After my own heart 7/?

Sorry for these two shortish chapters, the third one is a motherfucker tho. And excuse me for saying so, Caleb is just the cutest teen, man. I had to edit this AN, cause i am an idiot. It is of course the Oceanhouse hotel which is from VtM, i should not try and think when i write things late at night. You can find the download here, at GoS, it is by the talented Ghanima, and it is not cluttered or an insanely large download where you need a million GB free harddrive, nor do you need all the expansion packs.

Saving Boxer – Part two

If I keep a straight face
Do you love me?
Did I deserve it?
If I hold my breath
And keep my hands over the covers,
If I keep my tears inside
Without loosing my temper
And not turn away from the world.

-M. Strunge

“From we arrived at Masters Hotel, till we were 17, we received the same schooling, vampire lore, and ancient languages, and all that fancy artsy crap that vampires indulge themselves in, normally” Caleb folded his hands on his stomach and sighed. “I remember the say when I was told my schooling would stop, I felt like something was ripped out from inside. And it was not like I had not been aware that this day would come, I had just never thought it would hurt so much to be pushed aside like this, to be shown my place. I spent hours in my room, looking out the window at the cove, watching the seagulls and the fishermen returning from sea. And I remember that I found that I was not ready, I thought I would be, but I wasn’t, I was not ready to die, there was so much I had to do, I wanted to kiss someone’s soft lips like I had read about in books, I wanted to sail the cove, I wanted to own a dog and…”

“It didn’t really matter if Hiram wanted me as a snack when he woke after his rebirth, or if he wanted me as his servant, I knew what was required of a vampires personal servant, he would feed of me, but never enough to kill me, and I would guard his resting place during the day, I would never be free, I would eventually die of old age, or be ‘gently removed’ when I got too old to defend Hiram. And don’t think I didn’t love my brother, I did, I loved him enough so, that I had embraced this fate if I had had to, and I would have given him all this and more, he was my brother. I will never understand why Master allowed me to be schooled along with Hiram to begin with, I didn’t have to have knowledge to defend my new master when he slept, or offer him my neck. sometimes I wonder if Master secretly hoped there was a way to keep us both”

“Master. He was as cruel and loving as he was beautiful” Caleb snickered, remembering his Master with the unruly red mop of hair. “I loved him, Hiram and I both, we adored our master, and before you wonder, then I never knew his name, maybe Hiram do, but I was never given any other name than Master” Caleb stopped his tale for a moment, and turned to look at Boxer. Reaching over Caleb tenderly brushed some hair out of his bed mate’s face. “I think Master might have been some real fancy shit, like a freaking vampire prince or something, but then again, there was no need for me to have this knowledge, so I didn’t have it, no one told me, its as simple as that. Hiram would have told me if he knew, and if I had asked, but I didn’t, back then it was just not important”

That night Master and Hiram returned from a trip, the first trip I had not been taken along for, I had stayed home at the hotel with Master’s servant/friend/lover, honestly I don’t know what relationship Master and Balthazar was, I know Hiram thought they were lovers, I remember I told him he was being an idiot, cause they were both men, and two men cant, you know, can they?” Caleb laughed at himself and his youthful stupidity, of course they had been lovers, after all it would explain a lot of things. “Balthazar had been very friendly and nice to me in his own way, all week, but I missed Master and Hiram, once they returned, I went to greet them. Master was in his brown leather chair, he loved that chair, overlooking the entire hotel on that balcony”

“Welcome home Master” I said, bowing slightly, “I missed you”

“Thank you Caleb, I missed you too” He said, smiling. But when I didn’t leave, or move, he looked at me with the strangest expression, and I was so nervous I thought I would die. “Yes, Caleb?”

“Master, I..” I started, resisting the urge to just throw myself at his feet, with my head in his lap, receiving some long needed praise. I needed to know he was still my father. “I am just confused, I mean.. I don’t understand, no I don’t know.. I..” Master rose a brow, looking at me fidgeting my sleeve. awaiting the words to find themselves in my head. I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself  “My chores, Master” I finally managed to croak out.

