Characters: Harmony, Nando, Sebastian & Izzy
Summary: Nando tells Harmony a little something about himself (2/3)
Warnings: Language, adult situations, talk about skin mags.
AN: Another Nando teen flash chapter for elecy. And again, I had too much fun digging out those lame tunes for the mixed tape.. heh.. I had terrible taste in the late 80ies.
We’ll be chasing our tails madly
See days pass like wildfire
Right from the start
I knew this world would break my heart
I dream myself alive
Dream myself alive
Mixed tape: Jermaine Stewart – We don’t have to take our clothes off // Kim Wilde – Kids in America // Nena – 99 luftbalons // Hubert Kah – Einmal nur mit Erica // Terence Trent D’arby – Wishing well //
“Bastian and Izzy had been invited to some Christmas party, and I didn’t want to go, I told them I was behind on a term paper I had to hand over when I returned to the school after the holidays, in reality I just needed them to get the fuck out of the house, I was getting really tired of listening to Bastian’s little pep talks, and looking at Izzy who frowned every time. I did actually work on that damn term paper, cause it was not exactly a lie that I needed to get that done, most of all I just enjoyed the silence of the house” Nando said, smiling at Harmony who was spellbound, listening.
“What was so special about that Christmas then?” Harmony asked.
Nando blushed, “Well, it was not like I hadn’t discovered I was not like the other boys at the school, it was a really strange and confusing time, was it really possible that I would like boys the way my brother did? what was the odds of that? didn’t mom tell me that it was up to me to give her grandchildren, when Sebastian introduced her to his first boyfriend? What if she was wrong, and something inside my head was wired wrong? at least that was what I thought back then” Nando blushed crimson, poking his cake with his fork, “So yeah.. One of the boys at the school, oh man its awkward to talk about, are you sure you even wanna hear it?”
“Oh but I do” Harmony smiled.
“Okay, eh.. so this boy at the school had this magazine, boys have those when they are teenagers” Nando said, wishing he could stop blushing, but this topic still made him uncomfortable after all these years.
“Yeah I know, Nando, I had them too. After all I am actually a guy” Harmony laughed, “There’s nothing embarrassing about adult magazines, man”
Nando cleared his throat nervously, “You’re right.. But this specific magazine was not just your average, it had boys dressed up as girls, you couldn’t really tell the difference between them and a woman if you hadn’t seen their privates” Nando inwardly cursed himself for his burning cheeks. “I remember I borrowed that magazine on several ocations, the guy who had it must have thought I just wanted it for the eh.. action. But I was looking at those boys dressed up as girls, I had never seen anything like it, and I had never seen anything more beautiful.”
“Actually up to that point I had just wondered if I was gay, but something was missing from the equation, and suddenly I realised what it was, and no I didn’t get excited looking at those transvestites, I wanted to be them” Nando took a deep breath, “And this Christmas while Izzy and Bastian was out, I snuck up into mom’s old bedroom where her vanity still stood. I have to admit I felt really stupid, and my hands shook as I slowly made my way through her different kind of make up, but I also remember the transformation in the mirror, I went from plain old me, to a.. a..” Nando giggled as Harmony cut him off “Queen”
“Smartass” Nando laughed. “Thing was when I finished I wanted to go to the bathroom and remove it again, so Bastian wouldn’t know. But I had been too caught up in the mirror, and had not heard they had returned home. I remember I panicked as the bathroom door opened, I just got up from the vanity chair, and tried to make it to the dining room, and downstairs to my room. But Izzy had seen me”
“Nando? Are you still awake?”, Izzy said, slightly puzzled that the kid would run like that.
“Sprint to bed is more like it” Izzy laughed.
“Yeah” I admitted, still thinking like mad, how I could make it out of the room without him seeing me, and preferably not pissing him off in the process either.
“Nando? Is something wrong?” He suddenly asked, maybe he felt my discomfort?
“Yes, yes, I am not feeling well, good night!” I said a little too quickly.
“I’d rather not” I answered with a tiny voice.
“Why not?” Izzy asked, starting to come towards me.
“N-no don’t!” I croaked as he grabbed my shoulders and turned me around to face him.
“Wh-what?” I stammered.
“Your make up, silly, it looks good” He nodded, “you’re a natural, kid” He reached out and ran his thumb under my eye, “There, all perfect” I know I couldn’t talk, my words stuck in my throat, and I just felt like crying. Izzy smiled and rested his hand on my shoulder, “don’t cry sweetheart, you look absolutely beautiful, and I mean that”
“Bu-but” I hiccuped.
“But they were mom’s” I just whispered, not even getting in to the fact that a normal boy would never wear those pearl earrings. “Bastian would be..”
“She was your mom too, its only fair some of her stuff is yours as well” Izzy said fatherly, and actually he made sense, as much sense as anything made at that time. “Don’t worry so much about Bastian” Izzy said, “I know he loves you very much even if he is really bad at letting you know” He winked at me and hushed me with a smile “Don’t tell anyone I told you, I am sure he would like the world to believe he is he prince of darkness”
“I remember I laughed, and Izzy laughed too. Suddenly I didn’t really feel as freakish, it was funny how Izzy always had that effect on me, no matter how upset I am, he can always talk me down, I just wish I could have returned that favour when he needed it.” Nando sighed, “Anyway he left to the bathroom, which also had a door to Bastian’s room, it left me oddly lonely, I think I might have sported a little crush on him once, and if he knew he was kind enough not to ridicule me. The last thing he said before he closed the door behind him was ‘you really should tell your brother you know’ and I knew he was right, I couldn’t ask him to keep it a secret, after all I didn’t want them to fight because of me”
“So some days after Christmas, the day before new years, I finally decided that I should maybe tell Bastian something, it was not like I was even sure myself what I was, but on the other hand it just felt so right, Izzy had left a mascara on my bed one day, I didn’t really understand then, but now I know that it was his way of both supporting me, and saying that I should start in the small and make up my mind” Nando laughed softly “Bastian had not even noticed I had been wearing mascara for days when I decided that we should have a little chat, mainly because I went back to the school in two days, and I wouldn’t be home again before easter”
“I am just reading this book Nando, its actually pretty good, can’t you go bug Izzy if its not really important, he is just watching some lame show anyway” Bastian mumbled, lost in his novel.
“It actually is kinda important” I said, my voice trembled, I was so scared of how he would react, funny really.
“Good, now go bug someone else” Bastian mumbled.
“Why the fuck aren’t you listening to me?” I yelled, I don’t think I actually ever yelled at my brother before that day.
“Okay” Bastian growled slamming the book shut with a annoyed huff. “What the hell is wrong with you, huh?” He sneered, “Don’t think I am blind and deaf, did you knock up your girlfriend or something?”
“No” I whispered, hanging my head. “I don’t have a girlfriend, but it is not like you would know, since you never asked”
“Izzy’s been bugging me to sit down and talk to you, saying you needed someone to talk to” Sebastian turned his head and looked at me, “I waited for you to take the initiative, but I have to admit I never thought you would scream profanities at me, you know, that is not really the base for a good, constructive conversation.. and besides..”
“If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say nothing” I sighed. “It was not like that, but you are never listening, I could just as well not be in the room”
“That’s not true” Sebastian said.
“It is for me” I whispered with a disappearing voice.