After my own heart 10/?

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AN: The plot thickens. You don’t mid some dirty talk, do you? hope not. for your sake at least if you are to read this chapter. I decided that since this story is not posted anywhere than at my own journals then I could go as far as I freaking well please.. so hang in there girls.

Saving Boxer – part five

The words are thought
In hours.
Lies on the floor as ash
Burns slowly like my cigarette
My lost angel?

In my eyes the night is so heavy
Separation warnings

I don’t know anything
Too much is felt
So heavy, so slow
Stiffened, swamped
What happened?

-M. Strunge

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“So any luck?” Boxer asked smiling like a content cat, turning fluidly on Caleb’s bed, like he put in the effort to look pleasing to the eye.

Caleb stood in the door and looked frustrated, “Yeah, eventually” He said, not mentioning he had actually fed on a homeless drunk, because he spent all the time sitting, thinking things over, in the alley instead of hunting.

“Is something wrong?” Boxer asked, when Caleb didn’t answer, he padded the mattress next to him, “Come, tell me another bedtime story” When the vampire didn’t move he smiled boyish, “Please?”

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Caleb got comfortable on the bed, sure not to lay too close to the ghoul. “What do you want me to tell?”

“you left off with you alone at the hotel, and your brother being socialite of the year” Boxer said softly, “Yeah I heard it all, I wasn’t really sleeping you know”

“excellent” Caleb sighed, “I don’t know why I told you all that, I haven’t told that story to anyone, ever”

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“Maybe its about time then?” Boxer said, and then crooked an eyebrow, “Not even Snowball?”

“No” Caleb whispered, “And I don’t want him to know either, I mean, its not like I want you to know either”

“Yet you told me” Boxer said, a little confused. “That means you needed to tell someone, even if it was someone you weren’t sure would even wake up again”

“Maybe that’s why I told it, cause I thought you’d die” Caleb hissed.

“Man, that’s cold!” Boxer grinned. “So are you going to finish your story or not?”

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Caleb winched, and then looked at Boxer, “Why do you even want to know?”

“Maybe because I am infatuated with you, or maybe because I am going to sell my information, or maybe just because I actually want to know you”  Boxer said with a tiny smile, but his tone kept all its seriousness.

“You want to know me, huh? I can assure you, you don’t when I finished this story” Caleb snapped.

“Let me be the judge of that” Boxer mumbled, scooting closer to Caleb, resting his head on the vampire’s shoulder, closing his eyes. Was Starling trembling? it felt like it, and a slight smile spread on Boxers lips.

Caleb awkwardly wrapped his arm around Boxer letting it rest on the ghoul’s side, careful not to seem like he was touching, just resting his hand as a fist.

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So, we grew up, and even if Hiram had been scheduled to be reborn at 18, Master prolonged it till he was almost 22, and I was 18. I don’t know why he did that, maybe he harboured a hope that he would find a way to grant us both rebirth?

Hiram had grown into a beautiful young man, and since he would follow Master on his travels, being showed off as Master’s prodigy, he had turned into a sophisticated socialite, nothing about Hiram was left to coincidence, every single move and word was deliberate, and with purpose.


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I had grown too, but not into a prince like Hiram, I had stayed at the Hotel, hidden from all, both human and Kindred. Balthazar had tried to soothe me, telling me that maybe Hiram would take me along to some gatherings in the future, it was quite normal for kindred to bring their guardians along. When I asked him why he never left the house, he told me that someone had to stay behind and care for me. Which just left me feeling even more useless and a burden. So Balthazar had been trapped here with me, because of me.

I was a young man, and by that time, had I been anywhere else than in that damn Hotel, I would have been thinking of marriage, and children of my own. But I was about as socially adept as a elephant in a porcelain store. Shy, stuttering, awkward body language and about as interesting as watching paint dry.

Boxer laughed, “I’m sure you were charming”

Caleb relaxed a little, letting his hand rest against Boxer’s side, feeling the man’s side heave as he inhaled and exhaled in a steady rhythm. He even flexed his fingers against the fabric of Boxer’s t-shirt. “No I wasn’t, but then again I had been trained to be no body, and the last 3 years I was at the Hotel, I had not picked up a book, or carried a conversation with anyone but the same three people, which all of them I addressed with ‘sir’.”

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I think I even started to talk to myself I’m sure. I know I talked to the roses in the garden, but really I guess I just gradually grew silent. I know Master worried. As the years went on, Master and Hiram was more out of the house, and I know that I once tried to make Balthazar leave with them, but he refused, saying that someone had to stay behind and make sure I didn’t burn the place down. Maybe that was just his way of worrying?

And then, then Master told me that they would leave for the final time, they had to sign some papers, and when they returned, Hiram would have his rebirth within 48 hours.

Never had I been so frightened while waiting for them to return, not even Balthazar couldn’t bring a smile to my lips with his snarky remarks. And when they returned  both Balthazar and I rushed to greet them. Where as Balthazar did as he was supposed to, waiting outside for his master, greeting him back home.  I flung myself around  Hiram’s neck, holding him tight in a desperate, death grip.

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“I missed you” I croaked, surprised of how rusty my own voice sounded when I had not used it for a while.

“I wish you could have been there” Hiram said, smiling. “It was fabulous! we went to a ball, the music was beautiful, and the women even more so”

I think I smiled, or maybe I just wanted to smile? “I’m happy for you” I whispered. I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen a woman, or heard music at all, if we don’t count Balthazar’s humming. “Tell me everything, please” I asked, I know I sounded pleading and desperate, but I needed to know that the outside world existed, and that somewhere someone was dancing, laughing and drinking sweet wine. And Hiram’s reports of his feasts with other kindred was as good as it got, if I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine being there too, lurking in the shadow, watching the beauty as a imposter.

