting them in a drawer. “Work?” Ramon asked.

Sal looked up startled, “Yeah.” He smiled and closed the drawer, “They put me in charge of the layout of the music page.”

“Guess that is better than running the ‘Dear Goebbels.’ page.” Ramon said with a little grin.

Sal ignored it and just walked over to his brother who was standing there dripping on the carpet. “I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Yeah?” Ramon looked down at the wet carpet.

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“Since you’re unemployed, and you don’t want Nate to know, you could.. uhm perhaps come help at the paper, I am sure you could get a job there if I vouch for you.” He smiled a little timid smile, “Maybe you could just be less gay..”

“So you don’t think my pink feather boa would go over well at the clubhouse?” Ramon asked sarcastic.

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“Come on, Ramon! You know what I mean.” Sal whined annoyed.

“I know exactly what you mean, and I am happy to live in a world where I don’t have to hide what I feel, do or..” Ramon started.

Sal cut him off, “So it’s wrong of me to ask you to be less a fucking fairy, but it’s okay for you to tell me to wear long sleeves and shut the fuck up? Where is the justice in that?”

“Because your hate is unreasonable, and is just not generally accepted. We only hate you for hating us, where as you just hate everything that is not like you.”

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“We? So its an ‘us’ now?” Sal huffed, “You know what? forget it!”

“You can’t seriously stand there and ask me to be less me, and work for the very people who would like see people like me dead.” Ramon argued, staring at Sal’s back.

“And you can’t seriously trying to make me believe that you actually like degrading yourself to someone’s bitch.” Sal turned around and pointed at Ramon, “That is not you! It can’t be you!”

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“You think I punish myself? I had hoped that being away from those people while you were in jail would restore some sanity to you, but you are still completely deranged. Do you even listen to the shit that spews from your mouth?” Ramon fumed, “If I wanted to punish myself, I would fuck someone like that little white trash cunt you used to date.”

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“At least she didn’t drop her pants for a job.” Sal growled, “You have absolutely no pride left, you should be proud of who you are, an intelligent, kind and honest, white man. Instead you choose to suck cock for a job. That is not the brother that I know and love.”

“Fuck that is low even for you Sal.” Ramon hissed.

“It’s the brutal truth.” Sal said with a frown, “You weren’t always like that, snap out of it, would you?”

Ramon laughed bitterly, “You have no fucking clue do you? You are such a little pissed off kid, it’s easier to blame everything and everyone than it is to think for yourself.”

Sal’s lips became a fine line of anger. “I hafta go before I do something I will regret.” He clenched his fists and brushed past his brother, giving him a shoulder in the process.

TBC

out take
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