Genre: romance / drama
Characters: Izzy, Seth, Ferris, Maria
Summary: many meetings, greetings and bitter words spoken.
Warnings: language, adult situations.
AN: Yay for makeovers! And I had actually taken some much better shots of Ferris and his mom, but then I realised I had forgotten to give her a damn makeover, and I had to redo those pictures, and they never turned out as good as the first time around.
Who brings you back when you’re gone gone gone…
Who keeps saying your prayers when you blow ’em off
Who keeps alive the concept of mom
Who cares to care when they’re really scared
When they’re really scared
Izzy had done what he could for the apartment when it was finally time to pick up Seth, it was not really much, but he had spent too much time trying to find some furniture cheap, just paying rent was took up most of his time. But he had been hellbend on getting this place as as liveable as possible before Seth would arrive. It was both weird and really fantastic to have to do with second hand stuff, he had been lost in Sebastian’s perfect world for too long, and Izzy was actually really liberated to learn that he was all in all, just a boy from the mountain, still.
He had been worried when he had picked up Seth, he had signed the papers to let Dr. Roth go through with the electro therapy that he said would be best for Seth, but Izzy still felt somewhat wrong that he had agreed, but he hadn’t known what to do. He just wanted Seth to stop being so sad, and maybe live a little. But he had still not been ready to see what met him at the hospital, Seth had been listless, and had rarely spoken, he seemed like he forgot what to say before he said it. But he smiled and seemed so happy that Izzy picked him up that Izzy wouldn’t let anyone show how freaked he was.
If Seth had not been there, he would have asked Dr. Roth if Seth would stay in this zombie form for long, or if it was just a passing thing. But he just thanked the doctor and the nurses and took Seth home. He recalled when they had driven to Murky Mile, Seth had been chattering like no tomorrow, but now he was silent, seemed mostly like he was observing everything. And it was not until they were home in the apartment, that Izzy suddenly buried his son in a hug, asking him if he was okay. That Seth whispered that he was just really tired.
But days passed, and Seth did nothing much but sit and watch the telly, Izzy would try and make him go outside, of nothing more then just to the corner store, but Seth would not budge. Izzy worried that maybe he had not been ‘cured’ as Dr. Roth had predicted, maybe they had just zapped the life out of him, and what was left was being drowned in three different kind of medicine. But on the other hand, he would not ever ask Seth to not take his medication, after all the doctors knew better, right?
“No” Seth said, he looked up at his father, “What time is it?”
“Six in the morning” Izzy said with a slight smile.
Seth nodded, but didn’t remove his gaze from the television.
“Hey Seth, come have some coffee and cake with me” Izzy said smiling faint, “I could do with some decent company”
“Okay” Seth said, reluctantly getting up from the sofa. Izzy made the coffee while Seth carved the cake, carrying it to the dining table. “Hard night?” Seth asked, looking at Izzy who yawned, looking out at the crisp summer morning.
“Yeah” Izzy sighed, “Too many idiots in town tonight I guess”
“I’m sorry” Izzy mumbled, sitting down with his plate, opposite Izzy at the dining table.
“Seth? Don’t you think its about time you got out a little?” Izzy asked softly, knowing he was walking dangerous grounds, but he had been meaning to ask this for days.
Izzy sighed, knowing that Seth was right, but still he was not satisfied. “So what if you maybe, uhm.. started dating or something, maybe you’d meet some people”
Seth laughed, “Sure Izzy, and tell them what? Hey there I am the guy who murdered my boyfriend, lives at my dad, and eats enough medicine to keep you drooling down your shirt for two days”
“Don’t be so negative, Seth.” Izzy frowned, “You’re just shooting down the idea, cause you don’t want to go out”
“You got me there” Seth answered acidly.
Seth took a bite of the cake. “I don’t want to date anyone, okay? people like me don’t have a love life, and even if I wanted, I don’t even think I can get a freaking boner, because of all this medicine” He looked up at Izzy with a slight pout, “Was that what you wanted to know?”
“Okay, right.. no that was not what I wanted to know” Izzy admitted.
“I have only respect for you, that you are going out, having three or four dates a week, having fun. But that don’t have to mean that I want the same, okay?” Seth sneered. “Why can’t you just leave me alone with my fucking television?”
Izzy looked down at his plate with a sigh.
Seth put down his fork. “I can’t even wank any more, okay? and you want me to date, what a joke, man.”
Seth pushed his half eaten cake away, “Are you listening to me at all?” Seth suddenly yelled, “I can’t get it up okay? have you ever thought about that I might ‘want’ to? its not about that I don’t have to get in bed with the first and best bloke that buys me a drink, I know I don’t have to, but did you ever stop to think that I’d maybe ‘want’ to?”
