Winterborn part 1

Author: azzy
Pairings; Fingon/Maedhros Amrod/Elrured Maeglin/Maglor Maeglin/Eöl
Warnings; incest, non con’ish, violence, mutilation, humiliation, bdsm issues, hurt/comfort
Over all Summary; as Maedhros is recovered from the mountain, Curufin, Celegorm and Caranthir wants to end this war once and for all. And who knows? Maybe love is stronger than the oath of Fëanor and the darkness of Morgoth

AN Dec 7’th 08: For reasons unknown then because the server ate my site and i am having FTP issues, then this story disappeared from the Internet. so i had to upload it again. sorry flist. This is directly copyed from the www. folder and it is pretty unformatted, sorry guys.. I don’t remember who betaed the different chapters, these are in the days where i had a beta for each chapter cause they’d run like hell, i know i had Calas Galadon do some (remember him Tal?) and Cheysuli did some too. a chick called Maeglin the dark or something did some too.. and prolly more i forgot.
Uploaded cause j_dav made me aware that it was gone from the surface of the internet. why the hell didn’t i upload this to LoM?!

AN April 12’th 11; Wow… I must REALLY have wanted to write this story man! O_o Also i can see that erestorjunkie betaed some too, credit is given where credit is due ^^ Also a huge hug to Marja to MAKE me write this to the end.

Under the cut;
Chapter 1 – I am the prayers of the naive.
Chapter 2 – I am the truth from which you run.
Chapter 3 – I am the hate you try to hide.
Chapter 4 – I am the pusher; I am the whore.
Chapter 5 – I am the need you have for more.

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AN: wooot!! the first chapter, its a rather odd and complex plot here, but hey its not the strangest thing you have ever seen from me. I don’t know what else to say right now. Quite a large part of the plot is canon; I chose to stick to it wherever it was possible. – And now for the explanations. When elves gave their children names back then, they both gave them a mothers and fathers name, fathers name was the one they were called, and mothers name was related to their spirit, as in the name fit the temperament of the child, these names was often slightly prophetic. Amrod’s fathers name (they are of course all in quenya) is Pityafinwë, loosely translated to smallest/youngest finwë, and this is why I chose him to be the char he is, and this is why the others call him Pitya. Amras’ mothers name is Amrussa, this refers to his red hair *laughs* and so I saw Russa as fit. I do not mention his freckles in this chapter but I will later and so I will dismiss it here, my own father was red-haired, and I was so lucky as to be born with a red-haired complexion, and thus I KNOW red-haired people/elves have freckles, cuz I say so. I know Nerdanel did not go with Fëanor to middle earth, in my fic she did!

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Chapter 1. – I am the prayers of the naive

Amrod stood outside leaning casually against the huge wooden door; this huge door had always somewhat scared him, but he was scared of it even more. He heard pained sobs from inside the room. Ever since his cousin had rescued Maedhros from that cursed mountain, none had seen the high king. He allowed no one but Maglor close, not even servants. And not even his mother!

Fingon had not left; he still lingered in the fortress. Amrod had seen him several times as they had dragged themselves through a supper. The young elf rubbed his nose; he was not old enough to be indulged in the secrets around here. What did they take him for? He could hear his eldest brothers screams at night. He saw Fingon’s haunted look in those green eyes. He could hear Curufin and Maglor fight, and see the anger chiselled in Caranthir’s face. Yet ‘still’ they took him for a child.

He had seen a glimpse of his eldest brother when Fingon had carried him into the courtyard, his clothes torn and bloody, and the usually so authoritarian elf hang limply with his eyes closed. He had wanted to see more, and had taken a step closer, but Nerdanel, his mother, had clasped a hand in front of his eyes to spare him the sight.

Maglor hurried through the corridors carrying a tray with some food and bandages. Tonight he would have to try and persuade his brother to let the healer in to tend his wounds and prescribe some treatment. He was no healer, just a minstrel, not trained in this at all. However, if this was what Maedhros wanted, he would grant it to him. He would never in his life let down his beloved brother, not even should he ask him to walk the very dungeons of angband. And he had to admit that to change dirty bandages was a tad easier than to fight his way into angband.

Amrod saw his older brother come towards him with hurried steps “Maglor? How does he fare?” he asked his brother as he came to a halt.

“What are you doing here?” Maglor said harshly.

“I…I…” Amrod said. He had no reason to be here at all.

“tsh… scatter Pitya!” Maglor hissed and dismissed him with a angry glare.

“but..” Amrod protested.

Maglor sighed and put down the tray. “He is as could be expected.”

Amrod nodded, but couldn’t help casting a glance towards the hot soup on the tray. “I should go and make myself ready for supper.” he mumbled.

Maglor picked up the tray again, and smiled a strained smile to his baby brother. “I will be there as soon as I am finished here.”

“I will let mother know.” Amrod said, and took a step away. Suddenly he turned once more, and looked at Maglor. “Will you tell him I was here?”

Maglor raised a brow and asked, “Why?”

“Please?” Amrod said.

“I will tell him you were here Amrod, if it makes you feel better.” the elder elf said softly. “Now run along, or you will be late for supper.”

“Yes, thank you Maglor.”

Amrod left Maedhros’ door and headed towards his own chambers, which he still shared with his twin. There had been a time where they had been inseparable, but this was no longer the case. Amras seemed to take more after Curufin, than Amrod did.

After Fëanor’s death, Amras had changed. All he had had in mind was to finish off his oath to their father. Amrod had several times tried to make Amras aware that they had been underage, and therefore not really bound by their father’s oath, but Amras would hear nothing of it.

Amrod opened the door to their chambers, but stopped in his steps as he saw Amras was sitting in his own bed, neatly polishing his breastplate. This was not good.

