Cartel’merka.

Authors Note;
Milly; Aii… I absolutely love that song, made me think of writing immediately when I heard it on the radio today. I told my sweet and she agreed that we could write it. 🙂 And as I *love* killing Az’ fav chars we agreed to take her favourite pairing. *smiles devilishly* Feedback would be adorable. If you want to flame please turn to me, it amuses me. 🙂 Oh and if you need explanations why we took this sub char I’ll love to explain it to you, I’ll just not do it now or I’ll spoil the fic. (This is based on one of the most beautiful lyrics I know, “Where the wild roses grow”, if you truly want to know read the lyrics first.)

Az; I was more than enthusiastic when Milly told me that she would make a fic from those lyrics. (I bought a whole goddamn cd because of that one tune). I don’t know if any of you ever noticed, but I tend to build fic’s up over a tune. And name them after it; it’s a good way to work for me. So I’d like to thank Milly for letting me write this with her, and Nick Cave for being so wonderfully fucked up.
Yea FB! I live and breathe for it – so give some unless you -like Milly- want to kill me *LOL* – Don’t flame me, I get depressed.

AN April 11; I made a promise to not post co-written stuff here, but as far as i know this does not exist anywhere else than on my harddrive, color me melancolic 😛 Anyway, this must be a combo of the two worst things EVER! Elvish mumbo jumbo & a fucking SONGFIC! ARGH! *dies* I warned you, it’s a damn songfic!

Chapter 1

When I saw him for the first time he was sweet and beautiful, still so much like a child. We met in the forest for a short moment, before he had to go. It had been years since I saw anyone who touched my heart like that and never before had I seen anyone who was that pretty. Maybe it was the innocent that radiated from him when you looked at him. Even while he starred at me he seemed innocent, it is something that I cannot explain. But from the first time I saw him I knew that it was him I had been waiting for.

His lips reminded me of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. And when they curled up to a smile there was nothing that could be compared to him, nothing but the roses next to the stream that flows through my father’s realm. There resemblance of the colour was hardly to be told apart and I felt the wish to take him there growing inside of me. Then, suddenly, he was gone and I couldn’t see him any longer, he vanished while I thought upon him.

It is hard to explain how wonderful it felt when I heard that he had travelled to my father’s court. He was a prince, just like me, an equal who matched with me. Someone who was worth the attention I paid him. For even though he was beautiful I had been unsure if he was enough to satisfy me. It was different then, I was relived to know that he was the right one. Or at least I hoped he was, for still I didn’t know if he was really what I had been looking for. But there were ways to find out if he was.

During the meal I regarded and observed him. Patiently of course, I am as polite as I was raised to be. But I noticed his interest in me, in the innocent glances I saw again and again. He looked away every time he saw me looking at him. His blush when he averted his gaze amazed me. And for the first time I was unsure if he was really an innocent or if he was pretending so well. I had to know more for if I wouldn’t, I would pass the night lying restlessly on my bed, wondering what it would be like to touch him.

If he really was the one I wanted or not. It is impossible for me to let a chance pass. I wouldn’t be able to bear wondering if he was the right one until the end. Being immortal is wonderful, but with the memory of my people you cannot make mistakes. Wondering if you could have done better would drive you insane. My decision was easy, I had to see him and it wasn’t difficult to find out in which room he dwelt. I am the prince of this realm, the servants answer me if I ask them.

I knocked his door and he allowed me inside. For a moment he was surprised to see me but his surprise faded and he smiled. Timidly as before, but he did. Still he trembled when I reached out for him. But he calmed when he felt my body against his, he felt that it was right and I knew he was the one I had waited for, the one I had dreamed of. So innocent in his beauty that I couldn’t keep my hands away from him. That I felt the wish growing in me to take it from him. To take him to my bed and show him what it was like to be loved. I was gentle to him, I caressed away his tears when he became scared and promised to return to him. I didn’t tell him of my present to him, not back then. For I knew he would find out, he would find out soon.

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Chapter 2

He had startled me, I had not seen him nor heard him, but suddenly he was there. Right next to me he did not speak or move just stare, I looked up and right into his eyes it felt like a whirlpool, sucking me down, making me dizzy.

