Dreams made of glass 21/52

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Title: If
Genre: drama
Characters: Benjamin, Shiva, Marley, Tallulah & Ferris.
Prompt: 71
Rating: PG
Type: Series
Summary: Ferris realises that he made a selfish claim in his early youth, and that he does not belong where he had thought he would.
Warnings: language. adult situations.
AN: Finished the first 50, so not I am starting on the next 50. I’m starting to itch to do ‘after my own heart’ but I am a little worried that I might take some promts that I really needed for this story.. ‘sigh’ besides then the first prompt table fits so much better to that story.. so yeah I don’t know.. Anywho, here we go girls and germs! – Written for the chickas at simfic50, and a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO Y’ALL!

I crept up on my baby, I laid down on my town
I found a shrinking violet, I crushed it into the ground
I felt the heart of forever, I held it over my head
I said fuck you on Christmas, and then they put me to bed
And I’m never gonna tell you why

There’s a light that used to shine
I breathe it all the time
Now I wait on the edge of Mars
But it just don’t show, yeah

-Monster Magnet

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He could have taken the bus back, but he didn’t the air was crisps, clear and frost felt so delightfully cleansing. it was quite a long walk. He put his hand in his jeans pocket an extra time to check if he still had Seth’s spare key. He did, and a slight smile spread on his face. He had not even told Early that he had Seth’s extra key. He knew that Early might think he had gotten himself some place to sleep since he did not show up at the shelter. Why the hell he would want to do that, when he had Seth’s apartment all to himself, he didn’t know. He fucking hated that place to being with, had to sleep in your clothes cause if you didn’t you could almost be sure it would be stolen in the morning. Walking in his own thoughts, thinking of how divine it was going to be when he was home in Seth’s bathtub. He didn’t notice the woman on the side of the curb.

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He didn’t notice her turning around, looking at him either. all he had in his head was weather or not there was any shampoo left or not.

“Fe-Ferris?” she finally said, when the young man didn’t react, she whistled in a single loud tone. “Ferris?” she said again, this time louder.

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Ferris turned around, seeing who had whistled. thinking it would be someone he knew, on the other hand, why would he know anyone here in this street? this was all condos, and there was no way in hell he would know anyone who lived here. He noticed a vaguely familiar woman walk over towards him, she was smiling embarrassed, and blushed slightly. Ferris just smiled back, politely.

“Eh” the woman said, “This might sound really far out, but you just reminded me of someone, and well”

Ferris crooked his head and looked at the woman’s nervous smile. “Don’t worry about it”

“Yeah well, you just reminded me of my baby brother” the woman laughed softly, “It’s a bit silly, really”

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Ferris nodded squeezing Seth’s keys in his pocket.

“You’d think I would recognize him, but I haven’t seen him for ages, so I guess I am just seeing ghosts. I am really sorry” The woman said.

“It’s fine” Ferris said, smiling slightly amused. “Look, eh.. you wouldn’t happen to have a fag, would you? I’m kinda all out, and I have a long walk to the other end of town”

“No I don’t I’m sorry” the woman said, “And my name is Tallulah”

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“Really?” Ferris bit a thumbnail out of bad habit. “What’s your brother called? just out of curiosity, I mean I hope I don’t walk around looking like a Peit, or Françoise or something like that” Ferris laughed softly, but none the less held his breath waiting for her answer.

“Ferris” She said, watching Ferris closely. and when his eyes widened, she knew she had been right. “It’s you! it really is you, isn’t it?”

“Fuck Tally, that’s just fucking insane! I mean.. wow!” Ferris rambled, not knowing what to say.

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“I’m just awesome like that, I thought you already knew. Or do you need a reminder you little squirt?” Tallulah laughed merrily, ruffling Ferris’ hair. “Come inside for a moment, please? its freezing, and I was just taking out the trash, the baby is napping up there, and.. you.. would you? Please?”

Ferris smiled and waved a finger in front of Tally’s face. knowing what she meant, but didn’t know how to say. “As long as you don’t put girlie shit in my hair”

Tallulah raised a brow “You managed that quite well on your own” A little amused grin escaped her. “Come on, Benjamin and Shiva will be home soon, I just know they will be thrilled!”

“You live here?” Ferris asked looking up at the giant building in front of him.

“I do” Tally grinned.

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following his sister inside, Ferris felt terribly alien, and was suddenly very aware that he had not had a shower since yesterday. But since the entire apartment smelled of wet paint he hoped it would drown out whatever he would smell of. “Just moved in?” he asked, standing in the hall like an idiot, not knowing what to do with himself. Was he supposed to take his shoes off? Tally didn’t so he supposed it was fine he kept his own too, and frankly he really didn’t want to take them off.