“Amras?” he said with a whisper, “What are you doing?”

Amras looked up at his twin and offered a large grin “I am preparing myself. Can’t you can see that, you oaf!”

Amrod walked to sit on his brother’s bed, looking at the different jars of leather grease and polish he had lined up. “It was not like I thought you were baking sweet cakes Amras.” he answered a bit annoyed, “I meant ‘why’ are you preparing your armor? I have heard nothing of riding out.”

“I know,” Amras mumbled, “but Curufin said…”

Amrod stood up with a hiss. “Curufin said what?!”

“I swore not to tell you…” Amras whined as he gently laid down his breastplate

“Don’t bother then!” Amrod yelled, “Keep your little secrets with Curufin! See if I care!” The dark-haired twin turned, and opened the door to the corridor.

Amras yelled something behind him, but Amrod didn’t turn. He walked as fast as he could towards the large hall where the supper was to be served.

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Nerdanel saw Amrod walk into the room, looking as were he about to blow, she put down her needlework and padded the windowsill next to her “Oh Pitya, come, sit child.”

Amrod sighed, but walked over to his mother and sat down. Instinctively, he reached for her hand in need of some support. “I tried to see Maedhros today,” he whispered.

“And what happened?” she said, and stroked her sons hand lovingly.

“Maglor caught me, and…” Amrod said

“As much as I know you love your brother, I don’t think that having Maglor dismiss you can leave you in such a state.” she said softly. “Now tell me, what is really amiss my little one?”

“It is Amras…” Amrod whined, “He and Curufin have a secret, and I don’t think any good will come of it.”

Nerdanel sighed, “Curufin has a will of his own, and Amras is full of courage.”

“But mother, you cannot let them do this.” Amrod whispered as he looked up at his mother. “I think they are riding to battle soon.”

The female elf sighed and closed her eyes for a moment “I cannot stop them my little star.” she finally whispered.

Amrod hung his head and nodded slightly “I know mother.” he whispered back.

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Caranthir and Celegorm was the first to come to the great table. Caranthir was visibly nervous, but as soon as Curufin and Amras entered he straightened up with a faint smile. Amrod walked their mother to the table, and sat down himself. He looked over at Amras, not saying a word, and quickly looked away again. He knew what was going on, and he was not a part of it.

Then Maglor entered together with Fingon, who still lingered in these halls, even though his cousin would not see him at all. Fingon seated himself on the same side as Amrod, as he nodded to the young elf in a greeting.

Curufin suddenly stood up. “Mother! There is something we need to tell you.” he said loudly.

Amrod looked over at Maglor but the elder elf didn’t seem to notice, he just looked up at Curufin. This was bad indeed.

“My brothers and I have decided that we should linger no longer, we will finish what father started once and for all.” he said, “We will ride to Menegroth and retrieve the stone that Dior inherited from Elu Thingol.”

Caranthir, Celegorm, and Amras nodded in unison, and Curufin continued. “We shall avenge father and Maedhros.”

Now Maglor suddenly raised his voice “He’s not dead yet, he needs no vengeance!” he spat.

“I am sure Curufin did not mean to imply that…” Celegorm suddenly said.

“I can’t remember asking for your opinion brother!” Maglor said venomously.

Celegorm paled but said no more. Amrod was just looking at Curufin and Maglor who now both stood up and leaned across the table, glaring at each other.

“What are you saying Maglor? Would you deprive us from avenging the foul deeds that happened upon our eldest brother? Or are you saying that we should not uphold fathers oath!” Curufin yelled.

“I am saying that getting yourself killed over something like this is folly…” Maglor hissed back.

“That was the risk we all knew was in it, Maedhros knew it, and you know it.” Curufin roared.

“Didn’t you hear him Curufin? Maedhros is not dead, do not speak as if he were!” Finrod suddenly yelled. He received an icy glare from Curufin, and Amrod hurried to pull the distraught elf back into his seat with a firm hold on his shoulder.

“Curufin, do not do this, do not go into battle fuelled on anger and vengeance.” Maglor said with a softer voice.

“If we should not venture into battle with hate in our hearts, then tell me brother mine, what should I feel for those I kill?” Curufin said equally soft.

Maglor didn’t answer; all he did was to sigh, before he suddenly slammed his fist down into the table. “How many pyres will mother have to light before it is enough for you?” He then looked over at Nerdanel. “Mother I beg you, forbid them from leaving.”

Now the hall was dead quiet, and Nerdanel slowly took a sip of her glass before she answered, “He is right Maglor.”

“But mother…” Maglor sighed.

“It is final.” she whispered.

Maglor turned to Curufin in one last desperate attempt. “Are you really ready to once more slay your own kin?” Upon seeing Amras paling, he continued. “Yes little Russa, do you really believe Dior will hand you the cursed gem on a silver plate?”

“Silence brother!” Curufin suddenly yelled, “You heard mother; it is final – we ride at dawn.”

Maglor shook his head and looked pleadingly at their mother, but she just stared back with a stern face, and the tall elf finally sat down with a broken sigh. “If this is really your will mother, I will ask it of you, could I stay behind to nurse Maedhros?”

Nerdanel nodded, and looked to Curufin who also sat down with a smile. “We will miss you Maglor, you are a brave warrior.”

Maglor shook his head.

Amrod looked over at Curufin as well, but the elder elf just shook his head. “No Pitya, you will stay here with mother, Maglor and Maedhros”

Amrod’s face reddened from anger and he clenched his fists, but stayed still.

“I am not leaving Maedhros’ side till I know if he will survive.” Fingon said.

“We will manage, though I must admit I had wished you would come along, if not for your pledge to Fëanor, then to avenge the ill fortune of my older brother.” Curufin said.

