Don’t Speak.

AN April 11; Okay so i am not even sure if it’s me or Noldoriniwa (Milly) who wrote this.. i sorta hope its her, but i have a creeping suspicion that it might be me. O_o Anywho this is another goddamn songfic, and not only that, it’s made over like the BIGGEST cliche of the all! *groans* (Oh yeah and more Elvish nonsense).

(End of the first age the half-Elven twins Elrond and Elros Eärendilion
were given a choice that would change their life.
The choice to stay immortal, or to become human.
But for Elros his decision is not only to become mortal
but also whether he will stay with the one he loves….)

Darling,

please try to understand me. You must understand me. I cannot go and leave you like this. I cannot imagine to leave you at all. But it is hard enough already. It would get harder with every year that we are in love. The thought of a mortal life scares me. The thought of losing you scares me even more. But I cannot pretend to wish to live forever. I could not bear losing you later any better than I could today. And it would be even worse to live with the fear of losing you… losing you in a fight or to another lover.

You and me
we used to be together
every day together always

You are the love of my life… you have always been there to hold me, to comfort me, to scold me and to love me. But you refuse to do so now. You refuse to speak to me. Do you not know that I need you more than ever today? I could
bear your reproofs. But I cannot bear your silence. Do you know how much you hurt me? This choice is the hardest I ever had to take. And you will not face it with me.

I really feel
I’m losing my best friend
I can’t believe
this could be the end

You leave me alone though you promised you would stay with me forever. You refuse to speak to me though you asked me to choose without thinking of you. You swore to comfort and protect me whatever I did but now you do not want to
listen. You said you would love me forever but now you will not even look into my eyes.

It looks as though you’re letting go
and if it’s real
well I don’t want to know

You cannot understand what it is like not to be like the other elves. You have always been like them. Graceful and wise. Skilful and patient. But I am not like them. No matter what I thought and wished to believe. I am not even like you. I am human. I love the ways of the humans. What you would call clumsy, I would call dinky, what you call flaring I would call sultry. What you call dumb I would call good-hearted. Where you see weakness I can see strength.

Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
so please stop explaining
don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Did you not see that we are different? Did you not feel it in your heart? Just like I felt it in mine? Did you convince yourself not to feel it? Not to see it? Not to think of it? Did you not want to believe it? I would be able to understand it. I have felt like that since we were mere elflings. And I never wanted to believe that it would end like this. With you refusing to speak to me. I am sure you did not believe that either. You loved me, I know you did. Just like I loved you. Like I still love you.

Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

But I cannot change my mind. You cannot ask this of me. I would do everything for our love. But I will not stay immortal and watch how you start to despise because I am becoming more human with every year of age. Did you not notice it? That I started to celebrate my birthday like the humans do? That I stopped braiding my hair? That I do not wear robes anymore?

Our memories
they can be inviting
but some are altogether
mighty frightening

Does it comfort you to hurt me? Does it calm you to punish me like this? Does it give you back your love for others if you can hate me? Do what you must, darling, but I cannot stay to see how you avoid my eyes and pretend not to
hear me. I love you more than my own life, my love, but you will have to accept that this is the first time that you are not able to change my mind.

I still love you with my all heart,
Elros

**************************************
Elros sighed and read the lines again. When he was done, he gently folded it and got up. Kissing the letter as softly as if he was kissing the hand of his love for the last time, he smiled sadly and knelt down. Feedings the flames of his chimney with the letter for his brother. ‘He would never understand it,’ he thought desperately. He got up and gathered his belongings. Leaving the room and the castle he had spend all his life in. And most of all… he left the love of his life. The one person he would have surrendered everything to.

As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Elrond sat in his chambers, stunned, unable to move.. it felt like his heart would burst.. why was fate so cruel? The world suddenly felt a darker place.
A part of him was gone, and would never be replaced.. this wound would not heal, could not heal.
He had not even noticed he cried.. but he could taste the salty tears running over his lips. Again and again he heard the words of his brother.. those horrible words that spilled from the lips of his love.. Right there and then, his heart had broken, splintered like glass on the stone floor..

Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
so please stop explaining
don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

He had sealed the doom, with his silence and resentment.. for he knew not what else to do.. if he had spoken. His world would have crumbled to dust.. for the words would have carried with them so much heartache and grief. That the Valar themselves would have shed bitter tears.
“why?… why do you leave me here?.. leave me to my eternity alone?” he whispered to the room.. how he wished that he could say those words to the ears they belonged to..
those ears in which he had whispered sweet promises of never ending love, for decades..
they were now deaf.
Elrond hid his head in his hands, and sobbed.. “what did I do wrong?.. was my love not enough for you?”

Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

A Elros, gwanur-nin, melamin… you left to die the death of the years. the slow decay of men..
but you left me here, to die a thousand deaths of the heart…
I cannot watch you wither and die
you may think I am selfish, but I cannot bear to see your graceful figure slump, and the beautiful face I used to kiss, turn into something I don’t even recall as you. the loving gaze I lost myself to, grow vacant and blind.. The raven black locks I once ran my fingers through, turn grey and eventually fall..

It’s all ending
I got to stop pretending who we are

I would not be able to mourn you.
More than I already do.. because to me you are already dead. My heart wants to remember you as you once were.. in the splendour of your youth.. what I wouldn’t give to touch you once again, kiss those sweet lips.. listen to your soft moans of pleasure..
knowing they were all for me, as they have always been.
/îm-corm û- îlamin ai-neer, ta-lle/
I wish I could comfort you, encourage you in your decision. Hold you and soothe you.
Kiss away your tears..
Sing away the shadows from your heart
Just like I always did. But not this time… this time a song will not be enough to chase away the darkness of my heart.
I curse the blood of Eärendil… I curse our fate.. I curse your decision !
If you had asked it of me would I have changed mine?..

Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
so please stop explaining
don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Why can you not see that mortality has nothing to offer you!??!
You are born as an immortal soul, just like me… we are the same, and we are children of Eru.
We are eternal!. I cannot believe you do not hear the song in your blood. The song of the sea.
It was only yesterday we shared a sacred bond.. A bond now broken and gone .
The mere thought of never seeing you again leaves a empty hole inside me.. a void that will never fill. For nothing can take your place in my heart..
I wish I could keep you here for ever
I wish I could make you change your mind
I wish a lot of things were different….
/aur telitha/

Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

I will still be here, even after your grandchildren’s great-grandchildren have perished.. I will still look like me, the Elrond you knew.. the brother you loved. The being you destroyed.
I will walk the face of Arda, until I follow the call of the sea..
The only way I can ease my pain, is to make a promise.. a promise blessed by Elbereth herself.. I promise to guide your descendants, I promise to be their parent when they have none.. to be their safe heaven. I promise to try and find a little of you in them…
I promise to honour your love and trust.
But I am scared Elros…
So scared of being alone.
Terrified of facing every dawn until the end of the world without you by my side.
I am not sure I can do that.. I never was the strong one.
– you are leaving, I can feel it.. my heart knows it.. and nothing will be as it once was.
I will not let this happen
I will not sit passive while you choose to throw away your life.. throw away all we believed, all we swore.. all we once were!.

You and me
I can see us dying … are we?

Tears were streaming from his eyes while he gently stroke Alakgrist’s mane. “You have done enough for today, my friend.” He whispered to her. He got off the horse and padded her back. “Thank you. I do not know how I could bear this without you.” He sighed deeply, then opened his bag to find some Lembas. He gave a bit of it to Alakgrist and took a small bite as well. “Complaining about the ways of the elves but eating our bread is fine with you, is it not?” He heard a mocking voice behind him. “Did you think you would lose me that easy?” Elrond! He forgot their fight, was ready to forgive it. But when he turned around to smile at his twin he understood that the voice had been only in his mind. “I wish you had accepted it. I wish you would not turn your back on me. But it is too late now. I left you and you will never forgive me. It is over…” He fell to the solid earth beneath him and started to sob desperately.

Hush, hush, darling

Elrond stood up from his chair.. And quickly ran out the door.. Praying to the Valar he would not be late.. That he would reach his brother in time.. That he could make him change his mind. Make him give up his stupid quest.. Make him stay.
What Elrond found shattered all hope.. His brother’s chambers were empty.
He sat slumped down in the chair in front of the fireplace.. The chair was still warm.. It had not been long since his beloved twin had sat there..
Then he noticed.. Paper burning.. In the fire.. He took a tong and tried to save the remains.. But he just stirred the fire instead, and the flames greedily ate up the last of the paper..
Elrond threw the tong into the fire…
He curled up in the chair.. It still smelled of Elros..
Had it been a letter?.. Now he would never know. How ever wise and grand.. he would never know what words his brothers heart had to say.
/ A Galad ven i reniar, hi ‘aladhremmin ennorath, A Elbereth Gilthoniel, ithil na thul, ithil lin hen/

– The End –

(translations;
A Elros, gwanur-nin, melamin = oh Elros, my brother, my love
îm-corm û- îlamin ai-neer, ta-lle = my heart is not mine anymore, it’s yours
aur telitha = the day will come’
A Galad ven i reniar, hi ‘aladhremmin ennorath, A Elbereth Gilthoniel, ithil na thul, ithil lin hen = Oh light to us who wander here [amid the] world [of] woven trees Oh Elbereth Gilthoniel clear is [thy] breath, clear your eye

-*- Picture used with permission, of Khrymson -*-

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s