“That obvious huh?” Tally grinned. “Yeah, most our stuff is still in storage, we just moved in two months ago, and this was kinda a fixer-upper”

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Watching as his sister made tea, while small talking about nothing really, about how trashed the apartment had been, and how lucky they had been getting the loan to get it, and fix it up. All because of Benji’s new job. Ferris followed his sisters example and sat down on a pillow. He had to ask, he could feel the question growing until it felt like it filled his mind. “So, have you.. have you seen mom?”

“Yeah” Tallulah said, her smile disappeared. “We see her from time to time”

“Is she okay? I mean” Ferris took a deep breath. “you know..”

“Yeah I know” Tally nodded, “She met some new man, and she is okay”

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“Been thinking of swinging by some day, but I have just been a little busy with.. eh, life I suppose” Ferris admitted, “And honestly I was not even sure she would still live in that place any more”

“Oh, she does” Tally mumbled with a nod.

“I’m really happy to see you doing so well, that everything is so..” Ferris’ smile widened. “Look at you Tally, its fucking amazing, married with kids, and this fancy place” He gestured out into the room.

“I know, that is what mom says too” She smiled while blushing slightly.

“Of course she is proud of you” Ferris said, taking his tea in from the table.

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“What about you?” Tally asked, “I know it sounds lame, but how do you ask someone about their life, when you haven’t seen them in years, and honestly Ferris, the last time I saw you, you weren’t really.. eh.. You were kinda lost”

Ferris shrugged. “I lost my sister, my buddy, so of course I was lost”

Tallulah looked away from her brother and focused on her tea. “I kinda left you, didn’t I?”

Ferris grinned “Hey man, shit happens, and if you hadn’t you wouldn’t be here, would you?”

“true” Tally said with a little smile.

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The door opened and the hall was filled with voices and child laughter. Ferris silently thanked them for not having to answer his sisters question. he really didn’t want to tell her that he was doing worse than ever really, even if he had Seth’s apartment, and maybe even Seth. Then times was rough, and every morning he woke, he cursed the fact that he didn’t just die in his sleep.

Benjamin stopped as he came into the living room, staring at Tally and Ferris, looking confused. Tally smiled lovingly. “Remember Ferris”?

The red haired man’s smile widened, “Of course I do” He reached in over the table and shook Ferris’ hand. “I just didn’t recognize you”

“Hey Benji” Ferris said with a polite and stiff smile. “You guys got a great place here, its really awesome” He noticed that Benji looked just as stiff in his smile, and who could blame him really, Ferris wondered if Benjamin had ever told Tally how they had fought when he had wanted to take Tally to live with him. And Ferris, he had been terrified by the thought of being all alone out on the street. And Benji, he had known that Tally was pregnant and had just wanted her with him and start a family. Ferris figured that both of them had had their reasons, looking out of the corner of his eye on the girl sitting next to him, chatting about how school had been, he knew that he had made a very selfish demand back then. and he smiled to Benji with a nod.

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“Who are you?” Shiva said, looking at Ferris with a frown. Ferris looked at her with a warm smile, “I am your uncle Ferris” he said.

Shiva looked at Tally, not sure if she should believe this man or not. Tally grinned loudly and nodded “He is your uncle, sweetie. Ferris is my baby brother”

“How come nanny don’t know that?” Shiva asked.

Ferris looked at Tally who paled. “She knows, sweetie” She eventually said to her daughter.

“It’s okay, Tally” Ferris said, and then looked at Shiva again. “Your nanny and I haven’t seen each other in a lot of years, almost as many years as you have lived”

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“so maybe she thinks you don’t want her as your mommy any more?” Shiva asked.

Ferris smiled a little bitterly. “Maybe” He said, and almost added ‘maybe she just want a son like me’ but didn’t, there was no reason to ruin Tallulah’s family afternoon tea with his bitterness.

“Then call her” Shiva said, “You can borrow the phone, if you don’t have one” she nodded determined.

Ferris laughed and ruffled Shiva’s hair. “It’s not that simple, but thank you”

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“You know what?” Benjamin said, “You should come to our house-warming, next month”

“I don’t think that..” Ferris started, but Tallulah cut him off “Please Ferris, you really should, don’t just vanish off into the thin air like last time”

Ferris looked from Benjamin to Tallulah. “Is mom gonna be there?”

Tallulah shrugged “I really don’t know, but I suppose she will”

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“Are you crazy?” Ferris spurted out, almost spilling his hot tea in his lap. “No, no.. I don’t.. just no”

Tallulah nodded, “I just wish you would come”

“Maybe” Ferris said, “But I can’t promise, okay?”