Fingon shook his head “Nay, I will stay behind with the rest.”

“So be it” Curufin said and looked at their mother. “Mother, do we have your blessing?”

Amrod noticed the sorrowful gaze Nerdanel gave Curufin and his brothers next to him. “Yes,” she eventually said, “you have my blessing. May the Valar see the urgency in your hearts, bless it, and return you all safe to me”

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2 – AN: I have been doing some thinking, and when I said id keep to canon where I could, I lied *laughs* – I will have to fuck up the time line big time.. And I have been thinking of adding yet another pairing, but you guys will just have to wait and see… and once again I will warn for character death in the story. Just to relax you it will only be side characters but still, I thought I let you know in case anybody got offended. – now don’t nitpick! I warned you.

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Chapter 2 – I am the truth from which you run

After the supper, they had all split up in an odd silence; Amrod had gone to his chambers, not knowing where else to go, but absolutely sure he wanted to stay clear of Maglor and Curufin.

“Amrod please wait!” he heard Amras call. He turned and looked at his twin, before crossing his arms, waiting for an explanation, glaring.

“I am sorry I couldn’t tell you. I had promised Curufin.” Amras said “He knew that Maglor would react like this… and…”

“He was afraid babyfinwë would run and tell his big brother, Right?” Amrod said with a hurt expression.

“Yes…” Amras whispered.

“And you, you agreed with him, didn’t you?”

Amras said nothing, but reached out and caressed Amrod’s cheek. “Forgive me, but he made me promise.”

Amrod just let out an offended snort and made a little toss with his head.

“Don’t be mad at me, please Amrod?” Amras pleaded, grabbing a hold on Amrod’s shoulder

“Why shouldn’t I?” Amrod sneered. “You are leaving me here with the minstrels, cripples and women!”

“Oh Amrod…” Amras whispered, and moved in to embrace his twin. “That is not how it is…”

“Well then, master of explanations… Pray tell, what is it then?” Amrod said, his voice thick of childish offence.

“It is just that…” Amras started as he leaned in and rested his head on Amrod’s shoulder, “I am sure Curufin has a perfectly sound explanation for it Pitya.”

All of Amrod’s defences crumbled, and he in return wrapped his arms around his twin. “I wish you would stay as well…” he whispered “I am afraid something will happen to you. You heard Maglor, Dior will not give up the silmaril that easy.”

“Nothing will happen, my heart.” Amras whispered, “We will be back before you know it.”

Amrod shook his head in refusal. “No Amras.” He took a step back, and cupped his twin’s face in his hands “Do not lie; you are not good at it.”

Amras smiled and closed his eyes, savouring the feeling of his twin resting his forehead against his. “Please stay with me tonight.”

“There is nowhere else I would rather be.” Amrod whispered. “Tell me honestly Russa, are you afraid?”

“Yes.” Amras admitted and smiled as Amrod kissed his brow.

“I will pray for you.” Amrod said softly.

“Thank you.” Amras said and ran his fingers through Amrod’s midnight hued hair, biting down his emotions so as not to cry.

“Come sweet Russa, let us finish polishing your sword and armor so Curufin won’t have your head in the morning.”

Amras smiled and let his brother lead him down the corridor.

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Maglor stepped inside the dark room, he walked slowly over and sat down at Maedhros’ side “Curufin is leaving tomorrow, he wishes to retrieve the last gem from Menegroth, they will ‘die’ Maitimo.” he whispered to the silent form in the bed.

He took Maedhros’ arm stump and slowly peeled off the bandages, a foul stench reeked from the wound “Can you hear me Maitimo? Your wounds are infected. I cannot treat this; I don’t know how to do it! Oh please, let a healer see you.” He reached for a cloth and dipped it in some water that stood on the floor, and tenderly began to wash his brothers wounds. “Please answer me…” he whispered.

Maedhros let out a muffled scream as Maglor rubbed a little harder on the torn flesh and bone. “I am sorry brother, a healer would be much more painless.” Maglor rested his hand on Maedhros hip and gently squeezed the bone there. “I beg you to let the healer attend to you.”

“No…” came the slurred reply.

Maglor removed his hand from Maedhros hip and began to wrap the remains of his brother’s arm once more. “As you wish.” he whispered.

Once he finished, he wet the cloth once more. “Roll unto your back please.” he said and Maedhros did so with a pitiful sound. “I am sorry but I need to wash the wounds here as well.” he smiled at his elder brother and started to wash the torn skin on the chest. “You know what? It seems folly to me that Fingon rescues you from the clutches of the fallen one, only to have you die in your own bed from stubbornness.”

Maedhros turned his head, and only the little tremors of the chest gave away that he was crying Maglor stopped washing is brother and instead reached up to caress his cheek. “He is still here, waiting for you to get well. Curufin tried to get rid of him, but he won’t budge” when there came no reply Maglor ran his hand over the filthy red tresses. “Maitimo… he loves you dearly, enough to risk his own life to rescue you when all others had given up. Even I never thought we would find you alive.” He paused to wipe some of Maedhros’ tears away. “Why wont you see him?”

“No…” Maedhros whispered.

“But why?” Maglor pleaded, “He can mend your spirit, just as the healer can mend your body, I will not have you fading in your own sheets, Maedhros”

“I said no!” Maedhros said louder.

“As you wish,” Maglor whispered back “I just wish you would change your mind”

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When Maglor had drifted off he didn’t know, but he woke in a chair in Maedhros chamber, his brother was still sleeping, but then he heard a noise outside the door, it was crying.

“Maitimo?” the voice whispered

Maglor recognised Fingon’s voice, and noticed Maedhros stir on the bed, be he himself stayed still, hoping they would not know he was there.