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“You should have seen her” He whispered, “Golden hair, dressed in white and  red, she was a beauty to behold” I just held my brother tight, feeling my heart sink, somehow his words seemed to pierce right through in a way I didn’t know words could. giving the the most strange uneasy feeling. Mind you, at this time I had not, eh.. known anyone intimately, never even kissed someone, and I was quite okay with that, thinking it was my fate to remain in the shadows, guarding my brother, keeping him safe, while he got to drink the sweet nectar.

“Never kissed anyone at 18? wow” Boxer mumbled.

“Yeah, well it gets better” Caleb whispered darkly.

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Hiram remained silent, but keeping the body contact, and I had missed him so much, and was so scared that I could have stood there forever with my arms around his neck, listening to his breathing in my ear. “She picked me” He finally whispered, and I had no clue what he meant. “She took me to her private quarters, Caleb” I could feel his smile against my skin.

“D-did you kiss her?” I asked. I honestly didn’t mean to come off like a pervert or anything, but I really wanted to know. Maybe I just wanted that experience too, imprinted on my mind, to help fool myself to believe I was still alive?

“I did” Hiram whispered, “Her lips was soft and.. ” He paused, fastening his grip on me, “She gave herself to me, let me use her till I was utterly spent”

Now I know why he tightened his grip, cause I involuntarily jerked, and when he with a smile asked me if I wanted him to describe it, as he had described the ball, I panicked. Pictures of my brother naked, touching some nameless woman’s breasts came to me, and I know I let out a strangled groan. I didn’t wanna know, that was just one thing I didn’t want to know. Maybe I was a little jealous?

Caleb sighed, resting his head against the headboard of the bed, “No, honestly, I was actually green with envy, feeling my jealousy eating me up inside as he forced me to listen to his, his conquest” Caleb closed his eyes tight shut, “He was mocking me, ridiculing my inexperience”

“I have to admit that was pretty low of him” Boxer murmured with a sated smile, still leaned against Caleb’s chest.

“Oh he could be low, alright” Caleb huffed.

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When he finally let go of me he smiled, “I asked her to marry me”

“What?” I know I must have looked like the sky fell on me. “M, m, m,m, ma-marriage?”

“Yes, marriage, brother” Hiram gave me one of those special boyish smiles, like when we were younger and he was up to mischief. “I believe that Adrienne is the woman for me, and she believes that I am her man”

“Bu-but” I just breathed.

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“Aren’t you happy for me, Caleb?” Hiram asked, looking saddened by my lack of enthusiasm. “Say you’re happy for me”

I had the hardest time forcing those words out, but I did it. “I am very happy for you, Sir”

“So he married her cause he humped her? that makes no sense” Boxer chuckled, “I mean even by vampire standards, weird”

Caleb couldn’t help but to chuckle too as Boxer’s laugher travelled up his arm. “He lied, it was a political marriage, set up by Master and poor Adrienne’s father.” Before Boxer could ask, Caleb gently moved his hand that rested on Boxer’s side, in something that resembled a caress, “He fucked her alright, he made me listen to his visits with her, over and over and over again”

“Damn” Boxer whispered, cuddling closer to Caleb, who seemed more relaxed now, and less rigid.

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“You don’t sound happy” Hiram said, the hurt was written across his face. I guess that it dawned on him that I was not the only one who had some rules to oblige by, something was expected of him as well.

“But, I am, I assure you” I whispered, but couldn’t smile or look him into his eyes.

“You are a terrible liar, little brother” Hiram hissed, and for once I knew he was genuinely upset with me.

Balthazar came to my rescue, “Now there, young Caleb, it need not be so bad” He said softly.

“Don’t” I just whispered hoarsely, on the verge of tears.

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And truthfully, there was no consolation for me, I stood to loose my brother both to immortality, and a woman. My brother who was the only thing I had had to hold on to in all this time. “Caleb” Balthazar said, taking my hand, rubbing it gently. “Look at me”

I looked up at him with tears in my eyes, and I could see he sucked in his breath, feeling my pain and fear.

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“In less than 48 hours, your brother will be Kindred, and therefore bound by their rules, not ours as mortal men”  He said, “When it is time, Caleb, I promise I will answer all your questions, but it is not time yet”

“Can I ask you something else?” I asked, letting go of Balthazar’s hand. “How many guardian’s did master have?”

Balthazar looked away from me, “Five, including me” He finally whispered. And before I could ask another question, he continued, “I was 17 when I was assigned to Master, his previous guardian died tragically, and so I was given to him as a present, even so young, they saw me fit to protect and keep Master. I was 25 when you arrived” He looked up at me again, “Think of it, maybe Lady Adrienne and Hiram have a child some day, and you would have a child to raise as your own, you are most fortunate that your brother is about to marry, even if you don’t think so right now”

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“And I know that Lady Adrienne’s guardian is a woman as well, maybe you will grow to care for her as well” He said with a slight smile.

“Balthazar? Have you ever known a lover’s touch?” I asked, knowing it was a bit risqué to ask, but I had to know, I just had to know.

Balthazar looked thoughtful for a long time, not sure if he should answer or not. “No” he finally admitted. “I have not”

We looked at each other in silent understanding, “Do you think you ever will?” I whispered, knowing the answer. Balthazar just shook his head sadly, and for the first time I realised that he had been just as frightened as me when he was suddenly gifted off to some strange man in a huge house. At least I knew my masters, where as he had not, he had just been expected to lay down his life for a complete stranger.

TBC

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