“Okay” Tallulah said, pouring them all some more tea. “You can bring your boyfriend too if you have one currently”

Now it was Ferris’ turn to blush, “thanks” he mumbled, feeling a little uncomfortable under Shiva’s questioning stare.

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“really” Benjamin said with a smile “You can just swing by, alone or with..”

“Seth” Ferris said, feeling like he told a lie, since Seth was not his boyfriend, it was all just make-believe. But on the other hand, he had kissed him when he left. so maybe, just maybe..

“right” Benjamin said with a smile. “Seth”

“I am stay at home mom these days” Tally said, “And Benjamin works from home most of the time, he only have to go to the office when he needs validation or finished a comic, so someone is always here” Tallulah took looked lovingly at Benjamin for a moment. A moment that made Ferris feel like an intruder.

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“So where do you live?” Benji asked.

“Byzantine road” Ferris said, taking a sip of his tea. Hoping that they would buy this lie, starting to regret he came here, even if he was ever so happy to see Tally. She had nothing to do with his life, and if she knew the truth, she would try and change it, he knew her, Tallulah always had heart of gold.

“That’s kinda far from here” Benji said, looking from Ferris to Tally.

“Benji, not now, okay?” Tally said with a smile.

“It’s okay” Ferris said, “I was just visiting a friend, and decided to walk home instead of taking the bus, that’s all” He smiled at Tally, who looked like she didn’t believe him one bit.

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“I’m sorry” Benjamin said, “I just tried to make pleasant conversation”

“I know” Ferris said with a fake smile.

“Will you stay for dinner?” Tallulah asked, killing the awkward situation.

“No, I don’t think that..” Ferris said, only to be cut off by Shiva. “Please uncle Ferris!” she whined.

“Okay” Ferris grinned. “I am not in any real hurry, it’s nothing that cant wait a couple of hours”

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Leaving Benjamin and Tallulah to their own, making dinner and bathing the baby. Ferris followed Shiva to her room. “Mom promised me new wallpaper here, and some new furniture, once daddy sells his new comic!” Shiva said, sounding a little bummed out that her room looked so boring, and old.

“I think your room is neat” Ferris said, sitting down at a table, staring to pick up sticks, from a game that Shiva had not cleaned up. “Looks better than mine did when I was a kid”

“Was your room at nanny’s place?” Shiva asked innocently.

Ferris nodded, “The little room at the end of the hall”

“Oh that is her sowing room, but I think it looks more like a storage room” Shiva said.

Ferris laughed merrily “She always was a slob, cleaning was never her big thing, so I am not surprised if all her rooms would look like that”

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“Uncle Ferris?” Shiva said, “Why are you mad at nanny?”

“I’m not mad at nanny” Ferris said, licking his lips, not really knowing how to explain this to a kid who obviously adored her nanny. “We would just rather not see each other”

“Don’t you miss her? I would miss my mom if she was not here” Shiva said, thoughtfully.

“I miss her terribly” Ferris admitted in a near whisper. “But.. Listen Shiva dear, its just not that easy, ask me again in ten years time, and I will tell you”

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Shiva had fallen asleep when Ferris had read the third story, Benji was locked in his study, and so Ferris walked downstairs to see Tally before he left. Tally was in the baby’s room. Opening the door carefully, Ferris peeked inside. “Tally? Shiva is sleeping, and I better be on my way”

“Do you want some money? I can give you a little if..” Tally asked, looking worried at her brother.

Ferris shook his head. “Keep your money, Tally. It’s okay”

“Are you gonna come back and visit some time?” She asked, looking down at the baby who grunted in his sleep.

“Maybe” Ferris said, “But it was really great to see you Tally, I am really glad you’re doing well”

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“I have been so worried about you, I..” Tally grabbed her brother and pulled him tight for a hug. “Please be safe”

Ferris closed his eyes and inhaled his sisters scent. “I will, and hey Tally, you of all people should know that if I made it this far, then there is no reason I shouldn’t last another ten to fifteen years” He smiled amused, but Tallulah didn’t seem to be either amused or relaxed.

“Please come back some day, Ferris” she whispered.

“I’ll keep in touch, don’t worry sweetie” Ferris lied. He knew he lied, she knew he lied. But Ferris couldn’t tell her that now that he had seen that her life was happy and fulfilled, he didn’t have to worry any more. Tallulah was home free. And she didn’t need him any more, no one needed him. and that have him some strange sense of relief. Like if he too was free.

TBC

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