“Please answer me my love…” Fingon whispered and leaned against the door “Why wont you answer me?”

Maglor saw Maedhros roll to his back and in the moonlight he saw his brother clench his jaw and close his eyes, and for some insane reason he couldn’t help but to think that he was lucky that they had not poked out his eyes.

“I miss you by my side my love, I wake up every morning expecting you to be there, and each morning I cry realising you are not.” Fingon sobbed softly against the wooden door. “I wish I knew why Maglor looks so worried, I wish you would let me in and let me hold you.”

Maedhros wrapped his remaining arm around his chest in a clumsy move as he began to cry harder “No, not like this…” he whispered.

“Please do not send me from your side like this,” Fingon whispered, “I love you.”

Maglor felt tears slide down his own cheeks as his heart went out to them both, and he wished he could slap some sense into his brother. Even now, reduced to a cripple, the eldest son of Fëanor had so much pride that it was slowly killing both his body and soul.

Maedhros had curled up as much as possible, and the quiet sobs form outside the door had subsided some, then Maglor decided he would leave. He opened the door slowly and stepped out in the hall.

“Maitimo?” Fingon whispered as he hopefully looked up.

“Nay, I am afraid it is only me, Maglor.” He answered and lend the elf on the floor a hand to rise. “Come let us get you to your own bed; the floor is no comfortable place to spend the night.”

“D-did you h-hear?” Fingon whispered.

“Yes,” Maglor whispered as he slowly led his cousin down the corridor “Your secret is safe with me. Don’t fret cousin”

“I don’t know where to begin to thank you cousin.” Fingon whispered back

“You could start with getting a good nights rest,” Maglor said with a reassuring smile “tomorrow I will ask the healer to make me a sleeping draught more for you, so you can sleep without troubles.”

Fingon came to a halt in front of his door “Maglor? Would you tell me the truth? How does he fare?”

Maglor reached behind Fingon and pushed the door open “The truth? He is fading, Fingon” he said with a hushed voice.

“No!” Fingon gasped “but he is safe, and he…”

“I know, but I fear they broke his spirit…” Maglor whispered as he gently pushed Fingon inside his chambers and closed the door “Cousin, you cannot come to his doorstep again; it is too dangerous.”

Fingon looked down at the floor and nodded. “But I just don’t know what else to do. If I cannot see him, I will surely go insane from worry and heartbreak.”

“Fingon! It is important that you listen to me.” Maglor said a bit more harsh than he intended, “Should anyone find this out you are in a lot of trouble.” He paused and grabbed his cousin’s shoulders “You know the punishment for such activities.”

Fingon nodded in dark understanding. “I will not jeopardize us both like that again.”

“Good.” Maglor said “Now if there is anything you wish for me to bring him, I can do so, I cannot promise he will look at it, nor listen to me, but I promise to try.”

Fingon nodded and pulled off his finger ring with the weapon shield from the house of Fingolfin. “Please give him this.”

Maglor took the silver ring and slid it in his pocket. “I will.” He nodded to his cousin, “Now let us rest before tomorrow comes.”

“Yes.” Fingon said and stifled a yawn.

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3 -AN: all right the first extreme fuck up. Canon wise all three of the brothers perish in Doriath, and should the prisoner. But not in my fic *smiles* – as to the quenya names I figured a mother (as I actually am one, and also have one) will when they lash out in anger at their children use their full name. And in this situation their quenya names; Kanafinwë is Maglor’s father chosen name and it means strong-voiced-finwë. Morifinwë is Caranthir’s father chosen name and that means dark-finwë, I should say it means dark in mind rather in appearance tho’. Aegnor and Angrod are Finarfin’s sons (Galadriels brothers) just incase you guys got somewhat confused. At my homepage you can find a family tree of all the house of finwë if you need it, look under this fics opening page.

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Chapter 3 – I am the hate you try to hide

(3 years later)

Maglor had in the end went against his brother’s wishes, and sent for a healer. But, he was quite sure that Maedhros had not even noticed, for by then the fever had raged through his body. The bandages had long since been discarded of, and his body had mended leaving only scars. But his soul had not. This morning was a grey autumn morning, and the household had been eating a breakfast, Nerdanel looked worn and Amrod looked lost. Maglor wished that his brothers had never gone on that stupid mission. Fingon still remained, refusing to give up. But Maglor had seen the sullen expression on his cousin’s face, and knew in his heart that he would not stay another winter. For Maedhros still denied anyone access to his chambers, nor did he come to dinners. For what it was worth Maglor knew that he had a hard time feeding himself, and it was not a pretty sight either, since he only had four remaining teeth. Forty nights ago, Maglor had asked the smith if it was possible to make something for teeth, but the smith had said that he needed to take measures of the king in order to make the prostheses fit. Maedhros had said that he did not want them, or the smith in his chambers, end of discussion. And it was beginning to get to Maglor, that Maedhros refused all who loved him and all help he could get. He certainly inherited his pride in direct line from their father.

Amrod was talking with Fingon about firewood, now that winter was coming. And everything seemed normal, until a horn sounded.

Nerdanel had nearly fallen off her chair, and Maglor had himself recognised that horn. “It’s them!” she said, and got up from her chair and in a most undignified manner. She ran towards the main entrance to greet her sons, and Amrod was in hot pursuit.

Maglor and Fingon were a bit more reserved, but walked towards the door as well.

They all stepped outside in the grey moist morning, and Amrod dropped all formality and ran towards the horses that entered the courtyard “Russa, Russa!” he yelled and from the other side a mess of red hair ran jumped down from his horse and ran to his twin. “oh Pitya!” he cried as he flung himself around the neck of his long missed twin.