What I found there on the bottom scared and thrilled me, his blatant lust seemed dark, dangerous and alluring.
I think I just stared and blushed, I had wanted to ask him who he was, but I was afraid that my voice would break the magic of this moment. He tilted his head and his gaze seemed like it was prying my very soul, he frightened me but still I did not move.

My eyes widened as he smiled, he meant me no harm I could feel that now, but what he radiated frightened me even more than all the swords in the world. I had never been looked upon like that, never been seen through the eyes of love. This I had read about in the dark in my chambers, but had never thought it would happen to me, had never thought anyone would find me fair.

I had never felt like this before, my entire being was tinkling and I wondered if he was thinking of kissing me, and then pure panic struck me, I did not know what to do. I lowered my gaze and smiled as I felt myself blush, unsure what to do with the sensation he made me feel.

It seemed like the forest embraced him, he surely was the most amazing sight I had ever seen, and he looked at me, not at one of my siblings or friends but me, and only me.

My heart fluttered madly, I found myself fingering my newly earned warrior braids nervously, these indicators of reaching my adulthood. And even though it was only his eyes that spoke to me, they spoke a language I had never heard of before; they knew promises of love and lust.

I had turned and run at some point, and he had not moved I wondered if he had even noticed. I did not know it was his home before I reached my destination and saw him standing there greeting me, I had blushed again cursing my inexperience as a diplomat and prince.

But after we had had the late meal I had returned to the guest chambers assigned to me, I opened the balcony door and looked out at the night sky, I heard a knock on the door and I turned around. There he was, I felt like my legs would give in under me, and I had to hold on to the wall.

As he slowly reached out his hand to touch me I felt like I would faint, my brain worked hard comprehending that this beautiful elf even wanted to see me. But his touch was soft like a feather, and I sighed as his fingers ran over my cheek.

He took a step and embraced me, and I fell into his arms, closing my eyes listening to his heartbeat, smelling his scent. Telling myself I would never in my life forget this moment. I looked up at him and he smiled down to me. Before placing a ghostly kiss on my forehead, I closed my eyes and felt warm tears fall down my cheeks his love frightened me. I opened my eyes as I felt his fingers tenderly wipe them from my face.

He sat me down on the bed and gently stroked my hair while he for the first time spoke he whispered to me that he would return and that I should not be afraid, his voice sounded just like he felt and smelled, and all I wanted was to be close to him. And I felt his hand upon my cheek as he wiped away my tears and smiled hoping he had not found me too childish, hoping my insecurity and inexperience would not drive him away.

Chapter 3

On the next morning I informed my father that I would leave on a short trip and promised to be back before the noon meal. He smiled at my words with the serious gentleness that always shows in his mien if he looks at me and allowed me to leave. I prefer to inform him of my actions so he does not have to worry. Well, I tell him if I am leaving, not what I am doing. It wouldn’t please him to know how I am acting, I think and he wouldn’t have wanted to know the purpose of that trip.

I went to the stream, to collect a rose for the young prince. Knowing that he would like it, it was more beautiful than any other rose I had seen, just like he was more beautiful than any other Elf I had seen before him. Any other being, even the rose I found just where I had seen it the last time. My dagger easily cut it and my heart wept to know that such prettiness had to pass. But it was a gift to him, the only thing I could think of that was right for him. And he would give me so much in return, he would be with me, give me the innocence I craved for.

While I had gently touched the rose, those beautiful red petals, soft and fragile I knew that they were just like those innocent lips I would feel upon mine. Which I wanted to kiss. Still caught in dreams I returned home. Returned home with the present I would offer him in return for what I wanted from him. First I returned to my own room though, returned to it and prepared myself. I re-braided my hair and redressed in a clean, dark blue tunic for I had torn the other when cutting the rose for my prince.