“What about them?” Master said, sounding equally bored and confused.

“I realise..” A million things flashed in my head, from one day to another my life had been turned upside down, when Master had told me why I could not come along on this trip. I looked away, and kept my gaze on the floor. “What are they?” I remember I could hear the tears in my voice, and I felt utterly betrayed by my own vocal cord. “I don’t know what my chores are any more, Master”

“Dry your eyes Caleb” Master said, and after looking at me in silence for a long time, and then he to my dawning horror, looked away. My Master looked away! he was not even able to look me in my eyes any more! “Talk to Balthazar”

“Ma-master?” I whispered, but he was silent and refused to meet my eyes still. I felt Hiram’s hand on my shoulder, and I know I just stood there and let my tears fall.

“Balthazar had been lurking in the shadows, and I don’t know if it was pity that made him step out and take my hand, or if he just felt obliged to, he walked me to the head of the stairs and then let go of my hand, he looked over at Master before he cleared his throat to say something. And me? I just stood there like a fucking puppet, not knowing if I was in or out, or if I was anything at all any more. Why didn’t Master just ignore the matron? why the fuck didn’t he just take Hiram like he wanted? Did he really have to, to… Do what he did, forcing me to do what I did”

“Caleb” Balthazar said “I understand that you’re confused, suddenly not spending your time on education”

“Yes, Sir” Was the only answer I could manage.

“Let me give you a word of advice, Caleb. Just embrace your fate, let it happen, there is no use for thoughts about things that you don’t need to understand, you are complicating everything for yourself” Balthazar smiled, a eerie cold smile.

“But..” I whispered. “All I wanted was just to study with Hiram”

“You can’t” Balthazar said quite stiffly with his odd accent. “The last year of Young master Hiram’s schooling is all leading up to his rebirth”

I hung my head and bit my lip, “Even so, maybe I could help him?”

“Now I know that it was not like there was something Master and Balthazar could throw at Hiram that he wouldn’t get in first try, cause as I said, that boy had  like a sticky glue brain, but I was just so frightened, I wasn’t really ready to let him set off on his own path, I wanted Hiram to stay with me, or me to stay with him”

“No” Balthazar snapped, “That is for us only”

“Us was of course referring to vampires” Caleb said, turning his head to look out the window at the dark winter night outside. “I opened my mouth to say something, I don’t remember was I was about to say, but I remember the sting of the back of Balthazar’s hand. And I remember the tears I refused to cry. And I remember my glasses didn’t fall to the ground.”

“I heard Hiram yelling something in the background, but I don’t remember what it was any more”

“Now go to your room and collect your books you used for schooling and return them to their right place in the shelves” Balthazar said, his voice less angry, the more I think about it, I think he was this hard because he wanted me just deal with it, maybe he tried something similar himself?

“Yes, Sir” I hiccuped, flinching when he wanted to straight out my collar.

“Just do it, Caleb, and don’t entertain yourself with all that nonsense. Your brothers path is different from yours, he is to be kindred, you are not, just be glad that Master took care of you for all those years, and will continue to be your master even after your brothers rebirth. You might not realise this, but your master loves the both of you dearly, and you are indeed fortunate to have such a sire” Balthazar said with a fatherly smile.

“I know, Sir” I mumbled. “I love my master as well, and I do realise that I am fortunate” I looked away from Balthazar and in down the staircase, “I would be working in a coal mine if Master had not brought me here”

“True” Balthazar said, nodding, happy with himself that I had understood something. In reality I knew he was right, but I couldn’t help but to miss my brother, even if he was less than ten paces away. “Now you sort your books, and I will make you and Hiram some of that meat pie you love so much”

I looked back up at Balthazar, completely confused, angered and heartbroken. And there he was going on about a fucking meat pie, and stupid me just said “Lamb?”

“Yes Caleb” he said with a large smile. “Tonight I am gonna make that meal for you”



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