Maglor looked at the riders and came to a halt next to his mother “So few…” she whispered, “Where is Curufin and Celegorm?”

Caranthir stopped his horse not far from the pair and jumped off as well, bringing a dark haired huddled figure by a chain “Mother, Maglor” he said as he bowed slightly.

“Where are Curufin and Celegorm?” Nerdanel asked with tears already welling up in her eyes.

“I am afraid they perished mother…” Caranthir said and looked uncomfortably sad. He handed the huddled prisoner to a soldier and walked up in front of his mother and embraced her. “They were given a pyre of kings.” he whispered.

Maglor raked a hand through his hair in lack of other things to do, “What did I tell him? What was it I told him? And you let them go mother!”

“Kanafinwë! How dare you?” Nerdanel cried and slapped her son hard.

The tall elf looked surprised. “Are you proud of yourself now Morifinwë!” he hissed and pointed at Caranthir.

“But we tried to…” Caranthir said, “I never thought that…”

“I know my son.” Nerdanel whispered and clung to her other son.

Amrod and Amras came back to the rest of their family “Mother…” Amras said, and smiled sadly, before he received a similar treatment, being buried in a warm embrace from his mother.

Fingon stood there and looked at the family, and the more he saw the more he was sure that Fëanor had cast a curse on them all. He saw two of Finarfin’s sons walk towards them, and he nodded towards them as they nodded back.

Aegnor was the first to reach him, “Cousin Fingon, it is a long time since I laid eyes on you, I wish we could have met again under happier circumstances.”

“Indeed.” Fingon said and smiled weakly. “Well met Aegnor, and Angrod.”

Angrod smiled back. “Well met cousin.”

Maglor now came and stood beside Fingon, and he too greeted his cousins “Come, let us have a warm drink.” he offered, “You must be cold and weary upon the long ride.”

They both nodded, and went inside with Maglor, leaving the rest of the house of Fëanor outside.

Once inside, they sat down and let a servant come with the warm wine. “So pray tell,” Maglor suddenly said, in a taunting tone, “Did you get it?”

“Get what?” Aegnor asked and took a sip of his wine.

“The cursed gem.” Maglor said.

Angrod let his glass fall from his lips and looked at his brother. “No…” Aegnor said “No, it is lost for now.”

“Lost? What do you mean lost?”

“I fear this is for the high king’s ears only Maglor.” Angrod said with a strange unreadable facial expression.

“The high king is indisposed.” Fingon whispered and Maglor nodded.

“Fingon is right, he still has not emerged from his chambers.” Maglor said. While he secretly cringed at this sentence, he couldn’t help but be amused by is cousins facial expressions. “So while Maedhros is ill, I should say I am the eldest, ergo it is my business.”

“Very well.” Aegnor said and leaned closer to Maglor. “A servant and the kings daughter escaped, and with them they carried, you guessed it… The blasted gem.”

Maglor sighed. “As much as I disagreed with my brothers on this mission, I must say it grieves my heart to learn they have lost their lives for nothing.”

“Not exactly nothing,” Angrod said with a proud look, “After the fight, we found one of the elves there to be alive, just barely, but still breathing.”

“And?” Maglor whispered

“Well we took him with us, and after the ceremony for Celegorm and Curufin we had a healer look at the prisoner.” Angrod continued, “He turned out to not just be an elf.”

“I think you lost me, I am afraid I do not understand.” Fingon said as he sipped to his now lukewarm wine.

“Caranthir believes him to be one of king Dior’s sons.” Aegnor said with a huge smile.

“Has he confirmed this?” Maglor asked.

“No, not really,” Aegnor said, “but we will get it out of him, and if Caranthir is right, then perhaps he would know where his sister went.”

“Let us pray he is right, and my brothers did not die in vain.” Maglor said as he finished his wine.

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Night had crept up on the house of Fëanor, and all guests had been shown to guestrooms for a long rest in a real bed. Amrod and Amras wouldn’t move more than five feet apart, and once at their chambers Amras picked up and odd-looking instrument. “What is this device?” he said

“It is a lyre,” Amrod said with a laugh

“What does it do?” Amras chuckled and turned the strange instrument in his hands.

“Make music, you imbecile.” Amrod said as he snatched his lyre from his brother.

“Play for me, will you?” Amras said and smiled sweetly.

“Yes if you will tell me who the prisoner was,” Amrod teased as he stuck out his tongue at his brother.

“Caranthir believes him to be one of king Dior’s sons.” Amras whispered, “Now play…”

Amrod nodded and started to play a soft tune for his brother

“I miss them, Curufin and Celegorm, it is strange not having them around.” Amras whispered as he laid himself flat on his back. “Poor mother, now she will have to wear a grief veil once more.”

Amrod stopped his music. “Yes” he said, and put down the lyre “Russa?”

“Yes?” Amras mumbled already half asleep.

“I was so afraid it was you who would not come home.” he admitted and stoked the long dark red hair of his twin “This place has been like a tomb while you were gone…”

When Amras didn’t answer, Amrod took it he was sleeping, and for some time he just sat there and looked at his brother, until he decided to go take a look at this prisoner of theirs. It had been such a long time since the dungeon had been used, not since their father had been alive.

___________________________________________________________

4 – AN: righties… Makalaure is the mother chosen name for Maglor, just so you know. And it is actually true that Maglor became high king for a while. And Nerwende is non other than Galadriel, this is her quenyan name, she was not called Galadriel until much later. I read a fic that stated that Maedhros stonghold was hithlum, this is not the case, Hithlum is the land where Fingolfin’s castle is (and Fingon’s too) – where we are in this fic is Himring, the strong hold of Maedhros, located in Himlad *smiles* enough preaching, on with the story.