It was worth the effort I had, for I was repaid in the way I had hoped. He was even more beautiful on the second day than he had been on the first and when I gave him the rose he smiled at me. And I promised to take his loss and his sorrow, to take him where the wild roses grow. But first I had to taste him, to feel him beneath me and to take his innocence. Fear showed in his eyes for a short moment when I helped him to undress. Though he was determined, he wanted me like I wanted him. The first time is special and sacred and I promised to make it his best time that his pain would be worth the bliss it would bring us.

Then he lie down on the bed for me, shyly covering the body I had helped him to display and watching me as I undressed myself. I could see the confusion in his eyes, the surprise upon the feelings that grew inside of him. The lust and the hunger that my naked body woke and he could barely keep himself from starring at me like he had when he had first seen me. He licked his lips, nervous and frightened as he was but I knew I wouldn’t hurt him, not badly, not yet. His voice was sweet as he moaned when I touched him.

And I was gentle just like I promised when he turned around and allowed my touch. I kissed his shoulders and caressed his thighs to make him relax for me. It did not take long until his moans became needy, even desperate and he started to beg for me. He would be perfect, just perfect and I understood his impatience, as I wanted him as well. Carefully I prepared him though he pleaded for me just to take him. But I knew what it was like to be taken during your first night with another and I wouldn’t hurt him.

I took the time I needed and I licked my fingers before slipping them inside of them, to prod lightly. The deeper my fingers thrust into him the more desperate his moans became and before I had really started to claim him he groaned and came upon his sheets. It amused me to see him like that, shuddering from the slightest touch, but it didn’t satisfy my own needs.

As he was already too lost to feel pain any longer I pushed inside him. He wouldn’t be sore for long, I would make sure of that. To feel him that tight, but so eager to please me nearly brought me over the edge immediately. But I had waited for it too long to make the moment pass that quickly. And I thrust deeper every time, burying my head in his hair to hush my moans. I didn’t want the servants to hear me, as I didn’t want any talk about my encounter with him.

Father doesn’t want me to take innocents to bed; he doesn’t want me to bed anyone before binding myself to him or her, but he forbid me to take innocents. Which is one of the reasons why it makes me hard to even think of it. Of course I would be in trouble if he found out, but he will. Even my father doesn’t know everything.

Suddenly the picture of father coming in while I was taking this little Elven prince appeared in my mind and the expression on his face, so surprised and confused that I had acted against his orders made me moan louder and then, imagining his words, the thought if he would punish me made me spill my seed into the body beneath me. It was perfect, just like I had wanted it to be and I whispered to the younger elf, reassured him of my affection and repeated my promise to take him to the wild roses. Soon, soon, I could barely hold my impatience to finish what we had started, to complete it and make him mine forever.

Chapter 4

The entire day I had spent pacing back and forth not knowing what to do. I had read his desire in his eyes and I would give him what he wanted. But it scared me, I had never been courted before, and somehow I had never imagined it would feel like this.

I had thought it would feel soft and wonderful, and it did, but somehow I had never in my life felt so frightened even when I had faced the foul orcs, I had felt more certain of myself. But him, he did something to me I could not explain. For a long time I had been stranding on the balcony looking out when he had entered gallantly handing me a single rose, I took it and smelled it before lifting my gaze to his and I smiled. This was the most beautiful rose I had ever seen; it was perfect every fragile petal was flawless.

Then he stepped closer and placed his hands on each side of my cheeks and whispered sweet promises, and I closed my eyes and sighed, this was just as I had imagined and the love I felt for him right there was everlasting and all consuming, my world turned around his being. But when I felt his hands beginning to tug in my garments with determinedness, I felt my heart beat as fast, as was I the rabbit and he the fox.

He kept reassuring me and I felt my hands tremble too much to remove them myself, I wanted to tell him I had never tried to love before, I had never felt the lips of another elf on my skin, but I held my tongue, and then I felt the mild breeze on my naked body I nervously reached out for a blanket as I suddenly felt ashamed of my own nakedness. But his eyes told me that he was more than satisfied with me, and I relaxed some so I laid down on the bed dragging the blanket up to my neck watching him getting undressed as it was the most normal thing in the world, totally at ease with his body and need.