“Oh” Izzy whispered, “I hadn’t thought about that, I’m sorry Seth, I didn’t mean to imply that you..”
“I know you didn’t Izzy” Seth mumbled taking a deep breath, “I am a goddamn medical eunuch, and unlike what most people believe, I have a really hard time coming to terms with that. If I went out dating, I’d feel like an imposter, like false advertising. like a box of chocolates where someone already ate it all and wrapped it neatly up again”
“Maybe you could get some different medicine if you told Dr. Roth this” Izzy said with a tiny voice.
“Look Izzy, its okay. I don’t miss it much” Seth shook his head and smiled sadly. “My hand has been my best friend for years, and now they took away even that. castrating me completely.” Seth got up from his chair “I’m sorry Izzy, I know you didn’t want to hear all that, its just..”
“Seth” Izzy sighed, “You can tell me anything, you know that right? And I am sorry I came with such a poor suggestion”
Seth leaned in over the table, looking straight at Izzy, “The last time I got laid, I was 16, was there more you wanted to know?” he spat, “Fine! then leave me the fuck alone with my tv shows, I don’t wanna date, I don’t wanna know anyone, I just want to be left the fuck alone, hoping that I will die from a heart attack in front of the telly before I’m forty”
Standing in front of his mothers door, Ferris remembered all too well the last time he had left this apartment, listening to his mother, father and uncle argue loudly in the living room, he slipped out the window and ran down the fire escape. He sighed, maybe this was a really rotten idea, maybe he should just leave his family be. But then he thought of Shiva, asking why he wasn’t visiting grandmother. And he had not had an answer for her. So in the end, Ferris took two steps towards the door, and knocked it. Not sure what to expect, when nothing happened, he was halfway relieved, that Maria wasn’t home.
Suddenly the door opened, and Ferris had to step back quickly not to get the door slammed in his face. For a moment, none of them spoke, Maria and Ferris just looked at each other in silence. “Hey mama” Ferris finally mumbled.
Maria lit up in a smile, “Holy shit, Ferris” She said. “You’ve grown”
Ferris nodded, “Yeah”
“Look Maria” Ferris started, “I know I should have come by earlier, and.. but the moment was just never really there. I missed you, really I did. And it’s not because I hated you I stayed away, but..”
“Liar” Maria said calmly, “Like always”
“What?” Ferris gasped.
“You hated me alright” Maria whispered, “And you had every right to do so”
“No, I didn’t hate you” Ferris answered, “I just didn’t want to go with Aleksander”
“Look, Maria. I understand that you missed your family, but Tally and I didn’t grow up like that, we didn’t even understand the language”
Maria sighed and looked away from her son. “You’re right, I really messed up, didn’t I? I should have listened to Rainer.” She looked up at Ferris, “I’m really sorry son, for everything. It was selfish of me to even bring you into this world”
Maria nodded again, reaching out she caressed Ferris cheek, “You look so much like your father, its scary”
Ferris arched an perfect brow, “Thanks, I suppose”
“You look skinny and sick, son.” Maria said worried, “Are you alright?”
Maria paled, her lips a bloodless line. “You’re not getting any money” she said harsh.
“Hey man! I haven’t seen you for years, do you really think I would sink so low as to come here for money?” Ferris sneered, appalled.
“I know all.. about you” Maria whispered.
“Oh you do, do you?” Ferris spat.
“Tell me Mother” Ferris hissed, “What was I supposed to do? I was just a kid, suddenly having no where to go, had no where to call home”
“You could have accepted it, and gone with your father” Maria yelled. “Anything but what you do!”
“Why are you suddenly so concerned about my well-being?” Ferris yelled. “It’s not like you gave a flying fuck before! If you’re just gonna yell at me, then I’m sorry I came by, then I should have stayed the fuck away”
Maria slapped Ferris hard across the face. “Don’t ever say that!” She spat, “You’re my baby, I was killing myself with worry where you had gone off to, I would have gone searching for you, was it not for Rainer that told me to leave you both alone”
Ferris smiled, “Uncle Rainer” He whispered, “How is he?”
Maria’s features mellowed, “He is still with the family, driving trucks, raising the tent, selling tickets and putting up posters, and the like. I think he found his place in life even if it was not in the show, and he misses you very much, he’s going to be thrilled when he hears that you came by”
“I miss him too” Ferris admitted. “Give him my best, Maria” Ferris turned to leave down the hall again.
Ferris turned around looking at the small woman that was his mother. “Does that mean that.. eh..”
“Come, son. You look hungry and tired” Maria said with a little smile, “You can take a long bath while I make you something to eat, and you can sleep in my bed if you want to”
Ferris didn’t know what to say, instead he took two hasty strides towards his mother, and wrapped his arms around her. “Thanks mama” He whispered.