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Chapter 4 – I am the pusher; I am the whore

Amrod stood outside the cell for some time, until he, with a voice no higher than a whisper, said, “Can you hear me?” It seemed like a stupid question, but he didn’t know what else to say. He studied the huddled prisoner in the shadows. At the sound of his voice, however soft, he saw to his regret the dark form twitch. Not that Amrod could blame him, after all, he was a prisoner. Amrod stepped closer to the bars, observing the other elf. “Is there anything you need? Are you hungry? Wet? Hurt?” The prisoner just pulled his knees further up under his chin, and didn’t answer. Amrod was confused; he was trying to help, and still this dim-witted prisoner refused to answer.

At the other end of the corridor, Amrod heard two guards talking. As the noise came closer towards him he sighed. “I wish there was someway I could help, but apparently not.” Then he turned, and hurried out of the corridor with the cells to each side. He couldn’t risk getting caught down here. As he hurried out from the depressing surroundings, he had never been more happy about his own fortune; He got to go to a soft bed and his loving family. He wondered if the prisoner had ever had that. As he reached the living quarters, he swiftly hurried down to his own chamber.

Opening the door he smiled at Amras laying on his back on his bed, humming in his sleep. He was fortunate indeed. But the picture of the pitiful elf wouldn’t disappear as he lay down in his bed. He swore to himself he had to find a way to help this poor elf.

__________________________________

Maglor whistled a merry tune as he walked from the kitchen. He was heading up towards Maedhros room to feed him the morning meal, but after all this was a beautiful spring morning; even his sullen brother could not deny that.

He opened the door, and he smiled at Maedhros who stood leaning against the windowsill. “Maitimo”, he said as he dashed across the room. “This is indeed a fine morn is it not?”

“Yes,” Maedhros answered, “Makalaure?”

“What?” Maglor said with a smile. It had been so long since his brother had called him by his mother’s name; this was proof to him that Maedhros was getting better.

“Why are you taking care of me?”

Maglor sat down the tray with a dull bump. “You are my king, and my beloved brother! Why should I not care for you?” he answered.

“No Makalaure, I am not. It is I who should bow to you” Maedhros said as he slowly moved towards his bed. Maglor noticed the effort it took and the lengths his brother went to not to show his pain.

“Do not say such,” Maglor said softly, as he sat down on the bed and waited with the warm oatmeal, “Now come and eat some food.”

“I am serious Maglor,” the king panted, as he sat down on the bed. “You have been carrying out my chores for over 3 years now.” He turned and looked at Maglor with a smile. “It is only fair that you should get to wear the crown”

“No!” Maglor gasped. “Don’t even think that; you are soon well and then you need your crown” he held out a spoon with oatmeal for his brother

Maedhros opened his mouth and swallowed the hot food looking utterly displeased. “I will accept were it only for a little while…” Maglor finally said.

Maedhros smiled a wide smile, which had once been brilliant, but now it scared his face instead. To Maglor it was a direct insult of the fair features of his brother. “Thank you” Maedhros said.

“But,” Maglor said, “I will only do this if you agree to let the smith measure up for the prostheses.”

After some moments of silence the red-haired elf nodded, “I will allow that then.”

“Thank you so much.” Maglor said as he handed his brother yet another spoonful of oatmeal.

__________________________________

Aegnor sat and read in a book as he noticed Fingon walk past. His cousin looked so haunted, in some strange way he seemed as if he was not really there at all. “Fingon?”

Fingon turned and watched his cousin, “Good morning Aegnor.”

“You look troubled cousin,” Aegnor said as he put away the book “you should rejoice, and not fret.”

“Why should I rejoice?” Fingon said puzzled, but walked closer to his blond cousin.

“It is so long since we last met; we were but children the last time.” Aegnor said softly, observing his raven-haired cousin waver between running and sitting down. “Remember?”

Fingon smiled, “Yes I do.”

“Remember how our sisters made our life’s miserable back then?” Aegnor chuckled.

“Oh yes indeed, those two miserable wrenches.” Fingon laughed softly as he finally sat down opposite Aegnor at the table by the window.

“How is she?” Aegnor suddenly said, “Adrehel I mean.”

“I do not know; she went to live with our brother Turgon, and I have not seen her since, but rumours have it she is married.” Fingon said resting his head in his palms, looking at his cousin.

“I heard that as well” Aegnor said, “I heard her marriage was blessed with a child”

“Oh?” Fingon said and raised a brow “I have not heard this; where did you get this information?”

“It does not matter…” Aegnor said

Fingon frowned “What are you keeping from me?”

“I.. eh.. I do not think its wise for me to tell you all I hear.” Aegnor said and reached for his tea “They are but rumours you know.”

“Tell me anyway,” Fingon said, hating the pleasing tone that had suck into his voice, “She is my sister after all”

The blond nodded. “I heard the elf she married is of a strange kind that prefers night to day, and that he keeps her locked up underground”

Fingon paled. “Her? But she always loved nature…”

“This is but a rumour, as I said, I do not know about its validity.” Aegnor reached in over the table and gently touched Fingon’s arm. “I am sure they are just vicious mumblings of those who are envious, cousin.”

Fingon nodded slowly. “I pray you are right.”

For some time both elf lords just sat and looked at each other, until Fingon raised his voice above a mumble. “Was that your reason to join the party to Doriath?”

“You should not even be thinking this Fingon…” Aegnor said with a warning edge to his otherwise soft words.

“Maybe not dear cousin, but never the less I am. So, did you?” Fingon said and leaned in over the table to whisper. “Did you go there to spare your sisters beloved?”

“Fingon,” Aegnor hissed. “Don’t!”

“You did just that. See I know that Nerwende went to Menegroth, and I know she found love there.” He paused and licked his lips slowly, “I even know his name.”