He was a perfect picture of love lean and smooth, and I heard my own voice react as my groin did, for a second I feared he would be rough with me as he climbed in bed with me, looking like a predator, then he kissed me and told me he would be gentle, but I still tensed when he touched me for the first time, as I had thought he had experienced hands and tongue, I quickly gave in feeling that special tinkling once more that only he gave to me.

I tried hard to keep my eyes open but failed as he touched my erection, ever so lightly. I had never thought it could feel so, until now it had been something I had only allowed myself, but his touch was more than a thousand more times intense, and the fire spread through my body I didn’t even protest when I felt his fingers inside me, and a quick flash of what was to come. I heard myself plea and beg for him to touch me and to take me, I could take no more of this limbo I needed him, unsure what it was I asked for.

But then my world exploded suddenly and violent, the pink cloud was gone, left was only volcanoes and such immense pleasure that I thought I would burst, I felt him inside me and his hands on the outside, but the waves of pleasure was too strong still for me to even utter a word.

And each time he touched me it felt like he left trails of fire on my skin, his moans was the most desperate but amazing sound I had ever heard, I could not believe that I made him utter such a sound filled with lust and delight. He could have me, have all of me. I loved him like I had never thought possible, and as he reached his climax I clung to him to feel his spasms and feel his hot breathe on my skin, and I wished we could stay like this forever.

Chapter 5

On the third day he took me to the river, we walked hand in hand like lovers, he squeezed it and I was remembered of the night before and I felt my blush return. He showed me the roses and we kissed, I sat down In the grass and watched my lover, this was a new feeling to me, and I was still afraid to even touch him, fearing he would think me too needy or too lovesick.

He told me about the river and his love for this piece of nature seemed to radiate from him. I laid down in the grass feeling the chilly blades underneath me, I looked up in the bright blue sky and smiled, I could not remember I had ever felt this happy or fulfilled. This was how love was supposed to feel.

I turned my head and bended one of the roses careful not to cut myself on its thorns. It smelled sweet and fresh, I sighed and let go of the rose, I had not even noticed that he had stopped talking, I popped up on a elbow seeing him sitting in the grass looking over the river, he looked in thoughts, he was even more beautiful now than he had been the day before, I fell back on the grass and watched the clouds. He gently leaned over me and kissed me and I sighed out of pure bliss.

What happened next felt mostly like I was deep in water, I heard him mutter something and felt a sting of the strangest pain I had ever felt, I wanted to ask him what happened but my lips did not move, all I could do was to watch him standing smiling over me with a large rock from the riverbank.

Why was my vision blurring? The numbness felt dark and frightening, I wanted to feel his comforting touch. The darkness surrounded me. And the next thing I remembered is the feeling of being lifted in the air and the feeling of water, not numbness but cold and wet, my mind struggled to wake and fight back.

Water found its way into my eyes, nose mouth as my clothes dragged me down, just as I had thought love had been different, I somewhat imagined death would feel different too. I saw a blurred figure standing; it had to be him, my beloved.

/Please help me I don’t want to die, I want to live, breath and love I was not sure if I had thought it or actually said it./

My last thought before drowning in the dark was why had he never called me by my name? Why had he called me his rose? And just this once all I wanted was for his voice to utter my name, just this once.

Chapter 6

Then finally, on the third I knew that the time had come. I went to his room and found him smiling at me, insecure what would happen. Like I had promised I took him to the river, walking next to him with his hand in mine. Again he blushed, just like he had when he had been innocent. It was sweet to see him like that. For some time I just spoke to him, told him about the roses I loved so much and about Bruinen. It wasn’t time to mention more yet. And he seemed to need the reassurance of my words.

I talked for some time while he enjoyed the surroundings before I lost myself in thoughts. It had to be done, to be completed before we could find the peace and the freedom of this piece of nature again. With a sweet smile I walked towards him, not showing him what I was carrying. I bent down towards him to kiss him. Why should I scare him, now that his destiny was near? While he lay back and closed his eyes in bliss I took the rock I had carried up from the river and smashed it against his head.