Aegnor paled. “I did no such thing.”

Fingon sat back in his chair and smiled at his ghostly pale cousin. “So how is your sister, my dear cousin? Did she marry and get blessed with children?”

“N-no” Aegnor stammered watching Fingon closely. “Not that I heard of, and I would surely have been invited for such a feast”

“Oh I see,” Fingon said venomously, as he rested his fingertips on his lower lip. “I suspect you are right, for she is a true lady of pure intentions and demeanour, right?” He did a little insulted toss with his head. “It’s not like her to run off and birth some half-breed offspring. Forgive me, I should have known better Aegnor.”

Aegnor hung his head and nodded “Understood cousin.”

“Good.” Fingon said softly with a smile. “Never speak thus of my sister again”

The blond nodded, “Forgive me, I did not mean to imply that…”

“My sister was promiscuous?” Fingon added.

“I never said that!” Aegnor gasped.

Both elves looked at each other, until Fingon got up from his char and bid his cousin a fond day, walking off towards his chambers.

____________________________________

5 – AN: yes… Celebrimbor is actually canonwise Curufin’s son, Tolkien never gives an explanation to his mother.. the baby just kinda pops up as far as I know. And I just couldent resist to add a little elfling, with all the angst going on here. More elflings to come tho’

____________________________________

Chapter 5 – I am the need you have for more

Maglor was trying to get used to the crown being on his head; it seemed too big and uncomfortable, and as heavy as if the world was on his shoulders. He had spent all day discussing with Caranthir and Maedhros’ advisors; most of these advisors were from when their father was alive. Maglor had felt them all corner him on the matter of the prisoner. Caranthir wanted to start interrogating the elf now. But Maglor knew what Caranthir meant with interrogations, it did not involve tea and a chat in the garden, and what his brother had in mind just seemed so beastly, violent and wrong.

But all the advisors had screamed and yelled about Fëanor and his enharitage, and that he owed this to his brothers as well. And he had given in, he had signed the papers giving Caranthir free hands with the prisoner. Maglor felt a icy feeling grip his stomach; he couldn’t believe he had done just that, the poor elf, he was not even at the twins age, and Caranthir would submit him to things Maglor didn’t even want to know existed, that poor child. But on the other hand he knew it was right, they did need to know where Dior’s daughter had escaped to. He suddenly understood why Maglor loathed his title so.

He had not even heard Fingon come until the other elf laid his hands on his shoulders and started to massage the tense muscles. “Ah, thank you dear cousin.”

“Anything for my king.” Fingon teased.

Maglor laughed, a hollow laughter, as he laid back his head to look at the other elf. “How come you seek me out here in this secluded spot? Can I help you with something?”

“No, you can’t help me.” Fingon said with a sad sigh and sat down next to the king. “I am leaving Himring.” He paused and looked away. “I’ve lingered here long enough.”

“Oh Fingon…” Maglor whispered “I- I- I am sorry…”

“Leave that to me Maglor. You have been a true friend, but… I can’t live like this.” Fingon said pulling his leg up so his chin rested on his knees. “Nothing will change his mind, I suspect.”

Maglor wrapped an arm around his distressed cousin. “I am afraid not. I really tried Fingon…” He used his free hand to take his crown off, tossing it to the ground, before leaning up against his cousin’s frame. “I have prayed that he would listen.”

“I is as I feared then…” Fingon whispered, “His heart is dead to me.”

“Don’t say that.” Maglor whispered back. “He is just hurt and confused, perhaps if we–”

“You know?” Fingon cut in, “When he smiled at me the first time, smiled that special smile, only for me… I had never seen anybody that marvellous… He was grand- no he was… larger than life.”

Maglor heard the suppressed tears in Fingon’s voice and begun to soothingly caress his cousin’s hair.

Fingon continued without looking at Maglor. “When he told me that he desired me, I thought the ground would swallow me whole. To think something this magnificent had noticed me, let alone wanted to let me kiss him. We knew it was dangerous, but we were so self-assured in our love that we did not care, until he was taken away…” Fingon’s voice shivered with sorrow as he allowed his tears to flow. “He never once promised me something, so that he is to reject me now.. Is…” He looked at Maglor for the first time. “You will never leave his side, will you?”

“No,” Maglor said, “that I promise.”

“That will be my comfort then. When I cannot stay by his side, I will be at peace knowing that you will be.” Fingon whispered.

“It should be you who is by his side, not me…” Maglor said, feeling tears of his own sting his eyes.

“No, sweet cousin, he does not wish for me to be there.” Fingon said, upon seeing the distress on his beloved’s brother’s face. He smiled sadly, and caressed Maglor’s cheek. “It’s nobody’s fault.”

Maglor smiled back. “I just wish that he was not this stubborn.” He sighed and rested his forehead against his cousins. “I guess I hoped that he would look at one of your gifts, or listen to your whispers. And as long as you stayed, there would be hope that he would..” Maglor drifted off, not finding the words for his feeling, but the look Fingon gave him showed him his cousin understood.

__________________

That evening Maglor went into his brother chamber and sat down on the bed. “Maitimo?”

Maedhros mumbled half asleep.

“Fingon approached me today in the gardens, and he told me he is leaving for home.” Maglor said watching his brother closely. “Do you wish to see our cousin before he leaves?”

“You are the king now, there is no need for me to be present.” he said slightly annoyed at being woken.

“What if I told you he wanted you present?” Maglor said, knowing too well he was grasping at straws, but it broke his heart to see them both so miserable.

“Let me sleep…” Maedhros sneered.

“But..”

“Leave me!” Maedhros hissed, and pulled the cover over his head.

“As you wish…” the younger brother mumbled, and rose from the bed, “But you are making a big mistake Maedhros.”

“But one of many, little brother, now leave me in peace.”

“Good night then.” Maglor said and left the room, choosing to ignore the heart-wrenching sob he heard from behind the door.

__________________________

Before the sun rose and all of Himring was sleeping, a figure hurried over the plains outside its gates, carrying a bundle of cloths. The guards who should have been alert were sitting in their enclosure having some warm herb tea, trying to stay awake at these grey hours just before the sun broke.

The woman with the bundle made it to the large gates and laid down the bundle. She quickly stepped away as were she reconsidering, but after a minute she turned and ran back the way she had come.

__________________________

Later the same morning, Fingon was standing in the stables together with Aegnor and Angrod. They had said they would follow the path for a short distance towards their own home. And right now they were all saddling their horses making sure all the provisions where there.

Maglor, Caranthir, Amras and Amrod had come to the stables as well to see their cousins off

“I hope that the next time we see each other it will be under happier circumstances.” Caranthir said.

“So do we all.” Angrod said with a sad smile.

“I hope everything is satisfactory…” Maglor said.

“Oh, it’s perfect.” Fingon said, and patted his friend on the shoulder. “I could feed an entire army off the lembas given to me by your mother.”

Amrod laughed. “You won’t be saying that after you have lived off them for a month.”

“You speak wisely, Pitya!” Angrod laughed, “I never liked them either.”

“I will go and make sure the gates are opened.” Amras said and left the gathering in the stables.

He went over to the gates on the other side of the main courtyard and stuck his head into the guards in the enclosure. “Are you awake in there?”

“Yes, lord Amras.” two sleepy voices replied.

“Very well,” Amras said with a merry tone. “I need the gates to open.”

“Yes lord Amras, right away.” a guard said, and went over to the lever system that would make the huge gates open wide. Amras stood and watched the gate swing open on its large iron hinches until he suddenly saw something. If the doors kept opening it would hit whatever it was. “Stop, do not open the gate further!” he yelled, but the gate was making such a noise no one heard him. He decided to run and pick up the strange bundle.

He grabbed it, and walked back into the courtyard peeling off the cloth. His eyes widened when he saw two large dark blue eyes staring back up at him. “An elfling?!” He gasped. “This cannot be!”

Just at this second, the rest of the family came out from the stables. Finrod, Aegnor and Angrod high on horses and the rest walking beside. “Maglor? I think I found something….” Amras said in an oddly stiff voice as were he about to be bitten by a viper.

Maglor walked over to his brother, and looked down in the cloths “A elfling?! Where on earth did you find this?”

“Right outside the gates.” Amras said, still mesmerised my the eyes of the infant. “Had I not grabbed it, the gates would have crushed it.”

“Who is insane enough to leave an infant there? And….” Amrod said hurrying over to his brothers.

“It seems to have a message attached…” Amras said, prying out a mashed piece of paper from the cloths.

“Go hand over this infant to mother. She has held them before, and will surely know what to do. We will see our cousins off, and then join you to read the note.” Maglor said, looking at Amras.

Amras nodded in understanding and left.

“Most strange…” said Fingon from his horse.

“Indeed.” answered Maglor.

“Write me and when you solve the mystery.”

“I promise.” Maglor said with a smile. “Farewell cousins, and let there not be too many years until we next see each other, and let there be song and dance.”

“And wine.” Aegnor chuckled.

“A plenty!” Amrod laughed.

And with that, the three elf lords set out from Himring. Only one of them looked over his shoulder, but sadly turned in his saddle again, not seeing what he had wished.

_______________________________

Nerdanel starred at the child. “What a beautiful child…” she mumbled, and rocked it slowly. The baby slowly closed its eyes savouring the close human contact it had been without for hours. “Now read me the letter, my son.” Nerdanel said, and looked at Amras.

Maglor, Amrod and Caranthir came into the room that very moment, so Amras started to read.

When he stopped, everyone was looking absolutely confused. “Curufin? Curufin had a baby?” Amrod whispered, stunned.

“Well technically, it had to be his wife who had it.” Amras said, and pushed his brother playfully.

“Show off!” Amrod hissed back, and then looked up at Maglor. “But I didn’t know Curufin was married…”

“He wasn’t.” Caranthir said, and sat down with a strained sigh. “She must really have wanted a child.”

“Yes…” Maglor said, “This is most strange. She must have chosen to be impregnated without Curufin knowing it, and the Valar must have granted her that.”

“But…” Amrod mumbled looking from Caranthir to Maglor and back again.

“Why would she then leave it here?” Amras said, “I mean if she wanted it so much.”

“That, my sweet little brother, I am afraid we will never know.” Maglor said, and ruffled Amras’ hair teasingly.

“His name is Celebrimbor.” Nerdanel suddenly said “*he* is not an *it*.”

“Forgive us mother,” Caranthir said, “We are not used to wee ones.”

Maglor stood for a minute and watched Nerdanel holding the sleeping infant. “He will stay here, I see it already. He is lifting mother’s spirit.” He smiled at Nerdanel. “Would you wish to raise yet another infant?”

Nerdanel smiled back at her son. “I think Celebrimbor decided that for me.”

“Then its final, he shall stay here as one of us, in honour of his father.” Maglor said. “I will have a stone raised next to father’s memory stone, for our lost brothers, so his son will have somewhere to go and see the earthly memory of his own father.”

The three other brothers nodded in unison, and thus the household gained yet another elf.

_________________________________________________

-tbc-

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2 thoughts on “Winterborn part 1

  1. Now that I know my favourite Maedhros story is safe on the internet (and not confined to your dubious hard drive), I can be at peace…and get back to dissecting crows.

    Thank you!

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