He didn’t scream, he was too startled to react at all. His only reaction was to open his eyes again for a short moment. I could see the light in them fading and for a moment it hurt my heart to see him like that. But he didn’t scare me by screaming or crying in pain and I was pleased that I had decided against just drowning him. It would have taken longer. Maybe that would have scared him, but now
he just lay back and closed his eyes again, uttering a short strangled sound before he lost his consciousness.

When I looked at the blood that finally covered my hands, I smiled down at him, kissing the red lips of the prince one last time. They were still red, as scarlet as the roses. I had taken away all the pain and the sorrow he had, taken the life of worries that had lain in front of him and replaced it with entire freedom. “All beauty must die, yours just like that of the roses, my prince.” I whispered to
him before I once again bent down to place his rose between his lips.

The blood disturbed me a little and I took a bit of cloth to wet in the water of Bruinen before cleaning his face. It went pale and his expression was innocent again, just like it had been before I had taken him. And I felt at peace with my world again. Pleased that I had completed it. He had accepted my present, the whole present I could give to him. Love, pain and freedom. I had given and taken it and I prayed to the Valar that it would work. That my soul could finally find peace that it would stop hurting now.

This wasn’t for me, well not all of it. It would grant me father’s attention again, like it had been when still had a happy family. Before… yes before sorrow had taken from me what had been dearer to my heart than anything, than my life and the life of others. It had destroyed my family; my mother had left for Valinor. And father couldn’t teach me anymore. Couldn’t critize my actions any longer. He feared anything that might hurt me just like I tried not to ’cause him more pain.

But it just didn’t work; I could feel that it was becoming worse instead of any improvement. And I couldn’t face losing my father’s attention forever. I needed to wake him, no matter at which cost. Show him that I was there and had to be talked to. I would take a punishment, rather than to take the pained silence. It would be easier to live with angry words, even with being canned than with the patience and the love that was shown to me.

Carefully I caressed the beautiful face one last time before carrying him away from the roses while I walked closer towards the stream./I know you can hear me, my heart, I know that you are here. It is finished now; I finally found the perfect creature, the only one who could ever match with you. All is prepared for you, I claimed him for us. Now you have but to wait until he comes to Mandos and then you can finally have someone who is worthy of your touch. Almost innocent, just like you and nearly as pretty. It took long, I know, but it was a difficult search. I love you, you know that I could never find peace again after what happened. This will not give us back what we lost, but at least you will finally have a matching lover and I can finally make father aware of me again./

It took a while until I found the right place. And still after so many years I cannot believe what has been taken from me. Pain almost makes my chest burst while I try to remember that day. Sunny and beautiful it had been, innocent like the young prince whose life I had taken. We had gone to the river to swim, hadn’t known that the water would become troubled as the weather turned and a wind came up. I lost him, lost him to the water we had played in since we had been toddlers. It still seems to break my heart, again and again to hear his screams, the fear in his voice.

We were twins, so close together and so dear to each other. And suddenly he was taken from me without a warning. It’s impossible to describe the feeling, the emptiness inside of me when my second half was ripped from me. There was nothing but darkness around me for years as I tried to understand it. My parents were scared, terribly scared that I would fade from them. But before anything happened to me the Orcs took my mother. Father grieved terribly for her, just like for his sons. Yes, for both of us. He couldn’t understand that apart from my pain all I needed was his love, anything he could give to me, anything that reminded me that I hadn’t lost my whole family.

But he would have to now. He would have to speak to me, to become aware that I did wrong. Even though I only took this life to give this beautiful wild rose freedom, to give him to my brother, the sweetest being he could ever wish to be loved by. We will finally find peace, my heart and I. Completed by the sacrifice I made to him, the body we will both claim. Freedom and peace will finally be upon us again, all three of us.

And then, when I placed the corpse of the prince to the water and watched the water claim the body without hearing the terrified screams my brother had uttered I felt at peace again. The young prince wasn’t scared of his destiny anymore, he had accepted it now and he would find my twin, he would give my brother what he deserved. I sighed with relief before I started to wash my hands from his blood. Namar, Cartel’merka, namar.

Elvish words:

Namar = Farewell
Cartel’merka = Wild rose

– The End –

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